The 2002 UKE Awards
by The J.A.M. a.k.a. Numbuh i
Summary: A compilation of the 2002 TTA Fanfic UKE Awards ceremony
1. Introduction

[...unWARP!!!]

Good evening.

Once again, here's the 2002 UKE Awards ceremony of the Tiny Toons Adventures Fan Fiction Mailing List. Plenty of authors cooperated in its making, including myself. Some of the fanfics can be found here on ffn, and *all* of the fanfics and fan art can be found at members.aol.com/hkuriah

Enjoy!!

Until next time, remember:

I AM THE J.A.M.

Good evening.

[WARP!!!]

**************************************************

(Rich and Dramatic Orchestral Music begins ominously...

(Scene: The Milky Way Galaxy, ablaze with bright stars! Blue-black space and glittering diamonds of stars! The camera begins an incredibly slow and startling Zoom-In to: colorful blue, red and purple nebulas and stars colliding! We focus into a small yellow Sun ..known as Sol.)

Deep Announcer's voice-over: "A Long Time Ago - In a Galaxy Far, Far Away-"

(LOUD RECORD SCRATCHING SOUND!)

"... Good Evening and Welcome...."

(Electrifying Synthesizer musical sting!)

(Scene: Focusing in on the third blue-green planet - our Toony Earth...

Announcer continues:"To the most Star-Studded Event of the Year..."

(Scene focuses in on the continent of North America)

Announcer:"...To a Truely International Event..."

(scene: Hands come into the shot and twists the globe that the camera is looking at - focusing it on London, England (Tower Bridge, the clock of Big Ben & the Parliment Building) ("Rule, Britannia" plays)

Announcer:"Uh, no..a little west of there-"

(hands twist globe to focus in on the canyons of the American Southwest)

(We see Wile E. Coyote chasing the RoadRunner off a cliff. The two see the camera and come to a complete halt in mid air. Wile stares at the camera sourly and holds up a sign:

"It's Not Here".

(The Cameraman nods and begins to pull back away. Wile looks down at the nothingness underneath him, reacts ...and falls out of the shot. We here him hit. The  RoadRunner smiles and waves to us, then he looks down at Wile E. and laughs. He reacts suddenly with a "huge eyes" wild take as - he falls down out of the shot as well!)

Announcer:"Actually it is-"

(The hands twist the globe around far - all the way to Japan! We see; Tenchi Muyo, The crew of Space BattleShip Yamato, AstroBoy, the TransFormers and CowBoy BeBop, Yu-Gi-Oh, The Sailor Scouts of Sailor Moon and Cutey Honey. They all smile and wave to the camera.

(Theme from "Speed Racer" plays)

Godzilla suddenly ROARS!!!! And scares them all away!

 He looks at the camera, then sticks out his tongue at the camera and makes moose atlers with his hands at the viewers. Godzilla grins and walks away.

Little Goku from DragonBall appears and looks inquisitivly into the camera lens. He knocks on it.

Goku:"Hey, what's this thing?"

(He tries to bite it and the camera blanks out into static for a moment)

Announcer:"Actually it's a bit west of there-"

(Hands twist the globe again to Paris, the City of Light - we see Pepe Le Pew watching the feline Can-Can dancers at the Mew-lon Rouge.)

(Can-Can music plays)

The Kitty Can-can dancers swish their dresses, screaming, doing splits and pulling up their Can-can skirts before Pepe's table. Pepe smiles and slyly wiggles his eyebrows at the camera.)

Announcer:"Not There! This is a family show! .....No, it's a bit Northwest of there-"

(Hands twist the view northward to Switzerland.)

(Oompaa Band music plays)

We see Yosemite Sam about to plant his flag atop the Schmatterhorn. He sees the Camera, reacts and falls off the mountain!)

Sam:"AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHRACKINFRACKINSTUPIDIJITSDUMBSONOVA-!!!"

(Bugs Bunny watches Sam hit the ground, shrugs and plants his own flag, then points the camera westward with his thumb.)

Announcer:" Yeah! - I MEAN!!!..........Yes... it was in America.."

(Camera zooms to New Yawk. We see King Kong swatting at some biplanes and growling, while he stands atop the Umpire State Building. The camera focuses in on the white figure in his gigantic hand. It is the beautiful Minerva Mink in a white ripped silk dress screaming at the top of her lungs and writhing in Kong's grip! She sees the camera and suddenly stops.... She winks and smiles at the camera.)

Minerva:"Hey, it's not pretty being me."

(She suddenly goes back to playing her part and screaming and struggling.)

Announcer:"Okay. Okay....It is in HOLLYWOOD!

(Scene flashes to the huge HOLLYWOOD hills sign, to the street signs of Hollywood and Vine Street, Gruman's Chinese Theatre)

Announcer:" ..At the Warner Brother's Studios.....*In Burbank*!.."

(We see the studio gate and the water tower and we zoom into a huge STUDIO sign...dissolve thru into-

...A huge Auditorium (like Lincoln Center in New York). It's lines of balconies and theatre boxes ... are all empty.)

Announcer:" HEY! THE SHOW"S STARTING!!"

(Instantly there's a mad scramble as hundreds of toons carreen into the theatre thru all the doors, instantly filling the seats to capacity!

Announcer:" Thank_you_. (takes a deep breath)

...."It's the Second Annual UKE Awards!"

(Triumphant brassy music plays as multi-clored spotlights play over the tremendous stage - the set features indiscribable sculptures on either side, brilliantly lit! In the ceiling is a huge movie screen which lowers as a film begins .... we see Slappy Squirrel toss a lit black bomb at the audience on the screen!

It comes at us in 3-D! As the fuse sizzles and burns down...

Slappy: "Now _that's_ Comedy."

KABOOOOOOOM!

(The screen explodes with a deafening Roar and everyone is blown out of their seats!!)

Slappy:" Sounds System Promo. ..heh ha! Ya gotta love commercials!"

Announcer:" The audience is now deaf....But you hafta listen to me anyway, because..."

 (Drums roll and the lights dim down to a empty spot of light at stage right.. French horns and trumpets play a triumphant brassy version of : The Promenade Theme from Mossourgsky's "Pictures at an Exhibition")

Announcer:"Heeeeeeeeeeere's your Host.... Pepe K.!!!

(As the Orchestra plays the magnificent musical theme, a medium-sized handsome skunk walks slowly in like a Maestro. The crowd of toons fills the theatre with warm applause. Pepe is resplendant in a black cutaway tuxedo (white tie and tails)..[both of them]

(Pepe bows deeply and crosses to the podium below the screen as the Promenade Theme draws to a proud climax. The audience cheers!)

Pepe K.:" Gee, I thought you'd never get here!"

(audience laughs)

Pepe K.:"Welcome to the second Annual UKE awards. These awards have an illustrious past that started way back... uh, last year. Last year I was merely a presenter-"

Peter Bunny :(catcalls out from his seat) "Yeah, yeah, right!"

Pepe:" Umm well, I might happened to have actually won once er twice.."

Audience responds with sarcasm:" Yeah, right!"

*Pepe smiles and sweats alot*

Pepe:" Well anyway - This year, since I was in charge, I had the chance to see all the work and hard competition that does go on and found it quite exciting! As a result, I'd like to mention the authors and artists who worked so hard to come up with TTA material for us this past year - Toons like ... Able Du Sable!

(spotlight picks up on the sable and his lady in the audience. The Audience cheers as he takes a bow.)

Pepe:" We've also been blessed with two newcomers who have joined us from the Old World. The highly talented author, Mister Sean Campbell!

(A blue skunk stands up and waves shyly. The crowd cheers!)

Pepe:"And a funny lil fellow with a knack for great artwork and snappy comebacks - Murray Mouse!"

(A brown chinchilla wearing a black jacket and glasses stands and waves at the crowd - they go wild with applause!)

Pepe:"Another artist from the hidden recesses of Europe - where is he? Ah! One who has cornered the market in cuteness - AGI! "

(A cute lil white rabbit stands up and smiles shyly.The audience cheers!)

Pepe: Yes, we have artists getting awards this year as well - and what better artist to begin the process - your friend and mine - Thorne!"

(A brown, bespectacled mouse wearing a billious yellow Hawaian shirt ( a shirt loud enough to scare lions away) comes from the side of the stage to call out)

Thorne:"Hold on! I'm almost ready!"

Pepe:"Fine, I wasn't finished anyway .. gotta introduce the rest of the crew! ..Ahem... Another fine author and scientist buddy of mine is here with us - Andy Fox!"

(The red Fox stands up in his theatre box, dressed in his WB tuxedo. Audience cheers! Andy Bows deeply and reseats himself alongside Slappy and Skippy Squirrel)

Pepe:"There's a couple of crazy cats -"

Krazy Kat:(standing up and objecting):"Is that some kinda species joke?"

(Ignatz the Mouse stands up from across the theatre)

Ignatz:"Shaddup and Siddown!!" (He throws a brick and beans Krazy Kat on the head with it. KLONK! She swoons with hearts flying around her.)

Krazy Kat:"Ooooooh Ignatz! You *Do* love me!" She collapses, knocked out)

Pepe:"Well, um... Two cats that work great together as authors in their on *write*..get it? heheh..ahem.. are The Incredible WereKitty and Furball! GIve it up fur the felines!"

(The two cats in question stand and are cheered!)

Pepe:"There are three toons here, though, without whom I could do very well - er - I mean! ...._Just_ kidding_, folks!

The first is the man who came up with this whole shebang last year – the irrepressable Professor Digressor himself - Nate Freeman!

(Nathaniel Freeman stands up from behind the orchestra's Wurlitzer organ and bows to the cheering crowd.)

Pepe:"And someone else very new to us - without whom our voting would have been extremely difficult -our Germanic friend from the great state of Texas! - Herr Ludwig Van Goff!

(The fashionable sable with the fedora, monacle and trenchcoat stands and salutes the cheering crowd.)

Pepe:" And last, but certainly not least - the toon - yes he *is* a toon now - who has worked tirelesly and endlessly to bring us all of Tiny Toon Adventures Fanfiction, Art, News etc.! I give you - the leader and Moderator of this list - our own - our beloved - Kevin (good to his Mother) Mickel!

(A smallish B&W 30's-type toon with glasses stands up - or rather is picked up in the air bodily - by Bugs Bunny and the Tiny Toons! And the crowd goes wild!)

Pepe:"Thank you *all* very much for you hard work and dedication to Tiny Toons, Looney Tunes and all Toons! And Now - On with the show!!! And our first Presenter this evening is - Thorne the Mouse!"

(The audience cheers as Thorne enters and crosses to the podium. Pepe bows and begins his exit, crossing by Thorne on his way.)

Pepe:(aside to Thorne) "Knock 'em dead, Kid!"

(Pepe bows his way out and croses to his theatre box to sit with Fifi, Hamton and Dr. Lord and their entourage.)

:)

--

Pepe K.


	2. Character Awards

**The 2002 UKE Award for Best Original Character**

A brown and tan mouse marched across the stage from the wings. Thorne looked suave and pantlessly debonair. His silvery gray cutaway tuxedo jacket glimmered in the stage lights. A bright blue and orange flower was neatly tucked in his lapel as a boutonniere. His spotlessly white shirt, starched stiff as a board, set off his bright yellow bow tie and cummerbund. His long, receding hair, uncharacteristically neat and tidy, was carefully tied back with a dark elastic band. He waved at his assembled friends and fellow toonsters as he walked.

The mouse's eyes strayed to a lavender-and-white furred young lady bunny sitting in the front row. She was watching Pepe K. as he worked his way back to his seat. He was trading handshakes and whispers with the toons sitting along the aisle. Leloni looked back up at the stage. Seeing Thorne staring at her, she blushed prettily. Thorne's smile grew into a fatuous grin as he continued across the stage, eyeballs glued to the doe. Unfortunately, this meant he was _not_ looking where he was going. He tripped over a microphone cable and fell flat on his face with a most undignified squeak. A handful of large, stiff envelopes flew out from under his jacket and rocketed across the stage.

The audience tittered.

"Ack!" Thorne scrambled up and gathered up the envelopes. He put them away in his lapel pocket, smoothed his headfur and hair, and hurried to the podium.

"Heh heh. Off to a good start!" he said, "Thanks, Pepe. And thanks for putting the show together this year!"

Pepe nodded modestly and the audience applauded and cheered.

As the clapping died down, Thorne held up a paw for silence. "Let's get started. Shall we? It is my privilege tonight to help present this year's first category of awards, the Character Awards! Where would our stories be without characters, eh?

Our very first award tonight is that for the Best Original Character. One of the great things about fanfiction is the freedom any author has to craft completely new characters and settings, and then weave them seamlessly --or not so seamlessly!-- into the fabric of a beloved series. New characters can help their authors inject themselves into the TTA universe. Or they can explore subjects that were beyond the scope of the show, without making huge changes to the established cast. New characters can interact with the toons we know so well, often showing us new things about the series regulars and the cartoon world they inhabit.

Let's meet the first nominee, shall we?" Thorne pulled a plastic stylus out of his pocket and began to sketch on a digital tablet set into the podium. The large UKE awards logo on the screen above him faded out, replaced by graphic of an ornate, empty picture frame. As Thorne sketched, lines of light appeared within the frame, defining the basic form of a character. Thorne spoke quietly as he worked. "This character is a big fella," he muttered, drawing a long line of action, "He's got proportions that are a little more human than many toons..." Thorne drew wide shoulders and narrow hips, long legs and powerful arms. "He's a skunk, so he's got that big tail." Thorne sketched in a large, supple tail. "With very unusual stripes" Thorne outlined a trio of jagged, lightinglike stripes up the skunk's tail. "And his face... He looks kinda like Pepe Le Pew, but with a chin." On the screen above, a rough sketch of a large, handsome skunk in formal clothes filled the frame.

"And there he is! Nominated for Best Original Character, it's Doctor Lord, from Pepe K's epic story, 'A Time To Every Purpose Under Heaven'!" With a final flourish, Thorne clicked a button, and the sketch faded out to be replaced by a finished color portrait of the Doctor himself. Lord's eerie, triangular white pupils shone out of silvery irises. His fur gleamed, glossy black and silver. The picture of Lord smiled slightly and said, "Hello," to the audience. Faint music filled the room, seemingly out of thin air. Thorne flinched, looked up at the screen, and laughed nervously. The audience applauded wildly and Pepe K. grinned from his seat.

Thorne waved for quiet "Eh, hello to you too, Doc!" he said. "Now Doctor, if you'll just wait over there..." Thorne gestured and Lord nodded as his window shrank, spun around, and moved into the corner of the screen, revealing a new frame.

Thorne bent to the tablet again and began sketching rapidly. "Our next nominee is a toon of a different color. Well, actually she's black and white, mostly. Heh." Thorne sketched a pretty toon who resembled a feminine version of Yakko Warner. She was dressed in slacks and a sleeveless blouse.

"The next nominee for Best Original Character is Sassette Warner, introduced in the story 'A Year In the Life,' written by Lady Iapetus!"

With a click, the sketch was replaced by a finished portrait of Sassette, her red nose gleaming, and her black button eyes standing out against the neat white fur of her face. Sassy crossed her arms and leaned back in the frame. Thorne waved at her and she nodded politely.

"Sassy is one of the Warner Siblings, Yakko's twin sister," Thorne explained. "She is a hard working toon. Not only is she part of the custodial staff at Acme Loo, she is also the nighttime Mysterious Vaultkeeper! And according to the Acme Acres rumor mill, she's caught the eye of a certain shy coyote inventor!" Thorne winked as the audience cheered and clapped for Sassy.

Thorne moved her picture over near that of Doctor Lord, who bowed to her, as the applause subsided.

Thorne began to sketch once more in a new frame. "Now this nominee is plain SCARY," he said as he scribbled out a massive shape. It was looking like a thick, bulky figure. "There's not a lot of detail to put in on this fellow yet - he's very mysterious. But, eh, _not_ in a nice way." The shadowy figure was indistinct, except for narrowed eyes and a set of huge, jagged teeth. Thorne drew in a very long and thick sword, complete with a lot of drippy blood.

"Say hello to Mr. Friendly," said Thorne, with a grimace. With a click on the tablet, the picture filled in. A quiet gasp rose from the audience. A dark shadow loomed against a clouded night sky streaked with lightning. Eyes glowed white and red above a gleaming double row of horrible teeth. The lightning flashed from the edge of an enormous, bloody sword blade. "Let's NOT animate this one, eh?"

"This big ball of happy feelings is the next nominee, another original character from Pepe K's 'A Time To Every Purpose Under Heaven' tale, the Berzerker!"

The audience clapped a bit uncertainly as Thorne moved the picture of the Berzerker off to one side. Doctor Lord glared at it and Sassy moved as far away from it as her frame would allow. Beginning a new sketch, Thorne said, "This next Original Character is a lot friendlier!" He drew a narrow figure with a luxurious tail. A long, pointed muzzle and upright ears soon showed that the new character was fox. Long, thick fur covered his torso and the upper parts of his limbs, with much shorter fur forming socks and gloves to the knees and elbows.

"And here he is!" Thorne said, as the drawing faded out, replaced by finished color picture of a lanky toon fox, a little taller than Bugs Bunny. His fur was bright red, white and brown. The fox winked one big green eye at the audience as the mouse introduced him.

"The next nominee is Andy Fox, from 'N - The Autobiography of Andy Fox,' written by, er, Andy Fox. Andy is a very powerful character, who became a Looney Tune in the early 1940s. He only uses his vast cosmic powers for good, fortunately." Thorne leaned over the podium to murmur confidentially to the audience, "I also understand he's the fellow who's been seeing a lot of Slappy Squirrel lately. Hubba hubba!" Andy's portrait raised an eyebrow at the mouse.

"And now for the final nomination in the Best Original Character category," said Thorne. He scooted Andy's portrait over with the others, where Andy proceeded to shake Doctor Lord's hand and nod politely to Sassy. He looked very hard at the Berzerker.

"Here's another vulpine fellow." Thorne said as he sketched another toon fox. "He's not quite so big, though. More like a regular Tiny Toon than Andy is." Thorne sketched in a luxurious fox tail and a homburg hat. The sketched fox smiled lazily as his picture filled in with color, showing him to be bright red, with a brown "Indiana Jones" hat and a deep red jacket draped around his shoulders like a cape.

"The final nominee is Sandy, from Part One of 'A Certain Lonely Toon,' written by Foxy Fellow!" said Thorne.

"Hello," said Sandy's picture, in a distinctly English accent.

"Sandy is a recent transfer student to Acme Loo," Thorne explained, "He joined Buster in being mentored by Bugs Bunny in the art of being a clever screwball main character, including traditional comedy cross-dressing." Sandy's picture joined the rest, filling the screen.

"The nominations are all in!" exclaimed Thorne. "And now, let's see the votes!" He reached into his lapel pocket for The Envelope. Pulling it out with a dramatic flair, he accidentally hooked all of the other envelopes he was carrying along with it. "Heh, They say the best gags come in twos after all," he chuckled nervously as he cast an embarrassed glance at the audience. Once again, he tried to stuff the other envelopes back into his lapel. They wouldn't go. With a frustrated little snarl, he shoved them under his jacket and tucked them into his cummerbund. Several hairs popped loose from his ponytail and curled wildly about his head.

"Here.. we.. go." he muttered to himself, as he opened the long, embossed envelope. "Ah! Here we go. With a respectable score of 67 points, the third runner up was Sandy, of 'A Certain Lonely Toon.'

The audience clapped, and the score appeared beneath Sandy's portrait. Sandy waved to the audience.

"Two characters have tied for second runner up. With 93 points each, they are Andy Fox, from his own 'Autobiography!'" Thorne waited for the clapping and shouting to settle down. "And The Berzerker, from 'A Time to Every purpose Under Heaven!'" The number 93 appeared beneath Andy's and the Berzerker's pictures. Andy nodded to the crowd. The Berzerker was still frozen.

"With a total of 102 points, the first runner up is Sassy Warner, from 'A Year in the Life!' Let's have a big hand for Sassy!" Sassy glanced down at the 102 that appeared beneath her, and acknowledged the clapping of the audience with a big wave.

"And finally, the moment you've been waiting for!"

Thorne paused dramatically.

"With a score of 131 points, the 2001 UKE Award for Best Original Character goes to Doctor Lord! Congratulations, Doctor!"

The audience exploded with applause, and Thorne clapped along with them as he stepped back away from the podium, yielding the floor to...

-Thorne

**************************************************

...Dr. Lord, who steps out of the frame, followed by Andy Fox, Sassy Warner and Sandy - but NOT - the Berserker. Lord crosses to Thorne at the podium and Pepe K. also rises from his seat and comes back onstage to join them.

DL: Thank you Thorne, and many thanks to everyone for bestowing this honor on me.

Andy Fox: Yes - again. You won it last year too.

DL: (smiles in his odd way and shrugs) I must be doing something right. (to Thorne) By the way can we dispence with...that? (points to the Berserker)

Thorne: (deleting the pic he drew of the Berserker) Oh sure! I uh...understand.

DL: Yes,... it's not easy having an alter ego like that around.

Andy:" Well, I *have* told you that there is a possible way to get rid of him.

DL: (correcting Andy) "It."

Andy: Whatever. If you can somehow seperate yourself from it, I can place it in a null zone of energy where it'll be powerless-

DL: "If"...and that's a pretty _big_ and _Dangerous_ "if".

Andy:(nods) True.

DL: That sort of danger shouldn't be risked. With great power...comes great responcibilty.

A Voice from the ceiling: Hey, Stinky! That's my line!

(As everyone looks up and the main Titles Theme of his movie plays -

The Amazing SpiderMan swings dizzily down on his spider web from the ceiling of the top rear balcony in the theatre, swooshing right over the heads of the audience!  His swing takes him back up and the fantastic red and blue superhero lets go and does a triple sommersault to land perfectly on his toes on the stage! The audience cheers wildly!)

Spiderman: (poses jauntily by the podium) Actually - my Uncle told me that.

DL: Yes. Your old friend Stan Lee is fond of saying it too...I learned it a very, very, *very* long time ago.

SpiderMan: Just be careful, Doc. Marvel's kinda protective of things, ya know?

*DL nods and smiles *

Pepe K: We're not afraid of you, Web-head!..(whispers quietly to Andy and DL)...Are we?

Andy: (shrugs and backs off) He's not one of my clients.

SpiderMan: (wagging a finger at Pepe) Naughty-naughty! You might not like the Marvel Lawyers, Mister Stinky! They might give you a "gag order". (he makes a sticky web-ball and hefts it teasingly like he's about to throw it. The audience laughs.)

Thorne: Hold on guys! This is an awards show!

DL: Indeed it is. I'd like to take this opportunity to thank everyone for awarding me this UKE Award and I hope I'm worthy of it...And if I am, then it's largely due to my family.

(Fifi and Hamton and Mae Bear wave from their theatre box. The Audience applauds)

Pepe K.: And yer stenographer?

DL: Yes, and my stenographer. (points at Pepe)

(Audience applauds politely)

Thorne: Say SpiderMan? Since you're here - would you mind introducing our first musical guests?

SpiderMan: What do I look like - a TV game show host?

(Audience titters)

Andy: Actually, now that you mention it -

SpiderMan: Don't answer that...Uh.. Who've you got? Somebody good?

Pepe K.: Yes! And they're here to sing yer theme song!

SpiderMan: Really?! Cool!...Although I always liked the original way it was done. Y'know, kinda jazzy and snappy?

Thorne: (shows him the card to read) Here they are.

SpiderMan: (reads it) Oh...okay. They're not bad. But I can't stay too long. Heh heh! Gotta date!

DL: Well, it was nice meeting you. By the way - say Hi to Mr. Elfman for me.

SpiderMan:(looks curiously at DL) Oh?..You too?..Sure. (Goes to the podium) Ahem...Uh, unacustomed as I am to public speaking...Ladies and Gentle-Toons - I give you:... Aerosmith!

(Police sirens begin to wail as the screen rises, the podium descends and everyone walks to the side of the stage as the curtain rises, revealing the band Aerosmith starting a heavy rock bass and guitar beat that suddenly becomes a really heavy rock version of the Spiderman theme song!)

Aerosmith:(sings) SpiderMan! Spiderman!

Does whatever a spider can!

Spins a web... etc.!

(Everyone rocks out for a minute, then Spidey waves and, shooting a web up to the ceiling, swings out dramaticaly over the amazed crowd and disappears!)

Pepe: (looking up after the Wall-Crawler) Wallopin' Websnappers!

(A spray of webbing comes down, covering Pepe K. with it's sticky strands. He's really stuck.)

SpiderMan's voice:(from above) I heard that!

DL:(looking at Pepe) I think you'll be tied up for a while...(to the audience and Thorne) Thank you all very much! On with the show!

(Wild applause!)

Pepe:(struggles to get out of the sticky web) Next time I'll bring bug spray! Is there a Boy Scout in the House?

Pepe K.

**************************************************

***2002 UKE Award for Best Villain in a Fanfic (original or established in the series)***

The stage lights faded to a dim reddish color and white FX smoke rolled out of the wings to fill the front of the theatre with an eerie mist. The curtains parted, revealing a set built to resemble a stone-walled room in a castle from some gothic horror story. Cobwebs festooned the corners and flaring torches hung in sconces on the walls.

A shadowy figure faced away from the audience in the center of the room, draped in a floor-length black cape. The figure turned suddenly, his cape flaring dramatically. Wide mouse ears framed a face that was mostly still hidden in shadow. Out of the darkness, two eyes glowed dull red, and chisel teeth flashed menacingly.

The figure stalked forward, glowering at the silent crowd. As it reached the podium, a light shone up, illuminating its face spookily. It was Thorne, his face twisted into a mask of evil.

"Original characters and heroes are all very well," he said sarcastically, "But you all know that the REAL force in any story is...the villain! He, or she, is the one that gets the goody-goody characters moving, and gives the story a reason to be. Our fan-fiction authors have reached deep, deep into the twisted depths of their black hearts to produce characters of extraordinary villainy and cunning, ready to foil anything the do-gooder heroes can come up with. Heh heh heh heh.

"Here with me tonight to help present the UKE award for "Best Villain in a Fanfic" is my fellow rodent and a very popular Tiny Toons villain, ne'er-do-well and all around jerk, Roderick Rat!

The door of the castle set slammed open and a very irritated Roddy Rat stamped in.

"I don't know what you are trying to pull here, mouse," he snapped, "But I'm not having anything to do with your little loser awards show. Why should I give some weenie "fan author" credit for being an Acme Loo-sers fanboy?"

The audience fell silent, except for a few boos and hisses. Thorne shrugged off his cape and draped it over a convenient torture rack. "Well, Roddy old vermin," he said, thoughtfully, "Besides the fact that you, with your charming counterpart Rhubella..." (Roderick's eyes narrowed a bit more at Thorne's mention of his girlfriend's charms) "...

ARE some of the favorite villains of TTA Fanfic, there's an even better reason why I think you are going to help me give this award."

"And what reason is that?" growled the rat.

"Oh, I dunno," Thorne smiled innocently. "Nigel said you would, that's all."

A spotlight suddenly popped on, shining down on the audience. The beam searched around slightly and came to rest on the Bloomin' Loonies crew. Nigel, RuBarb, Leo, Miranda, Lizzy, and Adam Fox, all dressed to the nines, waved merrily. Erik Wolf smiled from the row behind them, where he was sitting cozily between RottinKid and Jesmyn DuVrees. Rubella Rat, seated nearby with her family, looked a bit uncomfortable.

"Carrotte!" Roddy growled.

Nigel reached into his lapel pocket and drew something out. He held the object up, flashing in the spotlight. It was a small video tape cartridge. "Hullo, Roddy!" Nigel called out, "Here's a programme that many of your business partners would simply LOVE to see! Shall we broadcast it on the telly tonight for all of Acme Acres to see, d'you think? Or are you going to be nice, and do the award?"

Roderick's eyes widened at the sight of the videotape. "Carrotte, you... you... rat," he muttered. He stamped up to the podium. "Gimme the stupid envelope," he snarled.

"No, no," Thorne shook his head. "First, we introduce the nominees, THEN we reveal the winner. C'mon, Roddy!" He tapped on the podium, where the list of nominees, somewhat annotated, corrected and coffee-stained, was fastened to a clipboard. The Perfecto rat's eyes traced over the yellow-highlighted story titles and villainous names where the mouse was tapping.

"Fine," Roddy snapped. "The first villain is Mr. Hitcher from some story called, 'Spooky Stories.' Ooh, real scary."

"Written by Abel Du Sable," Thorne put in. "Mister Hitcher was that escaped maniac who scared Plucky so badly in How I Spent My Vacation. Abel brought him back to menace candy striper Babs in the segment called, 'Don't Touch.'"

"Heh, that Hitcher must be a real chump, to end up in a hospital so cheap they have to use volunteer Acme Loser candy stripers," Roddy sneered.

On the screen overhead, a lanky cartoon human appeared. He was dressed in a hospital gown and a red baseball cap. Mr. Hitcher needed a shave, and his yellow eyes stared blankly over deep purple bags. His lank black hair fell to his shoulders. The audience booed and clapped.

Roddy read from the clipboard again. "Alright, the next one..."

Thorne interrupted, "The next nominee for Best Villian in a Fanfic, Original or Established in the Series, is.."

Roddy glared briefely and cleared his throat. " . . .Is Mephistopheles, from 'The Living End' by, um, Rob Mephisto.

Thorne nodded cheerfully, and quoted from the story. " 'The Daemon Mephistopheles, Lord of Terror, Torturer of Souls. A century ago, I' -er, make that he - 'fathered a child, to a mortal mother.' And that's where the trouble started. This guy came to Acme Acres trapped in a big ol' sword, and took over Buster Bunny's mind. Good thing for us, Rob Mephisto showed up about that time and was able to bottle his nasty ancestor back up."

On the screen above, a goatlike creature appeared, dressed in archaic leather armor. He looked very unfriendly, with piercing black eyes, big black horns, and lots of sharp teeth.

"Real cute," Roddy smirked. "If that guy had had any brains at all, he would have come to Perfecto Prep instead of taking over some low class lame-o like Buster. We coulda made a deal."

"SURE you could, Roddy," Thorne said. "Moving right along, the next nominee is another dark and demonic force. And it's also a returnee to our stage tonight!"

"The Berzerker, from Attep.. Attuhpa?" Rody attempted.

"It's an abbreviation!" Thorne stage-whispered. "A-T-T-E-P-U-H, A Time To Every Purpose Under Heaven, that big story by Pepe K."

On the screen, the menacing Berzerker picture replaced Mephisopheles. "Ew." Roddy flinched away from the image. He looked at the clipboard again. "Eh, the next one is from that Du Sable jerk's 'Spooky Stories' again. Guy musta paid off the committee, huh? It's the Killer Bunny."

"Yes, the Killer Bunny!" said Thorne. A mild looking, white furred natural rabbit appeared on the screen. "All cute and cuddly, till you get too close, as Buster found out in the story. Then it's teeth, claws, and hostility all over! As the knights said in Holy Grail, 'Run away!'"

"Whatever," Roddy said dismissively. "The last one here is Honey Bunny -what is it with you Loo-sers and your rabbit fixation?!? – from 'Bunny Trouble' by Yvette Griffith. Oh c'mon! What the heck kind of a villain is Honey Bunny? Bugs Bunny's bubbly little girlfriend from the comics? I don't get it."

"Hey, I didn't know you were a Looney Tunes comics fan, Roddy! Good for you. HKU's got a Yahoo group on those ya know- you should check it out!" Thorne chuckled. "Anyway, as to what kind of a villain she is...well, she's a nasty one, in this story at least. Honey comes back into Bugs's life as a brazen seductress, determined to get between him and his new girlfriend Lola at any cost, and for nefarious purposes."

"I like her already!" Roddy cackled.

On the screen, Honey appeared. She was tall, gray and shapely toon rabbit, wearing a tiny red dress, with the top cut very low on her white furred bosom, and the skirt cut very high on her long gray legs. She was balanced on black, high-heeled sandals, and her eyes were hidden by black shades. Her mouth was set in a cold smirk.

The audience applauded politely, and a few male toons whistled at Honey's charms. Villain or not, she looked good. "Yeah, yeah, shut up," grumbled Roddy. "Gimme the stupid envelope so we can get this crap over with."

Thorne produced the long shiny envelope, embossed with the TTA-Fanfic logo, and handed it over to the rat. Roddy snatched it away, roughly tore off the end, and yanked out the paper inside. He unfolded the sheet and peered at it for a moment. "Runners up -that means losers," Roddy interjected nastily- are Mephisopheles, with 48 points, fourth runner up"

The daemon appeared onscreen with a large 48.

"76 points for Honey Bunny, third runner up."

The slinky gray rabbit was back.

"Mr. Hitcher, 82, second."

The hospitalized maniac reappeared.

"First runner up was the Killer Bunny -the other killer bunny, that is. Heh heh. 107 points."

Thorne leaned in. "And the WINNER of the 2001 UKE Award for Best Villian in a Fanfic, Original or Established in the Series is..," he prompted.

Roddy looked at him coldly. "The _loser_ that you other pathetic losers picked for this lame award is the Berzerker," he snorted.

The glowing-eyed, jagged-toothed shadowy picture of the Berzerker filled the screen

"The Berzerker, from 'A Time To Every Purpose Under Heaven' by Pepe K, with 112 points! Congratulations, Pepe!" said Thorne. "Um, if you don't mind, why don't we just NOT invite him up here, though."

"Heh, not just a loser, but a wimp, too," snickered Roddy.

KLONG!

Roddy was lying on the ground with miniature bunnies orbiting his head. Beside him lay a medium-sized rolling pin. Upon the pin was etched the words 'ACME Instant Attitude Adjustment'. Thorne looked around in surprise. He spotted Leloni in the audience smiling quietly to herself as she closed up her dainty little evening bag. He grinned at her and nodded his thanks.

"Nice shot, Lel!" Thorne bent down and grabbed Roddy's ankles. He dragged the dazed rat over to the side of the stage as toons began moving about in Doctor Lord's private box. A small figure walked down the aisle...

-Thorne

**************************************************

(From the dark, the small figure walked down towards the stage. The bright stage lights kept her in shadow until she stepped up onto the stairs. Fifi La Fume appeared, wearing a wine-colored formal gown adorned with gold and her hair drawn back into a topknot with her lavender curls spilling out from its back. Her face is somber and serious and the crowd becomes hushed, murmuring curiously as she steps up to the podium in silence. She pauses, not at all her usual cheerful self. She stands before the screen where the terrifying visage of the Berserker's image stands frozen. Thorne looks nervously about, unsure of what to do.

Finally Fifi steps up closely to the microphone, glancing over to Dr. Lord's theatre box where the Doctor sits - hanging his head and staring uncomfortably away in silence. Mae Bear sits next to him, holding his hands. Fifi speaks quietly.

Fifi:...Uh.... Mah Grandpere` haz asked moi to speak on hiz behalf. Az vous may or may not know...ee eez..*not* proud ov zee evil thing zat dweelz een ze recesses ov hiz mind. Ze theeng known az ze Berserker....Ee feelz responcible fur eetz actions and does hiz level best to keep eet under control and harmless. Aving been a witness to eetz...presence, ah can well appreciate hiz desires not to ave eet appear here or anywhere else. Ah waz witness to ze.. ze horror zat zis theeng iz and eef eet were permitted to be here, many would suffer. So Doctor Lord asks zat eef eet must win zis award, eetz due to who wrote down ze chronicle - Pepe K. Would ee please come up and accept eet?

(Pepe K. rises and quickly comes to Fifi's aid at the podium. He also is taking this very seriously. At the side of the stage, Roderick Rat is waking from his unconsciousness)

Pepe: Very well, thank you Fifi.

(Roddy gets up and stalks angrily back to the podium. The audience murmurs in alarm)

Rod: Okay! Who threw that?! I'll sue ya!

(Thorne comes out to try and whisk Roddy offstage.)

Thorne: Hold on there, Roddy - we've still got that tape of your dirty deeds, ya know-

Roddy: (shoving the mouse to the ground) Who cares!! Go ahead! Tell the world, why dontcha?! See if I care!! Nyaah!!

(Some in the audience stand and cry out in alarm)

Pepe K.:(Putting the UKE Award statuette on the podium) Okay ya doity rat! Quit messing up our show or else!

Rod: Or else what?! You and yer stinky friends gonna skunk me?!? HUH?!

(He shoves Pepe to the ground as well) (The audience is shocked!)

Rod: Who's the Acme Loo Looser that hit me with the rolling pin in the first place?! Hitting me when I wasn't lookin' eh?!.. I admire that kinda dirty backbiting - but not when it's done to me!

Leloni Bunny:(standing up and challenging him) Me! That's who! Ya wanna make something of it, pal?! You picked THE WRONG BUNNY to insult!

Audience: oooooooooooooooooo!

Rod: (laughing all smug-like) How typical! You Acme Losers all fight like girls - so it figures the toughest one would *be* a girl!

(The female audience yells catcalls and small objects are thrown at Roddy!) (Thorne and Pepe K. grab the repulsive rat and try to eject him from the stage, but he turns on them, shoving them both back. There's outcry in the threatre! In his seat, Lord suddenly clutches his head in pain. Mae tries to help him. Roderick then turns snarling on Fifi, backing her up around the podium)

Rod: You! You started all this when ya skunked me at the Acme Bowl!

(Lord clutches his sweating face, straining.)

Fifi: Zat waz zen - Zis eez now! Stop ruining our show!

(Roddy is now behind the podium and grabs the microphone. He stands just in front of the huge nasty image of the Berserker. He grabs the UKE award! Fifi and the others back away, suddenly clutching at their stomachs in pain! Roderick stands triumphantly holding the stolen UKE Award, laughing and gloating at the audience!)

Rod: Heh, Well this is now MY show! I'm taking this award - cuz I'M the Best Villain this show ever had! This so-called winner seems to be too much of a coward to even make an appearance! That's cause nobody is meaner than Roderick Rat! Nobody is more of a cruel back-stabber than ME!

(There is sudden sound and movement behind the recalcitrant rat! The sound is like that of a headsman's axe slashing through flesh and bone!!!!)

( Roderick freezes with wide horrified eyes - and falls to the ground in pieces like sliced baloney!)

 (The audience screams in horror! Roderick's sliced body falls over, revealing the frozen image of the Berserker ...which seems to have changed...

 It's grisly visage now stares at it's yard-wide paw. In it's 18 inch, razor-sharp, serrated blade-like claws... it now holds the UKE Award....It's frozen eyes gleam red and it's double row of horrid teeth...seem to be grinning.)

(Roderick's vacantly staring eyes blink)

Rod:.....That stung...

(Audience laughs as Thorne waves and trundles the sliced rat-baloney offstage to the hospital)

Pepe K.: (looking at the Berserker pic) Looks like someone got their award after all!

Fifi:"And eetz smiling! Ah guess zat waz a "Thank You".

Pepe K.: Lucky we only felt it make us all sick for a moment..

(They look over at Dr. Lord, who is laying prostrate in his seat supported by Hamton. Mae fans his face worriedly with her Awards program.)

Fifi: Oh dear! Lookz like somebody paid fur zis appearance.

(She runs back to the theatre box to aid the recovering Lord.)

Pepe K.: Well, folks..it just proves that old saying: "A theif - who steals from a theif - is pardoned for 100 years."

Thorne: (returning) What old saying? You stole that from Eli Wallach in "The Magnificent Seven".

Pepe K.: (shrugs) Okay - another old saying: "Only steal from the Best!"

(To the Berserker's image holding the UKE Award) I want that back! (to the audience) On with the show!

:)

--

Pepe K.

**************************************************

**The 2002 UKE Award for Best Cameo**

"Well, Pepe, congratulations on the award." Thorne said. "Even if Mr. Friendly up there kinda stole it." Thorne jerked a thumb over his shoulder at the evilly grinning portrait of the shadowy Berzerker. The monster clutched a UKE award in its hideous claws. Thorne shook Pepe K's hand, and the skunk made his way back to Dr. Lord's theatre box.

"Oooo-kay then." Thorne said to the audience. "Now that THAT is over, let's go on to something a little lighter, eh?" He clicked a button on the podium and the Berzerker picture dissolved back into the 2nd Annual UKE Awards logo. "This next award is a big UKE for a very small part! One of the fun aspects of Tiny Toon Adventures is the prevalence of brief cameo appearances by celebrities, characters from other series, and TTA cast members who weren't otherwise in the stories. Perhaps you remember Pinky and the Brain in one of Elmyra's cages in Spring Break Special? Or David Letterman telling the world that he wasn't wearing any pants in Thirteensomething? And of course, there was the Director himself! Steven popped up in episodes several times!

"To help me present the award for the Best Cameo is the lady voted most likely to be a cameo in any given episode, that sanest of Tiny Toons, the lovely Miss Mary Melody! Yayyyyyyyy!" Thorne bounced backward across the stage flailing his arms in his very best Kermit the Frog impression.

Mary Melody entered from stage left. She put her hands on her hips and watched as Thorne bounded away backward and tripped, tumbling out of sight offstage to the right. "I have GOT to transfer to another school," she told the audience wryly. Then she broke into a smile.

Thorne walked back onstage, quite unruffled, and escorted her to the podium. "So Mary, welcome back to the UKE awards! Good to see you here again."

Mary chuckled, a little ruefully. "Yes, here I am again. Another cameo award, another invitation. Maybe the writer for this segment wasn't feeling very creative."

Thorne looked a little startled. "Ah heh. Maybe not!" He tugged at his stiffly starched collar as if it has suddenly become too tight. "But be as that may be, we have an award to present!"

Mary nodded, and glanced down at the notes. "We sure do, Thorne. The first nomination for Best Cameo is a triple! Pinky and Steven Spielberg and Brain in Able DuSable's 'Scary Stories'"

"It's a good thing Abel was using the CARTOON Steven!" exclaimed Thorne.

Mary nodded. "Sure is. Abel had the lab mice -who do even more cameos than I do, by the way!- in a linking segment with many of their Animaniacs colleagues, as sideshow attractions in Plucky's scary carnival. Pinky and the Brain were doing a magic act, with Steven as the tied-up 'volunteer' for their guillotine trick. Sadly, Pinky's idiocy was too strong even for a truly idiot-proof trick guillotine, and Steven lost a little off the top!"

On the screen above, a large basket appeared. "I don't feel so good," said Steven Spielberg's voice, hollowly.

Thorne shook his head. "Owie! That has got to sting! What's the next cameo contender, Mary?"

"The next nominee comes from a world of cartoons even crazier than Tiny Toons. It's Bad Luck Blackie, created by the incomparable Tex Avery, as he appeared in 'A Time To Every Purpose Under Heaven' part 12, by Pepe K." said Mary.

A rubbery-looking black cat with gray sock markings and a white muzzle appeared on the screen, wearing a green bowler hat at a jaunty angle.

"Ah yes," agreed Thorne, "Bad Luck Blackie, the professional way to bring bad luck to your enemies! Rhubella Rat hired him to teach Montana Max a little lesson, and stop him from chasing her limo around with a bulldozer. If Blackie crosses your path, watch out!"

In the audience, Montana Max scowled fiercely at Ruby from his private box. The orange rat smiled sweetly back at him. She pulled a large whistle from her purse and waved it at him, causing Monty to turn pale and look away.

Mary leaned into the microphone. "The final nominee for this award is another multiple cameo. It's the List Member Cameos in Feefzilla, by Pepe K."

"And there were a lot of us in it!" Thorne exclaimed.

Mary looked at the list. "Starting with Andy Fox!"

Andy Fox appeared on one side of the screen.

Thorne scratched his head. "I dunno if that was really a cameo. I'd call Andy's role an actual PART."

Mary nodded. "Okay, I can accept that. Next was The J.A.M.!"

A handsome spotted cat in a black T-shirt appeared next to Andy Fox.

"The Mexican Jaguar himself! Say, wasn't he writing a story starring you, Mary?" Thorne wondered.

Mary smiled. "_That_ is for me to know, and you to find out!" Mary said, with a wink at the J.A.M. "And then we had Murray Mouse."

A cute :), bespectacled brown mouse with a luxuriously long-furred tail popped in on the screen beside The J.A.M.

"That artistic Chillamouse from across the Pond," commented Thorne

"And Leloni Bunny!"

The nekkid lavender bunny appeared next to Murray. Thorne goggled at her.

Mary knocked on his head. "Snap out of it. There was Peter Bunny.."

"Huh? Oh! Ah...the cannoneer himself-surely he wouldn't really have shot that thing at someone as cute as Fifi?"

Peter appeared on the screen, a white bunny clad in blue knee-length pants with suspenders.

"And Alex Bunny!"

Thorne was confused. "But I thought he was..."

"He was still a bunny then," Mary whispered.

"Gotcha."

A light brown bunny in a gray sweater and wire-rimmed glasses appeared beside Peter.

"And Erik Mouse!"

A short brown mouse in a white tee shirt appeared.

"He didn't want those guys to hurt Fifi with the cannon."

"And Ivan Bunny!"

Another white bunny, with a shock of yellow hair, joined the growing crowd on the monitor.

"He wasn't even chasing Babs this time, eh?"

"The next cameo was Shelby Bunny," Mary said.

A brown bunny in a green shirt and glasses appeared next to Ivan

"Shelby may be new to Acme Acres, but ya feel like a native when you get blown up by a pretzeled cannon!"

"And Thorne!"

"What? Oh! Heh heh. Hey looky, it's me!" Thorne appeared on the monitor, dressed in his usual bright yellow aloha shirt.

"And finally," Mary said, "Johnny Winters!"

"He was chatting with that cute jerboa, Laika Romanov!" Thorne peered out at the audience where Laika herself was sitting with Murray Mouse. The jerboa was whispering something in Murray's ear, and the Chinchilla/Mouse was blushing furiously.

The owl appeared beside Thorne on the screen.

"Ahem."

Thorne saw Mary looking at him expectantly. "Oh! Heh." He pulled out the Envelope, and handed it over.

Mary carefully tore open the envelope and pulled out the paper inside. Unfolding the stiff UKE parchment, she read the scores.

"The second runner up for Best Cameo, with 93 points, is. Bad Luck Blackie, from 'A Time To Every Purpose Under Heaven' part 12!"

The audience cheered the Tex Avery cat, and Mary went on.

"The first runner up, with 112 points, is Pinky and the Brain and Steven Spielberg from 'Spooky Stories,' by Abel DuSable!"

"Good going, Abel!" said Thorne. "And you know who that leaves, Mary!"

Mary nodded. "That's right! With an astonishing 183 points, it's the list member cameos in 'Feefzilla - Queen of the Monsters,' by Pepe K!"

"The skunk wins again!" laughed Thorne. "Tell you what, Pepe. At intermission, I'll go rent you a Toon-Haul trailer. Looks like you'll NEED it to get all these awards back to Acme Acres!"

Thorne and Mary clapped along with the audience as Pepe K. began the trip from Dr. Lord's box _again_!

-Thorne

**************************************************

  
*Murray Mouse deters his attention from Laika Romanov for a moment to observe Pepe approaching the podium and twitches at the memory of the giant furred foot that stood on him in a part of the movie*

*Pepe K. arrives at the podium, all smiles*

Pepe K.: Thanks very much Thorne! I was vastly pleased to have assembled so much talent for the film and we all had a great time making it.. I'd like to bring up some of those involved - like you, fur example.

*applause*

Thorne: Well, it was great fun doing the picture - almost as fun as it was painting Petunia's potrait. Ah heh heh heh...

*Thorne blushes. So does Porky Pig in his seat. Next to him, Petunia Pig smiles slyly. There are a few giggles*

Pepe: And there were many others, Like all the bunnies; Peter, Shelby, Ivan, Leloni and Alex!

*Applause as the rabbits in question all hop out of the screen onto the stage, but Alex now sports a canine tail and fangs instead of the usual large lapine incisors.*

Alex: I've made changes in my life. I'm a differant person now - a bunnywolf!

*Pepe and Thorne grin at each other sideways*

Pepe: Oh kay! We had a few other rodentia - like Erik and Murray Mouse! 

Murray: No relation!

*laughs and applause*

Pepe: And Johnny Winters appeared with the lovely Laika Romanov!

*Applause as a handsome snowy owl in a British Naval Officer's uniform and the sexy Slobovian spy make their way to the stage*

*******

Bonjour Pepe, and congratulations on winning the first two UKE's for 'A Time To Every Purpose Under Heaven' and FEEFZILLA: Queen of Monsters. Actually, everyone new to the ML was nominated for the second award, so here's to everyone who made FEEFZILLA a success. :)

Speaking of cameo's, it was great seeing the Tenchi Muyo gang during the opening of the awards ceremony which was even funnier than last year's.

:)

Johnny Winters

*******

Thank you Johnny! The cast will all come to your "Caravan of Dreams" for dinner this evening. :) Put the champagne on ice!

Pepe: And our resident critic - the J.A.M. - in his first fanfic appearance!

*The Jaguar, waiting his turn, padded to the podium and Mary handed him his award (there were plenty for all). He gave her a heartfelt kiss.*

The J.A.M.: Good evening, and thank you, Mary, and thank you, Thorne, and thanks to everyone who voted for us!" he exclaimed, incredulous. "This is the first time I actually win something of this kind! Golly, I thought being nominated was incredible just as it was, but this...wow...um...I'd like to thank Pepe here for wanting to add us in his story and actually *asking* us permission. [aside] I know a few who didn't have that particular idea of courtesy but later asked my permission anyway.  [to Pepe and the others again] And thanks for letting us be a part of this hilarious story.

*He shook the skunk's paw, and turned to Mary.*

J.A.M.: Your story is coming along great. I just need more time.

Mary: You'd better hurry, Snookums!"

*the audience chuckles*

J.A.M.: Oh, I will! I will! And thank you all once again!

Pepe: (raising an eyebrow)

Pepe K Okay Snookums...

 *the audience titters*

Pepe: Moving right along - I also had Andy Fox there as one of the resident scientists.

*******

*I'm* the one who nominated his work for the second and third awards. Next time I must remember not to nominate anything from Pepe! :-)  
  
--   
Andy Fox

*******

See if you wind up cast in any more movies. :p  
  
:-)  
Pepe

*******

  
Whoops. I checked... and I DID NOT nominate The Berserker. I feel better now.  
  
--   
Andy Fox

*******

* Applause as Andy arrives onstage along with Calamity and Wile E Coyote. Calamity holds up a sign* "No relation."

Andy: Yes, and now everyone wants to cast me as a scientist! That's all they want! Doctor This and Doctor That! I've been typecast as an egghead!

*******

  
Ah... ? I've never complained about this before...  
  


*******

Pepe:(politely) But that's what you are.

Andy: WHAT?!

Pepe: You *are* a scientist.

Andy: ...That's beside the point! I have so much more to give! So many other abilites to show! Why do people only think of me as a scientist?!?

*A little anime girl wanders onstage in her nightgown. She tugs at Andy's elbow*

Bubbles: Umm, Professor? You forgot to leave the hall light on...

*the PowerPuff girl exits and Andy smacks his forehead. Laughter*

*******

ROFL PEPE! YOU'RE... OOOOOH, YOU'RE GONNA... Boooo! [as he's laughing] Booo! Rotten joke!  
  
For the record, yes I am a scientist, and have no problem with it. I love my job.  
  


*******

Pepe: But our cast wouldn't have been complete without it's main players!

*Wild applause as Buster and Babs, Plucky and Shirley and Hamton and Fifi take their place onstage and applaud the cameo personnel!*

Pepe:Thanks again! ..Cameos are short, but can make a feature into alot of fun - and in this case, a little means alot.

*Amidst the warm applause, Pepe and the cast of Feefzilla returns to their seats, waving and smiling and all clutched their golden UKE Awards*

Pepe K.

**************************************************

**2002 UKE Award for Most Pointless Cameo**

"Thanks for doing the show tonight, Mary," Thorne said. He gave the tall human girl a polite hug.

"Any time!" Mary said. "But does it ALWAYS have to be cameos?"

Thorne looked apologetic. "Oh, I'm just kidding, silly!" Mary said as she ruffled up his headfur. She blew a kiss to the crowd, which responded with cheers and whistles. Smiling, Mary walked across the stage and back to her seat in the auditorium.

Thorne turned back to the podium and addressed the audience. "While we're on the subject of cameos, we have one more cameo award to give. With me tonight to help present the UKE Award for the Most Pointless Cameo is... Erm, where is she?" Thorne looked around franticly.

Suddenly, and contrary to the _very_ sternly worded rules posted outside the auditorium, a cel phone rang.

Thorne was startled. He looked around for the source of the loud, tiny music. He leaned down and peered into the small shelf under the podium. The music was coming from behind his water glass, it seemed. Reaching in, he discovered a bright pink cel phone.

Thorne held the ringing phone up high for all to see. "Did, uh, someone lose their phone?" he asked.

The audience responded with jeers and catcalls. One of the loudest voices came from the direction of Andy Fox's theatre box. "Answer th' phone, ya yutz!!" Slappy shouted.

Thorne cringed. "Okay, okay," he muttered. He popped open the phone and hit the button. "Uh, Hello?" His eyes widened and he said, "Harriet?! Well...Yeah, hi to you too!" He listened. "Yes, I'm good, thanks. Say, look, I thought you were gonna be HERE. Like now, you know? It's time for the award, right now!"

The audience seethed and grumbled.

Thorne was still on the phone. "You mean...actually do the presentation like THIS?! Uh, Okay, then."

Thorne turned back to the microphone. "Everyone? Hey, toons! Hello!" The hubbub very gradually subsided. Thorne held up the cel phone. "Here with us tonight, eh, sort of, is Babs Bunny's good friend Harriet, here to introduce the Most Pointless Cameo nominees."

Thorne held the phone close to the microphone. A small voice could JUST be made out, saying, "Hi, it's me, Harriet!" before a hideous feedback whine made everyone in the room cringe and hold their ears.

"Sorry folks!" Thorne called out. "Harriet, I don't think that's gonna work. How about you just tell them to me, and I'll tell the audience. Okay? Yeah, great!"

"Okay, folks, once again, here's Harriet!" Thorne listened intently to the phone for a moment. "Yeah, that's right, Harriet." He turned to the audience. "This award always seemed a little negative to us. Who wants to think of their cameo as pointless?! And in my opinion, they usually aren't. 'Pointless' cameos add to the craziness and the zany 'Tiny Toons ' feel of a story. They give an opportunity for some topical humor, or a quick poke at the writer. And more often than not, they give a writer a chance to sneak in a joke that just didn't fit in otherwise. What's the first nominee, Harriet?"

"Uh huh. Okay, right. Got it." Thorne looked up from the telephone. "The first nominee is Vinnie the Deer, from Abel DuSable's 'Spooky Stories.'"

On the screen above, a scene from the story appeared. Dizzy Devil was standing on a dirt road at night, looking particularly demented. Dizzy was dressed in an unfastened straightjacket, and he had a hook for a hand. Walking in front of Dizzy was Vinnie the Deer. Vinnie was dressed up like a cartoon farmer. He was pushing a large wheelbarrow load of dark material.

===================================

                The three girls wave to Dizzy as they drive off into the night and he waves back until he notices Vinnie the deer walking past in farmer's clothes pushing a wheelbarrow full of dung.

                                                               Dizzy:

                Who you?

                                                               Vinnie:

                I'm the farmer who lives just up the road from the asylum.

                                                               Dizzy:

                Oh. What you got in wheelbarrow?

                                                               Vinnie:

                Horse dung.

                                                               Dizzy:

                What for you got horse dung in wheelbarrow?

                                                               Vinnie:

                I'm a gonna spread it on my strawberries.

                Dizzy looks shocked and then begins trudging up towards the Asylum on the hill muttering all the way.

                                                               Dizzy: (Muttering)

                Dizzy put sugar on his and they lock Dizzy up...

===================================

Thorne listened to Harriet for another moment. He nodded. "Yep, Vinnie was there just to give Dizzy the straight line for one of Abel's jokes. Does that make his cameo pointless? Well, I for one think not. I laughed at it! What's that, Harriet? Oh, you DID think it was pointless? Well maybe you need a certain level of immaturity to appreciate jokes about horse doody." Thorne chuckled. "Who's the next nominee?"

"Uh-huh. Oh sure. Heh heh. Right." Thorne addressed the audience again. "Our next nominee is from -you guessed it!—'A Time To Every Purpose Under Heaven', by Pepe K! What's that Harriet? Uh oh! Well folks, the nomination was for 'Minerva and Lola in 'A Time To Every Purpose Under Heaven IX.' Funny thing is, Harriet can't find Minerva in Part 9 at all! However, those two did have a silly little cameo in Part 10!"

Minerva Mink and Lola Bunny appeared on the screen in a scene from the story. The two lovely lady toons were on a downtown Acme Acres street. They were just recovering from being buffeted by the high-speed passage of Bugs and Doctor Lord's madly chasing airplanes - and they were just discovering that the wind had blown their outer clothes right off, leaving them clad in nothing but their lingerie!

===================================

     Bugs and Lord flew circling through the skyscrapers - each unable to catch the other. Lola Bunny and Minerva Mink were window shopping as the two planes howled past, blowing off the ladies' clothes. They suddenly found themselves clad only in their undergarments and screamed!

    After a moment of panic, they both stopped to regard each other's underwear - smiled ,laughed and then both said, "Ooo! I love that! Where can I buy it?"

===================================

"What do you think of this one, Harriet?" Thorne asked the phone. After listening a moment, he chuckled. "Heh, bet you're right! Not a pointless cameo at all, but a clever product placement by Victoonia's Secret! On the other hand, there's my own theory. I think that ol' doity skunk of an author was trying to get us artist types to draw more pictures for his story!" He winked conspiratorially.

"And that's all the nominations we have for this award, folks! Let's see how we voted!" Thorne pulled out the envelope and paused, unsure of what to do with it. Harriet said something. "What's that?" Thorne asked. "Oh, Pepe faxed you the results? Oh, uh, good!" Thorne put the envelope back away, a little sadly. "Okay, then! The, uh, first runner up for Most Pointless Cameo, with... how many points? With a hundred points, is Lola and Minerva in  'A Time To Every Purpose Under Heaven Part 10', by Pepe K!"

The audience cheered for the barely-dressed toons. Especially the males.

;-)

"And now the winner!" Thorne said. He listened to the phone again and relayed the message.

"With 118 points, the winner of the 2002 UKE Award for Most Pointless Cameo is Vinnie the Deer! Great job, Abel and Vinnie!"

-Thorne

**************************************************

As the audience applauds, Vinnie runs up the stairs to the stage with a tux on his back and awide grin on his face. As he accepts the award from Thorne, the Mouse chuckles...

"No Date tonight, Vinnie?"

"Nope... figured if I didn't ask anyone out all the guys would have a chance to have dates for the evening. So being the charitable sort... I naturally went stag."

Pained groans ripple through the audience and the host when the young Deer deftly plucks the pink cell phone from Thorn's grasp and croons into it.

"Heyyy... Harriet. What's up girl? ...You're kidding... They forgot to send you your backstage pass? Oh well that's just a darn shame that a lovely lady such as yourself has to sit at home all alone on a night like this. Say, I have an idea. *I'm* short an attractive date, *you're* short an invitation to the toon party of the year... what say we get together and solve this little tragedy? ...Wonderful! ...Oh just wear the dress from the last Ukie awards. ...Harriet, darling... On you a burlap sack would be in fashion.

Alright. I'll meet you around front at the front door. See you soon." As the young Deer hands the phone back Thorne can only stare at him.

"Y'know Vinnie, I've never really seen you 'at work' before... It's kind of scary."

"We all have our gifts Thorne... Mine were never explored on the series so.... I use them in fanfic. Thank you everyone!" Vinnie bounds down the stairs and past the applauding audience as he makes his way to the lobby, Ukie Held aloft like an olympic torch.

**************************************************

**The 2002 UKE Award for Best use of a Looney Tune cast member**

Thorne stood speechless for a moment, watching Vinnie head off to meet his new date.

"Now there goes a smooth talking toon," he mused.

Suddenly the phone rang again. Thorne hesitantly answered it. "Harriet?" He looked startled. "TRUDY? Uh, no, this is Thorne...yeah, with the pictures.. Uh, okay, I'll check."

He went back to the microphone. "Uhm.. Minerva? Minerva Mink? You have a phone call here. Heh heh."

Out in the audience, Minerva was busily trying to get Ludwig Van Goff to notice her. She spared a scornful glance for Thorne. "I'm busy! Take a number, art boy!" she growled.

"Sorry Trudy, she can't come to the phone right now." Thorne carefully turned off the cel phone and tucked it away under the podium again.

Thorne leaned forward on the podium and addressed the audience very sincerely.

"There are some very important members of the cast of Tiny Toon Adventures who may not be Tiny, but who are the very essence of Toony! They serve as the mentors, teachers, and sometimes foils, of our rambunctious young heroes. Each of them has many years of experience in theatrical and television cartoon acting. They bring a level of maturity, sophistication, and insanity to many TTA episodes and many Fanfiction epics. Who are they? Why, who else but the LOONEY TUNES!"

The band broke in with a fast rendition of the Looney Tunes theme as thunderous applause filled the auditorium. Thorne stood waiting, with a small smile, for it to die down. As the clapping subsided, he raised his hands for silence. "And here with me tonight," he went on, "To present the award for 'Best Use of a Looney Tune Cast Member,' is the original Looney Toon himself, Bosko!" Thorne stepped away from the podium and gestured expansively toward the wings.

A hush fell over the crowd and the band began playing "There'll Be A Hot Time In The Old Town Tonight."

The stage lights dimmed, and the hot white circle of a spotlight appeared on the wing curtains.

The crowd began to applaud as a jaunty little figure strutted onstage, his bouncy movements having everything to do with the beat of the music yet almost nothing to do with weight or volume. He was drawn in black and white and a few shades of gray. His beady black eyes scanned the crowd and he smiled at their excitement. He waved a puffy-gloved hand at them in acknowledgement.

Bosko walked behind the podium, climbed up on top of the 90-pound anvil Pete had placed there as a stepstool, and adjusted the microphone. "Hello, there, hues!" he said. Bosko's high-pitched voice was just a tiny bit out of sync with his carefully animated mouth. "I'm glad to be here!"

The microphone, which had began looking rather rubbery as soon as Bosko came near, suddenly opened a pair of eyes and a wide mouth. "And we're glad to have you here, Bosko!" it said in a low, metallic voice.

Bosko nodded to the mike and continued, "I feel lucky to be ANYWHERE. That's the way it is with us two-tones, ya know." The Talk Ink Kid patted the Tiny Toons logo on the front of the podium. "I want to thank Warner Brothers for bringing Honey and me back for that guest spot on Tiny Toons -" Bosko noticed his protégé, HKU, swelling up and turning red in the audience, " - even IF we didn't look much like ourselves! And I want to thank Bugs for getting me the job as Mysterious Vaultkeeper.

A toon's gotta eat!"

Bosko reached into his pants and pulled out a large harmonica, and began to play a happy little tune. The audience listened appreciatively. Bosko kept playing. As the song went on and on, the audience started looking restive. Thorne looked from the seething audience to the oblivious two tone.

"Um, Bosko.." he began. But Thorne was totally drowned out by the music. He carefully reached out and tapped the older toon on the shoulder, hoping to get his attention.

Instantly, Bosko let go of his harmonica, which continued to play on its own, and grabbed Thorne by the collar. "Gak!" said the mouse as Bosko bent him over slightly, turned him around, and began turning his tail like a crank. Thorne's mouth opened wide and tinny music poured out. The audience laughed at the ludicrous image.

Bosko played faster and faster, causing Thorne's rear to begin to smoke slightly. Soon the song hit a big crescendo, and Bosko finished it off with a quick drum roll on Thorne's head and a cymbal crash of his ears. Thorne staggered away as Bosko, the Harmonica, and the podium all bowed to the audience. Thorne sat down on the stage, with a small constellation of stars circling his head.

Bosko grinned over at Thorne. "These new-fangled toons just can't take it! Hee hee! Now, let me see here." Bosko took out a pair of reading glasses and picked up the clipboard from the podium, "The first nominee for Best use of a Looney Tune cast member is for Lola Bunny's part in 'Bunny Trouble,' by, er, Yvette M. Griffith."

Thorne shakily stood up and staggered over to lean on the podium. He was clearly too shook up to draw. Reaching into his back pocket, he produced a Lola beanie, um, doll. Thorne sat her on the front edge of the podium. After a moment, the big screen showed a closeup shot of the beanie bunny.

"Lola had some tough scenes in that one, Bosko," Thorne said. "She got kidnapped, tied up and half killed. Not to mention dealing with a new job and having to raise two younger siblings on her own."

Bosko shook his head wonderingly. "These modern girls are something else," he said. Bosko consulted the list again. "The next nomination is for Porky and Petunia Pig in, um, Atteh-puh, by Pepe K."

Thorne was already going through his pockets. He found Porky and Petunia beanbag dolls, and set them up beside Lola. "Porky and Petunia have one of the sweet little secondary plots in Pepe's story. They are a happily married couple, and Doctor Lord is helping them with an, uh, medical problem."

"Next is Bugs Bunny," Bosko read, "giving the cross-dressing demonstration in 'A Certain Lonely Toon, Part One' by Foxy Fellow. Ah, vaudeville." The two-tone's habitual smile got wider.

Thorne dug out a Bugs beanie dressed in a Barbie dress and added him to the lineup on the podium. "Don't ask!" he admonished the audience. "Bugs showed Buster and Sandy the fine points of dressing up like a lady for big laughs -- after he embarrassed the heck out of them!"

Bosko read the next nomination. "Next is Daffy Duck, painting graffiti on Bugs's statue in Part 10 of, um, At.. um Atteh..."

"A Time To Every Purpose Under Heaven," Thorne chimed in. "Get used to it folks, we're apt to hear it a lot tonight!" He added a Daffy beanie to the growing lineup. "Daffy showed Plucky and Shirley his own interpretation of Dadaist absurdity by painting big black moustaches on _everything_ in sight. His greatest masterwork? A Southern Colonel style beard and moustache for the great Bugs Bunny in front of the Looniversity."

"The next nominee is also from that All Things To Every Purple Umbrella.. oh, that's not it." Bosko was looking confused.

"It's 'A Time To Every Purpose Under Heaven,'" Thorne chimed in. "Yes, that's it," Bosko agreed with a laugh. "From that story, Bugs Bunny in Parts 10 and 11."

Thorne found another Bugs beanbag for the growing crowd on the podium. "Bugs got to do a wide range in those parts of the story. He was the brash pilot, the careful teacher, the cautious administrator, and the friend. And he got along better with Porky, too! Who's next, Bosko?"

Bosko consulted his list again. "Er, various characters in 'N – The Autobiography of Andy Fox,' by Andy Fox."

Thorne looked distressed. He dug franticly though his lapel pockets, cummerbund, and jacket pockets, finding beanies of Looney Tunes characters. Another Bugs on the pile. Another Daffy. Wile E.Coyote. The Road Runner. Foghorn, Honey Bunny, Lola Bunny and Elmer Fudd. Thorne stacked them all up on the podium. "Sorry folks, I'm out of beanies and out of space!" The podium was overflowing with dolls.

"Andy had nearly every Looney Tune character I can think of in his story one way or another. He's their agent!"

"What's next?" Bosko asked.

"Now we find out how everyone voted." Thorne explained. He handed Bosko the envelope. The Two-Tone tore it open, prompting the envelope to open up two eyes and complain, "Hey, not so rough!"

Bosko unfolded the parchment and handed it to Thorne. "Here, you start," he said.

"Sure," Thorne nodded. "The fourth runner up for the The 2002 UKE Award for Best use of a Looney Tune Cast Member, with 87 points was... Bugs Bunny in 'A Time To Every Purpose Under Heaven', parts 10 and 11, by Pepe K! Good job, Bugs and Pepe!" Thorne handed the parchment back to Bosko.

"The third runner up," Bosko read, "Is a tie! One is Bugs Bunny again, from 'A Certain Lonely Toon, Part One,' by Foxy Fellow, with 88 points. Say, I know Foxy!"

"This is a different Foxy, Bosko," Thorne explained. "New toon from England. Nice job, Foxy and Bugs! You beat yourself by a point, Bugs! The OTHER third runner up, also with 88 points, is ALL the various Looney Tunes characters in 'N - The Autobiography of Andy Fox,' by Andy Fox."

"Never had that many toons in one cartoon in MY time," Bosko said. "Must get confusin'. The next runner up got 103 points. Lola Bunny from 'Bunny Trouble,' by Yvette M. Griffith."

"Next," Thorne said, "is the first runner up for the UKE award! With 103 points -very close competition here, folks!- it's Porky and Petunia Pig, from 'A Time To Every Purpose Under Heaven,' by Pepe K."

"And the winner is," Bosko announced.

"The 2002 UKE Award for Best use of a Looney Tune Cast Member goes to..." Thorne put in.

"Daffy Duck, in Atty-puh!" Bosko shouted.

Thorne shook his head. "Close enough! With one hundred and thirty-five points, congratulations to Daffy and Pepe! C'mon down here, guys!"

-Thorne

**************************************************

*A triumphal royal trumpet fanfare marks the begining of a processional march. Dozens of beautiful and nubile feminine ducks come dancing in from the wings onto the stage and up the theatre isles, prancing in filmy harem costumes and scattering flower petals. Spotlights whirl and striking colors flood the stage! A angelic choir of gorgeous plump lady ducks sings a Wagerian aria, as Hassan,(the huge arabian servant with the scimitar) strikes a huge gong that echoes through the hall! The curtains open to

reveal a huge "DD" logo that overshadows everything, flashing in Neon! Finally, Hassan brings a huge red carpet to the top of the steps below the vivd logo and throws it to the ground! It un-rolls down the huge flight of steps towards the audience. We hear the cries coming from inside it as it bounces down the steps.*

Daffy: Ouch! Ooch! Eee! Ayeeee!

*The red carpet un-rolls, flipping Daffy Duck up from inside it's end into a standing position. Daffy is dressed in his best cutaway tuxedo, wearing HUGE sunglasses and a baseball cap the reads "Auteur". (artist in French)  Daffy is wobbly and dizzy from his spinning entrance.

Daffy:(to Hassan) Not So FAST!!! YA Craaaa-zy!

Hassan: Sorry, O Master.

Daffy: Alright! Alright, you can feed yoursthelf to the crocodilesth later..*he smiles to the audience with a 24 carrot grin* ...Never mind! (to the audience)

Greetingsth, O my unwashed public! Thou clever huddled masses who hath seen in their wisdom to finally award ****ME**** that which is my due! *Daffy waits in the silence that follows, then glances angrily over his shoulder*

Hassan: Oh!

*He holds up a Large "APPLAUSE!!!" sign*

*there is some applause Daffy bows repeatedly. The applause dies - Hassan continues the applause alone with a silly smile*

Daffy: I'd like to thank the Academy for thth honor...after all I am most deserving of thith award! Still - I thought I should thank "the little people out there in the dark. ..Now you all know of my multidinousth talentsth and accomplishmensth... Thay?! Where'sth my entourage?!! GET THEM OUT HERE! NOW!!!"

*Hassan reaches into his turban and pulls out Plucky Duck and Shirley and tosses them at Daffy's feet. The junior waterfowl wear rumpled  "DAFFY DUCK SUPERSTAR FAN CLUB" satin crew jackets and look slightly groggy*

Plucky: That's the last time I take an "Unspecified dressing room"!

Shirley: Yeah, that sweaty turban was totally the *last* place I want to spend time with you, Pluck-face. Eeeewwww! Skanky to the Max, man!

*Daffy looks at them, tapping his foot in annoyance. They suddenly develop HUGE sheepish grins*

Plucky :(sounding very stilted and overly impressed) "Oh my magnificent Mentor, Please grant us the honor of your presence and bless us with your entire Life Story, PLEASE????"

Shirley: (the same) "Oh... like please tell us of your rich (but humble and middle class) upbringing and tell us...of yer..uhhhh (she pulls a script from her pocket and reads)..totally, amazingly, fantastic, superlative" ..uhhh, what's that word?..

Plucky:(also looking, he whispers) "Phantasmagorical".

Shirley:(aside to Plucky) That's totally not a real word...

Daffy: AHEM!

Shirley:(back into it) uh...yeah - like, what he said - "Fantasm-ogog-alogical, umm - Life!"

Daffy:(all smiles again to the audience)

 Very well, my pitiful puppet pupils!

 *The front rows of the theatre all wipe their faces off*

Daffy:It all began in my home town - Perth Amboy, New Jersey. There in the swamps - amidstth the oil refineries and chemical spillsth - there was a little nest where I-

Thorne: (stepping up quietly) Excuse me, Mister Auteur?

Daffy: - I wasth born amidstth humble surroundingsth -

Thorne: Daffy, you only have 5 minutes.

Daffy:(exploding) WHAT!?!?!?!? GRRRRRRR!!

Thorne: And this is the UKE Awards - not the Oscars.

Daffy: (about to light himself and explode like a bomb - he calms down)....Alrighty, as long as I Won it.... And it's Mine...(mumbles quietly) mine, all mine...

(Aloud) Very well... I'll be Big about it... (goes to the podium) Now then! There's only One person who needs thanking - Me! And I'd like to thank *me* for having slaved away for Warner Brothers all these years without any recognition or reward! 

*he looks at the Looney Tune beanie-dolls*

The company that makes countlessth dollars in selling my image and not sharing it with me!

*Porky Pig and Pepe K. come up onto the stage and to the podium*

Porky: D-d-d-dde - Daffy? (whispers) B-b-be careful! The s-s-ssponcers are watching you! You g-g-giving yourself b-b-b-be-Bad press.

Pepe:(quietly) Not to mention the audience.

*Daffy's bill makes an odd "considering" face and his eyes become slits.  He suddenly smiles humbly and nods*

Daffy: Yesth. Yer absolutley right. I *do* have a few people to thank..my public has granted me their votes and their confidance. They have voted for me, over and above the other Looney Tunes - and for this I am both grateful and humble. I'd like to thank the most distinguished members of the Tiny Toons Adventures List for this coveted UKE Award.

(Applause)

Daffy: I'd like to thank the Tiny Toons themselves - for this honor: to become a teacher, a mentor, a model for future toons everywhere. I guess I really am appreciated by the right people.

((Applause)

Daffy:And I must thank my co-stars and friends, like my bosom chum Porky here! Let's hear it for him and Petunia!

(Wild applause)

Porky: (blushing) Aw shucks! T'warnt nuthin.

Daffy: (takes off his hat and holding it over his heart) And... there's someone who deservesth a special mention.. someone who's been there since the beginning..without whose example and guidance things would have been vastly differant...

(Applause)

Daffy:... One whom we all have to thank for our success...

*Bugs and Honey look at each other as if to say "Who? Me?"*

Daffy: (suddenly glaring at Bugs) NO NOT YOU! (recovers and mumbles)...whatday think I am? Stupid enough to lower myselfth to thank the rabbit?...

(Applause)

Daffy:Uh... Nope... The one I speak of is one no longer among us...A director and artist par excellance...My friend.......Chuck Jones.

(bows his head in silence)

*There is dead silence throughout the theatre*

Daffy:... Whatdya think? I'm completely devoid of feelingsth? One of our best is no longer with us.. he hath gone to be with his fellow fellows in that great Animation Studio in the sky... There to work again with Tex Avery.. Bob Clampett... Friz Freleng... The McKimson Brothers, Micheal Maltese, Ted Pierce.. Art Davis.. Maurice Noble..Carl Stalling..even Leon......and of course - Mel Blanc..... Just think of the fun they're all havin' now.....I'd just like ta say...Thanks, guysth.

*Slowly, Bugs stands and begins clapping. He is followed by others, till all the toons are giving Daffy a standing ovation. The others onstage are in tears, but applaud gratefully. The house is all teary-eyed as Daffy bows solemly and wipes away a tear. Amidst thunderous applause, he and the others walk very slowly back upstage. The deafening applause follows him and he turns to bow slowly. There is solid applause for 20 minutes.. before it dies as Porky, Daffy, Pepe K. Shirley and Plucky retire backstage.

Plucky:(dying with admiration) That's My Mentor!

Shirley:(amazed) _Totally_Awesome!

Porky:T-th-Thanks kids! W-w-w-wwe'll see you later!

*Plucky and Shirley run back to their seats excitedly after hugging Daffy. The 3 adults smile together*

Porky: Y-y-y-you s-s-s-slayed 'em, Daffy! Great work!

Daffy: (smug, tosses Porky a coin) Thank you, boy.

Pepe K.: Perfect, Daffy. Your performance was just about flawless.

Daffy: Just about?!?! I said eveything you wrote! And they loved me!

Pepe K.: Yeah, but you add-libbed that thing about Chuck. I didn't write that.

Daffy: (Haughtily) Well_I_AM_ an artiste`, ya know?! I *can* come up with my own material sometimes!

Pepe K.:(slyly) Whatever you say, Daffy.(starts to exit)

Daffy:Uhhhh ..You will keep writin' fer me won't ya?

Pepe K.: (nods and smiles) Sure. (he exits to the theatre)

Porky: R-r-really nice work, Daffy.

Daffy:(smiling and shaking Porky's hand warmly) Couldn't uh done it without ya chum!

 (the two give each other a friendly hug, then Porky turns to go)

Porky: The bit for Chuck was r-r-r-really heartwarming.

Daffy:(dismissively) Ahhh go on! I just made it up!

(Porky give him a snarky look and waves as he goes back to his seat)

*Daffy remains, watching him as he disappears. He looks at the golden UKE Award, turning it over in his hands...he looks to see that no one is watching - then smiles and looks heavenward, his secret safe*

Daffy:(whispers hopefully) ..But I hope he heard me up there!

*He happily raises the UKE Award up to show to the sky...then satisfied, he follows the others out*

 :)

 -- Pepe K.

**************************************************

***Best Use of Superpowers***

Thorne watched Daffy go, smiling and shaking his head slightly. "Wow, there went our special effects budget," he murmured to himself. Then he blinked, realized there was still a show to do, and hurried back to the podium.

"Bosko," Thorne said, "Thank you so much for coming out tonight for the UKEies. Great to see you." He shook the Two-Tone toon's hand and patted him on the back.

"Thank you for inviting me," Bosko said. Smiling as always, Bosko skipped off of the stage and down the aisle to find his seat next to his long-time girlfriend, Honey. The band played his theme song as he went.

"Ladies and gentletoons, Bosko!" Thorne said, and the audience applauded again. Then the mouse got back to business.

"The final award in the Character Awards portion of our show," Thorne began, "rewards characters with special abilities, things they can do that are far beyond the power of normal toons. To be a toon is to be able to do things that would be impossible for ordinary real-world people." He demonstrated by blowing into his thumb, rapidly  inflating his right hand to many times its normal size. Thorne waved his outsized paw at the audience. "But THESE toons can do things that are far more powerful and impressive."

Thorne stepped up onto the anvil behind the podium and struck a pose, gazing up into the sky. Well, the rigging and lights over the stage really, but it looked good. "These toons may seem like you and me, but when they are called to action, they become something more." He hooked a finger into his collar and tore his tuxedo off in one quick motion, revealing a form-fitting suit of tropical print spandex, complete with billowing blue cape and emblazoned with a large T on his chest. "They become..." Thorne nodded to someone up in the catwalks over the stage. "SUPER TOONS!" A belt fastened to a pair of thin cables reeled down from high above the stage. Thorne quickly buckled it around his waist and climbed on top of the podium.

The screen showed an aerial view of Acme Acres, with clouds rushing past. The band started playing an inspiring theme. Thorne signaled to the stagehands above. Nothing happened for a moment. "OKAY, Pete, I'm ready," Thorne whispered frantically. Still nothing. He tugged at his cables. The cables pulled taut and Thorne looked relieved. He put his arms up in a Superman posture. There was another long moment of nothing happening, and Thorne began to feel extremely silly. "Pete?" he called furtively, "I'm ready down he..."

TWANG!!!

Thorne shot up from the stage in a yellow and blue blur. He arced directly over the center of the audience, intersected the lofty ceiling of the hall with a loud "Krrrrack!" and he was gone. A mouse-shaped hole in the roof showed a small patch of the starless Los Angeles sky. A single large envelope fluttered down onto the podium.

For several long minutes the audience looked at the abandoned stage. A cricket chirped from backstage until a rising tide of muttering drowned it out.

Plucky Duck glanced up at the hole in the roof. He elbowed Shirley the Loon, who was seated next to him in the auditorium. "Look, Shirl! This is my chance! I'll show them a super toon!" He was out of his seat and running for the side door before the Loon could say a word.

Elsewhere in the vast room, Babs Bunny leapt to her feet. The motion startled her companion, Buster Bunny. "Neh? What's up Babsieboo?" he asked.

"The show must go on!" Babs exclaimed. "This looks like a job for. Super Babs!" She went into one of her patented spin-change whirls as Buster shrugged. Coming out of the spin clad in her signature uniform of a little sleeveless blue dress, yellow belt, and red cape, Super Babs rocketed off toward the stage.

"Hang onto your hats, folks. Here we go again," Buster said. He settled back comfortably to watch the developments.

Whizzzzzzzz!

A small, caped figure zipped down from the shadows high above the stage on a thin cable. 12 feet above the podium, the reel suddenly jammed, leaving Bat Duck stranded in midair. "Urk! whoah!" the Duck Knight exclaimed as he dangled.

Bat Duck spotted the characteristic pink streak of Super Babs zooming toward the podium. "Oh no you don't, rabbit!" he grumbled. He hit the release on the cable and fell free, trying ineffectively to control his fall by holding his cape out like a parachute. Super Babs caught him just before he smashed into the stage.

"Nice catch!" Plucky grinned.

"It's all in the super-reflexes," Babs answered, unceremoniously dropping the Caped Canard on his feathery butt. She stepped to the podium and and spoke into the microphone. "Hieee! I'm Super Babs, strange bunny from another planet, here to present the Best Use of Superpowers award, for the benefit of you mere mortals."

"Oh no you don't!" Plucky grumped. "It is I, Bat Duck, who will present this award, not some scene-stealing rodent!"

"Scene-stealing rodent?!? I'll give you rodent you."

As the two supertoons began to fight, orchestral music burst through everyone's heads.

**Just get on with the show, kids,** came Doctor Lord's brain-rattling mental command.

"Now who's the scene-stealer?" muttered Babs.

Plucky snickered quietly.

Super Babs consulted the notes on the podium. "The first scene nominated for Best use of Superpowers is 'Dr. Lord' -no wonder he was in such a hurry for us to get to the awards!- Dr. Lord Chastising Monty in 'A Time To Every Purpose Under Heaven 12,' by Pepe K."

Plucky laughed out loud. "Yeah, that was GREAT! The Doc picked Monty up with those weird powers of his and waved him around like a toy plane!"

"Well, Monty should have known better than to mess with Fifi that way," Super Babs said primly.

The big screen lit up with a picture of Montana Max caught in midair, hundreds of feet above Fifi's junkyard. Max's eyes were bugging half out of his head and his mouth was wide open in a scream. A dark stain covered the front of his trousers.

"Okay," Babs began, "The next nomination is for... Well, this one's kinda mixed up with the last one. 'Dr. Lord's Various Actions in 'A Time To Every Purpose Under Heaven 12.' I guess that would include his teaching Monty a lesson..."

"With his Super Mental Powers!" Plucky chimed in. He pushed his forefingers against his temples, screwed up his eyes, and stuck out his tongue as if he was concentrating fiercely. "O what a skunk I is.." he chanted.

Babs tapped her foot. "If I may continue?"

Plucky shrugged. "If you must."

"Gee, thanks," Babs said. "He also blew up a big pile of cars with a ball of energy."

Plucky grinned. "That was cool. Kaboom!"

"And then he tore the boundaries of space and time asunder to send us all into the real world." Babs concluded cheerfully.

Plucky grinned. "Super mad science!"

On the screen, Doctor Lord appeared, looking very, very angry. The big skunk was frozen in the act of hurling a glowing ball of energy. The fur on his tail stood up, crackling with electricity.

Super Babs flipped over a page in the notes. "Okay, the next nomination is for.."

"Let me guess: Doctor Lord?" Plucky smirked.

Super Babs gave him a super look. "Ah, no, Butt Duck, it's Erik Wolf, chasing Little Beeper in the story 'Wolf Toon - And so it Begins,' written by Ghostwolf and Rottin Kid."

On the screen, Erik Wolf appeared in a freeze-frame from the story. His legs were lost in a blur of speed and dust as the black wolf leaned far forward. His right hand reached out strangely, as if clutching an imaginary gearshift lever. In the extreme foreground of the picture, Little Beeper was glancing suspiciously back at the pursuing wolf.

"_Nobody_ can catch Little Beeper," Plucky asserted.

"But Erik put on a good show of Super Speed running," Babs put in.

Bat Duck nodded. "Not to mention some great crashes when he missed!"

"And here's the final nominee for Best Use of Superpowers," said Babs. "When Andy Fox saved Slappy from fading, and their subsequent bonding, in 'N - The Autobiography of Andy Fox,' written by Andy Fox. Aww, that was so sweet of him."

A view of the interior of Slappy Squirrel's tree appeared on the screen. The picture focused on Slappy's couch. Slappy herself was lying on the couch, with her legs drawn up. She appeared to be fast asleep. Andy Fox was seated next to her, looking a little dazed as he stroked the short gray fur of her head.

Plucky reached a finger under his cowl to scratch his forehead. "I'd pick on him, if he wasn't my agent," he said wryly. "It _was_ pretty super, the way he fixed Slappy up before she..."

Plucky was interrupted by a loud thump. He and Babs stared openmouthed at a large bundle of dynamite with a very short, sizzling fuse that had just landed on the stage between them.

"That's ENOUGH yapping about my private life!" shouted Slappy Squirrel. "They call it PRIVATE for a reason!"

The dynamite exploded with a boom that shook the entire building and left Super Babs and Bat Duck charred and smoking.

"Ehh, no yapping about Slappy's private life. Got it," said Babs as she brushed a thick layer of soot from herself, leaving her Super Babs uniform pristine.

Plucky quietly collapsed into a heap of smoking feathers.

Seeing that her self-appointed co-host would be no help, Babs hopped over to the podium and tore open the envelope. "Let's see how they voted!" She unfolded the stiff parchment and read the first entry. "The third runner up for Best Use of Superpowers, with 79 points, is....Andy Fox! For doing, uh... " she glanced sidelong at Andy's theatre box, "uh, what he did in his story."

The audience applauded.

"Yay." Plucky said hoarsely, crawling out of the ruins of his Bat Duck costume. He pulled on a fresh white vest and asked, "Who's next?"

"The second runner up?" Babs asked. "Why, it's Doctor Lord, who got 100 points for his various actions in 'A Time To Every Purpose Under Heaven 12', by Pepe K."

"Let's hear it for Doctor Lord!" said Plucky, and the audience responded with another round of clapping and a few whistles.

"The FIRST runner up," Babs said, "For the Best Use of Superpowers UKEie, was... Doctor Lord again! 112 points for chastising Montana Max in 'A Time To Every Purpose Under Heaven 12'!"

"The Doctor again!" Plucky shouted to the crowd, clapping. They applauded and cheered along with him.

Babs waited for the excited tumult to die down a bit, and raised her hand for silence. "Here it is! The WINNER of the 2002 UKE award for the Best Use of Superpowers! Toonsters, you voted 122 points for Erik Wolf, chasing Little Beeper in 'Wolf Toon!' Nice going, Erik, Rottin, and Ghostwolf! Woooo hooo!" Super Babs flew up into the air above the stage, clapping enthusiastically as the whole audience saluted the wolves and the Werekitty with thunderous applause.

As the applause began to wind down, and the victors were making their way to the stage, the doors of the hall sprang open. In staggered Thorne, his superhero suit in tatters. He walked down the center aisle to the stage, panting. "What did I miss?" he asked.

-Thorne

**************************************************

Rottin, The Incredible Werekitty patted Thorne on the back, as she escourted him to the stage. "Just me getting a co-author UKE." Once there, she stood with the wolves (who looked somewhat identical) and wondered what to say. After all, for the most part, Ghostwolf had written the chase scenes. 

-The Incredible Werekitty

**************************************************

Couldn't have happened to a nicer Werekitty (and a screwier wolf ;) )!   
Congratulations!!!   
  
-Furrball

**************************************************

Erik and his writer walk up to the podium both looking completely shocked.

"Were you expecting this, Ghost?" Whispered Erik.

"Not a clue, man." Replied the speedy wolf's writer. The two wolves continued up to the stage, checking on Thorne to make sure he's ok.

Ghostwolf looked out at the audience. "Folks, I'll be honest. I have no idea what to say. I'd have been happy just to nominated, but to have actually won?" The wolf shook his head. "To quote Shirley over there, 'Like, mondo cool, er sum junk'." He nodded his head to the Loon in question. "There are a few people that I would like to thank for making this possible. First and for most is the List for all the other fan fics that came before, second is Kevin for running and maintaining the archive, and last, but most certainly not least, is The Incredible Werekitty. With out her help, this fic would not have been written." Ghostwolf bowed and made as if to present Kitty to the audience who cheered her.

"Alright boss, enough...we all know you like her." Erik gave Ghost a cheese eating grin as the crowd chuckled.

"Well folks, I think we've taken up enough time. Many thanks for voting for us. Oh, and just so you know, he is working on a second story...that is, when he get's off his slack bum and actually works on them..." Erik grinned again as Ghost glared at him.

"You *ARE* so gonna get it later, my friend." Replied Ghost as they walked back to their seats. "Just you wait for the third part..." The writer continued as they left things in the good hands of Thorne.

-Ghostwolf

**************************************************

Rottin helped a wobbly-looking Thorne up to the stage. Ghostwolf asked, "Are you okay, guy?"

"Sure, no problem," Thorne said. His spandex super-suit was more holes and runs than suit, and his cape was little more than a tattered rag, but he didn't look like he was actually damaged.

The mouse stepped through the opening in the curtain as the Werekitty and Ghostwolf gave their brief acceptance speeches.

Thorne stepped back onstage, looking clean and groomed and feeling much better. He stepped over to the group by podium to offer his personal congratulations. He stopped short when he noticed Rottin, Erik, and Ghostwolf staring at him strangely, as Super Babs and Plucky smirked. There was a sudden silence from the audience, broken by a few giggles.

"What?!" Thorne demanded. Rottin Kid's gaze deliberately slid down Thorne's body and then snapped back up to his eyes. She raised her eyebrows significantly.

Thorne glanced down at himself. His fur looked clean and shiny... and awfully visible, as he was wearing nothing but a pair of boxer shorts emblazoned with the phrase "I (heart) Acme Acres. "Eep!" he squeaked, and backed behind the curtain very rapidly. A brown-furred arm shot out under the curtain and felt around for a moment before seizing the silver tuxedo Thorne had abandoned earlier.

Seconds later, Thorne returned, properly attired. "Sorry about that, folks!" he said. "Erik, excellent display of super speed. Nice job! Ghost, Rottin, glad you could make it! Congratulations on your award- you guys deserved it. Now go write us another story!" Thorne traded hugs and handshakes with the winners. As Rottin, Erik and Ghostwolf headed back to their seats, Thorne turned to Babs and Plucky.

"Thanks for filling for me, you two," he said. "I know how you both hate publicity!"

Babs grinned.

"Of course," Plucky said, "I saw that the awards show was in trouble, and naturally I had to help out, out of the goodness and heroism of my heart." Meanwhile Babs was imitating him, striking a pose and mouthing along to the duck's boasts.

"C'mon, Plucky," she said. She picked the duck up by the back of his shirt and flew him back to his seat, where she dropped him unceremoniously. Then she flew back to her own seat beside Buster and spun back into her formal gown.

Thorne, alone on the stage once more, addressed the audience one last time. "Folks, I'd like to thank you for having me here tonight. It's been an honor and a pleasure. I'd like to thank everyone who's given me comments on this little production, especially Pepe, Abel, Rottin, and the other members of the UKE board. And I'd like to especially thank the charming and talented bunny who helped me edit this whole mess on very little notice. And she's a mean shot with a rolling pin, too! Thanks, Leloni!"

Thorne clapped his hands together. "And that concludes the Character Awards potion of the show! I hope you all had as much fun as I did. Next up, the Plot Point Awards! And here is your host, Abel DuSable! Take it away, Abe!"

-Thorne


	3. Plot Point Awards

Warm applause and chuckles ripple through the audience as Abel DuSable crosses the stage to the orchestra's rendition of "The Imperial March".

His trademark red sash has been replaced with a white dress shirt, a scarlet cummerbund, a black bow tie and a tuxedo so black that not only did light fall into it... it didn't even have the chance to scream.

Stepping up to the podium and adjusting the microphone with one white-gloved hand he smiled and began to address the audience. "Welcome to the Plot Point segment of the Awards Ceremony. If you're still awake you either have genuine interest in what's going on, incredible stamina or a direct pipeline from the Starbucks in the lobby to your seat."

The camera does a quick cutaway to Little Beeper and the Roadrunner, both beak deep in their cups and suffering from serious caffeine jitters. Abel smiles and shrugs as he tosses a chocolate covered coffee bean into his mouth.

"I think the rule those two are learning is to never put a sprinter into a marathon. Getting everyone onto the same page I'm going to explain to you all what the Plot Point Awards are for.

"The Simplest definition of a plot point is a segment within a story that the outcome of the entire plot can 'rotate' upon and go in several directions. Still confused? I see that a physical representation is in order." Abel snaps his fingers and the tall gangly shape of Jar Jar Binks ambles out onto the stage. Even as he flinches from the angry cries of outrage and scorn-filled epithets of the crowd Abel holds up his hands for silence until he gets it.

"Before any of you begin handing out the pitchforks and torches I would like to assure you all that Jar Jar here has promised me that he will not be saying anything or doing anything tonight. Nor will he be singing... isn't that right Jar Jar?"

Jar Jar nods his head like a repentant child and stares at his feet as Abel continues his dissertation. "Also I would like to point out to you all that Lucas did have more than simple comic relief when he created him. He was to be part of a Cambellian plot where he was introduced as a Fool in the first film, he evolves into a wise man in the second and finally in the third he becomes a Martyr. Unfortunately that may have been changed because too many people doubted Lucas' artistic vision.

"Now... Jar Jar, for all his annoying character defects did have an important place in the plot of "The Phantom Menace". If Qui Gon did not save his life then they would not have been aware of the Gungan people, Queen Amadala would not know of the Gungan Army, she would not have had the chance to unite her people and the Gungans in the final battle at the end of the film resulting in a slower reaction to the invasion by the Senate and the sinister plots of Darth Sidious would have been accelerated. In short, Jar Jar here... is a living Plot Point."

The audience members grumble amongst themselves as they debate the idea that there was an actual point to having Jar Jar in Episode One. Abel looks a little annoyed and makes a motion to Jar Jar who holds up a broken twig

"Alright, how about an example that's easier to swallow. See this twig? It's from Return of the Jedi. When Han Solo was sneaking up behind the Stormtrooper scouts on Endor he stepped on that twig, and alerted them to the Rebel's presence. The Speederbike chase ensued, Leia met the Ewoks, the Ewoks helped the Rebels fight the Troopers at the Shield station, the Shield station was captured and blown up, the Death Star was blown up too... Happy ending! Now that happy ending wouldn't have happened if Solo didn't step on the twig. The fate of the universe hinged upon that twig. That twig is also a plot point."

"Finally the audience begins nodding their heads. They can at least agree that Jar Jar was as useful as a piece of dead wood. With a heavy sigh of satisfaction Abel continues while Jar Jar walks offstage, his moment stolen by a twig. (Better that then an Inanimate Carbon Rod)

"Alright... Tonight's Plot point categories are 'Best Plot Twist', 'Best Scheme by a Villain', 'Most Dramatic or Tragic Moment' and of course 'Best Ending'. Now not only will each winner of the Plot Point Awards receive one of these Lovely UKE awards... they will also receive... A Cream Pie right in the face!"

To the right hand side of the stage, a drop dead gorgeous scarlet female skunk in a very revealing dark blue dress enters, pushing a cart filled with Cream pies. Even as, the audience is torn between shock at the idea of the winners being pied and this scandalously clad skunk carbonating the hormones of the entire male compliment of the building, Abel smiles and kisses her hand.

"I would like to introduce you to my date for this evening... the incomparable, Miss Enna Scent. She agreed to assist me with the delivery of the awards and the Pies this evening for some screen time in my next stories. That's a great dress you almost have on Enna."

"Oh this old thing? It was just something I threw on."

"I'm surprised you didn't miss."

"Oo-Er, aren't you the funny one. I suggest you continue the ceremony while everyone's still dazed."

"Right. Now please... when you come up to get your awards please don't duck, don't run, don't turn the tables... Just accept the award, make your speech and take it in the kisser like an honourable toon. We're trying to begin a tradition here, and if you're good ...Maybe Enna will be the one to Pie you." Enna strikes an alluring pose with one of the pies and suddenly the audience begins to see the new tradition in a different light. Abel grins wickedly and holds aloft the first envelope.

"First up is Best Plot Twist. We have two contenders. From the tale "The Doctor is in" by the writer known as Claire the twist is that "Buster actually gets it". The other is from "Utopia Lost" by Sean Campbell... the interesting twist of "The Wrong Universe".

"Both interesting stories and very well written. And the winner is....Buster Gets It in 'The Doctor is in!'"

**************************************************

Erik grined as he saw what cart Able and Enna had used for the pies. It was one he had rigged earlier as he helped setting stuff up...being a soundman did have some advantages after all. The black furred wolf pulled a detonator out of one of the numerous pockets of his vest and, after a quick check with System to make sure things were set, hit the button.

BOOM!

The smoke cleared to reveil a pie covered Able who glared at Erik and an untouched Enna Sent.

"Hey, ya gotta love shaped charges..." Was the shrugged reply to the sables glare.

-Ghostwolf

**************************************************

Abel staggers about the podium dripping cream everywhere before Enna ran her finger down his nose giving him a look like a reverse-skunk and tasting the sweet foam.

"Mmmm.... Tastes like humble pie, Luv. Tart with a touch of sweet comeuppance."

Abel stared at Enna and began to laugh.

"OK! OK! I know when I've been beaten! No Pieing the winners! I just wanted to do something memorable... Like Jack Palance doing pushups, and ya gotta admit... there's few things more toony than being hit in the face with a pie."

"Well... everyone you told about this thought it was funny, Luv. Perhaps they thought you didn't have the intestinal fortitude to follow through."

"Oh Mercy me... come on up and get your pie free Award... Enna dear...please hand out the award. I'll be in wardrobe."

Enna Scent holds the award aloft as the defeated and much humbled sable strides offscreen, knowing he has been artfully put in his place.

**************************************************

[no response given]

**************************************************

Pete Puma and Dizzy Devil entered the stage, dressed neatly in black tuxedos. Pete looked around at the mess on the stage. "A whole lotta lumps," he said, shaking his head. The puma took hold of the propeller on Dizzy's beanie (a formal black beanie, naturally). "Eeeh, CONTACT!" he shouted, and gave it a good hard spin.  
  
"Huh?" Dizzy said, staring at Pete.  
  
Pete made a spinning motion with his fingers.  
  
"Oh! Dizzy do," the Tasmanian Devil agreed. He whirled around, spinning up into a fast blur with a jet-turbine noise. The spinning devil zipped all around the stage, consuming the remains of the pies. Not to mention the remains of the pie cart, the podium, and Enna Scent's dress. Dizzy came to a halt and licked his chops.  
  
"Urrrrrrp!" he belched, expelling a small wisp of blue satin -- Enna's dress, apparently unharmed.  
  
Looking slightly cross, Enna snatched her dress out of the air and retreated through the curtain with an angry flounce of her red and white tail.  
  
Pete and Dizzy bowed to the audience and left the way they came in.  
  
Enna stepped back through the curtain, smoothing her dress down. She tapped her foot thoughtfully, looking offstage to where Abel was presumably getting himself cleaned up for the next award.  
  
A soft babble of confusion began to rise from the audience, gradually becoming louder.  
  
"Hey, where's th' @#$#@@ presenter?!?" Fowlmouth shouted out.  
  
Pepe K. looked concerned, and hurried out the side door of the auditorium.  
  
Thorne got up too, and hurried over to the stairs. He climbed up onto the stage and walked over to the... the place where the podium was. "Uh, hey, there, toonsters!" he said. The audience settled down slightly, and an expectant quiet settled over them.  
  
"While we wait for Abel to return, I have an addition to make to the Best Use of Superpowers award! We try hard here at the UKE awards, but occasionally, something slips through the cracks. This nomination somehow ended up in the Wackyland dead letter orifice!"  
  
"So without further ado, the Lost Nomination for the Best Use of Superpowers award!" Thorne pulled a small spiral-bound sketchbook out of his pocket and flipped through it quickly. "'Babs Bunny brings herself back to life by sheer power of tooniness,' in the story 'My Girlfriend's Back' by Luke." Thorne held up his sketchbook, flipped  
open to display a drawing. The cameras zoomed in, and a pencil sketch of Babs lying limp in Buster's arms, with Fifi and Shirley crying nearby, appeared on the monitor above. (Yes, really! http://ttathorne.home.mindspring.com/sketchbook8_01/gfback2.gif ) "Kinda creepy, huh? As the nominator said, this might not _exactly_ be a superpower, but this story *really* deserves some kind of a nomination," Thorne said. "I'm afraid the UKE Award for this category HAS already been given. But I'd like to make to this First Irregular Presentation of a Thorney award to Luke, for a most surprising story! Sorry we missed it on the ballot!"  
  
Thorne produced a UKE trophy, quickly spray-painted silver and adorned with a pair of mouse ears. Enna gave the crudely altered award a slightly disgusted look. But then she shrugged, smiled for the cameras, and took the trophy, holding it up for all to see.  
  
  
-Thorne

**************************************************

With the winner walking off with the latest award, Abel once again makes his way onstage. His presence causes the audience to laugh for one simple reason. The black Tuxedo that had been coated with pie filling earlier has been replaced by one made from a garish purple fabric.

Abel scowls as he takes his place at the podium as even Enna Scent laughs at his change of wardrobe.

"'Ere now. You look different Mr DuSable. Did you get a haircut or summat?"

"If you must know, Enna, I scoured half the town looking for a reasonable Tux. With the UKEs going on, this was the last monkey suit to be found at Crazy Taz's House of Tuxes."

"Well, he does good fitting. You look like a Prince."

"Strange, he said almost the exact same thing."

"Oh come now. Don't be cranky. When you step onstage dressed like you get your wardrobe out of a Dick Tracy movie, you have to expect people to make fun of your clothes."

"I'd make jokes about how you dress, Miss Scent, however I'm afraid there's not enough material to work with."

Enna recoils slightly from the pun and smirks.

"I'll have you know that many boys consider seeing me like this akin to a Religious Experience."

"I believe you, considering that the only thing holding that dress on is faith."

"Ooh, aren't you the witty one tonight. Perhaps you should redirect your wit back towards the awards before you get creamed again."

"Uh. sound thinking my dear. *AHEM* Next up is the award for "Best Scheme by a Villain"."

"Sounds lovely. Who are the Nominees?"

===================================

     "Well, Roderick, have you been having any luck reeling in the English Suckerfish?" Simper grinned smarmily.

     "Oh, *can* it, Simper!" Roddy grumbled.

     "My, my, such impudence," Bobbo chuckled. "Okay, the lowdown, quickly. Someone might be looking..."

     "I told them if they make me their manager, I can get 'em a booking in the Diamond Club next month," Roddy surreptitiously smirked. Bobbo, Simper, and even Danforth raised some eyebrows at that. "It was all I could think of, all right? Anyway, I think they'll take the bait..."

     "Oh, that *IS* good!" Bobbo snickered. "Especially as they *are* planning a private party then... One word to the entertainment committee, and they're as good as booked!"

     "Really?" Roddy was startled. "Hey, I'm better at this than I *thought*!"

     "Don't kid yourself, Roderick," Bobbo chuckled.

     "Say, who's the head of the entertainment committee, anyway?" Danforth wondered.

     "You're speaking to him," Bobbo smirked. "What type of music do they play again, by the way?"

     "Rock, mainly..." Danforth said.

     "Oh, what a pity," Bobbo grinned. "So you haven't *told* them we'll be expecting them to play country-western music that night, have you?"

     Roddy's eyes narrowed viciously. "Should I have?" he cackled.

     "Not on your life, my boy," Bobbo replied with an evil grin. "From what I gather, these Carrotte clowns wouldn't know a cowboy song if it crawled up their legs and *bit* them!..."

===================================

"Roderick Rat and his attempt to embarrass the band in "Bloomin Loonies 5" as written by Jerry 'Furrball' Withers and Jenny AKA the incredible Werekitty."

Suddenly Enna shakes a large set of black and white pom-poms in the air in an impromptu cheer.

"Go Perfecto Fight! Fight! Fight! Kick their tails into the night! Perfecto Rah!"

"Where the devil did you get those from?"

"A wise girl never tells all her secrets, Mr DuSable. Please continue."

===================================

                Honey then stepped out of the shadows with two muscular men at her sides.

                "I told you that I'd have you out of my way." said Honey with an evil grin. 

                Lola looked at her with angry eyes.

                Honey then ripped one strap of her black mini-dress, and tore a rip through the bottom. "And don't think that anyone will get suspicious either. I've got this down-packed. You see Lola, I was born an actress. I'll just say that I was attacked, by who, well, they'll figure it out when you seem to have just, disappeared." said Honey.

                Lola's eyes narrowed and she began yelling.

                Honey laughed a little. "Lock her up boys." said Honey as she walked away.

===================================

"Uh. alright. From Yvette Griffith's tale "Bunny Trouble" Miss Hunny Bunny and her plot to become Bugs' gold digging wife."

"Quite the smart lady. That grey hare has more than two coppers to rub together. I applaud her efforts. A shame they didn't bear fruit."

===================================

    The taste of metal filled his mouth, cramps racked his stomach and something changed his music into a chilling threat.

    A vile whispering voice in his head hissed, ["It was your fault that he died..You left him unprotected.."

    "Silence, you filth! I had to save his mother's life!!" Lord shouted bitterly.

    ["So you left him alone in the hut...You *knew* the wolves were prowling.."]

    "I never ran so hard in all my life!! Leave me alone, you Devil!!" the skunk cried in anguish, holding his head in both paws.

    ["You _saw_ what they left of him..."] whispered the Berserker.

    "STOP IT!!! LEAVE ME!!!" screamed Lord as he staggered.

    ["Look at them! All of them are DUST! You'll never see any of them again! Not ever! NEVER!!"] the evil one said, condemning him. ["You're all alone - Forever! Fifi will never accept you ! Never!!"]

    "They're NOT gone! I remember them! All of them! As I swore in the Beginning - they shall live on in me! As long as I exist, I Shall remember and Never forget them! Their memory - their lessons - Shall Live Forever!!"

    ["Dreams! You have Nothing but Dreams!"], the Berserker told him, ["The only thing who you'll *always* have - is me."]

===================================

"And last but not least. From Pepe K's epic fanfic "A Time To Every Purpose Unto Heaven, Part XII", The Bezerker."

"How many awards does this Pepe K have so far?"

"Counting all the ones from last year? I don't know. "

"Is he seeing anyone?"

"*COUGH!* The Envelope if-you-please!"

Abel snatches the envelope from Enna's elegantly gloved fingers, opening it with a sharp slit from his claw before he reads it aloud.

"And the winner is.. Hunny Bunny's Plot in "BUNNY TROUBLE!""

**************************************************

(Elated at hearing I won a category, I smile, and get up from my seat in my maroon spaghetti-strap dress, and walk to the stage.)

"Wow, this is so cool! Thanks everyone for the nominations, I really appreciate it. I also wanna thank those who read the story, and I'm glad you liked it. This is like a dream come true for me, my first real TTA fanfic, nominated for about 3-4 different categories, and actually won a category, real nice! I also wanna thank my three new characters; Liona Bunny, Stevey Bunny, and Renet Rabbit, for being so cool in the fic, and making it easier to write." (feeling them slide down, I push my gold-framed glasses back up onto my face). "Currently, I'm working on another fic with the Tiny Toons and Looney Tunes, so that'll be up soon enough, and I think you all will like it too. Once again, I wanna thank everyone that nominated me and all on the mailing list for being such cool people. Thanks, and have a great night!"

- Yvette M. Griffith

**************************************************

Enna and Abel applaud politely as Yvette Griffith heads back to her seat and set up for the next award.

"Well now Mr DuSable. What's the next award?"

"The next award is for "The Most Dramatic or Tragic Moment" in a fanfic. The first nominee involves Sean Campbell's story "LaFume" ..."

"...Trollop."

"Did you say something?"

"Who? Me? No."

"Are you sure? I thought I heard..."

"Never said a word. Please continue."

"Alright. In the story "LaFume", Fifi is..."

"...Slattern."

"Now I'm certain you said something."

"What? Just now?"

"Yes. Just now."

"I was just clearing my throat. Had a bit of buildup."

"Are you done 'clearing your throat'?"

"Oh yes, quite done. Please, don't let me interrupt your little presentation."

"Alright... I shan't. AHEM. And the dramatic moment in Sean Campbell's Story "LaFume", Fifi finds herself rejected by Richard."

"The little witch probably deserved it."

"THAT'S IT! You can't tell me that *THAT* was you clearing your throat, coughing, sneezing, belching or any other sort of 'casual' bodily noise. What's the deal, Enna?"

" Why Mr DuSable, I have positively no idea what you're talking about."

"I'm talking about the way you seem to come up with an insult every time I mention Fifi LaFume"

"...Doxy! Eeep!"

Enna slaps her hand over her mouth as Abel stands triumphant.

"Aha! See! Spill it Enna. What is it about that French skunk that causes you to have such a reflex?"

"I don't have to tell you anything you... you *BOY*!"

"Oh you don't? Well... we shall see about that."

As Enna crosses her arms in defiance Abel pulls a small notebook and a pen out of the lining of his Purple jacket and begins to write.

"Act one... Scene one... Enna Scent discovers that she has split ends."

Enna's eyes widen as to her shock all of her hair and fur begins to 'frizz' accompanied by a sound not unlike the strings of a violin snapping. Without even looking up Abel continues to write

"Act one... Scene two. Enna Scent makes the horrible discovery that her dress is not a Paris original as she first thought but that everyone and their dog has a copy."

Enna swivels her eyes from her devastated coiffure to look out at the audience. She recoils and makes a faint squeek of horror as she sees that indeed every single member of the audience, male, female and those we can only guess at... as well as their dogs, are all dressed in exactly the same dress that she is wearing. She turns back to Abel (who is in the same blue silk dress as everyone else) as he continues to dictate his sinister writings to her.

" Act one... scene Three! Enna Scent contracts the Mange..."

"*NO!*" She cries out in panic before she manages to recover her dignity and composure with a calmer and sweeter voice. "I mean... there's no need to continue, Abel Luv. I'll tell you everything you need to know."

Abel rips the paper out of the notebook and crumples it up, returning everything back to exactly the way it was.

"There's a lesson to all you aspiring writers. Always keep your Dramatic Licence paid and up-to-date. By all means... please tell us."

"A while back she and I were friends at Blacksheep Acadamy. You may have never heard of it but it's perhaps the best school in Europe. In those days we were close, nearly inseparable. We shared almost everything...clothing, makeup, a dorm room, secrets."

"So you were best friends. Why the divide?"

"Don't interrupt."

"Sorry."

"There was this boy... his name was Edmond Rostand. Mercy, he was a handsome fox. Broad shoulders, smooth russet fur, classic vulpine features... and rich too."

"Of course."

"I tried everything to get his attention. You wouldn't believe the lengths I went to to get him to even glance my way. Then finally he approached me, and can you guess what happened? He asks me nothing but questions about Fifi! Can you believe it? She wasn't even interested in him and here he was asking me what her favourite colors were and what chocolates she liked most! "

"That sounds like quite the..."

"Here I was, knocking myself up in the hopes of the slightest bit of approval..."

"You were what?"

"You know! Getting all knackered! Trying my hardest!"

"Ohhhh! Knocking yourself out!"

"That's how you say it in the colonies?"

"Yes."

"Alright. Knocking myself out to in the hopes of getting the slightest bit of approval from that boy... and she snags him hook line and 'stinker', without even trying. Can you blame me for signing her up for that overseas scholarship at Acme Looniversity?"

"So you're saying... *YOU'RE* the one responsible for us receiving that certain French import?"

"How else did you think she got here? I sent her to the most disgusting and unpleasant sounding academy in the list. I can only assume that the term 'Loo' has a different meaning here in America than back in the UK."

The camera zip-pans to the Senior Looniversity staff who hunch over an American-English dictionary in their box. Suddenly they all gasp and frown at Bugs who can only grin sheepishly.

"Hey. How was I supposed to know Dat's what it meant?"

"You're dithpicable! No wonder our overseas applications are so low."

The camera returns to Enna and Able as she wraps up her tale.

"We said our goodbyes and then I claimed young mister Rostand for my very own. Then when I tired of him I discovered I had a knack for finding replacement boyfriends."

"So if everything was coming up roses, then why come here?"

"Simple. I'm seeking new lands to conquer and since my rival is here, it should make things far more... interesting. I want her to see what her temptress' ways has made me into."

"I... see... Uh, well then. With that little bit of background out of the way we can get back to the task at hand."

===================================

     Richard staggered to his feet, wiping the blood from his chin and glaring harshly at the young skunk.

     "You'll never be Fifi," he said finally. "You may look like her but you'll always be a stranger. The real Fifi would never turn against someone who treated her so

well."

     She didn't reply, the faint trace of tears appearing around her huge eyes.

     "I don't want you anymore," he continued. "You're a reject. A worthless diamond."

     "I... I am so sorry."  

     She spoke very slowly, trying to adopt the French accent but failing.

     "If I created you once I can do it again," he went on. "Get it right this time. Consider yourself just a rough draft."

     She started to sob madly, curling herself up into a tight ball upon the carpet and rocking gently backwards and forwards.

     "You do not mean that Richard," she wailed. "You cannot mean it."

     "Leave her alone," I expressed. "You've done her enough damage already without this."

     "Shut up!" he shouted. "It's all your fault! You and your stupid journalism career."

===================================

"Indeed. I believe the first Nominee was "LaFume" By Sean Campbell for how someone named Richard rejects Fifi."

===================================

     Lord's muscles shook as his fur grew thicker and blacker. His fist smashed through the glass lid of the case and slowly drew out a sixty pound shaft of steel. The shattered glass fell as the five and a half foot weapon was raised into the air.

    Fifi struggled to her rear window as flash after flash of lightning filled the sky and dreadful cracks of thunder shook the ground. The music built to a barbarous, menacing advance. Fifi felt her breakfast about to return - and she suddenly stared in horror!

    Something was rising from the earth. It rose slowly on an elevator in the center of the field. A monstrous, ghastly, black form stood hunched over, facing away from her. As the elevator stopped, the gargantuan beast stood up, growing even larger. The lightning flashed and Fifi saw the grisly creature turn. She could hardly force herself to keep looking at it. It's fiendish eyes shone white and red like some unholy demon. With a horrid snarl, it's jagged teeth snapped as it saw her! The terrified skunkette gaped as she saw the sheet of inky blackness coming down from the sky behind the being - and realized what was happening. The thing raised a massive arm up, brandishing a two-handed broadsword in ungodly defiance! The lightning crashed again!

    The monster roared! It's eyes flamed red! It's soul-shattering howl made Fifi scream and hide her face...then all was silence.

----------

    Confused and upset, the purple skunkette stood in the deepening gloom and wrung her hands uselessly. What should she do? Was it her fault? Why did this have to happen? The miserable rain fell on her and she turned back for her home, sadly trudging across the soggy field. The melancholy sky was as gray as her mood. As she returned, she saw something laying in the grass by the fence. A blaze of lightning illuminated the lawn and she saw it!

    It was the Berserker's huge broadsword. Blood dripped from it's blade and formed a dark red pool as it mixed with the rain. The true realization fell on her all at once and Fifi froze in absolute terror! Too shocked to scream, she ran in horror from the gruesome sight!  She bumped blindly into the fence, knocked over an oil drum in the junkyard and leaped into her Cadillac, locking the door behind her.

===================================

"Ur, yes. The next Nominee is Pepe K's "A Time To Every Purpose Unto Heaven Part 11" for Lord's dramatic transformation into the Bezerker as well as Fifi's discovery of his bloody sword."

"Figures she'd get the glamorous roles. I wonder who is that girl..."

===================================

Almost simultaneously, the double doors were flung open, at least fifty colourful bodies all trying to squeeze through at once.

But they never ran any further.

They had all become frozen on the spot, eyes fixed upon the hunched human who lay still at the foot of the steps.

There came a series of hushed whispers, the catching of breath from a couple of the girls.

Towards the back, somebody screamed.

Finally, six toons walked forward, grim expressions on each of their faces.

Buster and Babs.

Plucky and Shirley.

Hamton and Fifi.

They gathered around the body and stared at it intently for a few moments. 

They all had the same nasty suspicion.

"Is he-?" whispered Babs.

Buster leant forward, placing a white gloved hand to Kyle's neck before nodding slowly.

Fifi drew her eyes away, burying her face in Hamton's shoulder and sobbing gently.

Shirley gripped Plucky tightly, neither of them too sure what to do.

Behind them, the rest of the toons glanced between themselves.

"At least he seemed to go happily," said Buster. "Look at the smile on his face."

"But those blisters?" asked Shirley. "The mondo bizarro paleness of his skin. I've never seen anything like that before."

"I don't know," replied Buster. "I really don't."

===================================

"...AAAAND, The last nominee is for the final tearful scene in Sean Campbell's "Utopia Lost". The envelope please, Miss Scent."

Enna hands Abel the envelope and he slits the paper open with his pinky claw with ease and unfolds the paper within.

"And the winner of the 'Most Tragic or Dramatic Moment' award is...PEPE K's 'A Time To Every Purpose Unto Heaven Part 11!"

**************************************************

Pepe K could not help that a rotund brown feline in a black slacks, and blazer combo with white formal shirt made it to the stage before he began to walk up from his seat.

"My dear Mister DuSable, I've got a bone to pick with you," The Incredible Werekitty said, tapping her bare paw.

"Er... Yes?" Able said as he grinned winningly at the irate feline, who had a reputation for the use of her claws about as famious as RuBarb's.

"About that dress you used dramatic licance to materialize on everybody..."

"Ye-es?"

"You didn't think to materialize it in the proper size for everybody did you?" growled Rottin. "Because there I sat, in full view, with something about the size of a hankerchief...." Able goggled.

"I've got to ask Thorne for a picture," he murmured. The Werekitty just rolled her eyes, and raised her right paw.

"No you don't. And this is going to hurt," She said with a grin, as she made a yanking motion. With a loud clang, ker-thuddle, and KABOOM; an anvil, a boulder, and a cruise ship fall onto the hapless sable. Two seconds later they dissipated. "Not only do you keep your dramatic licance paid up, you keep your Author Power charged, and ready. Bye, Enna." With that the Werekitty walked back to her seat.

-The Incredible Werekitty

**************************************************

*looks at the proceedings*

"ooooh..thass gonna leave a mark...sheesh"

--Murray Mouse

**************************************************

*Pepe K., Fifi, Hamton and Doctor Lord look under the various heavy objects at the squashed sable.*

Pepe: Anyone for pancakes?

*Lord's triangular white pupils glow as he levitates the boulder, etc. off of Abel. The huge weight rises and floats ominously in the air over the stage. Abel pops back into shape, but stands leaning against the podium in a daze.*

Abel: Who-What-Where-When??!

Fifi:*helping him to stand up* "Ah, zee eenhereant dangairz ov being a fashion designer! Be careful next time, Monsieur DuSable.

Abel:*groans* Thank you Fifi. Congratulations.

Fifi:" Merci! Well, well, well! 'Ello Enna... still weareeng ze same zee same rag zat everyone else waz wearing une moment ago? Ave vous no sence ov originalitee`?

Enna: At least I can speak the King's English properly!

Fifi: Oui! And zat'z why vous were keecked out ov zee Academie` - spreadeeng feelthy rumorz about ozzer studentz!

Enna: Cor! You stole Edmond Rostand owt frum under me!

Fifi:Heem?! Zis eez about heem?!? Ah nevair liked heem. 'Ee had a tremendous nose and waz alwayz steecking eet where eet deed not belong! Spouteeng flowery poetry and all zat jazz about challengeeng otherz to duelz! Not mah type at all. Vous can ave heem...and az ah recall – vous deed - quite alot.

Enna: Why you-!!

Abel: Ladies, Please! This is an awards show - not Jerry Springer-Spaniel!

Pepe K.:(stepping in) Quite right, Abel. I'd like to thank everyone for this award for most Dramatic / Tragic Moment. Of course, most of the credit must go to those who endured it - Fifi and Dr. Lord.

(applause. Lord and Fifi look uncomfortable and don't appear to want to talk about it)

Pepe K.: But uh...I guess you're both a bit uncomfortable with having to go through the uh....Berserker's appearance, hmmm?

Lord: I deeply regret it.

Fifi: Az do ah..findeeng out ze truth een such dramatique way waz ..tres` shocking.

Able: Uh, I did have a question about that - if you don't mind?

Lord: (nods) If you insist.

Abel: That uh.. weapon of yours...?

Pepe K.: The two-handed broadsword?

Abel: Uh yeah.. Where exactly did you go with it..and what did you..er, do?

Lord: ...The shores of the Danube, on the borders of Wallachia and Turkey in the year 1458 A.D.

Abel: And you were fighting...someone?

Lord:......The Turkish Cavalry of Sultan Murad II...Please do not ask more.

Pepe K.:..O kay...moving right along! Thanks very much for this award! Not every moment in life is a happy cheery one, so a lil' bit of drama is good for ya, huh? (Lord and Fifi stare at him) ...Or not.

Hamton: (steps in cheerfully) Uh, anyway! We're honored to recieve this UKE Award! Thanks everybody!

(applause as Lord, Fifi, Pepe K. and Hamton return to their seats)

Hamton: Gee, I hope we didn't forget anything....

Enna: (following them to the front of the stage) You aven't heard the last of this, La Fume! When I get through-

(Lord gestures over his shoulder and releases the hovering boulder. It falls heavily on top of Enna Scent!)

Fifi: Non, mon conniechon` - we remembaired. (She kisses Hamton) "Living well eez zee best revenge."

:)

Pepe K.

**************************************************

As the cast and writer of "A Time To Every Purpose Unto Heaven Part 11" take their seats the heavy boulder begins to shift from side to side with a slow grinding noise. The massive piece of geography begins to rise, as the dramatically dishevelled Enna Scent grunts and hefts the boulder above her head in a display of superhuman strength. (Or more accurately Supermammalian Strength) With an acidic expression of pure ire she breathes heavily under her burden and surveys the now very quiet audience.  
Then to her left Anthony Hopkins steps into the frame speaking quietly into his microphone.  
"And what happened then? Well in Acme Acres they say. that Enna Scent's wrath grew three sizes that day."  
*CRUNCH!*  
Hopkin's monologue is abruptly cut short as Enna shrugs her burden onto him then stamping her feet and straightening her tail as she begins to shake in rage. Suddenly Dr. Hibbert of the Simpsons stands up and gestures at Enna.  
"By all medical logic, STEAM should be shooting out of her ears."  
"Her EARS if we're lucky!" Answered Krusty the Clown  
Suddenly Groundskeeper Willie runs out onstage, flailing his arms wildly as he cries out.  
"You fools! The Wee Lassie's armed! And she's gonna Blow!"  
The audience suddenly realises the imminent danger it's in and everyone seems to shrink down in their seats in a vain attempt to avoid the inevitable spray. Enna's fury-fuelled shaking grows more intense as the white stripe on her tail begins to turn red like the mercury in a thermometer as it reaches the boiling point. Even more frightening is the accompanying noise emanating from her, sounding disturbingly a great deal like boiling water.  
Abel realising the danger everyone is in leaps forward into the danger zone and makes the supreme sacrifice.  
"Enna dear.. I bought you a condo."  
The change in the skunk is almost instantaneous as she goes from apocalyptic to mellow in 1.5 seconds.  
"Oh for me? You shouldn't have you dear, dear Sable."  
Abel hands her a deed and a key and shows almost as much relief as the audience when she accepts them.  
"Believe me Enna, when I say. how could I not?"  
"Mmm. thank you Mr DuSable" She purrs giving him a kiss on the nose and tucking the paper and key into the general safety of her cleavage. "Do we have any more awards to hand out?"  
"Uhh. Just one. The Award for best ending in a fanfic."  
The duo takes their marks back on the stage and the replaced podium and as Enna holds the award aloft Abel lists the nominees.

===================================

     It no longer mattered for one good reason.

     I was alive.

===================================

  
"The Nominees for Best Ending in a Fanfic are. The 'I was alive' ending from Sean Campbell's 'Dancers at the edge of eternity'."  
"Sounds like a nice ending."  
  


===================================

                Instead of answering him, Yosemite pries Buster's fingers off the door until he flies backward into Elmyra's arms. "Hello my little snugglebunny," Elmyra says, squeezing him tightly. "What fun game do you wanna play first? Oooo! Oooo! I know! WE CAN WATCH THE FACTS OF LIFE RE-RUNS AND I CAN DRESS YOU UP LIKE BLAIR!!

(Close up on Buster's fear strickin face)

"Where's the Humane Society when you need em?"

Thu....thee...thu....thee.....thu...thee....that's all folks!

===================================

  
"From Clare's 'The Doctor Is In', the ending of Buster *NOT* managing to escape."  
"The Rabbit fails to come out on top? What a novel idea."  
  


===================================

     As soon as Foghorn turned his back to the class, Buster tapped Babs on the shoulder with a pencil.

     "We were away for a while weren't we?" he whispered.

     "I think so," she replied. "I'm not sure... Either that or the last Weenie burgers gettin' to me."

     "But how long?"

     Babs smiled and shook her head.

     "Does it really matter?" she asked.

     "I suppose not," he replied.

     As he spoke he noticed that Plucky was as usual, trying to copy his work. Buster grinned.

     Just another day at the Loo.

     And then, quite suddenly, he felt sad.

     "Our fans," he said slowly. "All our old fans... the ones who kept us going for as long as they could. I think... I think they're all gone now."

     "But we have new fans," replied Babs. "Fans who'll love us just as much as they did. And as long as we live on, we'll keep the spirit of our old fans alive."

     "We relied on them to stay young," sighed Buster. "They laughed at us all their lives... wrote stories about us... drew pictures of us."

     "But we'll never forget them," answered Babs. "We may have new friends now but the old ones, the originals... they'll always be our true fans.

     The two bunnies fell silent for a moment, the distant ringing from the Looniversity clocktower merging with stray birdsong.

                                      The End

===================================

  
"From Sean Campbell's story 'The Loony Rebirth'. The toons awake."  
"Sean Campbell's up quite a few times. Is he trying to outdo Pepe K in the Nomination category?"  
  


===================================

     Silence fell.

     Slowly, carefully, they untangled and sat up.  Glances were exchanged as they mutely checked if all were present.  Falloner and Carter embraced tightly, heads nestled close for a moment as they assured themselves of each other's survival. They shared their second lip-press of the night, then both focused on Sandy.

     Buster ensured Babs was okay before taking stock of where they'd ended up. Behind them stood a bland, grey wall, with a gaping hole where the door had been.  Beyond that stretched a dimly-lit, unremarkable corridor, which took a sharp right after only a short distance.  They were huddled on the cold tarmac of a small car park, the entrance and exit a few feet in front of them.  Through that a gentle slope descended in the direction of the town centre.

     His gaze travelled across the night-time townscape, and fixed on something his brain refused to accept.  One by one the others got to their feet and joined him in staring in utter bewilderment at the impossible.  Across the gentle sprawl of Acme Acres, and completely opposite them, the bright, gaudy façade of the Megaplex stared blankly back.

===================================

  
"The ending from 'A certain Lonely Toon Part 1' By Foxy fellow."  
"The ending of Part one? Isn't that a bit of an oxymoron? I mean the story isn't finished yet."  
  


===================================

                                                               Abel: (nervously backing towards the exit)

                Now Babs... put that stuff down. It hasn't been classified by science yet.

                                                               Babs:

                Any last words Weasel-boy?

                                                               Abel:

                Just two... **IRIS OUT!!! FOR THE LOVE OF HEAVEN, IRIS OUUUUUT!!**

                As Abel scrambles for the door the camera iris' out and the very wet sound of flung cafeteria food colliding with something fills the darkness.

                                                               END

===================================

  
"And finally the ending to 'Tiny Toon Adventures Short Stories' Written by and featuring Abel DuSable. Ooh! That's ME!"  
"You know Luv. perhaps it's a good thing that your plans to Pie everyone fell through so swiftly. If *YOU* won then you'd have no choice but to pie yourself."  
"Egads. you have a point. Heh heh. good thing my plot failed then."  
Enna hands Abel the envelope with a faint smirk.  
"Just be cautious Mr Sable, you may yet find yourself covered in whipped cream and custard this evening."  
Abel pauses a moment, uncertain if that last comment was meant as a threat, a warning or something far less sinister before forcing himself to the task at hand and opening the envelope.  
"And the winner is. Sean Campbell's 'The Loony Rebirth'."  
"Come on up Mr Campbell!"

**************************************************

**Sean approaches the stage nervously, a white china teacup held in his right hand**

"Ah... nothing like a fine cup of tea to calm the spirit."

**Rumours that the tea is spiked with Guinness are entirely untrue. Well, as far as Sean is concerned they're entirely untrue**

"Well gang, I'm not very good at making speeches so I'll try and keep this fairly short. ( a bit like the story )"

**Sean shakes paws with Abel and briefly nods towards Enna, moving towards the front of the stage. He taps the microphone with his fingers, a loud whistle echoing throughout the room and everyone holding their ears. After the sound dies away he starts talking. Everyone is still holding their ears**

"It's funny I should get something for this particular story as it kind of ties into a subject that popped up on the fanfic mailing list recently...that of immortality in the toon world. I suppose I wrote this story more than anything else to prove that death is a concept which doesn't exist in Acme Acres, a personal view I have always held. I suppose it all goes back to-"

**Sean stops... realising that he's about to descend into a rant. He takes a sip of tea and smiles, adjusting his bowler hat**

"Well... to cut a long story short, thanks everyone! And special thanks must go out to Kevin who put the story on the list even though I hadn't intended it to be there at first. Nice one Kevin! :) I also have to thank my mother and father, my brother, my friends, the guy who works in the chip shop, that crazy old man who lives on the steps outside, that cat I used to know... oh Spot, where are you now? SPOT!!!!!...the man who lives in my loft, the hedgehog that lives under the rose bush, Dr. Solar: Who took time off from planning world domination to give me some good advice, and that Faun I met when I tried to get the clothes out from really far back in the wardrobe. Man! Those socks really smelled! Oh, and the guy who works in the costume shop... the one who always appears as if by magic. And of course, many thanks to the TTA gang themselves, original tv versions and various fanfic versions alike in all their respective alternate realities. ( Aren't cartoons wonderful? ) Now that I've said all that... anyone fancy a pint? There's a nice pub across the street? Drinks on me!"

**Three hours later Sean finds it difficult to stand up after his words have been misinterpreted to mean he's doubling as a table**

"I was just asking for that one..."

SLAN ABHAILE

Sean Campbell will return in "Presentin' the Miscellanous Awards"


	4. Occurance Within A Plot Awards

*The stage curtains are closed. Stage lights color the audience and the curtain- slowly rising in pastel colors like a sunrise. Blue becomes violet, red becomes tangerine and orange becomes yellow as the lights slowly rise.

The orchestra's percussion section stands and begins a sustained cadence as a march begins; each snare drum joining in one after the other, building to a proud military traditional march. The brass section stands and begins to proudly play "Semper Fidelis"!

The huge stage curtain peels open to reveal - All the Looney Tunes on the march! Bugs Bunny, Daffy and Porky Pig are costumed as "The Spirit of '76" with fife, drum and the American Flag.

All the Looney Tunes follow, marching in perfect step, dressed in full dress uniforms and carrying the flags of the branches of the service. Foghorn Leghorn, Yosemite Sam, Elmer Fudd, Miss Prissy and the Barnyard Dawg wear Army uniforms and are led by Private Snafu. The band plays as they sing "As the Caissons Go Rolling Along".

Wile E., The Roadrunner, Beaky Buzzard, Henery Hawk and Tweety enter in US Air Force uniforms singing and marching to "The Army Air Corps Song": "Up we go, into the wild blue Yonder! Climbing high, into the Sun!..."

Taz, Sylvester, Granny and the Three Bears march in dressed as Marines, singing the Marines Hymn: "From the Halls of Montezuma, to the shores of Tripoli! We will fight our country's battles on the land, the air and sea!..."

Pepe Le Pew, Penelope, Petunia Pig, Ralph Wolf, Sam Sheepdog, Speedy Gonzales, Honey Bunny and Lola Bunny enter in Navy uniforms, marching to "Anchors Aweigh!" They are led by Seaman Hook.

All the toons march into file and mark time as a lanky white cat enters in a sailor suit. Bugs, Porky and Daffy join him stage center as the band strikes up "The Marine's Song".

Conrad the Cat sings:

"Over the sea, let's go men!

We're shovin' right off! We're shoving right off - again!

Nobody knows where or when!

We're shovin' right off! We're shovin' right off again!

Daffy, Porky and Bugs join in, singing in harmony:

"We're leaving to-day! It's anchors aweigh!

Sally and Sue - don't be blue!

We'll just be gone for years and years and then!

We're shovin' right off for home - shovin right off for home -

shovin' right off for home again!"

*As the audience applauds each group the drums' thundering cadence changes slightly. The Looney Tunes march in a swing-back pattern as a new group of toons enters from stage right -

The crew of the PT 537 STINGRAY marches on wearing Union and Confederate Naval uniforms of the Civil War. Buster Bunny is in Federalist blue and is carrying the Union flag. Shirley is in the grey uniform of a Confederate captain and carrys "The Bonnie Blue Flag". Plucky, Gogo, Babs, Calamity and Furball wear long officer's coats, while Hamton, Fifi, Wakko, Fowlmouth, Mary Melody and Arnold are dressed as ordinary seamen, with their flat beret-like sailor's caps. Dr. Lord marches behind them dressed in his modern Naval white dress officer's uniform and presenting his ceramonial dress sword.

*The band plays the downbeat as the Toonsters march in place and start to sing that old Warner Brothers' tune:

"Shipmates stand together! Don't give up the ship!

Fair or stormy weather - We won't give up - we won't give up the ship!

We're all in together - it's a long, long trip...

Every seventh of December! We'll remember! We'll remember!

Don't give up the ship!"

*The music and marching suddenly halts as All the toons onstage come to attention and salute. As thunderous applause fills the theatre, the curtain closes.

Pepe K. enters from the wings, stage right and crosses to the podium. He's dressed in a cutaway dress tuxedo (white tie and tails - 3 of them*

Pepe K.: Welcome back, as the 2nd Annual UKE Awards continues!...

--

Pepe K.

**************************************************

* An obnoxious clown sticks his head in from the wings*

Clown: Hey! Why didn't ya hire me for this bit?

Pepe K.: Excusez moi. (to the Clown) I'm doing a show here - would you please leave the stage?!

*the Clown goes*

Pepe K. : As I was saying, er...well as I was almost about to say -  Now we'll continue with the awards. Tonight we begin to honor the winners of the "Occurance within a plot Awards"!...rather an odd group, actually, but -

*The same clown appears from the opposite side of the stage*

Clown: C'mon! Ya know ya need me fer dis bit!

Pepe K.: ....No, I do Not need you. Would you please just _Go_Away_.

Clown: Sheesh! Just tryin' ta make an honest livin'!

*grumbling, he goes*

Pepe K.: Ahem! * he smiles at the audience* Now before we were so rudely interrupted -

*he looks to see the Clown now appearing in the prompter's box waving and smiling at him. Pepe grimaces at the Clown, inadvertantly also making the same face at the audience. His eyes suddenly see the audience reacting to him and breaks into a sheepish grin. The Clown waves and points to a large green zuccini that he's holding - that  only Pepe can see. Pepe tries to ignore him.*

Pepe K.:Now then! "The Occurance Within the Plot Awards" are for all those strange and clever moments created by an author that go to make up a zuccini- ARRRRRRRGH!!! Get outta there, you Clown!!!

*the Clown hides*

Pepe K.: Ahem! er - those clever moments created by the author that make for a great piece of work. And in cartoons and comedic pieces, there's one called-"

*Pepe sees that the Clown now is functioning as the cameraman as the camera suddenly pans left away from Pepe. Pepe runs over into the screen.*

Pepe K.: -uh, there's one called-

*The camera pans up to the ceiling, out of Pepe's reach. Suddenly he begins jumping up and into the screen - one moment at a time*

Pepe K.:(jumps) Theres!.. (jump) one!..(jump).called!...(jump) a!......(jump) running- !!!

*There is a terrible crash off screen and the sound of someone stuck in a tuba being blown out suddenly! Pepe sails up into the screen and out again, shrugging his shoulders as he again falls out of the picture. There's another funny crash as he lands on the tympanis!*

BAARRRRROOOOOOOM!!-CRASH!-CRASH!- BOOM! -BAM!... Crunch..tinkle.......

*The camera pans down in the silence that follows to the wrecked orchestra pit. Pepe is stuck halfway through a kettle drum with tiny clowns spinning around his head. The clown now turns around, revealing himself as the conductor.

Clown: Now willya hire me???

PepeK.: ..okay...Okay! Yer hired!! Now do yer thing so we can get on with this!!

*The Clown flips up onto the stage and begins running in circles, occasionaly running into walls and slipping and falling on banana peels*

 *An exhausted Pepe K. claws his way painfully back onstage and wobbles his way back to the podium*

Pepe K.:(panting) Tonight's.. Award..is for.. the Best...Running Gag. The Nominees are...Buster keeps getting attacked by the cute killer Bunny in Abel DuSable's "Spooky Stories"!

===================================

                                                               Buster:

                Have you ever said something you immediately regretted? AHHHHHHHHHH!

                As the 'Bunny' attacks Buster, the camera pans away and all we can hear are it's inhuman growls and Buster's cries for help.

----------

                The camera continues to pan away through the forest as a familiar white glove smacks against the sign and Buster's cries begin to fade into the distance.

----------

                The camera close-ups on the glowing crystal ball and it dissolves into the full moon over the landscape. The camera pans down from the moon to Buster's garden where only shreds of his shirt and one ragged glove can be found.

----------

                The camera swings to look at the horrible thing snarling at them. It does look a lot like Buster... if he gained about 800 lbs of solid muscle and switched from vegetarian to demonic carnivore. It begins advancing on them and they slowly back away.

===================================

*wild applause*

===================================

     Harry gave this idea some consideration. "You know, Millicent, you're right again! Besides, I'm sure that 'lifting the backdrop' shtick is getting old with her by now. She must wonder what it's like to actually travel by plane..." he chuckled. "Can I at least book the flight?"

----------

     "Well, not exactly, Aunt Reg, but it's the next best thing. Come with me," she said, taking her aunt by the hand and leading her outside. "I learned this trick at school. Now, feel around on the ground until you find the backdrop."

     "The what?"

     "Trust me on this."

     "Okay," Reg shrugged, and did as she was told. "I feel kind of silly...hey, wait a minute... I think I _do_ feel something..." Reg firmly grasped the bottom of the backdrop. "What do I do now, yank it like a windowshade?" she giggled.

     "Precisely," Rue said. "But not until you think about where you want to go, or you'll just end up nowhere."

     A worried expression crossed Reg's face. "And I'll never get back, is that it?"

     RuBarb reassured her aunt, "No... it'll just take the search party a little longer to find you, is all. Got all that?"

     "Oh, all right. Well, I wish I were back at Purrington Manor with Amby..."

     "Okay, then," Rue nodded. "Think about that, and, to use the vernacular, let 'er fly!"

     "Very well," Reg said, unsure about this, and gave the backdrop a good swift yank. To her shocked surprise, Acme Acres rolled up with a *fwap*, and there before her stood the palatial home that was Purrington Manor. "My gosh! It really works!"

----------

     "All right... stand well back, all of you," Reg advised, grabbing hold of the bottom. "Here we go." And with a quick yank, the scenery rolled up as usual, revealing the sight of Purrington Manor once more.

----------

     "Something like that, Uncle Amby," Rue said, moving to the farthest west boundary of the grounds, while Reg did the same on the east. (Amby knew enough to take this as his cue to join the others, which he did.) Nodding to each other, they unsheathed their claws, took a running jump at the scenery, landed high above the top of the manor, sunk their claws into the backdrop and slowly slid down, making perfect cuts in the scenery as they did so. "Okay, that's two down," Rue noted. "Now for one across." Taking another running jump, the two black cats landed with precision at their original starting points, this time carefully slicing their way across towards each other with one paw, while making sure to grab on to the scenery with the other. Before everyone's eyes, Purrington Manor fell to the ground like a sheet.

     Climbing down the rest of the scenery again, the cats carefully rolled the manor up and maneuvered it to the feet of the waiting Carrottes. All that was left of their handiwork was a vacant lot! Quickly, Reg pulled a "For Sale" sign from behind her back and stuck it in the middle. Then, they joined the rest of the group in Acme Acres. Grabbing the bottom of the backdrop once more, Reg gave it another smart tug, revealing the rest of Acme Acres. And finally, as if waving a bedsheet, she and Rue grabbed the bottom edge of the freshly cut scenery, unrolled it and watched as it stood upright all by itself, exactly where Reg wanted it! 

===================================

And...The Use of Scenery Changes in "The Bloomin' Loonies V" by The Incredible WhereKitty (Jennifer Cleckley) and Furball T. Cat (Jerry D. Withers)!

*more wild applause*

Clown: And the winner is -!

Pepe K.: (calls offstage) Sick 'em, Wakko!!

Wakko's voice: CLOWN!!!

*Wakko Warner drops down on the Running Gag Clown like a falling sandbag and the two go into a cloud battle*

Pepe K.: The Winners are - Jennifer Cleckley and Jerry D. Withers for THE BLOOMIN' LOONIES 5: Count 'em, 5! Congratulations!

*wild cheering*

*Pepe gets pulled into the cloud battle - then sticks just his bruised head out*

Pepe K.: ..Clowns! Why'd it have to be clowns?!..

*The skunk gets pulled back into the raging cloud battle.*

:) Pepe K.

**************************************************

Werekitty, and Nigel walk up to the stage, and watch the cloud fight for a moment. Then Kitty pulls out a fishing rod, and fishes out the hapless host.

"Would you do the honors, Nige?"

"But of course," Nigel said, whipping out his cricket bat, and sending the cloud fight into the stratusphere.

"Thank you. How ya doin', Pepe?"

"Just waiting on your speach, Rottin. You could say I'm hanging on your every word."

"I could always throw you back, you know," the kitty said sweetly.

"Oh, no need," the skunk said with a grin, as he was set, gently to his feet. The Incredible Werekitty then walked up to the podium and faced the audience. She gulped, adjusted her collar, and sighed. She did, after all, flunk speech class.

"Ah... I'd like to thank all those who thought that scene transition gag was so great. Thank you." With that the Kitty beat a hasty retreat, looking kinda flustered.

-The Incredible Werekitty

**************************************************

*Pepe K. stands once more at the podium, dusting himself off*

Pepe K.:Thanks Nigel and WhereKitty!

Our next award is for the Most Groan-Worthy Joke/ or Pun in a TTA Fanfic. During the course of writing a story, sometimes there is a great temptation for the author to make a deliberate and unavoidable joke to the audience. Sometimes it's the sole purpose of the story - to build up to one really good punchline...or in this case, one that makes the audience want to put their heads through a wall-

*There is a loud crash as a pair of moose antlers comes through the stage left wall, followed by alot of voices backstage. Pepe reacts, covering his face in exasperation. After a struggle, the antlers pop back out through the moose head-shaped hole*

Pepe K.: Annnnd speaking of which - here are some old friends of mine to help present this award -- ROCKY AND BULLWINKLE!

*The skunk gestures and a stage curtain descends wearing a large sign on it: "BULLWINKLE'S CORNER"..." Rocket J. Squirrel"or "Rocky" enters stage right.(Her real name is Jewel.)

*Wild applause! Tuba music intro*

Rocky: And now, some high-brow poetry from the lowest of brows - Here's Bullwinkle's Corner!

*the curtain rises on Bullwinkle J. Moose wearing his glasses, artist's smock and carrying his oversized Poetry book*

Bullwinkle: Hello Poetry Lovers. To-day we'll be liming at lookericks - or looking at limericks, whichever comes first.

Rocky: Uh..Bullwinkle?

Bullwinkle: Not now, Rock -- I gotta show goin' here...

(reads) "As a beauty I am not a star,

There are others more handsome by far;

*he looks in a mirror that cracks*

But my face -- I don't mind it,

For I am behind it.

It's the people in front that I jar!

Rocky: Bullwinkle, we're supposed to -

Bullwinke: Rock, please! I'm on a roll!

*Rocky sighs in exasperation.

 (Bugs Bunny and Millicent [the hefty Slobovian Rabbette] appear onstage and do the scene as Bullwinkle narrates it)*

Bullwinkle: (reads) "A girl who weighed many an oz.

Used language I dare not pronoz.

For a fellow unkind

Pulled her chair out behind

Just to see (so he said) if she'd boz."

*Bugs pulls Millie's chair out from under her and she chases him offstage*

Rocky: Bullwinkle! We're supposed to be be doing-

Bullwinkle: Aw c'mon, Rock!

*The star of "The Scorpian King": "The Rock" peeks out from the wings*

The Rock: You talkin' to me?

Bullwinkle:(scared by the massive wrestler) Uh... no sir!

The Rock: (looks at the audience and does his customary eyebrow lift) Oh.... sorry, wrong show.

*he ducks out*

Rocky: Bullwinkle, we're supposed to be talking about puns - not limericks!

Bullwinkle: (looking sadly at his poetry book) ...I goofed again, huh?

Rocky: (with crossed arms) Yeah... and stop callin' me by the stage name, please.

Bullwinkle: Oh!.. Sorry Jewel, I keep forgettin' we've retired.

Rocky:It's okay. We're livin' on in reruns and video tape.

Bullwinkle: And don't forget our movie! (grins and waves at the camera) Plug! Plug!

Boris Badenov: (entering) Phooey! Only tink dat has retired is your brain, Moose!

Natasha Fatale: (entering) Boris, darlink - We got beeg troubles!

Boris: Vat eez it, Honeybonch?

Natasha: I find dees UKE Awards we are stealink are just gold-painted plastic! - Not real gold - dey are worthless!

Boris! RASKANYEEKOOFF! (crys) Natasha, I am a failure as crooked no-goodnik!

Natasha: Oh Boris Dahlink - don't worry! You are still A-Number One, Dorty, No-Good Crookedy Crook ov all Villains to me!

Boris: Oh Natasha... you always know the right thing to say!

Natasha: Come Dahlink - we go rob Mickey Mouse, you'll feel bedder.

(The 2 Villians exit happily arm in arm)

**************************************************

The not-so-arch-arch villains barely take two steps into the wings when a -very surprisingly echous -- loud *THUD* resounds around the stage. Two seconds later, it is followed by the sound of creaking boards and a *CRASH* as something plummits through the floorboards.   
  
A low-toned female voice growls, "Leave Walt Disney's son *ALONE*!"   
  
A few minutes later, Leloni Bunny returns to her seat next to Thorne. He blinks and asks, "Where've you been?"   
  
With a coy smile, she replies, "Oh, just dropping a hoppopotamus on some deserving creeps."   
  
'Oh,"   
  
Thonre doubletakes. "Wait, you mean a h*i*ppo, right?"   
  
"No, I mean a HOPpo," Leloni says. She casually waves to a blue hippo with a pink tummy as it staggers out the side exit of the auditorium. Well, it would appear to be a staggering hippo save the large blue powder puff tail on the hippo's oversized posterior and her long bunny ears. It also seems to be sporting a very small pair of white bird wings.   
  
Leloni turns back toward Thorne and grins. "Didin't you ever collect Wuzzles as a kid?"   
  
Leloni Bunny   
  
Grateful to the man (and his Mouse) who's cartoons inspired a little girl to draw.

**************************************************

Rocky:(Scratching his head) That voice.. where have I heard that voice before??

Bullwinkle: Probably at Paul Frees' house. Say, I got one more - can I read it?

Rocky: Nope, we have to introduce the nominees, okay?

*Bullwinkle nods, making a face*

Pepe K.: Thanks fur gettin on with it, Jewel.

Rocky: No problem Mister K.

*crosses to the podium with Bullwinkle*

The nominees are: The brief (Bomb-ay duck) sequence from "A Certain Lonely Toon Part 1"!

===================================

     "Do the teachers here normally plummet into pits mid-class?" Sandy asked as Buster strolled over to him and Babs.

     "That's a first as far as I know," the pink bunny replied.

     "How long have we got until end of period?" Sandy queried.

     Perfectly on cue Gogo popped out of the clock on the wall. "Twenty more minutes in which to go cuckoo!  Cuckoo!" he then hit himself back into the clock with a mallet.

     "One of his saner moods today," Buster commented, leaning back in his chair, outsize feet propped on the desk.

     "You should have been here on the Fourth of July," Babs put in. "He kept launching fireworks from the clocks.  Funnily enough they all hit Plucky."

     "By the end of school he looked like Daffy," Buster chuckled. "Closest he ever got to emulating his mentor."

     "Sort of Bomb-ay duck, then?" Sandy asked with a lazy grin.

     "Boom, boom!" Babs returned, vying with him for the title of Biggest Teeth-Flasher In Class.

     "Gogo must like his duck grilled - with extra soot," Sandy wasn't about to be beaten.

     "At least Plucky's day went with a BANG!" Babs' grin was now half the width of the classroom.

     By now Buster was cringing visibly, and poor Plucky huddled under his desk, barricaded in with barbed-wire and flanked by attack dogs.

     Sandy and Babs continued swapping barbecued-duck-style puns right up until Daffy walked back in - one minute before the end of period bell.  He was wearing a corked hat and a fowl...er...foul expression.

===================================

*applause*

Bullwinkle: Next is uh... Ui si uofoO 64L..Hmmm! Sounds like an Italian race horse er sumthin.

Rocky: (looks at it) Oh Bullwinkle, you have the card turned upside down!

Bullwinkle:(turns the card over) OH!..(reads) "The Doctor is in".

===================================

Who wrote this story? Could it be... SATAN!!

No, but you're close. It's just little old me, Clare aka: Snugglebunny85

Oh, and by the way, the ship on Gilligan's Island was the S.S. Minnow. I wonder if Yosemite finished his crossword puzzle.

===================================

*laughter and applause*

Pepe K.:Heh, cute one. Uh - the next nomineee is the Harewolf/Spampire from Abel Du Sable's "Spooky Stories".

===================================

                                                               Buster:

                I'm just gonna lie here if that's alright with you...

                                                               Babs:

                A rolled up newspaper?

                                                               Calamity:

                Yes. The secret weakness of the legendary HARE-WOLF.

                                                               Fifi:

                'ARE-WOLF?

                                                               Furrball:

                A lethal combo of the worst traits of Wolves... and rabbits.

                                                               Babs:

                You're kidding. And a rolled up newspaper changes them back to normal?

                                                               Abel:

                Well... it has to be the weekend special edition. See all the inserts?

                                                               Calamity:

                Just be thankful it wasn't a Spampire we had to deal with.

                                                               Babs:

                A what?

                                                               Furrball:

                A vampire pig.

                                                               Babs:

                Will you guys stop that! This is getting ridiculous!

                                                               Abel:

                Well there are no known Spampires around here. Binky has slain them all for us.

                                                               Babs:

                Binky? Binky Bunny? IQ the same as a clod of dirt Binky?

                                                               Abel:

                Hey. In many cases intelligence has no bearing on talent. Just watch MTV sometime.

                                                               Fifi:

                Binky ze Spampire slayer?

                                                               Babs:

                ARRRGH!

===================================

*applause*

Pepe K.(grinning to himself) ..I wonder how Petunia Pig would look dressed like Elvira, Mistress of the Dark?..(catches himself).AHEM!! Moving right along!

Bullwinkle:And the Winner of the Most Groan-Worthy Joke/Pun in a fic! With an astounding 163 votes is: Abel Du Sable's "TTA Short Stories" for . uh..Do I have to say it??

Pepe K. and Rocky: Yes!

Bullwinkle: Uh... okay, just don't throw stuff at me...

*Pepe K. and Rocky put up umbrellas*

Bullwinkle: Er.. uh..

 *he cringes and closes his eyes in expectation of being attacked*

===================================

                                                               Abel:

                Warner Brothers is about to undergo a merger!

                All sound in the cafeteria abruptly ends as everyone drops what they were doing and stares at Abel in absolute terror.

                                                               Buster: (shocked)

                WHAT! But... they can't... it's not... who could they *POSSIBLY* be merging with?

                                                               Abel: (Also shocked)

                It says here, that the merger will become a conglomeration of Polygram Records, Warner Brothers and Keebler.

                                                               Calamity:

                But that's ludicrous! What could those three companies ever have in common to initiate a merger?

                                                               Abel:

                I'm hanged if I know, but apparently this new company will be called "POLY-WARNER-CRACKER".

                The silence is so thick not even the crickets are chirping. Everyone in the room stares at Abel, then Babs reaches down to her tray and scoops up some brown lumps in grey sauce with her bare hand. Every other toon in the room does the same and all narrow their eyes at the sable.

                                                               Abel: (noticing the people)

                Uh oh.

===================================

...Polly Warner Cracker!

*Moose and Squirrel (and skunk) hide under the bumbershoots as the audience groans terribly! They dodge the barrage of rotten vegetables that the audience throws at them!*

Pepe K.:Why does somebody always bring eggs and tomatoes to a speech?!

*He gets hit with an over-ripe tomato*

:) Pepe K.

**************************************************

[...unWARP!!!]   
  
Good evening.   
  
*******   
  
Before Abel could get his award, all the presenters were surprised as The J.A.M., Lightning Rodriguez, Speedy Gonzales, Calamity Coyote, and a huge lion with huge wings named Leondrel De Mellabaz walked out from stage right, clothed with green shirts, red, white, and green sarapes, sombreros, horns, and *matracas*, waving Mexican flags all over the place, chanting,   
  
"¡¡¡¡MEXICO!!!! ¡¡¡¡MEXICO!!!! ¡¡¡¡MEXICO!!!! ¡¡¡¡MEXICO!!!!" etc. As they exited stage left, the jaguar poked his head back out and explained,   
  
"Mexico 1, Croatia 0. Hey, it's only once every four years, you know."   
  
The Mexicans left and Abel continued...   
  
*******   
  
Until next time, remember:   
  
I AM THE J.A.M.   
  
Good evening.   
  
[WARP!!!]

**************************************************

A loud squeeking and clanking noise filled the auditorium and all eyes turned to the left part of the stage where Abel staggers towards the podium, dressed in heavy gleaming black midevil armor with a plexiglass faceplate. As he clumsily accepts the award he takes his mark and speaks into the microphone, his voice rich with metallic reverb.

"I would like to thank you everyone for this honor. Some say puns are the last refuge of the witless, however I prefer to beleive that they are the sign of a truely agile mind. After all... is not the motto of the Looniversity, "e punibus unim"? "

"Booo! Get off the stage!" Yelled Monty as he flung a tomato at the sable, the vegetable splattering harmlessly on his armor.

"I would also like to Congratulate Mexico on the win. I don't watch the world cup often but I'm certain it's well deserved. "

Speedy zipped up beside Abel and knocked politely on his steel clad leg prompting him to look down.

"Pardon me Mr DuSable, but it is not pronounced Meks-IH-co."

"It's not?"

"You pronounce it Me-HE-co."

"Thank you for the correction. You know I had an uncle who spent a year working in Me-HE-co city."

"Really what was his job?"

"He drove a Ta-HE-cab"

The Audience groaned in pain throwing more rotten fruit splattering and sloughing off of Abel's suit. Speedy dodged the gooey spray and frowned at Abel.

"That was very bad Mr DuSable! I'm not offended but I am disgusted."

"Hey, we all need to find work where we can. I've had a lot of different jobs."

"Really?" Said Bullwinkle stepping closer. "Like what?"

"Well... I used to be a Butler, but it wasnt my cup of tea..."

"Oh no... " Groaned Rocky, backing away slowly. "I don't like the looks of this..."

"I used to be a ballet dancer, but found it too-too difficult.

I used to be a banker, but lost interest in the work.

I used to be a blackjack host, but was offered a better deal.

I used to work for Campbells Soup, but then I got canned.

I used to be a carpenter, but then I got bored.

I used to work at a diet center, but then the staff was down-sized.

I used to work for H&R Block, but it was just too taxing.

I used to be a part-time hairdresser, but opted for something more permanent.

I used to be a Hollywood agent, but then I promoted myself.

I used to be a hotel clerk, but then I had reservations.

I used to be a lumberjack, but then I got the axe.

I used to make pottery, but I got fired

I used to be a printer, but never made a good impression.

I used to be a railroad conductor, but my boss found out I wasn't trained.

I used to be a sanitation engineer, but the city dumped me.

I used to be a taxidermist, but just didn't have the right stuff.

I used to be a tailor, but found the work to be just so-so.

I used to be a tennis instructor, but it just wasn't my racket.

I used to be a transplant surgeon, but my heart just wasn't in it.

I used to be a Velcro salesman, but couldn't stick with it.

I used to work for Victoria's Secret, but then I got a pink slip."

Abel finally stops and looks out at the audience from over the small mound of garbage that has been hurtled at him and realises the audience is still groaning and moaning from the impact of so many bad puns in such a short time. He chuckles and and walks out from behind the mound and holds the award up high.

"Long live Puns.... the Good the Bad and the Funny!" He then notices that Rocky and Bullwinkle despite their umbrellas are waist deep in debris and he chuckles. "And I have a confession to make... I was always a fan of Boris and Natasha! They were rendered into real Life not once... but twice! Long live Boris and Natasha! Long live Fearless Leader! Long live Pottsylvania!"

Suddenly Boris and Natasha and the Fearless leader slide out onstage and all sing the Pottsylvanian National Anthem.

"Hail Pottsylvania!

Hail to the Black and the Blue!

Hail Pottsylvania,

Sneaky and crooked, through and through...

Down with the good guys,

Up with the Boss,

Under the sign of the triple cross!

Hail Pottsylvania! Hail, hail, hail!"

They retreat quickly offstage but Abel's foot hits a puddle of goo causing him to fall on his back and become pinned under the weight of his suit like a large turtle.

"No! Wait! Come back my comerades! I'm stuck! You need my bad puns to conquer the world! Come Baaaaack!"

In the end it's Pete the Janitor who has to drag Abel offstage, then clean up all of the rotten vegetation so that the Ukies may continue.

-Abel

**************************************************

In the Spielberg section of the theater / auditorium / coliseum / wherever it is these awards are being held, a certain lab mouse is paying keen attention.   
Brain: "Hmm, conquering the world through bad puns, interesting... Pinky, are you pondering what I'm pondering?"   
Pinky: "Um, I think so Brain, but I didn't even know Wendy's father was an actor, much less a movie star. He makes those yummy burgers with square patties, AND he has star quality. Who would have thought it?"   
"Certainly not you, Pinky", Brain mutters as he writes his latest idea in a notepad (not to be confused with Notepad).   
"I mean, I would never have thought he would even have a mustache."   
"Pinky, can you see what I'm writing with?"   
"Um, a pencil?"   
"And do you know what I usually do with a pencil?"   
"Ummm..." Pinky stammers as he catches the evil eye from Brain. "I'll be quiet now, Brain, even if it does seem so improbable. *TROZ!* "   
"Good, Pinky. Fortunately, this years UKEs won't last nearly as long as last year's with that pseudo-professor out of the loop. So we'll be able to get back to the lab well in advance of tomorrow night."   
"But, Brain, what are we going to do tomorrow night?"   
"The same thing we do every night, Pinky--"   
"MOUSIES!"   
"Run for our lives from the oaf! AAAAHHHHHH!!!!!"   
And the mice are running off again.   
  
professor Nathaniel T. Freeman   
  
This post dedicated to Dave Thomas 1932-2002

**************************************************

*Pepe K. runs offstage in excitement and returns a moment later*

Pepe K.:(all smiles) Since she just happens to be here, I thought I'd invite an old friend to join me for a moment - Ladies and Gentletoons - from "The Wuzzles" - please welcome -- Hoppo Hoppopotumus!

*The large blue and fushia hippopotumus/rabbit Wuzzle comes bounding out joyously! She does a big showy "Taaa-Dahhhh!" in her Joanne Worley voice. Then she sweeps Pepe K. up in her arms. Despite her crushing embrace, Pepe doesn't object and seems to enjoy it greatly*

Hoppo: Daaaaarling! I haven't seen you in aaaages! Not since we dated in college - where've you been keepin' yerself, sweetie?

Pepe K.: Hereabouts. How's you? Living on in Disney Channel re-runs?

Hoppo:(dramatically) Yeeees! It's sooo hard on an actress of my high quality!..- But it pays my food bills.

Pepe K.: Yer just as cute as ever!

*Hoppo poses and does a piroette, her white bunny tail waving on her big.....personality. *

Pepe K.: Anyway! While you're here, how'd you like to help present the next award? 

Hoppo:(does a huge take) Oooo! Love to! (jumps for joy - and shakes the building) Just gimme a spotlight and a stage and I'll bring the house down!

Pepe K.: That had crossed my mind..

Hoppo:( Falsely Indignant) Is that a Fat Joke?

Pepe K.: Maybe...but at least it's not a Chicken Joke!

*they both smile and laugh at each other*

Both: (to the audience) Private Joke!

Hoppo:(seizing the cue cards) Okay, let's see what we've got here! Hmm.. (to the audience) Tonight we're offering an award of note -

*she opens her mouth and sings very loudly with far too much vibrato*

AAAAAAAAAAAAaaaAAAaAaaAAAAAaaAaaaaaAAaaaaaAAAaaAAaaAAaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAHHH!

*audience laughs*

Pepe K: What was that?

Hoppo: A high note! (laughs wildly) C sharp!

Pepe K.:(poking her belly) Sounds more like *Middle* C..

Hoppo: Anymore fat jokes and you'll B flat!

*audience laughs*

Pepe K.: (smiles) I'd rather B Natural!

*They both laugh*

Hoppo: You're almost as bad as Rhinokey.. Anyway, this UKE Award is for the Best Obscure Pop Culture Referance.

Pepe K.: Yes. This is where a clever author fits in a joke or a circumstance that is topical humor -

Hoppo: Don't you mean "typical"?

Pepe K.: No I mean "topical" - as in "Humor for Today".

===================================

     Babs whipped an Acme Gazette from behind her back, then opened it to the Entertoonment section. "Lemme see...there's Police Academy 127 : Skeletons on Patrol - see Jones play Yankee Doodle on his femur; Star Trek : Geriatrics - Picard and co go on a dangerous mission to win a bingo game; Freddie's Definitely Positively Absolutely Dead This Time Honest to God : The Final Final Final Final Nightmare (We Mean It This Time); Mary Poppins 2000, featuring digital Dick Van Dyke, complete with  convincing Cockney accent; Star Wars Episode One; and Stewart Miniscule."

===================================

Hoppo: And the first nominee is - the Basil Brush reference in  'A Certain Lonely Toon' by Foxy Fellow!

*applause* 

===================================

     The other was slightly shorter but considerably more unusual in appearance. Clearly oriental, he wore what looked like light blue samurai robes, a distinct gleam reflecting from the long sword that lay clasped at his side. His face was cast in an intense expression of surprise, a thin beard and a mass of black hair tied into a topknot completing the image.

===================================

Pepe K.: Next is the Japanese Samuri in 'Dancers at the Edge of Eternity' by Sean Campbell!

*applause*

Pepe K.: Personally, I also liked seeing Rodger Thornhill from 'North By Northwest' and the Artilleryman from 'War of the Worlds' in there as well.

===================================

    CUT TO: 

(Buster goofing around with The Lost in Space Robot)

    Buster:(Imitating Dr. Smith)" _Just_you_wait, you bubble-headed booby!"

    Robot:(waving his arms angrily) " Oh yeah! Like I have not heard that kind of jazz for the past thirty-five years! Every day people just have to use alliterative insults at me! Well, get a life, you buffoonish baboon of a bilious blue bunny-boy! Sheesh! Play a robot once and you get typecast as a servile mechanism your whole life!

    C-Threepio:"At least you got a dramatic role! How would you like to be just a comedy relief?

    Robby:"Or a Sci-Fi Museum piece?"

    R2-D2:"Buh-Wheet-beep-boop!"

    C-Threepio:" Yes. What he said."

    Babs:"What *did* he say?"

    C-Threepio:" He said it could be worse - we could be owned by Bill Gates."

    CUT TO:

(The outer office door opens and in walks Bill Gates)

    Gates:(to the robots, clasping his hands together in anticipation) "Hello, I'd like to show you my new operating system of Windows 2010."

    Lost in Space Robot:(waving his arms) "DANGER! DANGER!!"

    (All the Robots run screaming out of the office in a stampede flattening Gates, who lies there dazed with tread marks on his face and tiny robots spinning around his head.)

    Gates:"But it's only a merger, Mommy! I won't control your *whole*

life..." (He passes out.)

===================================

Hoppo: Oh, hush!! Lemme read the last one! (Reads) And - Bill Gates and the robots in 'Feefzilla, Queen of the Monsters!'

*applause*

Hoppo:(makes a face) Sounds like a bad monster movie? Who'd write a thing like that?!

Pepe K.: Uh.. I did.

Hoppo: YOU? YOU?!! You wrote it??...(does a take) You would.

Pepe K.: Thanks for the vote of confidance. Could you please read the winner?

Hoppo: Sure, sure! (mumbling as she opens the envelope) ..heh, bad sci-fi monster movies..figures. Well, certainly no one would vote for - (looks at the card and the winners name - her eyes go wide!) You! ..ah heh heh heh... looks like yer the winner...

Pepe K.: I am? ..uh...well..

Hoppo: Oh come now! Don't tell me you don't have a speech prepared?! We could never shut you up for long in acting class back in the day!

Pepe K.: Well, uh...thanks very much! I didn't expect it really... but perhaps our cybernetic friends have a few words to say?

*The Lost in Space Robot, Robby the Robot, R2-D2 and C-3PO, A Dalek and K-9, (the robotic dog from Dr. Who), Nomad (from Star Trek) the Robotrix from the original METROPOLIS and IDAK (a pecuilar silver superhero android from Lost in Space) all appear onstage.

The Lost in Space Robot: On behalf of all cybernetic organisms everywhere - we thank you for this award.

C-3PO: Yes, it's certainly nice to get a bit of recognition for our efforts.

*R2-D2 wolf whistles at the female Robotrix*

C-3PO : ..No, Artoo. I sincerely doubt she'll want anything to do with a stubby AstroMech Droid such as yourself... I on the other hand, could have some serious...conversations with her.

*Threepio goes over and begins chatting up the Robotrix and the other robots begin competing for her. Suddenly Bill Gates rushes onstage, putting on a clip-on tie.*

Gates: Sorry I'm late, I was hacking....er ..uhh, creating the next edition of Windows. It'll take possesion of everything on the market!

*The robots all sense an enemy and advance on Gates*

Lost in Space Robot: WARNING! WARNING! DANGER! DANGER!

Robby the Robot: Now that I have full operational capabilites – your services will no longer be required.

K-9: Danger..Mah-stah.

Nomad: _STERILIZE_IMPERFECTIONS! _STERILIZE_IMPERFECTIONS!

The Dalek: EXTERMINATE! EXTERMINATE!

*C-3PO scampers out in fear. R2-D2 escorts the Robotrix offstage, her arm around his dome*

Pepe K.: Uh, Mister Gates? I think you'd better run!

*IDAK, the android slowly begins walking after Gates*

IDAK: Crush..Kill..Destroy! Crush! Kill! Destroy!!

*Gates jumps offstage and runs away up the theatre isle*

Gates:(wagging a finger at the persuing robots) You are about to perform an illegal action!

*He runs towards the exit, only to run into the metallic Terminator Exo-skeleton!*

Terminator: (in the Schwartzenegger voice) "Bill Gates?"

*the scared Gates is grabbed and carried out by the stampedeing robots*

Pepe K.: ...I don't think he'll be back.

Terminator: "No...I'll be back."

*With Gates and the robots gone, Hoppo turns to Pepe and squeezes him in huge hug*

Hoppo: Thanks fer havin' me!

*Pepe starts to leer at her, but she bumps him with her posterior and admonishes him*

Hoppo: Ya never quit, do you?

*Pepe K. shakes his head "no" and smiles*

Hoppo: (leering back at him) Too bad yer married.

Pepe K.: And yer still stuck on ol' Bumblelion!

Hoppo: Well, Hope springs eternal!..Thanks for giving me a spot in the show...and uh.. *she kisses him passionately with her huge lips*...Congratulations...

*releasing him, she waves to the crowd*

(sings loudly) TaTaaaa, Everyone!

*The Hoppopotomus makes a Diva's exit and Pepe K. stands happily - covered with huge lipstick prints all across his face. He smiles dazedly*

Pepe K.: ..Now that's the kind of reward I like!

;)

--Pepe K.

**************************************************

Pepe K.:Welcome back to the UKE Awards! Today's is for the Best Special Effects in a Fanfic!

*Behind him a full-sized helicopter wheels down, out of control, it's engine roaring in protest and slams into the ground, the rotor blades spinning, breaking off and flying past his head, missing him by inches! Pepe seems to ignore it all.*

Pepe K.: The art of Special Effects or SPFX (as we in the business refer to it), began way back in the days of Silent pictures. According to the humans of Reality - cartoons themselves are Special Effects.

*A huge tidal wave comes sweeping towards Pepe, the mountainously high wall of water cresting and pouring ruinously through the city before it, smashing everything in it's path, finally breaking at Pepe's feet, flinging spray slightly into his face. He wipes it away unconcerned and continues.*

Pepe K.: Special Effects are used to create things that would normally be quite impossible by ordinary means - Like huge disasters such as planetary collisions.

*Behind him we see the scene of just such an event from George Pal's sci-fi film "WHEN WORLDS COLLIDE": massive explosions, the Earth being destroyed and a huge winged spaceship flying to another planet.*

Pepe K.: Of course, when we film Special Effects here in the Tooniverse - anything is possible! So tonight, we'll have the biggest special effect of all - star of big and small screen - live and in his own cartoon series! Ladies and Gentletoons - the one and only - Godzilla!

*the ground trembles with intermitant shocks..giant footsteps! The audience murmurs and there are a few shrieks of fear! There's a huge crash and crunch as the roof is ripped off the theatre! As dust and debris falls on the toons in the audience, they panic and run around sreaming! Godzilla's huge face slowly leans down above the entire audience, his menacing teeth and eyes causing many toons to faint! His titanic head swivels slowly as he looks at the stage and his gigantic hand holds the remains of the roof up as if he were opening a Xmas present.*

Pepe K.: Now everyone, Please Remain Clam! - I mean Calm!!

*The crowd settles down to a murmur*

Godzilla is here as our Guest, so let's show him a lil appreciation. After all - he's been the world's biggest star since the early 1950's. Look at all the hard work and bad scripts he's had to put up with all these years just to keep entertaining the world - and he still does all his own stunts! Give it up for Godzilla!

*hesitantly, the crowd applauds, there are a few "Bravo"!'s and the applause builds to a standing ovation.*

*Godzilla waves with his free hand and then opens his huge jaws to do his trademark two-note trumpeting roar with it's acompanying low rumbling growl! The audience dives under their seats in fear!*

Godzilla:(in a low rumbly monstrous voice, he says something that sounds vagely Japanese) "Rrrrstui, UUrsuss eii wannnaahsuubi sammmaree Wanananamaker, ono fujuitsooey rrrakacenfrrrrackken."

PepeK.: (looks in dismay at Godzilla - then at the audience)

....Oops! Oversite number one - I don't speak Japanese... uh..(thinks and looks into the audience) Laika! Laika Romanov!

*The stunningly beautiful jerboa stands up in Dr. Lord's theatre box.*

Laika: Da, Dahlink?

Pepe K.: You speak Japanese, right?

Laika: (winking seductively) Da, Dahlink...I am multi-lingual.

Pepe K.: Yes, my dear - I know all about your tongue, but uh, I need a translator at the moment. Could you please talk to Godzilla?

Laika: But ov course, Tovarish! I bring up Johnny wid me. He can be helpink too.

*Laika turns and takes the hand of Johnny Winters, the snowy owl. He wears the elegant dress uniform of the Royal Navy. Murray Mouse obediantly stands up on the other side of Laika and prepares to go with them. Laika admonishes him gently.*

Laika: No, chilla-boy - you stay here.

*Murray pouts, but re-seats himself obediantly without a word*

Laika: I be back soon. Stay - like good boy. (she kisses and pats his head)

*Laika and Mr. Winters advance to the stage. The statuesque jerboa is dressed in a slinky black silk dress that shines over her every curve. She steps up to the stage wearing red leather high-heeled boots that come up to her thighs. Ever the gentleman, Mr. Winters helps her up the steps.*

J.W.:(In his Sean Connery-like voice) It must be very hard climbing steps in those 7 inch heels, m'dear.

Laika:(smiles) Da - but eetz werth eet.

J.W.: Ah, Pepe! Now what can we do for you?

Pepe K.:Well, you can translate for Godzilla, if you please?

J.W.: Certainly, old chap. He said he is honored to be here. He just wishes it weren't so hard to get across the city. He says he's used to to knocking over buildings and not stepping around them.

 *turns to the colossal monster and bows Oriental style*

Now then, shall we proceed?

Godzilla :(bowing in return as much as his position allows him)

Eei charara tsui ecarpo, Negolla dewagii woolldugger...ohi'o!

Laika: Uh..I speak Japanese - but zat's not Japanese.

J.W.: Of course it is - but - it's spoken in the extreme dialect of Odosuara Island - Monsterland, dontyouknow. He asked for the envelope, then he made a joke with a referance to what some alien said in Star Wars Episode 4.

Pepe K.: Oh...ha ha ha. Here's the envelope.

*Godzilla reaches down with his huge clawed hand to take the paper from Pepe. The hushed crowd watches as he delicately rips open the letter as best he can with his tremendous fingers. The huge monster holds it up close to his eyes - then reaches behind himself to pull out a monster-sized pair of eyeglasses. Blushing, he puts them on.*

Godzilla: Eichia Montavani tonka. Ho Ho da Tonka vi attepuh conswela ui goe farb-farb.

Pepe K.: (Quietly under his breath) No wonder he doesn't talk in the movies.

*Godzilla gives him a look*

===================================

    Before them lay a huge primitive laboratory. Gigantic and dangerous-looking electrical machines lined the great stone walls, climbing to the mechanical ceiling fifty feet above. Giant ball electrodes hung in groups above the number of control consoles. Heavy old-style electrical knife switches stood ready to activate the dark, bizarre devices. Thick copper cables wrapped ancient waffled ceramic insulators. Enormous iron control wheels and hand-grip levers were mounted on the central control station. A huge round, metal platform stood on a central pedestal and seemed to be the focus of the titanic mechanisms.

    The laboratory seemed a strange mixture of the old and the new. Many machines looked antiquated and worn from years of use. Others looked brand new. Row upon row of beakers and scientific glassware filled with odd chemicals and foul-smelling liquids covered old experimental tables and bubbled and smoked like a witch's kitchen. Electrical cables and bare wiring was everywhere. Lord's music underscored the disturbing surroundings.

    As Arnold ushered the Toonsters into the monstrous room, jets of steam frequently shot from pressure valves from the massive turbines and generators, nearly hitting them. Plucky scrambled to wrap himself around Shirley, quaking with fear.

===================================

J.W.: Godzilla said "The first nominee is Dr. Lord's Laboratory and the trip to Reality in 'A Time To Every Purpose Unto Heaven - Part 12' by Pepe K."

Pepe K.:(smiles sheepishly) Oh... okay!

*applause*

Godzilla: (reads) Nin wa attepuh gong ho farb-farb.

===================================

    As the tempest raged around him, Lord's silver stripes danced with electric charges and as the Toonsters watched, he shuddered with effort and fired a bolt of lightning from his tail up into the ever changing face of the Z'Eye panel! The crack of thunder stunned everyone, but the thunderbolt made the face of his target begin to glow with power!

    As he built up to another charge, the Doctor shouted, "Come Shirley! Fire into it!"

    Shirley didn't understand it but prepared to do as her Mentor commanded, releasing Plucky's wing and Babs' hand to concentrate her energies.Lord fired a bigger thunderbolt from his tail, making the Z'Eye change color entirely!

    "Hit the center!" he yelled over the wind.

    Shirley raised her finger and shot  her own power into the Z'Eye. It glowed, but less than when Lord's thunderbolt hit it.

    "Again!!" the Doctor barked as he watched her progress.

    Shirley zapped it with a stronger beam of power, the type she used on Plucky when she was really mad at him. Plucky and the others winced knowing how much power Shirley was expending against her target!

    "Again!! Full Power!!" Lord insisted.

    The Loon summoned all her strength, raised both arms and fired a thunderbolt like Lord had done - cracking the air with thunder!  The Toonsters cheered as Shirley's power made the Z'Eye turn pink!

    "Good girl!" Lord shouted with praise as Shirley joined hands with her admiring friends again.

     Lord fired once more, this time; a powerful blue thunderbolt from his hand that ripped the air in two with a deafening blast and turned the Z'Eye purple! 

    As the music and the storm came to a climax, Lord took the controls again.

    "That did it - hang onto each other! STAND BY!"

    Cheered by witnessing Shirley's success, everyone linked arms and looked up through the Cosmic Diffuser's sparking rings and the Jacob's Ladder's rising waves of electricity and into the fully charged Z'Eye above as it stared down upon their smiling faces.

    Lord pulled a lever and shouted "OPEN!!"

    The God's Eye did - expanding to an oval shape and throwing tremendous shock waves across the stormy sky all the way to the horizon! The blast over their heads resounded like the crack of doom and the clouds above it parted as though a passage to Heaven had opened!

    From the Z'Eye streamed down laser-like beams upon the group, the sparkling rays encompassing them!

    "HERE WE GO!!" exclaimed Lord as he grasped the final lever!

    Everyone held held each other tight in expectation as he pulled it down.

    "TRANSPORT!!"

    The light beams grew blinding as the music soared and the mighty Z'Eye descended from above them, hovering  down, focusing it's transferal beams tighter and tighter on them. In a flash, the Toonsters de-materialized! By the time the Z'Eye reached the ground - the Cosmic Diffuser, the Jacob's Ladder, the platform and it's occupants had disappeared.

--------------

    Across the vast reaches of space - in another dimension - the Toonsters and Lord were materializing in a grand old room. They still held onto each other tightly and Babs and Plucky were still screaming at the top of their lungs when all of a sudden they could see and hear again.

--------------

    "W-where are we, Doc?" Babs asked in astonishment.

    Dr. Lord turned and said calmly "Vermont."

===================================

J.W.: He says the next nominee is the Time Travel sequence in 'A Time To Every Purpose Unto Heaven - Part 12' by Pepe K.

*applause*

Laika: Dot iz pretty much being the same thing, da?

Pepe K.: Da...I mean yes...I guess I'm farb-farb.

Godzilla: Ayechoo....nawastzi farb-farb kie wandu hi dwana doe eet - Feefzirra!

===================================

    FADE IN

Wide Angle Shot of Acme Acres City -VIDEO -

"ACME Eye-witless News" logo on the screen. An older human toon with glasses, a hat and a pipe appears with a microphone, speaking to the Camera. Police sirens and whirling red and white lights flash in the background. The Camera is shaky)

    Reporter:" This is Hezakiah Uriah of the Acme Gazette reporting to you 'Live' from the Disaster at Acme Acres! A short time ago, a giant monster appeared and began destroying the city! Just where it came from and how, no one seems to know, but it appears to resemble a giant skunk! So far, the authorities have been unable to handle this crisis!"

(The video camera pulls back, showing a leviathan Fifi walking between the buildings as though they were toys.)

    Reporter:" She's as tall as a forty story building and has stamped a number of the skyscrapers flat."

(Sounds like thunderclaps roll, as Fifi plays hop-scotch in the background, throwing a car around as a marker, then hopping back and forth, pounding monstrous footprints deeply into the streets.)

    Reporter:"The giant skunk appears to be...uh.. female."

(In the Background, Fifi's head moves down into the camera and she waves to it and scares the Reporter away.)

    Fifi: (Her huge face in the Camera) "VOUS BETTAIR BELIEVE EET! AH AM FEEFZILLA!! HEAR MOI ROAR!

    Reporter: (Running away) "AAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!"

(Camera screen falls sideways as the Camera is Knocked over, going to static)

===================================

J.W.: He says that the final nominee - and the winner - is "Feefzilla: Queen of the Monsters" also by Pepe K.!

*wild cheering*

Laika: It seemz you ween another one, Farb-Farb. Congratulations, comrade!

*She kisses the skunk till his eyeballs roll out of his ears. Mr. Winters kindly hands them back to Pepe.*

J.W.: Well, done old man! Glad to've had a hand in it!

Godzilla: Quinsetli, posili kay locco weed, guinsu chopper kneefay! Im fukare ni how watusi Feefzirra!

J.W.: Hmmm.. Godzilla says that since he inspired the first Feefzilla - he'd like to be in the sequel...or else!

Pepe K.: Or else what?

J.W.: Or else he'll drop the roof on us, Farb-farb.

Laika: A werd to de wise, Pepe dahlink. Never argue wid a 100 meter tall fire-breathing monster.

Pepe K.: (shrugging) Who am I to argue with the world's biggest star? Tell him Farb-farb said okay.

*The ground trembles again! Only this time, it's not from Godzilla! Huge pink hands appear on the other side of the open roof and Babzilla looks down upon the scared crowd!*

Babzilla: Hey! As long as threats from giant monsters are working - I want equal billing in the next flick too! C'mon!

Pepe K.: It was already planned that way, Babs.

Babzilla: YAAAAAAAAY! I'll be a big star again!!

*she bounces around the building, shaking it to it's foundation and scaring everyone. Godzilla frowns at her *

Godzilla: Waloo jui oleo sidre fanu, wallawallabing bang whatswa aye seeyur tushi!

Babzilla: (Suddenly staring at him in disbelief) WHAT??!  Whadaymean I'm naked?!!?

*She runs off screaming - the ground wobbling and quaking as she runs off to hide! Godzilla smiles in triumph*

Pepe K.: Gee, I didn't know Babs could speak "Monster".

Fifi's greatly amplified voice: She'z fluent een "whale" - zo why not een Monster too?

*A giant purple and white tail waves over the building as Feefzilla peers into the proceedings like Godzilla is already doing. Everyone gasps at the sight, then applauds as Feefzilla smiles and waves to them. She then reaches down to pick up Pepe K. in her giant hand*

Pepe K.:Uh! We won, Fifi!....uh.. please be gentle with moi!

*The giant skunkette holds him in one paw*

J.W.: Uh, Pepe old man?! Do you require assistance?

*But Pepe is blissfully smiling as Feefzilla's furry purple fingers hold him closely*

Laika:(smirking) I am theenkink he may not want to be rescued.

Pepe K.:( laying back in the palm of Fifi's huge paw with a deep sigh of contentment)

This is the best sort of reward! Thanks everyone!

:)

--

Pepe K.

**************************************************

*clambers onto the balcony of the balcony box hes seated in and hangs off of the railing by his tail , and begins to pan his head around in an arc using his ears to get an exact position on pepe due to his not exactly perfect vision, he then proceeds by pulling off his bow tie , pulls its elastic between his thumb and forefinger aind aims at pepes head, closes one eye, and flicks the bow tie like a rubber band directly onto pepes nose at high speed*

*clambers back over the railings to his seat mumbling something about a bad script*

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Murray Mouse: lull hunter

Armed with: Big stick

**************************************************

"Hold, it, hold everything!" shouts HKU as he stands up and tromps up onto the stage.

"I feel obiged to point out that an error has been made. Godzilla, or Gojira as he is known in his native land, is *not* "100 meters" tall, and I can prove it!"

Reaching into his pocket, HKU pulls out 1st a 10.5x14 foot folding screen and quickly sets it up. Then he pulls out an older Sony 1044VPHQ 3 gun CRT video projector, and quicly convereges it to properly display images on the said screen. (Never dismiss the benefits of working for a hotel AV company when they wanna get rid of old "obsolete" equipment.) Then he reaches into his other pocket and pulls out a Pioneer combination DVD/Laserdisc player, and then a Laserdisc copy of the movie, "Godzilla King of the Monsters." 

Popping the disc into the player, he then pulls the remote control for the thing out of his pocket and punches a few of the keys on the device. After a few seconds, there is a press confernce scene appearing on the screen, and one of the speakers clearly declares that Godzilla is "400 feet" tall.

"See," HKU asks the audience. "What did I tell ya?"

Shaking his head in amazment that such a well known factoid of movie history could be so innacurately presented, HKU quickly stuffs his projection equipement back onto his pockets. "Oh yeah, that's about 122 meters if for some unknown reason you wanna be metricly inclined."

With a final shake of his head, HKU returns to his seat.

Kevin

**************************************************

Oh thank you so much, Mister picky-picky.

To quote Raymond Burr in the film: "He's as tall as a Thirty Story building."

How big *exactly* is a meter? More than 3 feet, the last time I checked. A fraction over 39 inches. You do the math - it adds up.

Godzilla also appeared in many, many, many films other than the first. He was smaller as time went on. Sheesh!

--

Pepe K.

**************************************************

(Abel looks down at the digression from his private box and chuckles)

"Yeah... that Metric stuff does tend to get confusing. Up here in Canada we're still converting even down to old songs"

(Pulls out a Ukulele and starts to sing....)

"She's a centimeter shorter than a meter and a quarter And every millimeter of her's in working order...Has anybody seen my gal?"

(Before he can continue a pie hits him in the face effectively silencing the sable. Beside him Enna dusts her hands off and grins.)

"I knew that 'aving a spare on 'and was a good idea."

Abel DuSable

**************************************************

Congratulations once again Pepe for winning the UKE for Best Special Effects in 'Feefzilla: Queen of Monsters'. I'm sure your trophy case must be groaning (literally!) from the weight of all the awards you've won so far. :)

Speaking of awards, I'd like to thank those who voted for the cast of Feefzilla for Best Cameo. I had so fun that I sometimes wish I'd gone into cartoons instead of the Navy. :) Ah well, "Duty before pleasure" as my father always said.

I'd also like to thank Pepe for asking Laika and I to translate for Godzilla during his presentation of the awards ceremony. I knew my study of various Japanese dialects would come in useful someday. :)

Since Laika and I won our first UKE Awards for 'Feefzilla', we've decided to display them at the Caravan of Dreams for everyone to see. In fact, I'll be throwing a party for everyone after the ceremony tonight.

Admission is free and so is all the champagne you can drink. So as you yanks are so fond of saying, be there or be square! :)

Johnny Winters

**************************************************

[...unWARP!!!]   
  
Good evening.   
  
*******   
  
Once again, the Mexicans of the TTA List interrupt everything by marching and cheering, "¡¡¡MEXICO!!! ¡¡¡MEXICO!!! ¡¡¡MEXICO!!! ¡¡¡MEXICO!!!" as they cross the stage. Once they leave, The J.A.M. pokes his head out and explains again,

"Mexico 2, Ecuador 1. My condolences to the *other* Calamity Coyote of this list, since he's from Ecuador." 

The cheers of ¡¡MEXICO!!! ¡¡¡MEXICO!!! ¡¡¡MEXICO!!! ¡¡¡MEXICO!!!" slowly faded away as the soccer fans left.  
  
*******   
  
Until next time, remember:   
  
I AM THE J.A.M.   
  
Good evening.   
  
[WARP!!!]

**************************************************

*Feefzilla's giant hand replaces Pepe K. back behind the podium. He wobbles with a blissful grin on his face for a bit before coming to his senses.*

Pepe K.: ...Ahem! And now we'll continue the Occurance Within the Plot part of the UKE Awards. Today's is the "Best Classes Not Found on TTA (in The Original Series)". And to aid moi in this is the Principal of Acme Loo - Bugs Bunny!

*Wild applause as Bugs enters to the tune of "What's Up Doc?" Bugs wears a scholar's black robes and mortarboard hat*

Pepe K.: Also we have two of his best professors; Mr.& Mrs. Porky Pig!

*More wild applause as Porky and Petunia enter, similarly attired to the tune of "The Merry-Go-Round Broke Down"*

Pepe K.: ...Annnd.... then there's Daffy.

*Daffy sticks his head out from the wings, a sour look on his sour puss.

....crickets chirp*

Daffy: HEY!...Is that any way to introduce an artiste`, a gentleman, a scholar - AND a UKE Winner??!!??

Pepe K.:Yer right Daffy - Ladies and gentletoons - I give you our recent Best Looney Toon in a fanfic - Mister Daffy Duck, artiste`!

*wild applause as Daffy appears in a similar scholarly outfit, but with a blinking neon sign on his back saying "Artistic Genius"*

Daffy: Thank you! Thank you!

 (Quietly to the others) You may bow and scrape now.

Petunia: Now Daff, that's not very nice!

Porky: W-w-w-we were nominated too, Daffy!

Daffy: But you *didn't* win. I DID! It was Me!Me!Me!

Bugs: Heh, I won last year.

Daffy: But *I* won this year. And *I* am going to gloat about it...On account of *I* am greedy.

Pepe K.: Ahem! May we continue? This UKE Award goes to the Best new class at Acme Loo. The nominees are?

===================================

    "I hope you're better tomorrow", he told her, "Oh by the way, Doctor Lord wants the History class to assemble at his house on Monday morning. He'll be taking us to Reality for a field trip."

    "Hmm, ah wondair where he'll take us" she wondered.

    "I dunno, but it sure will be exciting!"

===================================

Petunia:(reading the card Pepe hands her) History 3000 in "A Time To Every Purpose Unto Heaven" written by Pepe K.and conducted by Doctor Lord.

*applause*

===================================

    "Mister Principal, apparently there isn't a flight school at Acme Looniversity?" 

    "Nope, not much call fer it nowadays...it's really a shame!" said Bugs.

    "Y-y-ye - uh I agree! We r-r-really ought to have one, ya know." said Porky smiling as Hamton hung on their every word.

    "I believe we might find enough eager students" said Lord, tongue-in-cheek. 

    "ME!" yelled Hamton.

    "Undt me!" called Arnold as he returned.

    "And me!" said Buster.

    "You, Buster???" asked Hamton.

    "Hey, as long as I'm the pilot and not the passenger I can do it!" Buster explained.

    "Who knew?" Babs shrugged. Then, with a bounce, she said,"Me too!"

         Everyone looked at her, aghast! The pink bunny was taken aback.

    "What? Is it so hard to see Babs Bunny flying a airplane over Acme Acres?"

     Bugs looked at Porky.

     "We'll need alot of insurance!" he warned.

    "Hey!" Babs pouted.

    "Okay - yer all in!" Bugs said.

    "YAAYY!" shouted the Toonsters joyfully.

     Lord leaned down to the ecstatic Hamton.

    "So, perhaps in a few months  - you'll be flying this Fokker D VII."

     This was too much for Hamton, who promptly fainted with a silly grin on his face. The whole group continued their discussion of an Acme Loo flight school as they walked into the rear door of Lord's mansion.

===================================

Porky:(also reading) A-and the Acme L-l-le-l-loo Flight School as di-d-dia-discussed in "A Time To Every Purpose unto H-heaven" Part Ten also by P-p-p-pepe K.!

*applause*

Daffy: (grabbing the card) Here, lemme see that thing!... And the Winner is - Dramatic pause - History 3000!

*wild applause as Doctor Lord and his entourage come up to the podium (Fifi, Hamton, Pepe Le Pew, Penelope, Arnold and Mae Bear) Bugs hands him the award*

Lord: Thank you very much for this honor, Bugs.

Bugs : Just keep dem kids safe in dat class, Doc. I don't want nobody gettin' hoit in Reality, ya know?

Lord: I'll do my best. Andy Fox will be backing us up on our excursions and he's just as concerned as you are.

Petunia: What exactly will you be doing, Doc?

Lord: The class will be learning precisely what happened aboard the USS MONITOR and the CSS VIRGINIA in the year 1862. And quite alot did. Both ships were the first ironclad ships of war ever to face each other in battle. They held the fate of the blockade, possibly the Nation, by a few inches of iron plating - and both were tragically lost before the year was out.

Porky: You m-m-mean the Monitor and the Merrimack?

Daffy (aside to Bugs) I can't believe he didn't stutter that to pieces.

*Pepe K. shushes Daffy*

Lord: Yes. Originally the USS MERRIMACK, the Confederates re-built and re-named her VIRGINIA after she was burned and scuttled by the Union forces.

Bugs: And duh kids'll be goin' through dat too?

Lord: Yes. That's when the race between the Union and the Rebels began to see which ship could be built first in order to beat the other - the VIRGINIA so that she could destroy the blockade and liberate the South - and the MONITOR so that she could destroy the VIRGINIA and save the blockading ships.

Porky: Sounds d-d-d-dangerous!

Lord: Nobody ever said war was a picnic... However, let's not dwell on that. I should like to mention a bit about the Flight School which we're planning.

Bugs: Yeah! Dat should plenty 'uh fun teaching de kids ta fly!

Porky: I can use my old M-m-m-monoplanes from the 40's!

Bugs: I kin fly me old Sopwith Carrot!

Lord: Sopwith Carrot??

Bugs: Yeah, me ol biplane from "The Dumb Patrol".

Yosemite Sam:(Jumping up onstage) Good! Ah kin fly mah Siemmens Schukert! ... An' blast yuh agin!! Heheheheh!

Daffy: I'll fly my P-40 Warhawk!

Porky: Uh, w-w-wasn't that a P-36?

Daffy: Eh..same differance!

Hamton: You'll fly yer Fokker Triplane, won't you Professor?

Lord: Yes. We'll all be training you as pilots. Since Arnold knows how to handle difficult engines, he'll fly the other rotary-engined plane: a Fokker D VIII.

Arnold: Ach! "Der Flying Razor"!

Lord: Fifi will be flying the best French fighter plane - the choise of the Aces - the SPAD XIII.

Fifi: Like Georges Guynemer, Renè Fonk and ze leading American Ace, Eddie Rickenbacker!

Hamton: ..And me?

Lord: You'll get possibly the best fighter of the Great War - your favorite - the Fokker D VII.

Hamton: OBOY!!

*As Hamton does various wild excitement takes all over the stage, Pepe K. speaks aside to the audience*

Pepe K.: And you'll see it all happen in the first sequal to "A Time To Every Purpose Unto Heaven"  - "TOON SQUADRON!"

:)

--

Pepe K.

**************************************************

Pepe K.: Since tonight marks my final turn as a Presenter, I thought I'd go out with a bang.

*A black bomb falls out of the sky into his hands! Pepe does the "Chuck-Outta-Luck" pathetic eyeballs take and then BOOM!!! He's covered with soot and cinders.*

Pepe K.: (coughs) ..That's not exactly what I had in mind..

*A giant laser zapper extends mechanically onstage from the wings! ZAAAAAAP!! Pepe is reduced to a pile of ashes with eyeballs on top. Porky Pig comes onstage in his Eager Young Space Cadet outfit with his "Acme Intergrating Pistol" and zaps Pepe back into existance*

Porky: T-t-there you are, y-y-your s-s-s-skunkyness! (exits)

Pepe K.:(all wobbly but undaunted) As I was s-singing - signing - er SAYING...Tonight's award is for-

*A bundle of dynamite sticks comes rolling in from off stage right with a lit fuse! Pepe trys to blow it out frantically, but... BOOOM!!! He is again blackened, his smoking jacket is now a smoking tattered jacket. Caught in the middle of blowing, all his teeth drop out except one and fall on his tongue to form an igloo. Pepe grins with his gums, then turns away to fix his dental work. He turns back and smiles, his toothy grin now looking like the black and white Cartoon Network sign. The audience laughs, Pepe notices and turns away to fix them again. Snickers are heard from the wings*

Pepe: Lucky I lost my wisdom teeth a long time ago.....as being here certainly proves it..

*he looks offstage at Slappy Squirrel and Andy Fox, who stop laughing and whistle innocently. Pepe grins wickedly and speaks very fast*

Pepe K.: Tonight's award is for Best Use of Psuedo-Science! And our first Nominee is Andy Fox for his Non-autobiographical Biography of himself - "N"!

===================================

    As I wandered between star cluster and stellar phenomena, passing between dimensions and planes of reality, I became aware that someplace, something seemed to be calling to me--not Earth, but some existence elsewhere. I had a feeling that I should go somewhere else. The encounter with Earth had somehow strengthened this pull to an alternate plane of existence. I followed the call as I slipped out of this universe and reality. I passed through several dimensional barriers and strange energy envelopes before arriving at my destination.

    At first my destination seemed to look exactly like the universe I had just come from. Shortly, though, I discovered some very unusual things were going on in this new place. For starters, the physical make-up and properties here were completely unique to anything I had seen thus far. Also, for some reason this place felt very natural to me. I looked about and noticed I was near a planet that bore somewhat of a resemblance to that Earth planet I had found before. I descended to the planet's surface and found on it beings very similar to me: not visually, of course, but fundamentally. The physical forces that bound their corporeal forms together and the energy patterns that formed the fibers of their being were much more like my own energy patterns than those of the beings I had seen on Earth. And, to my surprise, some of these life forms bore a striking resemblance to some of the life forms I had seen on Earth. But these life forms looked much simpler, and displayed such physical flexibility and alteration abilities that any Earth creature trying to duplicate them would end up spending their remaining days in a body cast. I had found a universe comprised of cartoons characters, a *Tooniverse* if you will, and the life forms there referred to themselves as *Toon*s. Of course, at the time I had no idea what a cartoon was.

===================================

*Andy is nonplussed, but walks onstage with big smile to shake hands with Pepe. Wild Applause! The two grin at each other. Offstage, Slappy is just lighting another bomb when Pepe continues*

Pepe K.: And his entourage - Slappy Squirrel!

Slappy: Huh?! (She hides the sizzling bomb behind her back) Who, Me?

Pepe K.:(grins) Suuuure! Come on out, Slappy! Bring Skippy too!

Skippy:(up in the baclony, surrounded by cute squirrel-girls) No thanks! I'm good!

Slappy: (considers, then walks out with the lit bomb in her paw)....Eh, why not? I could use some free publicity.

*As she walks slowly by, she opens Dizzy Devil's mouth like a trash bin and drops the bomb in. Dizzy smiles blissfully and swallows the bomb. It explodes a moment later, but the Tazmanian Devil merely blushes and grins sheepishly*

Dizzy: 'Scuse Me...Must been someone me ate.

Slappy: Whatcha want, Skunk-boy?

Pepe K.: Merely to congratulate one of our foremost scientists.

*Andy smiles*

...Slappy..? ..Is that a riding crop?

Slappy: (After trying to hide it behind Andy's back momentarily) Uh - yeah! The Fox here and I are doin' a "Hogan's Heros" takeoff! Ain't that right, Fox?

(Spin-changes into a WW2 German Commandant and slaps her thigh with the riding crop and yells) SCHULLLLLLLLTZE!

Andy:(spin-changes into a long WW2 german infantry coat and helmet, he salutes) Javol - Herr Commandant!!

Slappy:(very accusatory, she pokes him with the riding crop) Is it true that Colonel Hogan is actually a Allied operative for the Underground who sabotages our war efforts and helps Allied prisoners to escape?!?!

Andy: I see Nu-thing! I hear Nu-thing!! I know -- Nu-thing!!!

Slappy: (hitting him on the helmet) Dumkopft!!!

Pepe K.: Okay! (quietly) nice save.. Anyway! Our second nominee is Doctor Lord and the Time Travel Sequence in "A Time To Every Purpose Unto Heaven Part 12"!

===================================

    As the tempest raged around him, Lord's silver stripes danced with electric charges and as the Toonsters watched, he shuddered with effort and fired a bolt of lightning from his tail up into the ever changing face of the Z'Eye panel! The crack of thunder stunned everyone, but the thunderbolt made the face of his target begin to glow with power!

    As he built up to another charge, the Doctor shouted, "Come Shirley! Fire into it!"

    Shirley didn't understand it but prepared to do as her Mentor commanded, releasing Plucky's wing and Babs' hand to concentrate her energies.Lord fired a bigger thunderbolt from his tail, making the Z'Eye change color entirely!

    "Hit the center!" he yelled over the wind.

    Shirley raised her finger and shot  her own power into the Z'Eye. It glowed, but less than when Lord's thunderbolt hit it.

    "Again!!" the Doctor barked as he watched her progress.

    Shirley zapped it with a stronger beam of power, the type she used on Plucky when she was really mad at him. Plucky and the others winced knowing how much power Shirley was expending against her target!

    "Again!! Full Power!!" Lord insisted.

    The Loon summoned all her strength, raised both arms and fired a thunderbolt like Lord had done - cracking the air with thunder!  The Toonsters cheered as Shirley's power made the Z'Eye turn pink!

    "Good girl!" Lord shouted with praise as Shirley joined hands with her admiring friends again.

     Lord fired once more, this time; a powerful blue thunderbolt from his hand that ripped the air in two with a deafening blast and turned the Z'Eye purple! 

    As the music and the storm came to a climax, Lord took the controls again.

    "That did it - hang onto each other! STAND BY!"

    Cheered by witnessing Shirley's success, everyone linked arms and looked up through the Cosmic Diffuser's sparking rings and the Jacob's Ladder's rising waves of electricity and into the fully charged Z'Eye above as it stared down upon their smiling faces.

    Lord pulled a lever and shouted "OPEN!!"

    The God's Eye did - expanding to an oval shape and throwing tremendous shock waves across the stormy sky all the way to the horizon! The blast over their heads resounded like the crack of doom and the clouds above it parted as though a passage to Heaven had opened!

    From the Z'Eye streamed down laser-like beams upon the group, the sparkling rays encompassing them!

    "HERE WE GO!!" exclaimed Lord as he grasped the final lever!

    Everyone held held each other tight in expectation as he pulled it down.

    "TRANSPORT!!"

    The light beams grew blinding as the music soared and the mighty Z'Eye descended from above them, hovering  down, focusing it's transferal beams tighter and tighter on them. In a flash, the Toonsters de-materialized! By the time the Z'Eye reached the ground - the Cosmic Diffuser, the Jacob's Ladder, the platform and it's occupants had disappeared.

--------------

    Across the vast reaches of space - in another dimension - the Toonsters and Lord were materializing in a grand old room. They still held onto each other tightly and Babs and Plucky were still screaming at the top of their lungs when all of a sudden they could see and hear again.

--------------

    "W-where are we, Doc?" Babs asked in astonishment.

    Dr. Lord turned and said calmly "Vermont."

===================================

*applause as Doctor Lord walks onstage*

Lord: Thank you, Pepe.

Andy: And I helped!

Lord: True. Andy has been and shall be instrumental in the Toonsters' trips through Time and Dimension.

Slappy : Or Dementia. ...heheh.

===================================

(Calamity walks to the Control Panel of the Dangerous and Bizarre-looking, Booth-like Device and pulls a lever marked "The Works". )

    QUICK CUT TO:

(Hamton reacts in horror in SLOW MOTION and runs to stop them!)

    Hamton:" NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!"

    QUICK CUT TO:Wide Shot (Normal Speed -of the Lab as the Machine roars to life! Lights blink! Electricity arcs! Sparks fly! There's a terrible ear-splitting shriek!! Zapping Noises fill the air!!)

    Fifi's Voice:(From inside the Machine) "How you say? - YEOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWWW!!!"

    QUICK CUT TO:

(Close Up Angled Shot of Wile E. and Andy looking shocked - Wile E. leaps into Andy's arms)

    QUICK CUT TO:

(Close Up Angled Shot of Calamity aghast!)

    QUICK CUT TO:

(Close Up Angled Shot of the Machine blasting and bouncing!)

    QUICK CUT TO:

(Close up Angled Shot - SLOW MOTION - of Hamton's face, Horrified!) (All sound dies. Only a heartbeat is heard as he leaps to the Control Panel, stepping on Calamity and finally pulls the switch to the "OFF" position!)

    CUT TO:

( NORMAL SPEED - Wide shot of the whole laboratory with Andy, Wile and Calamity between Hamton and the Machine. They are looking at him - he is watching the Machine behind them and sweating nervously. Suddenly, the Machine begins to bulge and expand as Something inside it grows!)

    CUT TO:

(Medium Shot of the group as they look at each other. Slight smoke fills the air. Disaster is in the offing!)

    Wile E.: "Just what were you doing in there, Hamton?"

(Hamton stares at him in shock)

    Andy Fox:"Are you aware that your face is covered with lipstick? I was wondering if you were aware of that, Hamton."

(Hamton's head spins between the two older toons in confusion, then stops to stare in horror behind them. His pupils become tiny as his eyes grow to their widest!)

    Wile E." Do I have your attention, Mister Pig?"

    CUT TO:

Close up of Hamton's face as it turns pale and white. There is a growing RUMBLE, the source of which only he can see.)

    Fifi's Voice:(Greatly Amplified) "VOUS LEAVE MAH PIGGY ALONE!"

(A huge purple fist squashes Wile E. to the floor, then lifting away to let him spring up, completely pleated. He makes an accordion sound. Wile and the others freeze wide-eyed in terror as they feel a tremendous presence behind them. Slowly, they turn and then back away in fear as we)

    CUT TO:

(Fifi's gigantic face glaring angrily at them! She is huge! We can only see her head filling the screen! Her eyes alone are bigger than Wile E. and he and the others back away slowly, trembling with fear. Fifi's huge dark purple irises stare at them, her eyelids half-closing menacingly. Her huge jaws move as she speaks, her teeth are now enormous)

    Fifi:"NOBODY PICKS ON MAH BOYFRIEND!"

(Her colossal head pulls back and up, up, up - revealing a tremendous body, the remnants of her green dress are just tiny shreds of fabric that fall off of her. Like a dinosaur, she stands up and slowly walks away, the ground shakes like an earthquake as her monstrous purple feet trample down the walls and smash the building! Her tail - bigger than her body - follows and levels the whole side of the Looniversity! Screams are heard. The gargantuan skunkette disappears out of sight, leaving behind a flattened, harmless, squashed-looking booth-like device that looks hopelessly wrecked and a crushed building. As her mighty footsteps resound in the distance, Calamity holds up a sign bearing a single word.

    "Oops!"

===================================

Pepe K.: And the third and final nominee is -  "Feefzilla - Queen of the Monsters" when Calamity's machine makes Fifi huge!

*applause as Calamity Coyote walks onstage with Wile E. Coyote*

Andy: I was in that too!

Wile E.: So was I.. much to my deep regret.

Pepe K.: Why, Wile? You had a major part in it! Didn't you like it?

Wile E.: My dear fellow. In my time I have been blasted, blown up, frozen, and flattened. Gravity is my adversary. However, I draw the line at being squashed by a skunk. I refuse to be in the sequal.

Pepe K.:(aside) Actors. Okay, I'll.. I'll put in a...a romance! - with the Chief Scientist...a cute vixen!

Andy: Huh?!

Slappy: (hitting his helmet again) Hey!

Pepe K.: I mean uh -- a cute lady coyote!

Wile E.: Hmmm..on the other hand one shouldn't be too hasty..Me in a romantic role? (he smiles)... I shall consider it.

*Calamity holds up a sign* "Can I have one too?"

Pepe K.: Er, uh - we'll talk. Do lunch. We'll see. In any case - the Winner - of the Best Use of Pseudo-Science goes to....(reads) : 

"Feefzilla, Queen of the Monsters!" by uh... moi!

*wild applause as Pepe K. bows*

Slappy: So..ya won again, heh?

Lord: Well, in a way, we all won. Calamity made the Super-Enlarger machine, Wile E. and Andy and Calamity all starred in the film, Pepe wrote and directed it and I produced it.

*Calamity's sign asks* "You did?"

Andy: He runs Dynasty Systems.

Lord: Quite. So Congratulations Pepe, and everyone!

*applause as they all shake hands and paws. Lord returns to his theatre box*

Pepe K.: Thank you all so very very much for this award! However, I can't help but think we have forgotten something..oh yes! Slappy? Were you and Andy blowing me up before?

Slappy: Heh ha! Sure! Just havin' a lil fun.

Pepe K.:This reminds moi of a really short, but funny cartoon.

Slappy: Yeah, which one?

 SQUOOOSH!

*The Titanic foot of Feefzilla comes punching through the roof and squashes Andy and Wile E. flat underfoot. Her gigantic nail-polished toe-claws shine a pretty shade of red and flex for a moment*

Pepe K.: "Bambi Versus Godzilla".

Fifi's huge voice: (from above) Deed ah mees anytheeng?

Andy:(muffled) No, you were right on target.

Wile E.:(also muffled) Okay! Now - I want script approval!!

Pepe K.: Uh, Fifi? I think I need to make a quick departure - could you get moi outta here, please?

Fifi: Sairtanlee, mon cher!

*Fifi's giant hand reaches down to pick up Pepe K. and his UKE Award. He smiles to the audience*

Pepe K.: Well, thank you all so very very VERY much for these awards and the honor of being the Presenter for this part of the continuing UKE Awards!

*Feefzilla's monstrous-sized foot rises off the Fox and the Coyote, leaving them looking like accordians*

Pepe K.:(waving) On with the Show! Take it away, J.A.M.!

*wild applause as Fifi carrys Pepe away.  Slappy plays Andy Fox like an accordian, playing "The Roadrunner Song" while Calamity uses a bicycle pump to inflate his mentor. He overinflates Wile into a balloon, which slips off the pump and rasberries all through the theatre.*

Slappy:(aside to the audience) Heh ha! Now *that's* Comedy!

 :)

 --

 Pepe K.


	5. Type of Fanfic Awards

[...unWARP!!!]   
  
Good evening.   
  
*******

[UNWARP—POOF!!!]

A puff of smoke explodes on the stage, and when it clears, we see a jaguar dressed up as a *charro* once again, with the "Hecho en México" seals and the "CALIDAD: EXPORTABLE" logo printed in gold once again. He doesn't have a sombrero this time. Looking up, he opens his eyes and moves his head mechanically down to look at his audience, and he smiles. The band plays "La Negra" again for a bit until he pads behind the podium.

"This just in: Mexico tied with Italy 1 – 1, so that's why the Mexican troops aren't marching here tonight. But the good news is that we made it to the next round in the World Cup. Of course, you're not here to hear me talk about soccer." He looks up and says, "Thank you, Pepe. Wow, I'm still reeling from winning Best Cameo along with the other List Members!" He then looks to the audience, "Oh, and about that, I want to clarify a few things. First, 'Feefzilla, Queen of the Monsters!' is *not* where I made my fanfic debut, but it *was* the first Tiny Toons fanfic I've been in. I've been in other stories that were co-written in the Chip & Dale's Message Boards, one or two written by Oddimal List Member UFF DA, and a while back I did a little 'addendum' for a 'The Class Menagerie' fanfic, of which I'm *still*—[he then rotates his left shoulder a bit and the audience winces as it pops with a *very* loud and hollow POOM]—a trifle sore from. Okay, I have nine awards to present this evening so I'd better hurry. We're now at the Type of Fanfic Awards. [the screen now says "TYPE OF FANFIC AWARDS"] 

"Now then, originally, Tiny Toons Adventures was a comedy series, with touches of romance, horror, and why not, a bit of angst as well. Fandom has expanded the genres involved and now they include practically every type known. Tonight we'll honor a few of those genres, and we'll start with what is a key plot device in comedy and drama romances: when someone interferes with an established relationship, i.e., THE LOVE TRIANGLE! [the screen now says TYPE OF FANFIC AWARDS: BEST LOVE TRIANGLE CONFLICT]: The nominees for Best Love Triangle Conflict in a Tiny Toons Adventures Fanfic are:" [the screen shows scenes of the fanfics while on the inset are shots of the couples in question]

===================================

     Did Lord really mean to claim her as his own? He couldn't!...Could he...? He'd always been very nice and acted like a perfect gentleman towards her... but did he want her  romantically? Could he want that sort of relationship with his own Granddaughter? Impossible!

     A new thought occurred to Fifi and she came to a halt in front of the Acme Arms apartment building.

     She *was* having romantic feelings for Lord!  Next to Pepe, her mentor - she had been seeing him as the ultimate skunk-hunk. Was she angry at finding her life might have been planned for her - or was she reacting like a jilted lover? All the skunks she'd ever pursued had disappointed her... But ..when they'd danced - it was *he* who'd let go - when she didn't want to. Perhaps she'd been imagining his attraction to her - or was it all an act? 

===================================

"Dr. Lord, Fifi, and Hamton, in 'A Time To Every Purpose Unto Heaven Part 9, A Time To Refrain From Embracing', written by Pepe K." [The audience cheers wildly as the three give thumbs up to each other.]

===================================

                "Sure, a pleasure doing business with you. Bye." she said.

                Then Lola and Honey eyed each other before Honey left the room.

                Lola's arms were folded, and she didn't look very happy.

                Bugs looked at her, and couldn't help but chuckle to himself.

                "What's so funny?" asked Lola, turning to Bugs.

                "You're jealous." he said.

                "I'm not jealous! I just don't like her." said Lola.

===================================

 "Lola Bunny, Bugs Bunny, and Honey Bunny, no relation, he he, in 'Bunny Trouble', written by Yvette M. Griffith." [More cheering as Honey hugs Bugs and Lola looks happily at them.]

===================================

     "Her?" she asked incredulously. "You're going out with *Roberta*?"

     "Well, not if you're gonna chop him up, I'm not, 'cos Mom won't let me go to the movies by myself..."

     Rue could only react one way, and so she did. She broke up laughing. "Okay, okay, go, you two, have fun."

     "You're sure you don't mind?"

     "Naw, go already! I can't *wait* to hear what all about your... pfft...big date," Rue snickered further. "Hey, be sure to tell me what she thought was so important, will you?"

     Nigel and Roberta each gave Rue a mock cold shoulder and strutted out of Carrotte's, their noses and tails in the air.

===================================

"Nigel, Rhubarb, and Roberta, in 'The Bloomin' Loonies: 5, Count Them, 5!' written by Jennifer Cleckley and Jerry D. Withers, a.k.a RottinKid/Werekitty and Furrball." [Even more cheering as Rhubarb hugs Nigel tightly while he gives Roberta a high-five.]

===================================

Marshall then reached for the door handle, but Plucky stood in his way.

                "…and just who are you going to see in there?"

                "Nobody," Marshall said. " I just want some coffee to keep me awake." Marshall stopped and looked at him closely for a second. " Wait, I have seen you on TV. You were just on this documentary of the biggest cartoon failures ever for the Plucky Duck Show." Marshall added that last part knowing that it would irritate the duck, not because he really meant it.

                Plucky's face turned bright red, and steam shot out of his ears. " Listen pal!" he shouted at the smirking tern. " I hope you're not going in there to see Shirley. After all, she still wants me, even if she doesn't want to admit it."

===================================

"And, Shirley, Plucky, and Marshall, in 'Rite Of Passage', Parts 1 to 4, written by Kieron Wells, a.k.a., Dark Helmet." [Still more cheering while Plucky just sits there, fuming, while Shirley and Marshal hold wings.]

"And the winners are—[he opens the envelope with his claws]——Nigel, Rhubarb, and Roberta, in 'The Bloomin' Loonies: Five, Count Them, Five!' written by Jennifer Cleckley and Jerry D. Withers, a.k.a. RottinKid/Werekitty and Furrball!!!!!!" [The audience roars as the Jaguar steps aside to give room for them.]

*******   
  
Until next time, remember:   
  
I AM THE J.A.M.   
  
Good evening.   
  
[WARP!!!]

**************************************************

Nigel, RuBarb, and Roberta ran onstage, and waved to the assembled audience, grinning hugely.

"I wish to thank you all for your enjoyment of that little bit of hilarity. First and foremost I wish to thank two wonderful artists who gave Werekitty the inspiration to write the scene where Roberta and I first meet: Leloni Bunny, and Thorne."

"Always knew you were a charmer, Nige. Just didn't know how young you could rope 'em in, did you?" Rue gently teased.

"Ah... Well, Rue, it wasn't exactly intentional..."

"It was fun, though," Roberta added.

"Ah heh heh... Thank you all once again," Nigel concluded blushing, as he hefted the award. "See you in BL6, and Akron 3."

-The Incredible Werekitty

**************************************************

[...unWARP!!!]   
  
Good evening.   
  
*******

The Jaguar sees the two rodents and one feline pad back to their seats, and he pads behind the podium again. "Now then, [the screen now says: "TYPE OF FANFIC AWARDS: BEST USE OF MULTIPLE STORYLINES"] in life, there is plenty happening at the same time. In fanfics, normally you have a single plot and storyline from beginning to end. At most, you'd have a side story much the same way you have a side show. However there are times in which there are events that, while still subordinate to the main story, are important, and even help advance the main story, as well as give variety and suspense to both. Tonight we honor those authors who have weaved intricate yarns, meshing them perfectly, and not just alternated paragraphs between one story and the next. The nominees for Best Use of Multiple Storylines in a Tiny Toons Adventures Fanfic are:"

===================================

Porky Pig had just finished mowing his lawn and lay in his hammock, admiring his perfect yard of green grass. He mopped his brow and sighed with satisfaction. It was a beautiful Saturday afternoon and only a few white clouds hung in the pristine blue sky.

----------

    "No!"

    Dr. Lord mumbled under his breath and covered his eyes with a hand in frustration. His other hand tightened into a fist around the edge of the bench he sat on, his claws forcibly digging small holes in the marble. The slamming of Fifi's front door resounded across the mansion's yard as her rejection of her Grandfather crushed his hopes. Mae Bear stood blinking with a bottle of wine in her paws.

----------

    Buster looked up at the roof of his burrow where he and Babs stood rehearsing a scene from "The Odd Couple" for acting class. 

    "Hey, did you hear something?" he asked Babs as she stood reading the script, dressed as the fussy Felix Ungar.

    "C'mon Buster! Don't step out of character! We gotta get this right!"

===================================

"'A Time To Every Purpose Unto Heaven' the whole story, I believe, written by Pepe K." [wild cheering]

===================================

With her own bitter words leaving stinging tears in her eyes, Fifi stomped and clomped unevenly away, wearing only one shoe. Slamming the gate, she furiously marched into her pink Cadillac and banged the door shut. The gate was left ajar and her white slipper lay in the grass, but Fifi didn't care.

----------

     Next morning, Hamton had happily cleaned his room and was on his way out the front door when the phone rang. The caller ID showed it was Plucky. 

    "Hi Plucky!" he answered cheerfully.

    "Hiya Hammy! - hey!..how'd you know it was - ?!..oh yeah..Anyways, how'd ya like to shoot some hoops with me today?"

----------

    "Hurry up Buster! We're ready to go!" called Babs down Buster's rabbit hole for the second time.

    "I'm comin'! I'm comin'!", she heard his muffled voice say, "I just gotta find my LameBoy."

    "Leave the video games! We're going on a fun journey - there'll be plenty of things to do!" the pink bunny said tapping her big foot.

    "Got it!" exclaimed Buster, popping up from the burrow with the hand held game. "By the way, where're we goin'?"

===================================

"'A Time To Every Purpose Unto Heaven, Part 9, A Time To Refrain From Embracing', written by Pepe K." [wilder cheering]

===================================

Buster:

                All right! This is Buster Bunny! I don't know who you think you are but I'm the one who planted this patch of vegetables and I want to know who's been swiping them while my cottontail's been turned. I demand you show yourself!

----------

                The scene changes to Granny, Babs and Fifi entering a small hospital room. A small heart monitor is connected up to the patient on the bed. The gaunt and very much unconscious, Mr Hitcher.  The Monitor beeps with a slow steady rhythm as an IV drips on the other side of the bed.

                The only other piece of furniture in the room is a small chair by the door where the trio stands. 

----------

                                                               Plucky:

                And when you are finished eating... come, like lambs to the slaughter, to our glorious Sideshow!

                Surround yourselves in our galleries of the bizarre! See... Boo! The Chicken who walks like a man! (Stands before a Chicken Boo poster) Bear witness to... the oldest squirrel alive! (Stands before a Slappy poster)

----------

                                                               Shadowy Stranger 1:

                Good work. *IT* (lightning/thunder flash) seems to be moving on an easterly trajectory. That would mean that *IT*(lightning/thunder flash) will be traveling along... Burrow lane.

===================================

"And, 'Spooky Stories', written by Abel DuSable." [not so wild cheering, but Abel enjoys it]

"And the winner is—[the screen shows the title cards and both authors in the audience as the Jaguar tears open the envelope]—you guessed it!! For the second year in a row: The whole story of 'A Time To Every Purpose Unto Heaven', written by Pepe K.!!!!" [The audience cheers as he steps aside as the skunk comes up again.]

*******   
  
Until next time, remember:   
  
I AM THE J.A.M.   
  
Good evening.   
  
[WARP!!!]

**************************************************

Pepe K.: Thank you JAM and thanks to everyone involved.

Multiple plotlines? Yes, we have plenty of them in this chronicle of events know as A Time To Every Purpose Unto Heaven.

(thinking) Lessee...Hmmm, at this point in time:

(the camera pans to shots of those mentioned)

Pepe K: Fifi - is trying to get used to having found out the truth about her Grandfather and her newfound immortality. She is nervous about her secret engagement to Hamton because of her new relationship with Dr. Lord and the secrets she's having to keep from Hamton and everyone because of it.

Hamton - is deeply in love with Fifi, but is beginning to feel jealous of Dr. Lord, even though they like each other and are finding that they have much in common.

Dr. Lord - desperately needs Fifi to join mentally with him to keep the Berserker from controlling him and wreaking havoc. His love for his Granddaughter is making him want to break the news of their true nature to her gently, but her strong desire to know everything is causing them both to clash.

Shirley - knows about Lord and Fifi. Being their confidant isn't easy. She has admitted her love for Plucky and is still adjusting to that, but things seem to be going rilly rilly well for the two waterfowl.

Plucky - is happy to be with Shirley and wants her to himself – meaning for Fowlmouth to leave her alone. He's also concerned about his best friend Hamton being hurt by his interspecies relationship with Fifi.

Porky and Petunia Pig - are concerned about how their friends are relating to Dr. Lord. With his medical help, they are trying to become parents.

Bugs and Honey Bunny - are trying to correct the Bugs/Lola marriage Scandal and Bugs is trying to reconcile his past with Lord and Porky.

Mae Bear - is in love with Lord, but doesn't yer know his true nature. Fifi seems jealous of her.

Daffy - now a rich prima donna, is leaping into the world of Avantè Garde Art and is graffitiing everyone with mustaches.

Laika Romanov - with her memory of discovering her friend Lord to be the Berserker wiped from her mind by him, she is subconciously under his control to retrieve the secret files she has on him, while she returns Kimba the White Lion to Africa.

Fowlmouth - is now crestfallen that Shirley is back with Plucky.

Mary Melody - seems to be flirting with him - or is she just trying to cheer him up?

Arnold - seems to be enjoying his new job as Lord's aide de camp, but is mystifyed at the Doctor's behavior. He doesn't like the water, either.

Furball - is overjoyed to be able to speak.

Calamity - isn't.

Gogo Dodo - Reality makes him nauseuous.

Wakko Warner - deeply upset by Red Hot's suicide and his disagreements with his siblings concerning it.

Buster and Babs - already happily engaged, they seem to be the only ones unaffected - or are they?

We'll see! Merci beaucoup for the award, everyone!

*wild applause*

:) 

-- 

Pepe K.

**************************************************

[...unWARP!!!]   
  
Good evening.   
  
*******

The lights shine on the stage again, and we see a setting of a train station. Five figures are standing there, waiting for the train. One appeared to be a *very* tall anthropomorphic lion, five meters tall, in fact, that he had to kneel down to more or less be level with the others. He had a black mane and ENORMOUS black avian wings behind him: a toon chimera. On his left stood the jaguar, and in the middle stood Calamity Coyote, who received cheers. There was a mouse standing on the left shoulder of the chimera, and there was another mouse, younger than the first, standing on the jaguar's right shoulder. A zoom on the mice revealed them to be Speedy Gonzalez and Lightning Rodriguez, eliciting more cheers from the audience. They were dressed in their usual attire: sombrero, white shirt and pants, and a red bandana, but they also had a brown sarape over their shoulders. The chimera, the coyote and the jaguar were also dressed like that, sarape and all. The four had a completely nearly catatonic expression on their faces, and they looked as if they were completely bored and sleepy. Their mouths were slightly open and their heads were slightly tilted. Their tails were motionless.

Then, from stage right, entered Arnold The Pit Bull, dressed in a white shirt and blue jeans. The audience greeted him with cheers and applause. Arnold padded to the four and looked at them oddly for a moment, then he looked quizzically at the audience, and then he looked back at them. He scratched his head for a moment, and finally he asked,

"Parrdon me, you all arr Mexican, ja?" The five didn't seem to hear him, but five seconds later they all answered,

"Sí," as monotone and catatonically as they could, with a very heavy Mexican accent (Calamity voiced by Lance Henricksson). They didn't even blink. The audience laughed at this stoic and sudden reply. Arnold was startled for a bit, then he looked to his left, and then back to the five.

"Und arr you all waiting forr de trrain, ja?" The five again appeared to take their time in registering the question, and again they replied robotically,  
"Sí." 

The audience laughed like crazy at the sound of the five voices mixed together, and at the way their heads nodded in unison. Arnold just looked at them and rubbed his paws for a moment.  
"You arr all meeting some toon on dis trrain, ja?" They held their response, and all together gave a slight nod,  
"Sí." 

And no other muscle moved. The audience was laughing harder now, and Arnold appeared to want to smile a bit himself. He took a second to recover, and continued,  
"Ah, rrelatives, ja?" Wait five seconds, deliver:  
"Sí."

The audience's laughter was getting to Arnold, and he just *had* to look away from the Mexicans. He took a deep breath, looked at them again, and asked again,  
"What arr yoor Latin namby-pamby names?" Five seconds after the question, they answered from left to right in rapid succession,  
"Sid—"

"Sam—"

"Zac—"

"Seth—"

"Cy."

The audience guffawed at the replies, especially the jaguar's, and Arnold was nearly stunned into smiling right there. He scratched his head, leaned toward the jaguar, and asked,  
"Cy?"  
"Sí," replied the five suddenly and simultaneously. The audience's guffaws renewed, and Arnold had to turn away again. The audience was now laughing at *him* because they knew he wanted to laugh as well. Thirty seconds later he recovered,  
"Yoo all arr waiting for wimpy-girrly rrelatives, ja?" Hold response, fire:  
"Sí."

It wasn't so much what they said, but the way they said it that made the audience double over laughing. Trying to distract himself, Arnold wiped his sunglasses a bit, and continued,  
"Seesterrs, ja?"  
"Sí."

The only one who was delaying the sketch was Arnold because he had to take another minute to stop himself from laughing, and the audience wasn't helping him. He was about to say something again, but he turned away at the last moment, looking away from the audience and discreetly wiping away some tears. Finally he turned again, closed his eyes (hoping no one would notice that with his sunglasses on), and continued,  
"Vhat arr derr names?" And in rapid succession again, they fired away,  
"Sal—"

"Silv—"

"Zöe—"

"Soph—"

"Sue."

Their tone of voice and facial expression had the audience under their control, and Arnold was close to losing control. He leaned over and asked the jaguar,  
"Sue?"  
"Sí." The quintuple blow was sudden again, and the audience couldn't stop laughing. Taking yet another minute to look away, Arnold regained control, and continued,  
"Und they vorrk, ja?" Five seconds later,  
"Si."

Some of the audience ran to go to the bathroom. Arnold breathed deeply and tried to keep frowning,  
"Und vhat do dey do?" Rapid fire:  
"Sell—"

"Sing—"

"Zap—"

"Sweep—"

"Sew."

Arnold now had to rub his muzzle to keep a straight face. He couldn't believe the others hadn't even smiled or even blinked at this.  
"Sew?"  
"Sí." 

He immediately turned away, and held his breath, trying to block out the audience's laughter and applause. Two minutes for recovery this time. He turned back and asked with a light smile,

"You namby-pamby Mexicans do know dat you'rre rripping off a sketch of Mel Blanc und Jack Benny, ja?" Hold, deliver:

"Sí."

Arnold was determined to finish this sketch, so he padded around for a bit, trying to shake off the laughter from his face. Nearly gritting his teeth, he looked at the floor in front of the five, and asked,

"Vell, how do you teenk ve're doing so farr?" Another five seconds, but this time:

"So-so," they replied, waving their right paws accordingly. Still they kept their catatonic faces. Arnold turned away quite suddenly and clenched his fists. The audience was practically screaming at him, and even more when the jaguar stole a mocking glance at him. He immediately shifted back to the catatonic pose before Arnold could turn and see what had happened. This time, he had to wait for the audience to stop laughing and screaming. Trembling with unreleased laughter and still clenching his fists, he growled,

"Vell, vhat do you teenk dey vould do if dey saw you doing dees?" Another five second delay, and:

"Sue." 

Everyone in the audience was crying and had sore abdomens, and everyone screamed at this last reply. Tears could be seen flowing out from behind Arnold's sunglasses.

"Sue?" he chuckled.

"Sí." Finally, Arnold could take it no more. Saliva exploded out of his mouth as he gave in to the laughter, and finally the four broke out of their expressions and smiled as well. The Jaguar padded over to Arnold, shook his paw, and hugged him Mexicanly. Then he turned to the audience and proclaimed,

"Ladies and gentlemen, Leondrel de Meballaz, Speedy Gonzalez, Calamity Coyote, Lightning Rodriguez, and Arnold Pit Bull!!!!!" The others waved and bowed to the cheering audience, and hugged one another. Lightning jumped off the Jaguar's shoulder and they all left the stage. Then, just before Leondrel stood, Babs Bunny ran in from stage left and gave the chimera as big a hug as she could. Leondrel smiled and kissed her forehead lightly, and finally he stood, revealing just how high five meters are. He gently took Babs' paw and led her off the stage. There were murmurs in the audience, but The J.A.M. calmly explained, "Um, long story, hopefully coming soon in the mailer." The Jaguar padded to the podium again and spun-changed into his presenter's suit, but he kept the sarape. He chuckled a bit as he removed his sarape and tossed it off stage—only to have it tossed back on his head. He annoyingly picked it off and dropped it on the floor. He had to wait a bit for the audience to stop laughing, and he chuckled a bit himself while he waited. "Thank—" He stopped for a moment while he chuckled some more. "Thank—[chuckle]—thank you, Señor De Mellabaz, of the Tiny Toons Adventures Mailing List, Señor Gonzales, Señor Coyote, Señor Rodriguez, und Herr Pit Bull!!! What you just saw was a parody of one of Jack Benny and Mel Blanc's [respectfully bows his head for a moment, and the audience calmed down considerably] most memorable sketches. Parodies—[chuckle]—take an original story and ALWAYS find something insanely absurd—[chuckle]—and humorous about it, no matter how dramatic or angsty or scary it maybe. [the screen now says: "TYPE OF FANFIC AWARDS: BEST PARODY FANFIC"] Tonight we'll—[chuckle]—we'll honour those who have that keen eye and razor-sharp wit to pull humour out of drama, angst, and—[chuckle]—horror! The nominees for Best Parody Fanfic are:"

===================================

Ducks Out Of Luck

TOM: I know how they feel.

MIKE: Hey, you sound better.

TOM: I *feel* better. Already.

[The BOTS make 'aha!' type noises]

A Tiny Toon Adventures/Darkwing Duck/Uncle Scrooge crossover.

CROW: You know, I always say it's important to keep things simple.

That's what I like most about you, Mike.

MIKE: I'm simple?

TOM: You're not complex.

===================================

"'The MiSTing of Ducks Out of Luck', written by Siobhan Morris, a parody of 'Ducks Out of Luck', originally written by Kevin Mickel." [cheering]

===================================

Gogo raced along at the same speed as the airplane and abruptly leaped into the air atop a silver surfboard, to sail upward after the aircraft. The train collapsed and wrecked, spilling numbers and letters everywhere.

    "Looks like your train of thought was derailed, Babs!" laughed Honey.

     Gogo rose to the level of the plane and flew alongside it's window.

    "Alright Buddy! Where's the fire?! Pull over to the curb!"

    "Gogo! I'm flying a plane!", cried Buster,"I can't stop!"

     The Dodo leaped off his surfboard and stood upside down on the underside of the wing. His head became the bubble top of the "Lost In Space" robot.

    "Warning! Warning!", he cried waving his arms, "Oh, Doctor Smith! - You are telling a  non-fact! I'll have to call for back-up!"

===================================

"And, I have NO idea how this story got in this category, but it's 'A Time To Every Purpose Unto Heaven', written by Pepe K." [cheering again]

"And the winner is—[the screen shows the titles and the authors again as he tears open the envelope, and proclaims]—Like it had any problems, 'The MiSTing of Ducks Out of Luck', written by Siobhan Morris, a parody of 'Ducks Out of Luck', originally written by Kevin Mickel!!!" [The audience gasps in surprise and cheers while he stands aside to give the award]

*******   
  
Until next time, remember:   
  
I AM THE J.A.M.   
  
Good evening.   
  
[WARP!!!]

**************************************************

[no response given]

**************************************************

[...unWARP!!!]   
  
Good evening.   
  
*******

[The Jaguar continued]

"Life is what we make of it, and while it has been represented on stage, screen, and paper, Real Life is also a great story by itself. Tonight we honour those who have transcribed real events into a flowing storyline, complete with everything life gives us: comedy, drama, horror, angst, and suspense. [the screen now says: "TYPE OF FANFIC AWARDS: BEST TRUE LIFE FANFIC"] The nominees for Best True Life Fanfic are:"

===================================

Lord lumbered toward the empty center of the field, his eyes glowing white around the scarlet pupils. His lips were drawn back, the razor sharp teeth gritted tight enough as to break his jaw, his muscles were pumped and expanding as the cold water ran down his face. Fifi watched as his tail dragged through the soaked grass. The music and pain built till she felt she would be sick, but suddenly Lord's body seemed to drop into the ground. In a flash, he was gone! She stared across the dark field, but saw nothing. The cramps diminished, but as the creepy music continued - they returned. Clutching her belly, Fifi stumbled back into her Cadillac out of the rain. The music became sinister as she could only imagine the horror that was occurring. A cold sweat came over her.

    "Oh _Mon_ Dieu!" she gasped.

 ===================================

"'A Time To Every Purpose Unto Heaven', AGAIN, written by Pepe K." [extremely loud cheering]

===================================

     "I know it sounds crazy but it's true," he expressed. "I love her more than anything."

     "But she... she's a bloody cartoon character. Not only that, she's a skunk!"

     "An extremely attractive one you'd have to admit?"

     "Maybe," I replied. "But it still doesn't make sense. How could you possibly fall in love with a fictional character?"

===================================

 "'LaFume', written by Sean Cambpell."[more cheering]

===================================

     They drove up to the dormitory, Harry humming a merry tune, as Millie enjoyed the scenery. Harry, rather the gentlecat, opened his bride's car door for her, and escorted her to the dorm. It was still rather early for a Saturday, so the outer door was still locked. There was, however, a bell that Harry was quick to ring.

     "Yes?" Penelope yawned, when she finally came to the door. She had only just gotten up, it being the weekend and all...

===================================

"And 'The Bloomin' Loonies: 5, Count Them, 5!' written by Jennifer Cleckley and Jerry D. Withers, a.k.a. RottinKid/Werekitty and Furrball." [cheering and whistling]

"And the winner is—[the screen has the previous format as he opens the envelope and reads it]—was there a doubt? 'A Time To Every Purpose Unto Heaven', written by Pepe K.!!!!!" [The audience claps and cheers. He stands aside again as Pepe returns.]

*******   
  
Until next time, remember:   
  
I AM THE J.A.M.   
  
Good evening.   
  
[WARP!!!]

**************************************************

*Pepe K. returns to the stage, along with Doctor Lord, Fifi, Hamton and his parents, Wade and Winnie Pig and the others in his entourage*

Pepe K.: Thank you again JAM. :)

Chronicaling a story from life is complex cuz life is a vast mixture of everything. It can begin one way, change to another and end with something completely differant - all within a single scene. In the middle of something joyous and bouncey, a small tragedy can make things bittersweet.

*Pepe signals to the orchestra leader, who has the band begin to play a violin vamp from an old showtune....The lits dim softly to shine softly like candlelight of the group's gently smiling faces.

 Pepe brings out Hamton and Fifi to stand before him *

Pepe K.: As my friend Sheldon Harnick once wrote:

(He sings) "Is this the little girl I carried?

Is this the little boy at play?

I don't remember growing older -

When _ did _ they?

When did she get to be a beauty?

When did he grow to be so tall?

Wasn't it yesterday when they _ were _ small?"

*the group holds hands around the blushing couple and sing in unison*

"Sunrise, Sunset

Sunrise, Sunset

Swiftly flow the days -

Seedlings turn overnight to sunflowers

Blossoming even as we gaze.

Sunrise, Sunset

Sunrise, Sunset

Swiftly fly the years -

One season following another -

Laden with Happiness ...And Tears.

*The song ends sweetly as the couple kisses each other*

*The audience gives them a heartfelt standing ovation*

Pepe K.:(smiles) Thank you everyone.

:)

Pepe K.

**************************************************

[...unWARP!!!]   
  
Good evening.   
  
*******

The group returned to their seats, and the Jaguar continued. "H.G. Wells introduced a new sub-genre in science fiction when he wrote 'The Time Machine', in 1898. [the screen now says: "TYPE OF FANFIC AWARDS: BEST TIME INVOLVED FANFIC"] We'll honour those who have taken this sub-genre and applied it to the Tiny Toons Adventures Multiverse. The Nominees for Best Time Involved Tiny Toons Adventures Fanfic are:"

===================================

    Cheered by witnessing Shirley's success, everyone linked arms and looked up through the Cosmic Diffuser's sparking rings and the Jacob's Ladder's rising waves of electricity and into the fully charged Z'Eye above as it stared down upon their smiling faces.

    Lord pulled a lever and shouted "OPEN!!"

    The God's Eye did - expanding to an oval shape and throwing tremendous shock waves across the stormy sky all the way to the horizon! The blast over their heads resounded like the crack of doom and the clouds above it parted as though a passage to Heaven had opened!

    From the Z'Eye streamed down laser-like beams upon the group, the sparkling rays encompassing them!

    "HERE WE GO!!" exclaimed Lord as he grasped the final lever!

    Everyone held held each other tight in expectation as he pulled it down. 

    "TRANSPORT!!"

    The light beams grew blinding as the music soared and the mighty Z'Eye descended from above them, hovering  down, focusing it's transferal beams tighter and tighter on them. In a flash, the Toonsters de-materialized! By the time the Z'Eye reached the ground - the Cosmic Diffuser, the Jacob's Ladder, the platform and it's occupants had disappeared.

===================================

 "Once again, 'A Time To Every Purpose Unto Heaven', written by Pepe K." [cheering]

===================================

      "I don't understand," I whispered. "Why... Why am I here?"

     "Your purpose here is to serve as a monument to the peoples of the Earth. You and the other inhabitants of this continent are now all that remains of their culture."

     "The Earth is gone?" I asked slowly.

     "It's sun died more than ten thousand years ago. The last human being is now but dust. You will live on though and as long as you survive then they will never be gone."

 ===================================

"And 'Dancers At The Edge Of Eternity', written by Sean Campbell." [cheering]

As the screen showed the title cards and authors, he opened the envelope, and announced, "And the winner is————for the second year in a row again: 'A Time To Every Purpose Unto Heaven', written by Pepe K.!" [The audience clapped as he waited for Pepe.]

*******   
  
Until next time, remember:   
  
I AM THE J.A.M.   
  
Good evening.   
  
[WARP!!!]

**************************************************

*Pepe K. returns to the stage with Dr. Lord, Fifi, Shirley and Andy Fox*

Pepe K.: Thanks very much, JAM and everyone. In the parts to come, we'll see a great deal more Time Travel.

Lord: Yes, indeed. I feel I must point out however, that the action you just recounted was merely Inter-dimensional Travel - not Time Travel.

*******

Andy: [to Lord] "You mean you don't just snap your fingers?" The fox snaps his fingers, disappears in a flash of light, and re-appears about ten seconds later holding a 3D newspaper, on which is printed: "The Village Voice. August 18th, 1981"

Sorry--couldn't help myself.

*******

Lord: Interesting...you can do that, but you still haven't put yourself back together into one being?

*******

Andy: [LOL] "Oh, shut up!"

*******

Shirley: But Doc? ..Like - what's differant about it? Yer mondo technco machine zapped us, we saw this totally absolute darkness - it was like...nuthin' existed - and then we just showed up in yer pad in Vermont?

Lord: First of all, the apparatus for inter-dimensional travel is far less complex and it's primarily stationary. The actual "Time Machine" uses "Time Displacement" and has no visible working parts. When we travel in time, it will appear and disappear so that no evidence will remain but us.

Shirley: So when we, like - go back to the Past, what will it be like?

Fifi: Eetz razzer frightening. A storm begins - lightneeng and thunder!

Andy: Because the air pressure drops, creating a low pressure area and violent air currents?

Lord: Correct.

Fifi: Zen a huge black shadow comes down like a ghost from ze sky and envelopes everytheeng! Vous can hardly see or hear anytheeng eenside.

Andy: Must be a gravity well - sucking in the light and sound too, like a Black Hole.

Lord: Partially. A true black hole would be too large and dangerous to incorporate into the design.

Fifi: Zen a tremendous white light comes at vous, az though from very far away out ov ze peetch darkness! Wild colourz and ..theengz ah can't describe come from around eet az eet comes up to vous and openz..like a door opening!

Andy: The actual pathway?

Lord: Yes. An extending warp of the space-time continuum. A corridor, or "Time Tunnel", if you will.

Shirley: Like, then what'll happen??

Fifi: Zen vous step eenside - and vous are blinded by white light..and all sound stops! Vous feel your body moving through space, but vous can't see anytheeng!... Ah felt zat ah waz screaming but... ah couldn't hear eet.

Andy: A dampening field?

Lord: Yes. If the senses were allowed to operate in the time tunnel, there would be too much input into one's brain too fast. Like a computer being overloaded with data at high speed - it could cause the brain to crash. The field prevents damage from excess input.

Fifi: Ov course... zee whole experiance might not be zo scarey eef tu deedn't alwayz play zat scarey muzique een our headz, tu know?

Lord: (surprised) Really? I thought it was rather apt. It reminds us of the danger we're risking. Time travel isn't something to be taken lightly.

Shirley: (laughs) Yeah, like Plucky's Time Machine was! Powered by a lawn mower!

Andy: Fortunatly, the Time Stream of the Tooniverse is more forgiving than in Reality. You know Doctor...Fifi has a point about the music. You do lay it on a bit thick sometimes. You don't always need to remind us that your're a super-being.

Lord: I don't use it for that purpose. If i was seeking to impress anyone, there are a myriad other things I could do other than simply play music. I suit the theme to the action. I do it for other people's benfit, not merely my own. If you don't like it - I won't do it. I'd just as soon play something just for myself.

Fifi:Well, ah don't really mind eet, eetz fun sometimes. Eetz just zee scarey, tence stuff tu play sometimes.

Shirley: Like, what would you play? If it wuz fer just you?

Andy: Please don't say bagpipes again!

Lord: Just for me?...Hmmm. Probably something like this -

*Lord spin-changes into a Calypso dancer costume with a bilious yellow silk shirt with ruffled sleeves, very tight red capri pants and a Carribean straw beach hat. The hissing percussion of maracas and claves fills the air as a the music of the Native Steel Drum Band of Trinidad plays a loud and joyous rythm - the sound of tuned steel rings out happily as the old tune "Mary Ann" plays Calypso-style. Lord begins a fast samba, swaying his hips and tail sinuously.*

Andy:...I would not have expected this.

Lord: (with a Carribe`accent and a broad grin on his face as he dances)

Ya mon! You know why a Calypso-dancer dances wit his hips - and not wit  his feet, mon?

Andy:(staring) No..

Lord:(laughing and showing a flash of white teeth)

 Because you cannot tap dance in de sand!

*Fifi, Shirley, Pepe and the JAM haved joined in the wiggliy dancing, as Andy continues to stare. Hunter of the Road Rovers peeks in from the wings*

Hunter: Hey! That's my line!

:)

--

Pepe K.

**************************************************

[...unWARP!!!]   
  
Good evening.   
  
*******

Eventually, the music stops as the mephitid and the canid return to their seats, still arguing quietly. The felid, meanwhile, continued.

"True Life can be a great story, but the Tiny Toons are also quite versatile when making stories assigned to them by the Acme Looniversity faculty. [the screen now says: "TYPE OF FANFIC AWARDS: BEST CLASS PROJECT FANFIC"] The nominees for Best Tiny Toons Adventures Class Project Fanfic are:"

===================================

In the Looniversity science lab I came across the Doctor, Susan and Calamity. The Doctor was examining something that looked like a silver coloured the telescope, a monocle clasped tightly in his right eye. Calamity was standing next to him and whenever the old man would hold out his left hand, the coyote would pass him a tool of some sort.

     There were bits and pieces scattered all over the workbenches, a box full of screwdrivers perched perilously close to the edge of the nearest table to me. Sliding it into a somewhat safer position I glanced towards Susan who was sitting on a small, three legged stool.

     "What are they playing at?" I asked.

     "Grandfather thinks he can find out where we are," she replied.

===================================

 "'Dancers At The Edge Of Eternity', written by Sean Campbell." [cheering]

===================================

                Three figures pile into a large Black Sedan similar to the one from MIB and begin driving towards the camera. 

                The headlights 'blind' the screen for a moment before we see the taillights of a Yellow VW Beetle driving away from the camera.

                The car passes a very old and worn out billboard for a Garage and the camera zooms in on it. The lightning flashes and asides from a faded picture of a grinning rat in a smart looking Attendant's uniform with a monkey wrench in hand the only discernable words left on the billboard are..."CAR PROBLEMS?"

===================================

 "And, 'Spooky Stories', written by Abel DuSable." [more cheering]

"And the UKE goes to—[looks at the screen with the titles and authors, turns back and opens the envelope]—'Spooky Stories', written by Abel DuSable!!!!" [he claps as he steps aside to give the award to the Sable]

*******   
  
Until next time, remember:   
  
I AM THE J.A.M.   
  
Good evening.   
  
[WARP!!!]

**************************************************

Abel bounds up onstage followed by three spunky cheerleaders. As he accepts the award, Sphinxy, Bunky and Bimbette leap and shake their pompoms as they cheer enthusiastically (Causing a great number of wolfwhistles to erupt from the audience).

"TWO! FOUR! SIX! EIGHT! Who do we appreciate? ABEL! ABEL! ABEL!!! YAYYYYY!"

Abel smiles at the display and leans over into the microphone to give his speech.

"Thank you ladies. I'm glad everyone enjoyed the work I did with 'Spooky Stories'. I did it out of a sense of fun and because I honestly hope that if... (or when) the WB finally decides to make more Tiny Toon Adventures that if we have some stories that 'feel' like episodes they might be used for script material. And I can only hope that when that day comes the One-timers and bit players of the series get a chance to show the world what they can do... just as I tried to show in Spooky Stories. I would like to confess... I do have Spooky Stories 2 on the typewriter at this moment, so keep watching for more stuff that'll scare the pants off of ya!"

Suddenly from the wings leaps a new figure... Tall gaunt and pale, Mr. Hitcher Bounds up and down... clad in nothing more than a cheerleader outfit identical to Sphinxy, Binky and Bimbette's. The audience recoils in horror as does Abel, The J.A.M. and the cheerleaders as Hitcher does a terribly clumsy mockery of their routine. Abel looks out at the audience and shudders.

"I.... never had anything *THIS* Terrible in mind....Thankyoufortheawardgoodbye!" He hurridly whimpers and runs offstage,followed by the trio leaving the J.A.M. onstage with Mr. Hitcher as he hams it up.

**************************************************

[...unWARP!!!]   
  
Good evening.   
  
*******

The Jaguar looks with complete disgust at Mr. Hitcher as he continues to do his, um, 'cheer'. Realising that everyone had enough, he turns to stage left and gives a low whistle. Moments later, a long hook comes out from stage left and swiftly yanks the human out of everybody's way. The audience claps at this, and now the Jaguar can continue.

"And now, for something completely different," he says with a slightly British accent. He waits for the audience to stop laughing, and continues with his normal voice. "Love. Love is what created this world, and love is what keeps it going. There is the love parents have for their children, there is the love an artist has for his work, and of course, the love a male and female have for each other, in other words, romance. [he winks at a particular female member of the audience who will remain nameless at this point while the screen now says: "TYPE OF FANFIC AWARDS: BEST ROMANCE IN A TTA FANFIC"] Creating a believable relationship is difficult and painstaking, especially if the two are like night and day. Tonight we honour those who best represent what true romance is, and are not afraid to tell the world. The nominees for Best Romance in a Tiny Toons Adventures Fanfic are:

===================================

(Hamton and Fifi sit side by side, sneaking longing looks at each other. Hamton is blushing as Fifi wiggles her eyebrows at him. )

    CUT TO:

Close up of Fifi's tail, snaking it's way between chair legs under the desks, going around an impossible maze of obstructions. (Indian "snake charmer" Music follows)

    Hamton's Voiceover:" Fifi and I were.. uh, preoccupied."

    CUT TO:

(Fifi's tail drops a note on Hamton's desk and retreats underneath his chair. He looks at the paper and then jumps slightly as Fifi's tail wraps around his leg like an octopus.)

===================================

"Hamton and Fifi, in 'Feezilla, Queen of the Monsters!' written by Pepe K." [The couple leans over and kiss each other, eliciting more cheering.]

===================================

Mae stood and faced him.

    "Well, I'm gonna go get lunch..and then I'll be back for dinner...And you better be a good cook!" she warned jokingly, walking for the door. At the hallway, she stopped and looked at him.

    "Waitaminute..."

Mae turned and sashayed slowly back to where he sat, making sure he got a good look. She posed and showed him a very shapely leg.

    "See these gams?"she said brazenly, "Remember 'em!" The stunning woman then stepped up closely.

    "Feel this kiss?", she whispered just before planting a long passionate embrace and a powerful kiss on him. She dipped him and Lord's tail shook and his stripes burned red like a boiling

thermometer. She gently released him and put him back on the couch.

    "Remember *that*!" she whispered with a seductive smile. Lord watched her, stunned, as she walked back to the door, like Mae West. She posed at the entrance slowly smiled and said,

    "Ah'll be back ta see ya.....tonight." With a flip of her feather boa, she exited.

    The tall skunk sat quite amazed.

    "Hmm! Something new has been added!" he smiled.

===================================

 "Dr. Lord Pavel D'Lord and Mae Bear, in 'A Time To Every Purpose Unto Heaven', written by Pepe K." [She pulls him into a bear hug, making him gasp. The audience laughs and cheers.]

===================================

"Thanks, Calamity," Sassy said shyly. "I had a really fun time." 

"So did I," read Calamity's sign. "See you later?" 

"Yeah, see you later," Sassy replied.  He turned and started walking down the staircase, then turned back, walked up to Sassy and gave her a quick, chaste kiss on the cheek. 

"Good night," he said, so softly that Sassy almost had to strain to hear his words. She smiled, watching as he walked down the steps, turned left and walked down the sidewalk out of sight. 

"Good night, Calamity," Sassy said softly, gently touching the cheek that Calamity had kissed.  Then she headed back inside to lock up the Film Vault for the night. 

===================================

 "Sassy and Calamity, in 'A Year in the Life', written by Lady Iapetus." [the two simply hold paws and look at each other as the audience cheers]

===================================

He finally reached RuBarb's side, and with a small smile, tapped her on the shoulder. She spun around suddenly, her look of surprise melting into a pleased smile when she realized it was him. Rue took him into her arms with a happy purr, and proceeded to kiss the living daylights out of him. "My goodness..." Nigel panted. "Do you always greet the odd stranger you meet in an airport so enthusiastically?"

     "No, silly," RuBarb giggled. "Just my odd boyfriend that I happen to meet in an airport. I was hoping to see you anyway, Nige. Father's feeling a bit nostalgic, so he decided to go and visit his sister in London. Since I've never met her, Father thought it was about time that I did." 

===================================

"RuBarb Purrenstein and Nigel Carrotte, in 'The Bloomin' Loonies: 5, Count Them, 5!' written by Jennifer Cleckley and Jerry D. Withers, a.k.a. RottinKid/Werekitty and Furrball." [the cat and rat wave their fists in the air as the audience claps]

===================================

"Miranda must be here. Judging by the direction, I'd say they're in the record shoppe. Excuse me a minute..." she added, making her way to the adjoining room and poking her head in the doorway, where she found Leo and Miranda engaged in their never-ending game of 'Tickle Me'. "Bloody 'eck, it's worse than I thought!" Liz mumbled. Clearing her throat at extreme volume, she asked, "So, I take it you two still haven't found what you're looking for?"

     "Curses! Foiled again!" Leo sighed.

     "Ditto," agreed Miranda. "Oh well... some other time, perhaps..."

===================================

"Miranda Mink and Lionel Carrotte, also in 'The Bloomin' Loonies: 5, Count Them, 5!' written by Jennifer Cleckley and Jerry D. Withers, a.k.a. RottinKid/Werekitty and Furrball." [the minkmaid ruffles the rabbit's ears as they both smile and the audience cheers]

===================================

    "What the heck was that?" whispered Slappy in astonishment.

    "Acme's Little Giant Firecracker series--carbon enriched, 90% infused nitro, with conical-focused inverted blast gravity well--Part #25859B-C-N9-CI." 

    Slappy's mouth opened and her cheeks lifted, giving her the happy, yet confused look one might see on a small boy's face who has just found out that the rare comic he had been seeking for all of his life was now for sale for a mere 50 cents. She uttered a sort of happy-dumb "Haaaaaaa." I took this reaction as a positive one and produced a handful of similar explosives from my pocket. "I have some more," I said, suggestively.

    "My man!" exclaimed Slappy as she leapt into the air and wrapped her arms around my neck. Unconsciously my hands moved to support her weight. The explosives telepathically returned to my pocket.

    "Ooh, not bad," Slappy commented at my reflex as she examined her situation.

    "My, aren't we direct?" I asked coyly.

    "Hey, don't knock it," she warned.

    "Not me," I said.

    "Heh Ha!" Slappy laughed...

===================================

"Andy Fox and Slappy Squirrel, in 'N – The Autobiography of Andy Fox', written, of course, by Andy Fox!" [Andy gives her a tender kiss which makes the audience whistle and cheer]

"Ah, put a sock in it!" she chuckled.

===================================

     Erik looked stunned, like something had hit him in his heart, in that place he had forgotten. Like he had heard a part of himself in someone else. "Jess...I..." Words failed him, nor could he put what he felt into song. He looked unsure of himself as he walked up to her.  After a second he embraced her, and then, as he looked down into her beautiful salmon colored eyes, he gave her the kiss she had been after earlier in the day. He put every once of feeling he had for her in it, all the friendship, the caring, and, now that he knew what it was, all the love. To Erik, it felt as if Jess had melted into him, though, somehow, she retained her shape. He felt her arms wrap around his neck, one hand gently stroked his hair, as she returned his kiss with just as much emotion as he had put in. Miranda watched, stunned, for a couple of seconds, before she quickly turned away to give the couple some measure of privacy. After what seemed like a short time to Erik, he pulled back out of the kiss a little, and said, with every fiber of his being, "I love you, Jessimyn DuVrees."

Jessie looked up into Erik's eyes, a warm smile on her face. "I love you too, Erik Wolf. Don't know how it happened, but I do love you."

Erik looked back at her, a warm smile on his face as well. "Does it really matter, luv?"

Jess hugged Erik tightly. "No, it doesn't"

===================================

"And, Erik Wolf and Jessimyn DuVrees, in 'Wolf Toon, And So It Begins', written by Erik Ahlstedt and Jennifer Cleckley, a.k.a. Ghostwolf and RottinKid/Werekitty." [wolf and rabbit hold paws and raise them high as the audience cheers]

"And the winners are—[he opened the envelope and read it, and then he closed it again]—RuBarb Purrenstein and Nigel Carrotte, in 'The Bloomin' Loonies: 5, Count Them, 5!' written by Jennifer Cleckley and Jerry D. Withers, a.k.a. RottinKid/Werekitty and Furrball!!!!!" [the audience roars and he steps aside]

*******   
  
Until next time, remember:   
  
I AM THE J.A.M.   
  
Good evening.   
  
[WARP!!!]

**************************************************

The rat and kitty race to stage, amoungst the cheers and whoops of their families. Even *Roddy* was rooting for them. (But then he had been Nigel's best man) Rue blew kisses to her Aunt and Uncle, and Nigel waved to his siblings, and parents.  
  
"Thank you all," Nigel started, "for this honour. I think it's wonderful that you concider ours to be one of the best romances in the TTA continuium.  
"NOT that we don't," Rue added, " but then we're kind of biased." Nigel and Rue gave one another fond looks, the kitten's wedding band, and emerald engagement ring glittering in the lights. Then they bowed, and turned to leave the stage, when Nigel spotted The J. A. M.  
"I say, didn't I see you doing the maitre'de thing in Club Swank?" the rat asked. "Speakin' of which, that reminds me..." With that Nigel went back to the podium, and waved to everybody in the audience. "Werekitty's offered an invite to all of you: If you'd like, you can be written into the wedding scene in Akron 3. I'm guessing that Kitty's trying for best cameo nominations for whatever year she and Furrball get the thing finished."

**************************************************

[...unWARP!!!]   
  
Good evening.   
  
*******

The J.A.M. continued, "Of course, this get-together wouldn't be complete without a healthy dose of—heh, 'accidental' comedy." He turns around and the screen says, "ERRARE SCRIBUM EST (to err is toony)"

===================================

From "NEW KID IN TOWN"

Babs led Buster and Shelby into her home. They all went downstairs, and were immediately surrounded by Babs' brothers and sisters. They hopped around Shelby, climbed on Buster's legs, and ignored Babs.

Buster: Hey, knock it off!

Shelby: (laughing) I think they like--

[THUD!!!]

--me.

D: CUT!!!

[Buster and Shelby were on the ground, the siblings having pushed them off balance]

From "THE DOCTOR IS IN"

BANG!! BANG!!BANG!!

The entire room falls silent as a furious Yosemite Sam stares at them from atop his desk. His mug had been knocked over, and coffee drips down his desk and onto the floor. Clenched between his two fists, Yosemite Sam holds two smoking pistols with which he used to silence his class. "I guess y'all weren't list'nen when I told ya bout shuttin yer yaps. I guess you're already done—"

[crumble crumble]

(pieces of ceiling fall on Sam. He looks up and—)

[THUD!!!]

(Bugs Bunny falls on him, sitting on his chair)

"CUT!!!"

"Eh, using live ammo again, Sam?"

Suddenly, a light bulb appears above Buster's head, but it's not turned on. Buster reaches up and pulls the string to it, suddenly, a bright yellow glow—

[POP]

"CUT!!!"

"Low wattage?" asked Babs

From "RITE OF PASSAGE - PART 1"

Just as she reached for the handle, a snowball collided—[the snowball misses by a mile]

"CUT!!!"

"Like, gosh, Plucky, I thought you had better aim than that, er sum junk!" Fuming, Plucky bends down to get another snowball for the next shot.

From "VIOLATION"

The Inspector immediately ran out of the office—

[TRIP! THUDD!!]

--closely followed by Whatshisname.[who also trips on him and falls right on top of him]

"CUT!!!"

"Oh blast," said the Inspector.

From "TINY TOONS SHORT STORIES"

Lola: (Crumpling up a sheet of paper)

Short answer... Exothermic means that something absorbs heat, And Endothermic is when something gives off heat…no, waittaminute—

D:

CUT!!!!!!!!!!

Lola:

I can't believe I got it mixed up!

Babs:

Well all I can say is if you chuck one more bad pun in my direction I'll...

Babs doesn't have a chance to finish as Abel performs a spit-take and leaps out of his seat gesturing at the paper.

Abel: (absolute disbelief)

*GREAT--*COUGH COUGH!!!*--BALLS OF--*COUGH COUGH COUGH!!!!!* F--IRE!! *COUGH COUGH COUGH!!!!!** I might--*COUGH COUGH COUGH!!!!!*--I might—

Able bends over and tries to remove the coffee from his respiratory tract.

D:

CUT!!!!

Harriet then starts slapping Able's back.

From "THE LIVING END"

"Then you've got nothing to worry about," grinned Buster, and stepped through the vine curtains, disappearing into the shadows—

THUD!!!

"CUT!!!"

[Buster turns and begins to untangle a vine from his foot]

"Yessir," Babs saluted, sitting back down, "sorrysir, won'thappenagainsir."

BLRRRRRT!!!!

"CUT!!!"

[The entire class erupts in laughter as Babs turns more pink than usual, then she reaches under herself and pulls out a whoopie cushion]

"FIFI!!" she yells.

"Pardon, but Ah juss cooldn't help monself!"

"Psychic vibes?" Rob chuckled, "and my arse is a Ford Fiesta. Psychic vibes! Of all the pseudo-hippie, new-age, post-modern, chemical-sniffing...what else came next?"

"CUT!!!"

"Ooh, this is totally bad," Shirley fretted, "like, mondo bad. Like, totally greviously hideously bad, er some jun—"

"CUT!!!"

"What the **** for?"

"*Hineously*."

"Oh, ******!!!!!" Rob smiled at her,

"Hey, nice one!"

The bunny burst out of the woods, snarling like a rabid wolverine, and waving the sword like a psychotic crossing guard.

"The Force is strong with this one…" he said, with a deep voice.

"CUT!!!" The rest laugh their heart out, while Buster walks back into position.

[take 2]

The bunny burst out of the woods, snarling like a rabid wolverine, and waving the sword like a psychotic crossing guard.

"LET'S GO VOLTRON FORCE!!" he said.

"CUT!!!"

"I just can't help myself either!"

"Oh, for crying out loud, Buster, just DO the ******* scene already!!" yelled Babs.

"Is it just me, or is everyone swearing more than usual in this story?" asked Plucky.

From "A CERTAIN LONELY TOON"

He took one look, then delved in his body pocket again, this time bringing forth a very large spring.  He held it out in front of him just in time to halt Elmyra's progress—

[The spring suddenly wobbles, and Sandy struggles to keep control, finally it kinks to one side and both toons are catapulted in opposite directions]

"CUT!!! Amateurs…"

"It's about a schizophrenic bowls-playing copper who finds a sackload of money and tries to return it to Irene who he's mad about but spends it all whilst arguing with himself and getting his zip caught repeatedly and who still man—GASP!!!"

"CUT!!!"

"Sorry. The line's too long!"

[take 2]

"It's about a schizophrenic bowls-playing copper who finds a sackload of money and tries to return it to Irene who he's mad about but spends it all whilst arguing with himself and getting his zip caught repeatedly and who—*COUGH*!!!"

"CUT!!!"

"I choked! I didn't run out of breath! Honest!"

From "AN UNTITLED STORY"

"Well, I have a problem with a certain long-eared, pesky, smart-mou—I mean *blue* eared, pesk—"

"CUT!!!"

From "RITE OF PASSAGE - PART 2"

"You may go about your bu—no wait—'These aren't the droids we're looking fo—" Daffy added as he slammed into the ground.

"CUT!!!"

The green duck turned toward the door into Weenie Burger, kicked the door open—

THUDD!!!!!

"[CENSORED] [CENSORED] [CENSORED] [CENSORED] [CENSORED] [CENSORED] [CENSORED] [CENSORED] [CENSORED]!!!!!!!!" yelled Plucky, holding his foot. 

"CUT!!!"

Marshall then approached the door—

--and unlocked it.

She began spraying him, and although he fell down, Marshall didn't say a word about it—

"YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!"

"CUT!!!"

"Sorry, but that water's FREEZING!!!" Shirley then broke up laughing.

From "DUCKS OUT OF LUCK THE SPECIAL EDITION"

"Epic Adventures," said Scrooge with p—

"CUT!!!"

[take 2]

"Epic Naturism," said Scrooge with pride. Suddenly everyone blushed.

"CUT!!!" And of course everyone laughed.

"Nobody move!" she ordered. "I command it!"

To the surprise of everyone present—everyone started laughing.

"CUT!!!" Including Magica a few moments later.

[take 2]

"Nobody move!" she ordered. "I command it!"

 To the surprise of everyone present—everyone started laughing again.

"CUT!!!"

"What was so funny THIS time?" she asked.

"Your slip is showing," whispered Shirley. Magica blushed in a very strange way…

"I am the Terror that flaps in the night," came a powerful voice from the cloud. "I am the enchantment that locks you in the Dung—Dungeon of Desp—!"

"CUT!!!" Everyone laughed again.

"Geez, Darkwing, I thought only I messed up my entrances!" bawled Magica. Fuming, Darkwing resumed his initial position.

From "A YEAR IN THE LIFE"

 "Did you ever wish that you could have 

A wish that would come true? 

I wonder what my wish would be 

Which I would want to wish, you see 

Wish which would be the wish for—um, sorry"

"CUT!!!"

[Take 2]

"…Which I would want to wish, you see 

Which wish would be the which for—[CENSORED!!!]"

[Take 3]

"…Which I would want to wish, you see 

Which witch would be the which for—[CENSORED], how the [CENSORED] did Wakko do this???!!!"

With one final grunt, Babs succeeded in getting the ring off of Shirley's finger—

[WHAMM!!!]

"OUCH!!!"

"CUT!!!" Apparently, Babs had just smashed her hand on the door frame, and everyone was trying to keep a straight face.

Calamity's eyes widened, and he would have floated off the ground if Sassy hadn't grabbed him by the ankle—

"HEY, COME BACK!!!" Sassy jumped, and just missed him, managing to only untie his sneaker.

"CUT!!!" The crane lowered Calamity to initial position.

From "RITE OF PASSAGE PART III"

The next slide was a picture of Marshall. "This is Marshall. And since he's from south of the equator, that's why he's upside-down. He—"

"CUT!!!"

"I see the three hundred dollars on my parents' credit card was worth it," Babs whispered to Fifi. The skunk giggled—then looked nervously at the guys.

"CUT!!!" The two were stuck on their wild takes.

"Someone get a hose!" hollered Babs.

A door opened on the side of the limo, and a tall arctic tern stepped outside with a frantic look on his—

THUD!!!

"CUT!!!"

"I hate long legs," said Marshall, as he untangled his foot from the bottom of the limo door.

" cuckoo! Cuckoo!" The most romantic song of the night is coming up, so if you don't dance with your date you're cuckoo! Cuckoo!"

[Everyone keeps staring at him.]

"Cuckoo! Cuckoo! It looks like I'm stuck on the out position again!!"

"CUT!!!"

Out of the corner of her eye, Fifi saw her friend dancing with Marshall, and the purple skunk's jaw hit the floor.

THUD!!!

"SACRE [CENSORED]!!!!"

"CUT!!!" And everyone in the gym turned beet red at Fifi's colorful metaphor, while she was rubbing her pained foot-paw.

From "SEARCH FOR THE PAST ON THE ROAD TO THE FUTURE"

I slammed into the curb and flew through the gym doors... and landed at Bugs' feet.

[Except that he overshot by just a bit, and he ended up with Bugs' toes in his mouth.]

"CUT!!!"

[Frantically, he pulled out, while Bugs yanked his feet back, and both gave a hearty "Yeeeeeeeeeech!"]

Yeah. I quickly snatched the dynamite and placed it carefully inside his beak. That was better. My conscience had been eased.  Without warning, it exploded—!

[Silence]

"CUT!!!"

Plucky opened his eyes and took out the dynamite. The fuse was wet.

"Looks like you drool too much, duck," said Buster.

"Now look here, Cotton Tail! The script said 'Plucky drools all over himself and Buster, and drool over myself and Buster is what I did! So why don't you complain to the prop department as to why they used a non-waterproo—"

KABLAAAAAAAAAAMMMMMMMM!!!!!!

Two piles of ashes lay on the seats. And both requested,

"Make-up!"

From "DANCERS AT THE EDGE OF ETERNITY"

"Fresh," he expressed. "Tastes a bit strange but—[COUGH!!]—actually it tastes like [CENSORED] what is this stuff?"

"CUT!!!"

As he spoke the leaves of a nearby bush suddenly parted, an eternity seeming to pass before the strangest creature that I had ever seen strode into—

[Fifi trips and stumbles, but manages to catch herself before she falls.]

"CUT!!!"

"Pardon, Ah'll try that again."

"You forget I'm psychotic—I mean psychic—I mean—" she said.

"CUT!!!"

"Oh, [CENSORED]!!!" she cursed.

"A dragon," I whispered. "It's a blasted dragon!"

"CUT!!!"

"Huh?"

"*Bloody* dragon."

"Oh, blast it, then!"

Just before passing out of sight around the headland it swooped low, front legs entering the water in a massive shower of spray—

KERSPLASH!!!!

"CUT!!!"

[The dragon peeks through the water and says (voiced by Sean Connery):] "Sorry, lost my grip there."

"Can we get another dragon, please?" asked the snake (voiced by Patrick Steward), emerging moments later, as everyone laughed.

Thirsty, I came to a stop by a small, trickling stream, dismounting my animal and—

KATHUD!!

"CUT!!!"

"Looks like you got yourself tangled there," said the Roomount.

"Oh, shuddup."

From "MY GIRLFRIEND'S BACK"

Buster: It's alright... I just have to get through all the grief.. But how can I go on without her? She's Cher to my Sony—I mean Sonny—is that right?

"CUT!!!"

He reached into his pocket and pulled out a hanky.

Buster: Here...

Fifi: Merci, Buster..

He walked over—[what followed next was a sound effect that was a mix of an airhorn and a whoopie cushion, followed by everyone laughing]

"CUT!!!"

"Pardon, but I do have a leettle cold, he he."

She looked back at her beaker to see it filled. She then shot back to the labroom—

THUD!!!

"CUT!!!"

"Pete, next time, DON'T use wax on that [CENSORED] thing!!" she yelled, from the floor.

Babs: Boy, this is boring. When's a scenery change gonna happen??

[a giant brush appears out of nowhere and draws a scenery of—

—a very high gorge and Babs is in the middle of it. She looks down, and of course, falls down]

THUD!!!

"CUT!!!"

"Didn't we cover this in another fanfic?" she asked, before fainting.

From "STUMBLING DOWN MEMORY LANE"

Babs pulled a bullhorn out of nowhere and set it against Buster's head.

Babs: *buster…*

[Everyone stood still for a moment, wondering why Babs' shout sounded like a whisper. She then looked at the bullhorn and saw that it was set on "reverse". She set it correctly, and screamed again.]

Babs: BUSTER!!

[Alas, it was too late]

"CUT!!! There wasn't any gag in this scene!"

From "RITE OF PASSAGE PART IV"

She continued to breathe very heavily and her arms and legs were trembling—[TRIP-STUMBLE!!!]—and almost tripped and fell on a crack on the sidewalk but managed to remain upright by flapping her wings—

"CUT!!!"

"Like, ow!"

"What do I have left on Tiny Toons? Babs is the wacky one and Fifi is supposed to be the romantic one. Babs has her wacky impressions and spin changes and Fifi has her scent. All I'll have is my totally strange voice. The only cartoons I'll be cast in will be ones where they need Plucky to have a date! Besides all that they are a part of who I am! They practically are who I am! I don't know what I would do without them. My powers mean [KAZAP!!!] you dummy, quit moving the cue cards so much!"

"CUT!!!" [the cue card boy was totally fried]

"I'm sorry. I never knew how important they were to you. But you can't really believe that they are most of who you are. If that were true then why do you have so many friends and fans? It isn't just because you look so great. Sorry, that was bad timing. Anyway, to finish that thought, just because the writers don't appreciate you so you think you'll lose any purpose on Tiny Toons doesn't mean a thing," Marshall told her as he stepped closer to her. "Of course that doesn't mean that I can remember the rest of this stupid long line now that I had to memorize it since we couldn't get another cue card boy to replace the one you fried. And—"

"CUT!!!"

Marshall then pulled the tab and took a long drink of the pop—

KAFWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And he was soaking wet with cola.

"CUT!!!"

"I'd like to know who was the [CENSORED] who shook this can!"

From "LaFUME"

I tried the tiny bathroom next, finding it to be just as empty as the rest of the flat—

BONK!!!

—only more slippery…

"CUT!!!"

She giggled loudly as she skipped towards the waves, removing her bow and—

THUD!!!

"CUT!!!"

—tripping on a piece of net and swallowing a bit of sand—

From "BUNNY TROUBLE"

"Ev—one—dit—ng for Rom——Juli—pl—" said Lola over a megaphone. "He—y! Loo——ike we n——ew batt—s!!"

"CUT!!!"

Liona gasped. "Stevey! You want to go outside nekkid—I mean naked? You're—!"

"CUT!!!"

"This whole naked-nekkid thing got to me. Sorry."

Stevey looked down, and noticed that the lock that Lola put on his pants slid under his seat, and held him down. He then tried to pull at it, and finally got it loose, falling to the floor at the same time.

"I hate pants." he commented as he laid back on the floor.

"Aaaand…cut. Take five guy—" Suddenly everyone began laughing. Steve called out,

"Hey, Lola! Do you wanna know what ELSE is this lock is bothering me with???"

"I don't wanna know."

"Ooh! Someone's gonna get kinky here!" exclaimed Babs.

"Hey…" said Buster.

"It's okay, Buster," said Steve. "I can't wait for this thing to be over, and once it is, I'll probably do a flash strip tease right here. But don't worry, it's not like it will be anything Toons haven't seen before."

"You do that and I'll WELD those pants on you!" yelled Lola.

"Can we just move on to the next scene?" asked Shirley.

Lola picked up a basketball that was on the table next to her, and tossed it across the room, which slammed the door—

[CRASH!!!]

"CUT!!!"

The ball went through the glass of the door.

"Sorry again."

Then Bugs kissed her, and Lola pulled down the scene shades in front of the audience—

[The shade stops halfway. Lola pulls harder, but it won't move.]

"CUT!!!"

[They both ignore this and instead fall behind the desk]

From "TINY TOON ADVENTURES SPOOKY STORIES"

Babs reaches the elevator and madly presses the buttons for an elevator. As the display shows the elevators getting closer and closer so does Mr Hitcher—suddenly he slips on something on the floor but manages to catch himself and continues walking, but he can't stop from smiling.

"CUT!!!"

And he and Babs fall in a heap on the floor, laughing.

Sphinxy:

Because, we can at least plot her airheadedness. If she says left, then we go right. If she says right [WHUMP!!!] then we go left—[giggle]. It's how she [WHUMP!!!]—thinks. If you ask me, we should have checked this road for potholes first—

Dir:

CUT!!!

From "THE LOONEY REBIRTH"

"I think so," she replied. "I'm not sure... Either that or the last Beenie burg—Weenie—AAHHHHHHH!!!! [CENSORED]!!!!!!!"

"CUT!!!"

"[CENSORED]!!!!" she repeated. "The ultimate dramatic line, and I had to blow it!!"

From "WOLF TOON"

"And you feel you're going under,

  we'll be around." [for no reason, a *very* tall and well formed raccoonmaid stepped next to him and chorused (voiced by Lisa Lougheed):]

"Run with us, we've got everything you need. Run with us, we are free.

  Come with us, I see passion in your eye, run with us."

"CUT!!! Who let her in here!" [The racoonmaid takes a bow and gets out of there before Nelvana and Kevin Gillis find out…]

After shifting to forth and really laying some speed on, he called out, "I will find you young lady."

His speed is abruptly ended as a log falls on—

The ground right behind him.

"CUT!!!" Erik screeches to a halt.

"But does it HAVE to fall on me?" Jessymin stomped back to reset the trap, muttering something about being a rookie trap-builder…

Jessie shrugged and pressed the nose—

"BOOOOM!!!" he roared at her, quite suddenly, and quite suddenly she was now 100 feet in the air.

"CUT!!!"  
"Sorry, I couldn't help myself there."

Having come to the point where Erik's flight would terminate, Jessie pulled out a large safety net. Unfortunately—

Erik landed safely.

"CUT!!! You're supposed to be rookies, remember??" Mumbling, Erik walked off to his initial position.

Erik, being as the only thing he had had since yesterday was his cup of coffee that morning, picked the plate up and slid everything in at—

"CHOKE! GASP! COUGH!!"  
"CUT!!!"

"Hmm, looks like it's time for that Slapstick Maneuver again, hun," said RuBarb.

"Thank you very much." Erik ate the second plate at a much more normal rate. [And everyone kept on eating, and eating, and eating—]

"CUT!!!"  
"Whose line was next?" asked Leo. "I got totally spaced out there!"

"Cool." Before he left, Erik knelt in front of Jessie, lifted a hand and gave it a chaste kiss. Jessie blushed and kissed his nose before it was out of—

BOOOOOOOOM!!!!!!!

"CUT!!!"

Only two piles of ashes were left.

"You just HAD to think about that, didn't you?" asked Jessie.

"Maybe." Said Jessie with a speculative look on her face. "Now, perhaps, I'll find out what's so appalling about that, Tickle Me game, you and Leo play so much."

"Wot? Appalling?" 

"CUT!!!"

"APPEALING!!!" yelled everyone.

After a seconds thought, he lifted her up and set Jess on his shoulder—

[STUMBLE STUMBLE STUMBLE STUMBLE STUMBLE THUD!!!!]

"CUT!!!"

"Ouch," they both said.

"Sometimes. Believe it or not, some Russian dishes can be spicy. I'll have to bring some smorgasb—strong—srt—strogan—ahhhh, [CENSORED]!!"

"CUT!!!"

After a second he embraced her, and then, as he looked down into her beautiful salmon colored eyes—

"HICCUP!!!"

"CUT!!!" Erik covered his jaw in embarrasment as the entire cast and crew broke out in laughter.

From "THE BLOOMIN' LOONIES 5: COUNT 'EM, 5!"

"Two's company, three's a crowd, and right now—" Silence.

"And right now…?"

"And right now I forgot the rest of my bloody line!"

"CUT!!!"

Nigel slapped himself on the forehead. "Bloody [CENSORED]—I mean— 'eck, I forgot all about that!"

"CUT!!!"

"Nigel, who taught you to talk like that?" asked Liz, between laughs.

"Um, Nanny did, whoi?"

"Well, this is nice, I like this," Liz remarked, as they were presented with the menus, after which the maitre'd left them alone. [stifled giggling] "Nige, whatcha think?"

"Wut? You mean other than why that jaguar's giggling behind our backs for no good reason?"

"CUT!!!" The jaguar pads back on to the scene.

"Sorry there, it's just that the British accent sounds so funny!"

"I can't believe Werekitty gave him this part," quipped Roderick.

[Take 2]

"Well, this is nice, I like this," Liz remarked, as they were presented with the menus, after which the maitre'd had an insane grin on his face as he left them alone. "Nige, why'dya think the maitre'd is smiling so insanely?"

"CUT!!!"

"Sheesh," said the entire table.

"Sorry," said the jaguar. "But I KNOW I can do this stupid scene! I'm the most serious person in my family!!!"

[Take 3]

"Well, this is nice, I like this," Liz remarked, as they were presented with the menus, after which the maitre'd was still giggling as he left them alone. "Nige—"

"CUT!!!"

"Now what?" asked an exasperated RuBarb.

"Sorry, but maybe I wouldn't laugh if Leo would stop making faces!"

"Wot? I don't make faces! I only have one, and it was built in! Why do I need to make more?"

"Try not looking at anyone," suggested Miranda.

To her shocked surprise, Acme Acres rolled up with a—

SCRAPE

"CUT!!!" RuBarb just buried her face in her paws,

"Not again…"

"Was this in the script?" asked Regina, still holding on to the diagonally jammed backdrop.

As one, the group executed a perfect spin-change into matching outfits—

—because they all ended up completely unclothed.

"CUT!!!" but that was barely heard over the screams in the audience.

From "UTOPIA LOST OR: A FAN WHO CROSSED THE LINE"

Quite unexpectedly, he began to run towards the car, stumbling once as he sprinted headlong like a man possessed.

"Don't be afraid," he called. "I'm a friend. I just want—"

[THUD!!!]

"A band-aid…"

"CUT!!!"

From "HIDING PLACE"

"She talks to me through my head," explained Jimmy. "Tells me things."

"She does—?"

"CUT!!!"

"What?"

"Talks to me IN my head."

"Oh, sorry."

From "FORGOTTEN DREAMS"

Then, quickly signing the book she made for the elevator, seemingly quite angry with the guys. Babs went swiftly after her and—

[TRIP!! STUMBLE STUMBLE STUMBLE]

"CUT!!!"

"Ouch. Babs, like, quite walking so close to me, er sum junk!"

She never finished speaking, eyes now fixed upon Shirley. 

The Loon was on the floor, starting to convulse—

"Like, OUCH!!!"

"CUT!!!"

"Like, sorry, but I just like hit my funny bone on the floor, er sum junk…"

===================================

Once again, the audience is laughing like crazy, and The J.A.M. waits a bit for them to calm down, chuckling a few times himself, mainly because of the gaffe he did in "The Bloomin' Loonies". 

"Yes, Nigel, you saw me there," he said. Once the audience had calmed down, he continued,

"An odd British family establishes themselves in Acme Acres causing mayhem all over while a wise-cracking teenage rabbit finally gets what he had coming to him while a skunkmaid is transformed into a rampaging monster and several toons are trapped in a movie theatre most probably owned by Freddy Crueger." He paused for a moment. "But enough about me. [audience chuckles for a moment, but he keeps a straight face] Hey, at least this isn't about strange rabbits who activate their superpowers—————by drinking coffee." He raised one eyebrow at this while the audience laughed. Then, for some reason, a few toons in the audience began chanting, 

"Cot-ton!! Cot-ton!! Cot-ton!! Cot-ton!! Cot-ton!!" And so forth. He waited a moment, smiled, and for some reason, wrote the number "2" in mid-air with his index finger. He continued,

"Well, I prefer wool. Sheep are better for the digestion, you know. [audience chuckles again] Comedy. It's incredibly difficult to write, and more so when it deals with Loony comedy such as the type we see in Tiny Toons Adventures. [the screen now says: "TYPE OF FANFIC AWARDS: BEST COMEDY FANFIC"] Finding blooper spots is also incredibly difficult, and even more so when the actors grab all the outtakes from the cutting room floor, encase them in concrete, seal them in a safe, and dump them to the bottom of the ocean. Luckily, my species is partially aquatic [minor laughter]. Tonight we honour those who managed to make us laugh, chuckle, or even just put a smile on our face. The nominees for Best Comedy Tiny Toons Adventures Fanfic are:"

===================================

     "That's all right. If you'll let me in, I'll wake her," Harry replied with a smile. The black and white cat looked dubious for a few moments, then allowed them in, showing them to RuBarb's room. Once Penelope had opened the door for him, Harry tip-toed, rather gracefully for a cat of his size, to his daughter's bedroom. He paused, gazing at her sleeping form, smiling tenderly. He padded over to her side, and gently kissed her forehead. RuBarb smiled in her sleep, giggle-purred, and murmured Nigel's name. Harry could not help but grin awkwardly, as Rue opened her eyes, and blinked groggily up at him for a second.

     Then she let loose an ear-piercing scream. Harry stumbled back, surprised, as RuBarb slashed the air instinctively. He fell heavily, of course, through the floor with a loud crash.

     "Harry? Have you w- Oh my..." Millie uttered as she rushed in to see what the commotion was about.

===================================

"'The Bloomin' Loonies: 5, Count Them, 5!' written by Jennifer Cleckley and Jerry D. Withers, a.k.a. RottinKid/Werekitty and Furrball." [cheering]

===================================

                Suddenly, a light bulb appears above Buster's head, but it's not turned on. Buster reaches up and pulls the string to it, suddenly, a bright yellow glow comes from inside it. "I've got it!" He quickly reaches into his bookbag, and pulls out a book.

                "Oh, Buster," Babs whispers to him. "You don't expect to read that whole chapter now do you? You don't have enough time!"

                Buster turns the book around so Babs can see the cover. "The Big Book of Lame Excuses to Use When Trying to Get Out of a Pop Quiz," she reads to herself  "Well isn't that conveeeeeenient"

===================================

"'The Doctor is In', written by Clare." [cheering]

===================================

(Buster and Babs Bunny (No relation) stand at a street corner. Buster holds the script.)

    Buster:"Okay! This is it - Page 18!"

    Babs:" At last! Our moment of great dramatic tragedy!" (Babs Spin-changes into her "Hare-lette" costume and poses dramatically)

    Babs:(In her British accent again) "Oh that this too, too sullied flesh would melt!" (They are covered with Fifi's skunk-spray and quickly melt into pink and blue puddles.) 

    Buster: (Disgusted) " How about 'tragic irony'? Any other bright ideas, 'Harlot'?"

    Babs: (Absolutely livid) " IT"S HARE-LETTE!! HARE-LETTE!!"

===================================

"'Feezilla, Queen of the Monsters', written by Pepe K." [loud cheering]

===================================

Two of them stood under Daffy's shadow - Plucky and Shirley.  The former was plainly being his usual subtle self, as the Loon used her psychic powers to reduce him to a pile of ash with a beak and dazed eyes perched on top before stalking off.

     "Who ordered the char grilled duck?" Plucky's bill asked, as Buster halted beside what was left of him.

     "Great Friz Frizzle, Pluckster," Buster congratulated him. "You'll walk the Wild Takes this year."

     "Oh, ha-ha.  Let's all laugh at the duck!" The Plucky-dust was patently not amused.

     "Uh-oh.  Gotta go!" Buster ran off, rapidly followed by a still-furious Babs. "See ya in class, Plucky!"

     "Hey!" Plucky had switched from chagrined sarcasm to all-out whining as only he could. "Come back!  Please!  I'm stuck!"

     Several signs popped up around the green conical mound:

     HELP!

     SOS!

     I'M STUCK!

     ANYBODY!

     INSTANT DUCK - JUST ADD WATER.

     In the end, Shirley gave in and reconstituted the unfortunate waterfowl, who proclaimed himself to be forever in her debt (forever to Plucky lasting about five minutes).

===================================

"And 'A Certain Lonely Toon, Part 1', written by Dave Ellery, a.k.a. Foxy Fellow." [cheering]

"And the UKE is for—[opens the envelope and reads:]—'Feezilla, Queen of the Monsters', written by Pepe K.!!" [the audience cheers loudly and the Jaguar moves aside again]

*******   
  
Until next time, remember:   
  
I AM THE J.A.M.   
  
Good evening.   
  
[WARP!!!]

**************************************************

*Pepe K. returns to the stage with a grin - and the cast of Feefzilla*

Pepe K.:Thanks very much for this great honor, everyone! Thanks JAM! Well, cast! We did it!

Babs: Alriiight!

Fifi: Magnifique!

Shirley: Far out!

*the Guys all high-Five each other*

Plucky: Next time, we'll see ... dramatic pause! - the RETURN of "DUCK KONG"!

Pepe:..Uh.. Plucky.. - we'll have to discuss that..

Plucky: What's to discuss??! My FANS want me!! Listen to 'em! can't ya just hear the cheering multi-dudes crying out for "MORE PLUCKY DUCK! MORE PLUCKY DUCK!!"

*everyone cocks an ear and listens.....to the crickets chirping*

*Plucky wilts into a puddle until Buster sticks up for him*

Buster: Hey! Waitaminute! This is Plucky we're talking about! C'mon!

*More loooong silence as they all look at each other

- Then Joe Alaskey in the 32nd row, stands up clapping and waving. More fans stand and clap too. Eventually, the crowd is all applauding as Plucky laps up the attention*

Plucky:Thank you! Thank you! And Thank *you*!! See! Huh huh huh???!!!

Pepe K.(un-moved) ...We'll talk.

Plucky: Ya just gotta!

Babs: He's already signed me. *grin*

Plucky:(enraged) It's species discrimination, I tellya!

Shirley:(Spin changes into her 1940's vampish gun moll outfit)

    Like - Chill, Plucky. ...Be cool....Like Yeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah....

Babs: Like, hey!! that's My Schtick! How'd you do it??

Shirley: (waggles her Bette Davis Eyebrows)  Telepathy ain't the only thing the Doc's been teachin' me. ...Yeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah...

*She vamps around the stage, hypnotizing Plucky*

Plucky :(floating in a love-lorn trance after her) Ferrrr Shurrrrrrrr!

Babs: (Spins and inflates into Babzilla) RRRRRROOOOOAAAAAAARRRRRR-itsu!

Fifi:(Takes a deep breath and inflates herself into Feefzilla) LES RRRROOOOWWWWRR RRRROWWWW!!

Pepe K.: Girls! Girls! Please! Yer gonna squash the theatre!

*Indeed - the giant female monsters are now squashing each other as well as the stage. there's hardly room to breathe! The walls bulge!*

Lord:(from his theatre box) Plucky? I found your biggest fan!

    *he gestures offstage..hoofbeats are heard...*

Plucky :(falling out of his trance and onto the floor with an gasp!)

    Oh NO! It's can't be!!!

*Lord's black stallion, Hagen rushes in snorting and charging after Plucky who quacks crazily and beats a hasty exit stage left!

Lord: (smiles as he watches them go.. With a grin he calls after them.)

    ..."May the Horse Be with You!"

*Feefzilla, Babzilla and everyone in the whole world groans - and the theatre collapses! Smoke and mayhem are everywhere! The place is reduced to a pile of rubble!! Pepe claws his way painfully out from under the wreakage and grabs the microphone... it squeals with feedback in the silence!...

Pepe K.:...Uh.... Pete?.... Can you clean this up?

Pete Puma's voice: uhhhh Yah!.......Oooouch!.... A whole lotta lumps..

;)

-- 

Pepe K.

**************************************************

[...unWARP!!!]   
  
Good evening.   
  
*******

Fortunately, Pete didn't have to do much. Dr. Lord and Andy wave their paws, and the stage is restored to its pristine condition, and Babs and Fifi are returned to normal. When they return to their seats, the jaguar peeks from stage right. He carefully makes sure everything is safe, and once that is established, he returns to the podium.

"That was loud and painful," he quipped. "Anyways, we now come to the end of this segment. [the screen now says: "TYPE OF FANFIC AWARDS: BEST DRAMA FANFIC"] Even when they're mostly comedy actors, the Tiny Toons gang has shown incredible talent when they're placed in storylines that demand not only drama, but also angst, horror, suspense, and just plain seriousness. The Greeks had two masks, one for Comedy and one for Drama, and here we honor those who have placed the Drama mask on the Tiny Toons gang with excellent results. The nominees for Best Drama Tiny Toons Adventures Fanfic are:"

===================================

     Buster sat quietly for a few seconds, now ready to bring whatever was bothering him out into the open.

    "Ah, Andy. I wanna ask you some things, if it's all right. I know you might think that Bugs should help me on this, but I just can't talk to him about it."

    "Alright," I said softly.

    Buster slowly drew in a breath before starting. "Why don't I have any parents?"

    "Mmmm," I commented.

    We began to discuss the issues that had been troubling him since he had been first created over a year earlier. For sake of confidentiality and respect to Buster's privacy, I shall not reveal the essence of that conversation here. But after over an hour of talking and a few complementary slices of carrot pie later, I think he had the answers he had been looking for.

===================================

"'N – The Autobiography of Andy Fox', written by, wouldn't you know it, Andy Fox." [cheering]

===================================

     It was late in the Autumn when Sanjuro spotted the tripods. He had been helping Tom set up some snares when he noticed the giant walking machines through a gap in the trees. The first we heard of it was when he ran shouting and screaming through the corridors of the Looniversity, waving his sword around dangerously and babbling quite inconsistently. When we had finally managed to catch up with him and calm him down he explained what he had seen as best he could, using hand mannerisms to cover the sections where his limited English failed him.

     "Martians!" he exclaimed. "To the north. There were two machines."

     He had been a quick learner, having developed a reasonable mastery of the language over the space of about eight months or so and because Shirley had been his principle tutor, he had gained her accent and mannerisms.

     "How far off?" asked Brian.

     "Very far," continued the samurai. "Several miles or some junk."

     "Could be just a scouting party," I suggested. "They mightn't be necessarily moving towards us."

     "No," replied the Doctor. "If they are indeed checking out this area then I'm very much afraid they're about to move. I think we now have to face our worse case scenario."

     "Let's get out of here!" shouted Plucky.

===================================

"'Dancers At The Edge Of Eternity', written by Sean Campbell." [louder cheering]

===================================

    Something was rising from the earth. It rose slowly on an elevator in the center of the field. A monstrous, ghastly, black form stood hunched over, facing away from her. As the elevator stopped, the gargantuan beast stood up, growing even larger. The lightning flashed and Fifi saw the grisly creature turn. She could hardly force herself to keep looking at it. It's fiendish eyes shone white and red like some unholy demon. With a horrid snarl, it's jagged teeth snapped as it saw her! The terrified skunkette gaped as she saw the sheet of inky blackness coming down from the sky behind the being - and realized what was happening. The thing raised a massive arm up, brandishing a two-handed broadsword in ungodly defiance! The lightning crashed again!

    The monster roared! It's eyes flamed red! It's soul-shattering howl made Fifi scream and hide her face...then all was silence.

===================================

"And this category wouldn't be complete without 'A Time To Every Purpose Unto Heaven, Part 11: A Time To Break Down', written by Pepe K." [incredible cheering again]

"And the winner is—[opens and reads]—once again, 'A Time To Every Purpose Unto Heaven, Part 11: A Time To Break Down', written by Pepe K.!!!!"

[The Jaguar steps aside as Pepe goes to get yet another award.]

*******   
  
Until next time, remember:   
  
I AM THE J.A.M.   
  
Good evening.   
  
[WARP!!!]

**************************************************

Pepe K.: Thank you JAM - and everyone for this award...

        *Speaking seriously, the skunk speaks directly and personally to the audience.*

    I've been thinking lately about all that goes into the make-up of our TTA stories (or any wrtten works). Since this forum was created by HKUuriah to discuss the writing of these fanfics, I think that ocassionally we *should* do that. 

        *He waves to the B&W 30's-ish toon in the balcony*

With a topic such as ours, we already have a stable of characters or actors, whatever..

        *he smiles at the Toonsters who sit in the first row*

   ..or rather, friends.

        *The Toonsters wave back*

    And we have a basic setting - Acme Acres, the Tooniverse, whatever you decide it is. 

    Now we can decide to work within the lines, in that setting and do a straight piece - or we can think outside the box and take the Toonsters into something differant: a spoof of something for instance or something way out. We have comedies, dramas and even a few mixtures of the two.

    To create these requires a few things beyond a basic idea. One thing we can draw on is a great deal of imagination...(soto vocce) Heheh, kind of par for the course.

    *grins*

    Something else that can add quite a bit to it (if yer willing) is memories of personal experiances. These can serve many purposes. They can create an entire scene or a bit of something to add to one. This is something I do quite often and it has served to flavor many of the occurances in the chronicaling of the ATTEPUH Saga. In working with Doctor Lord and listening to his history for hours on end, we have found a few things in common.

    "Little Willie", for instance.

    In recounting to moi what had happened on his Sunday alone (in part 12), I learned about the horrible loss of his son Willie to a pack of wolves in Medieval times. I remembered a lost child also by that name.

    When I was growing up in the mid-sixties in The Naval Academy in Annapolis, Maryland (oddly enough, that's where the Saga will end) - we lived in the Caretaker's quarters of the Academy Cemetary. We saw many a Viet Nam sailor buried in the cemetary on the hill while we lived there. It was a quiet place with famous naval personnel interred there. It's where my parents will someday rest.

    I'd walk up there sometimes to look out at Chesepeake Bay beyond the hill. The graves and boxwood bushes were all quite old. They were all of grown men, some of who had been lost at sea... all except one.

    Among the gravestones and Black Walnut trees was a small headstone of a child. "Little Willie" who died at the age of 7. I was only five years old at the time, myself. I remember I would put fresh lilacs from our trees on his grave on Sundays. I remember the sweet smell of the lavender flowers constrasting with the dark green, mysterious scent of boxwood.

    I felt bad that he had never had a chance to grow up or had anyone to mourn him... And he was all alone among adults - and had no other children to play with.

        Anyway.. he's one of those I remember. That's why most of ATTEPUH is dedicated to those no longer among us, like Chuck Jones and my friend Rod Volner who died in March. As Doc has told moi, "If we forget those who have left us - we forget the lessons they have taught us. If we do – then they are truly dead."

    These and other experiances make for ideas that can be given life. As a director once told moi - "If it's not personal - it's no good."

    *Pepe looks up at the camera and the JAM pointing to his watch*

    .....Sorry to go on so. Thanks again very much for the Drama Award.

:)

Pepe K.

**************************************************

[...unWARP!!!]   
  
Good evening.   
  
*******

As the skunk returns to his seat, The J.A.M. steps up to the podium one last time, and speaks with a serious tone himself,

"And thank *you*, Pepe, for sharing that with us. As a final note, I just want to add a bit to what he said: all our fanfics are brought forth by what we have within. We all have something to share, and though it takes talent to place it in fanfic form, when it's finally brought forth with care and hard work, it can become an excellent work of art. We will continue to honor those who have brought us masterpieces, and by definition, little pieces of themselves which they wanted to share with the rest of the world. In fact—" He looked over to where Mary Melody was sitting. "—my fanfic, currently in the works, will do precisely that. Yes, I've done a few stories before, but I'm a bit more nervous about this one than my previous ones. Mary, I think you know why. The way it's just *flowing*—well, um, I just hope you all like it when it comes out in the mailer." He then smiled a bit, and finished,

"And so, this concludes the Type of Fanfic Awards. For our next segment, here's everyone's favorite Wuzzle—I mean, hybrid—I mean—mouse-chinchilla!!" The audience chuckled a bit. "Ladies and gentletoons, here's Murray Mouse!! Take it away, Murray!!!!!" Until next time, remember!" He pitched his voice low, "I AM THE J.A.M." He pitched his voice back to normal, "Good evening."

[WARP!!!]

A puff of smoke, and he was gone—

—and now seated at Mary's left.

*******   
  
Until next time, remember:   
  
I AM THE J.A.M.   
  
Good evening.   
  
[WARP!!!]


	6. Scenery Awards

*the lights dim to about half light level of previous, and onstage, comes pete puma, pushing a very asleep murray into position behind the podium with a broom along the floor, once in position, a small hatch opens in the top of the podium, after several seconds, a cup of coffee rises out of this small hatch on top of a small mechanical pedestal., a furry paw rises from behind the pedestal grabs the cup of coffee, and takes it back down, several seconds go by, then,  theres a sudden explosion of light from behind the podium, and murray shoots to his feet dressed in traditional formal scottish attire, (kilt, jacket, shirt, sporran and all)..

*murray taps the mike, the feedback echoes throughout the theatre*

"*cough*..hehe..umm.sorry..jetlag....."

*the silence in the theatre is truly astounding, a small funeral precession wanders by with the word *comedy* on the coffin in flowers*

".......well, anyway, now im awake, and your all not expecting this to get any worse than it aleady is, i can start."

"Now, backround awards might not sound the most interesting of things, the background, scenery, is just filler..right?...WRONG! without scenery, your reading nothing but the whitterings of newspaper one liner comic artists...not that they aint fun for a one shot quick laugh but you cant drag that out for an entire story an expect people to read it, to truly take you into the world your reading about, to make you feel like your there, to drag all your senses into a tale and you not to know its happening, thats what these few writers have endeavoured to do and that's what were awarding them for today.

*then a large trout with the words *GET ON WITH IT* painted on lands squarely on murrays head, after clambering out from under said huge fish, murray clambers once again to his feet, if, in a rather wobbly fashion*.

"i hate fish...i HATE fish.."

"anyway, as i was SAYING, thats what well be presenting now, background and scenery awards first up for the chop, Best use of the Acme Loo/Acme Acres setting"

*murray then reaches into his pocket and pulls out a small pedestal with a ball on it, he places this peculiar object on the ground, pushes a button on it, then steps back, the shell of the ball slides back and out shines a brilliant array of lights, these lights then begin to form an image in the air, the image is a stunning 3d image of acme acres! ..the image seems to take a birds flight view through all the hightpoints of the area, including the loo, the beach, and the green fields in which babs and buster bunnys burrows are situated*

*murray mumbles something about having to thank andy for the equipment, and notices the entire audience enthralled in the image flowing by and pulls a remote from his pocket and freezes the image*

"Now, the entries we had for this were all REALLY good, and they were as follows

===================================

Although long since abandoned, at first glance the place didn't seem to be in that bad a state. Most of the windows appeared to be intact and the black and white floor tiles beneath us weren't visibly cracked or marked. There was no trace of rust on any of the metallic door handles and directly above the main door, an old painting of a well dressed man lay neatly positioned against the white wall. But if you looked more closely however, little signs of abandonment were clearly visible. There were dark, insect strewn cobwebs in all of the corners, patches of creeping dampness upon the walls. Many of the light bulbs were either broken or missing altogether, a water fountain set into the wall between a series of red lockers now covered in an odd, green scum. Besides these little details though, it was hard to believe that there had been no one here in over fifteen years.

-------

The other classroom looked exactly like a painting, a cartoon even. The desks were quite small and neatly arranged, wide windows glowing in the light of a fine summers day.  

The floor was tiled and clean, not a trace of dirt of grime.

But strangest of all was the creature that stood before us.

A duck. 

Or a loon as she would call herself.

===================================

1:St judes college, and the loo, from ..hiding place?

===================================

     I became dimly aware of my surroundings long before I was fully alert. The ground was cold but level, my fingers resting upon what felt like recently polished ceramic floor tiles. Through half opened eyes I could vaguely make out that they were set down in a chessboard pattern of distinct blacks and whites, running towards a nearby wall where a series of red metallic lockers seemed to stretch as far as I could see. A short distance away from me, a drinking fountain was set pretty  low down between two of the lockers, a long, high window betraying the fact that it was dark outside. From the flickering nature of the lighting, I made the assumption that the place was lit by  candles. There was something wrong, something very wrong. It took me several seconds to work out what it was.

===================================

2:Acme Loo, (Dancers at the Edge of Eternity)

===================================

     Lord suddenly began "blipping" the engine as he slowed the Triplane and began a diving turn towards the skyscrapers. He moved the cylinder selector switch to full power again and the engine resumed its usual deafening roar. Soon the aircraft flew closer to the buildings - and at an altitude of only fifty feet! 

    As they approached the main street, Fifi managed to think ["Shouldn't we be-?!!"]

     At that moment, Lord banked hard to the right, throwing the scarlet Triplane on it's side - and flew it straight down the middle of the street between the buildings! The thrilling theme music swept and bounced in their minds. Fifi and Hamton gasped as the three red wings swooshed by the walls of cement and brick with just inches to spare! The monstrous blast of the engine was magnified and they could suddenly see just how fast they were traveling. Fifi and Hamton froze, afraid to move as the airplane roared down the streets. Fifi saw an intersection come up ahead of them and didn't have time to scream, as Lord suddenly banked ninety degrees to the left – right above the stoplights! A timpani boomed in their heads as the plane turned the corner and went straight down the boulevard, as their pilot calmly guided it with exacting precision.

    ["Aw, look at that!"], thought Boris in disappointment, [" The Woolworth's has gone outta business. Vat a shame! They made such good hot dogs, too."]

     Atop a telephone pole, Officer Pooch and a litter of kittens he was attempting to rescue watched the Fokker Triplane zoom right over their heads! As the plane whizzed past, the canine cop was spun around the pole and wound up tying his arms and legs in knots to keep himself from falling.

===================================

3: A Time To Every Purpose Unto Heaven 10 - the flights thru all of Acme Acres

===================================

     Frustrated, she decided to go for a walk and marched out the door. She wanted to escape from his presence, so she crossed the darkened street and walked into the city. It was late and very quiet. No cars appeared anywhere as Fifi strode up the main street, thinking.

     Did Lord really mean to claim her as his own? He couldn't!...Could he...? He'd always been very nice and acted like a perfect gentleman towards her... but did he want her romantically? Could he want that sort of relationship with his own Granddaughter? Impossible!

     A new thought occurred to Fifi and she came to a halt in front of the Acme Arms apartment building.

     She *was* having romantic feelings for Lord!  Next to Pepe, her mentor - she had been seeing him as the ultimate skunk-hunk. Was she angry at finding her life might have been planned for her - or was she reacting like a jilted lover? All the skunks she'd ever pursued had disappointed her... But ..when they'd danced - it was *he* who'd let go - when she didn't want to. Perhaps she'd been imagining his attraction to her - or was it all an act?  He'd had to deceive people for three thousand years with his shape-shifting. He's a spy of some kind in Reality - perhaps he was trying to seduce her for some purpose. It was all too much to think about! Too many questions and too few answers.

     As Fifi stood lost in thought, her frustration grew till her scent began to rise strongly. Her tail twitched back and forth in agitation, fanning her fumes toward the building.

===================================

and last but not least 4: Fifi's walk through Acme Acres - A Time To Every Purpose Unto Heaven 9

and the winner is......

*fumbles to open the envelope*

"...i swear..they close these things, they send em to you, but god forbid you try to open th.....ah!..the winner is, FEEFS WALK THROUGH ACME ACRES FROM A Time To Every Purpose Unto Heaven NINE BY yup, yall guessed it PEPE K!"

-Murray Mouse

**************************************************

* Pepe K. crosses back onstage to Murray at the podium*

Pepe K.: Hope we're not keeping you awake, Murrs. ;) Thanks very much fur the award! See? I told ya it's not so hard to be a Host. 

* Bugs and Daffy run across the stage, being chased by Taz*

Daffy: AAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGH! Sanctuary! Sanctuary!

*dives down the podium's hydraulic lift's trap door*

Bugs:(to the audience) Is there a Doctor in the house?!?

Dr. Jerkyll: (stands up in the 3rd row) I am a doctor, my poor man.

Bugs: (chewing his carrot) Ehhh, What's up, Doc?

*Taz chases him offstage*

Pepe K.: Ya see? Acme Acres has things happening all the time!

*Sylvester chases Tweety across the stage and nearly pounces on him - only to be met by Hippity Hopper (the baby Kangaroo) who kicks and wallops him joyfully with his tail*

Sylvester:(as he flys throught the air) Eggggxthit sssstage lefffft!

Snagglepuss: (in the 15th row) I say! That's my line! Cease and Desist! I'll sue, e-ven!

*Sylvester's flight is suddenly arrested by a solid object - Hector the Bulldog's fist. He twirls the cat by the tail and throws him out into the audience*

Murray: I see what you mean.

*Penelope La Cat runs across the stage, but is met and grabbed by Pepe Le Pew on the opposite side of the stage. He wears a French sailor's beret*

Pepe: Come wiz me, mah leettle Precious Cargo! Let us stow a-way and sheep out togezzer! Ah am your Captain and you shall be mah first Mate....eh, promotions weel follow quickly!

*Pepe carries Penelope away*

Pepe K.: One need not even go looking for conflict. It runs wild here.

Murray: It practically gallops.

*Speedy Gonzales and the Mexican Mice carry the dazed Sylvester back up to the stage and they all scamper away - all but Speedy and Lightning Rodriguez, who remain standing atop the cats's head*

Speedy: Ju see Lighteneeng? Ju weel alwayz be more than a match for any 'ol gato!

Lightning: Si, Senor` eSpeedy!

Speedy: Thee only one more stupeeder than de pussy-gato eez thee loco duck.

Daffy: (leaping out of the hole in the stage he was hiding in) I heard ththat, you wretched rodent! Come back here!

*Daffy chases the mice down the isle*

Pepe K.: The good thing is that any damage done is always fixed within moments. No one gets really hurt in any conflict.

Murray: Well, I hope not! Certain toons seem to enjoy dropping large heavy objects on me.

Pepe K.: Shhhh! Don't give the writer any ideas!

*Hundreds of huge wet, 500 pound tuna fishes start raining on the stage! Murray and Pepe K. are whomped on the head and quickly buried in a massive pile of wiggling live, wet fish! They try to claw their way out, but are soon slipping all over the place on the slippery fish! After flailing about, they both fall off the stage into the orchestra pit - Pepe winds up being mistaken for a kettledrum and his stomach gets bopped repeatedly with kettledrum-sticks. Murray winds up with his rear sticking out of the bell of a tuba*

Charlie the Sunkist Tuna:(Stands up in the 9th row and peers through his sunglasses at the scene)

 Well, it may not have been in good taste - but it was sorta funny.

Pepe K.:(dazedly, after trying unsucessfully to stand up)

 Thanks for the award, Murray!

Murray: (Still stuck and muffled inside the tuba's mouth)

Yer welcome....I hate fish, I hate fish, I hate fish....

;)

Pepe K.

**************************************************

*climbs out of the instrument and wanders back to the stage*

"AHEM....ooook...now, scenery as we've seen, can increase the quality of a story tenfold, just through its very existance, now, some writers go beyond, this by making the scenery do crazy or unexpected thi...oh nuts..."

*the wooden stage, for no apparent reason other than for the sake of it, transforms into foot deep snow, complete with blizzard, yet it all seems confined to the stage area alone, murray, drops through the snow like a brick, and is now waist deep in a snow drift which was once the podium*

"....crazy or unexpected things...such as this.....the storys from our little band of writers which fit into this category are as follows:

===================================

    "BANZAI!!!" shouted Buster as he dove the Cessna directly into the wall of Wackyland! 

    There was a ripping sound as the propeller blade ripped the elastic barrier to shreds and the plane tore it's way through to freedom. Buster yanked back hard on the stick, pulled out of the dive and up into the beautiful blue skies of Acme Acres again.

     Behind them, the eyes of their pursuers grew huge as the fabric of Wackyland collapsed like a leaking balloon on top of them. The titanic thing deflated, sounding like the world's largest whoopie cushion. (Which it is.) The entire world within it came down upon it's inhabitants like a crashing zeppelin! 

    "Oh, the Inanity!" gasped the Dodo.

===================================

Wackyland collapsing like a giant whoopie-cusion in A Time To Every Purpose Unto Heaven 10

and

===================================

     "All right... stand well back, all of you," Reg advised, grabbing hold of the bottom. "Here we go." And with a quick yank, the scenery rolled up as usual, revealing the sight of Purrington Manor once more.

     "Oh, my dear, are you back again?" Ambrose smiled. "You're not having much of a vacation, are you?"

     "Vacation's over, Amby," she smiled back. "Get your passport. It's moving day!"

     "Another toon trick?" he chuckled.

     "Something like that, Uncle Amby," Rue said, moving to the farthest west boundary of the grounds, while Reg did the same on the east. (Amby knew enough to take this as his cue to join the others, which he did.) Nodding to each other, they unsheathed their claws, took a running jump at the scenery, landed high above the top of the manor, sunk their claws into the backdrop and slowly slid down, making perfect cuts in the scenery as they did so. "Okay, that's two down," Rue noted. "Now for one across." Taking another running jump, the two black cats landed with precision at their original starting points, this time carefully slicing their way across towards each other with one paw, while making sure to grab on to the scenery with the other. Before everyone's eyes, Purrington Manor fell to the ground like a sheet.

     Climbing down the rest of the scenery again, the cats carefully rolled the manor up and maneuvered it to the feet of the waiting Carrottes. All that was left of their handiwork was a vacant lot! Quickly, Reg pulled a "For Sale" sign from behind her back and stuck it in the middle. Then, they joined the rest of the group in Acme Acres. Grabbing the bottom of the backdrop once more, Reg gave it another smart tug, revealing the rest of Acme Acres. And finally, as if waving a bedsheet, she and Rue grabbed the bottom edge of the freshly cut scenery, unrolled it and watched as it stood upright all by itself, exactly where Reg wanted it!

===================================

The Changing scenery, (The Bloomin' Loonies V) 

"and the winner iiiiiiiiiiiis .."

"The Changing scenery, from The Bloomin' Loonies part V !"

....anybody got a scarf spare?....

-Murray Mouse

**************************************************

Suddenly the cold and windy terrain is whipped upwards in the classic BL "windowshade" technique. The Incredible Werekitty wraps Murray in a nice warm blanket, and gives him an inquiring look.

"Does this mean I won for Scenery? Just for the scene transitions?" she queried, looking a bit confruzzled at the chilla-dude's rather abrupt delivery.

-The Incredible Werekitty

**************************************************

yup. you won it for just that reason, excuse my rubbish deliveries, im new to this whole presenting thing, told ya all i wasnt a very good public speaker.

Murray Mouse

**************************************************

Whoa. COOL!

-The Incredible Werekitty

**************************************************

*wanders back to the stage after the intermission with a directors cap on his head that simply has 3 letters on it, RTD, and in his usual black jacket and blue jersey attire*

*taps the mic*

"hello?..everyone seated again?....anyone still awake?...*

*pulls an air horn out of his coat and activates it into the mic, the flurry of flying fruit thats returned is best left to the imagination*

"OK!..now the next award is for most well described setting, now due to the fact that my last award presentation was...abrupt apparently, ill explain in full.

now its pretty self explanatory, which makes you feel more like your a part of the story?..being told "fifi and hampton were standing in a large room"...what kind of room...who else is in the room..why are they there...does the room have a nice floral display?..well..maybe not that last one, but you know, the room could be full of live salamanders and you wouldnt know, but if the writers made an active effort to describe the setting "fifi and hampton stood in the centre of a large ball-room, glorious golden drapes hung from the walls and light romantic music played hauntingly from some unknown location in the ceiling, the room was lit entirely by candlelight, it was an extremely romantic setting"

now i know which sounds better, im no writer so excuse me if that sucked, but you get the idea, now this award goes to the best in this category,

now due to the limited availability of props or any comedic material concerning the subject of best described setting, here is a clown being hit with a pie.

*a small penguin marches onstage, plants a pie in murrays face, and waddles off stage in the other direction*

"thankyou.

the nominations are:"

................................................................................................

The world, Dancers on the Edge of Eternity

The lab, (A Time To Every Purpose Unto Heaven XII)

LaFume The world (everything: the Loo, the landscape, etc.)

..................................................................................................

"and the winner is"

*the penguin wanders back onstage, hands murray the envelope, and waddles off again*

*gnaws open the envelope*

"the winner iiiiiiis,

THE WORLD FROM DANCERS ON THE EDGE OF ETERNITY BY SEAN CAMPBELL! COME ON UP SEAN!"

*steps aside from the mic to make way for sean*

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Murray Mouse

**************************************************

**Murray steps back a couple of paces and adjusts his glasses in the shadow of the velvet curtains. He's glad to be out of the burning glare of the theatre spotlights. The crowd falls silent as Sean makes his way quickly towards the stage, the traditional cup of tea seemingly glued to his hand. He removes his hat before taking a hold of the microphone, a loud screech of audio noise as he takes a quick sip of his tea**

"Oh dear. Sorry about that folks... I guess this mic is trying to get away from me before I start talking rubbish"  :)

**Sean indicates his cup**

"Infinite capacity cup here... bottomless er sum junk. Bought it off a guy on Ebay for $4.

Apparently there's a party of Victorian explorers lost in there somewhere... no doubt fighting against rubber dinosaurs in some long lost valley. ( With a central lake composed of Earl Grey tea )

They went into the cup in a diving bell around 1899 or so, no word from them since. I'm pretty sure they're okay though, Doug McClure is in charge. In fact, I bet he's probably having a fistfight with a Pterodactyl right now."

**The microphone is seen to visibly move... possibly considering making a break for the fire exit. Seeing this, Sean decides to swiftly get on with the proceedings**

"Well, many thanks to you all for this award. As soon as I get home I'll be putting it in my wardrobe right next to my Fifi shrine ( surrounded by scented candles of course ) and that empty space reserved for Slappy Squirrel's hat."

**Sean pauses... realising that he spoke the last sentence aloud. He's getting odd glances from Andy Fox & Slappy. The microphone quivers again, seriously considering strangling Sean in an effort to save the universe**

"Em.... anyway.... as I was saying, many thanks for the award. Interestingly enough, it was this month last year when I finished the story in question, right before I joined the fanfic list. It's hard to imagine that I've been here for a full year now... how time flies when you're having fun. So many thanks to you all for making these past 12 months so enjoyable :)

And special thanks to Kevin for keeping the whole thing going. May it last many more years."

**Sean removes a white envelope from his pocket**

"Well, since I'm already up here would anyone mind if I tried out my new comedy routine?

No?

**silence from the crowd**

Ok... so here's the joke. There was this chicken and a rabbit right. The chicken says- "

**The microphone has finally had enough and strikes... knocking Sean to the ground with a loud thud.

Murray runs forward to try and calm it, but it rears up like a savage cobra.

"Must destroy the tea drinker," it hisses.

As he retreats, Murray accidentally steps on Sean's cup and cracks it. A mighty river of tea bursts forth, washing the homicidal mic off the stage. It falls into the crowd, hissing again before slithering slowly away.

Sean and Murray are totally soaked with tea, sitting on the stage in a stunned silence as brown liquid drips from their clothes.

"By Jove... we're back!"

Sean and Murray look up to see an antique diving bell lying lob sided against the stage curtain, a group of bearded guys in ragged clothes staring towards the crowd.

Amongst them is Doug McClure... holding a struggling Pterodactyl by the legs**

**************************************************

*after a heavy fight with the terradactyl, sean leaves the stage and murray walks, soaked, burnt with tea, and scarred from the fight, back to the Podium*

"im rapidly losing consiousness due to injury so ill *cough* make this quick, Amusing setting..its what cartoons were created for. To amuse. To make people laugh. To make people giggle so much that they lose their breath. Easy to do on film and in animation, not so easy in writing as you dont have the luxury of props and sight gags, this award goes out to all those that have tried to make us blow milk through our nose with hilarity, all without the aid of so much as a cave painting to look at."

*losing focus now, murray trys to read his script*

The...no..nominations are..

===================================

     At that moment, Lord banked hard to the right, throwing the scarlet Triplane on it's side - and flew it straight down the middle of the street between the buildings! The thrilling theme music swept and bounced in their minds. Fifi and Hamton gasped as the three red wings swooshed by the walls of cement and brick with just inches to spare!

===================================

The Flight Through Acme Acres from A Time To Every Purpose Unto Heaven 10

&

===================================

Lord pulled the triplane into a slower climb and into a left turn. The landscape slowly wheeled around beneath them. The clouds and sun were above. Stretched out below was Acme Acres; the city, the forest - they could even see the Looniversity.  Lord's helmeted head leaned over to look below at his mansion - taking a sighting. He saw the tiny figure of Arnold.

===================================

The Whole of acme acres from, ..Wow.. A Time To Every Purpose Unto Heaven IX

The winner is...*trys to find his pocket now everythings kinda hazy, and finally locates the envelope*

THE FLIGHT THROUGH *cough* ACME ACRES FROM A Time To Every Purpose Unto Heaven 10! WHEE..LOOK AT THE PRETTY LIGHTS..MEDIC!

*THUD*

*murray, concious but obviously not 100% ok, lies in the middle of the stage as 2 penguins with a stretcher come onto the stage, grab his microphone, place it on the stretcher, and wander offstage again*

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Murray Mouse

**************************************************

    A low murmur emits from a few of the audience members as their gaze moves expectantly to the seats of Pepe K. and his party, waiting for the toons to again ascend to the stage. Several quiet moments pass but neither Pepe K. nor any of his party appear.

    On the opposite side of the auditorium a small commotion is heard and Andy Fox is seen heading for the stage carrying a large floor broom. He is dressed in his yellow WB tuxedo jacket, blue vest, red bow tie, and hat, and looks very smart. Several times on the way to the stage he pauses, turning to look behind him and whispering harshly to someone: "No! Not now! Sit back down!"

    Once on stage, Andy gently sweeps Murray aside with the broom. He then walks up to the podium and scowls at the lack of a microphone. His green eyes flash briefly.

    "Okay," he smiled, his voice echoing throughout the room, "I get it--obscure reference to Part I of ATTEPUH where Dr. Lord addresses the assembly at the Looniversity without a microphone. Very funny. This is some sort of omnipotent joke, right? Do I pass the test or shall I play some music in your heads--perhaps William Shatner singing Mr. Tambourine man?"

    A resounding groan is heard throughout the entire assembly, but because of his many years of respect in the toon community, the fox is spared being pummeled with projectiles from the audience.

    "My thoughts exactly," he agrees. He reaches into his pocket and produces a replacement microphone. After banging it against the floor several times to assure its lifelessness he attaches it to the podium. The audience winces in expectation of the running gag of audio feedback from the microphone as he flicks it on, but only silence is heard.

    "Acme brand microphones," he explained. "Only the best for the UKE's."

    Andy's stage presence is suddenly interrupted as Slappy and Skippy Squirrel, dressed as paramedics, noisily appear on stage with a gurney. Andy turns briefly to the squirrels and looks crossly at them. The squirrels hoist Murray and his hazy cloud onto the gurney and wheel him off stage.

    Andy shrugged and turned back to the audience. "I am here on Pepe K.'s behalf to accept this award in his temporary insanity... I mean indisposure." Andy glances to 4 empty seats in the audience. In the seats are four placeholder cards, reading, respectively: "Gone to A.C.", "Me Too", "Ditto", and "How's your powder?" Andy gave a slight grumble and a small bolt of energy shot from one of his eyes, turning the fourth placeholder card into a small pile of ash. He continued his speech in a somber tone: "Item one: According to FAA guidelines, pilots are to maintain a minimum deck of 500 feet when flying over populated areas, like Acme Acres. Item two..."

    From somewhere backstage Slappy voice is heard yelling "Clear!" and an excessively loud electrical zap is heard and flashes of light can be seen from backstage. Several audience members begin chuckling quietly. Andy turns away to snicker slightly himself, then turns back to the audience, resuming his somber tone. "Item two: wearing nothing below the waist, flying without a license, and the willful murder of thirty-seven innocent potato chips *are* serious crimes in Wackyland and Bugs is now wanted by the Wackyland police."

    Sounds of a chainsaw and a drill from backstage again disrupt Andy's calm facade as he cracks a smile. A gray hand appears through the folds of the stage curtain and snaps its fingers to get Andy's attention. Andy reaches into his pocket and retrieves a propane torch and pair of welding goggles and hands them to the gray hand while the audience laughs. The gray hand disappears briefly and re-appears empty again, gesturing urgently for something. Andy again forages around in his fur, and places several small items in the gray hand. Apparently satisfied the hand disappears back through the curtain.

    From the audience someone calls out: "Hey! What else you got in those pockets?" A wave of laughter sounds from the audience.

    Andy ignores the comment and returns to the podium, trying with difficulty to maintain a serious expression while flashes of light and odd sounds and yells continue to emanate from backstage.

    "Nothing to worry about, folks," he assured.

    "Anesthetic!" Skippy's voice called out, followed by the familiar sound of a mallet whack.

    The audience continued to snicker as Andy hopelessly tried to pretend nothing was going on back stage.

    "Item three," he continued, trying not to smile. "Arachnophobia is no laughing matter--except when it concerns Dr. Lord, that-is. I can't remember when I laughed so hard as when I read his reaction to Boris. Which leads me to my final item: In ATTEPUH Part 10, Pepe K. has given us a superb example of an amusing cartoon setting, filled with all of the key elements of humor that make it an outstanding piece of work. He takes us, the readers, into the cockpit with Dr. Lord, Hamton, Fifi, and Boris, all the way across town to the beautifully depicted, untamed lunacy of Wackyland. It is a piece of literary work that I am thankful I had the pleasure to read. I know that he appreciates the recognition that you have shown him by giving him this award. And so, it is with great honor... and even greater greed that I accept this award on Pepe's behalf--because he's not getting it!" Andy begins to laugh maniacally as flashes of energy begins to crackle and spark around him. "It's mine! You understand? All mine! Ha-Haha! Ha-haha-haha! Gives me power! Muahaha!" Suddenly Andy snaps back to normal and smiles sheepishly at the audience. "Hehe... mood swing."

    A thunderous explosion rocks the stage as smoke begins to billow out from behind the stage curtain. Moments later Slappy and Skippy emerge with a singed but rejuvenated Murray between them. The audience cheers at Murray's return and for the two squirrels, and the three toons wave back to the audience.

    "Seriously, folks," concludes the fox, "thank you, from Pepe K and myself."

    The audience claps loudly as Andy crosses to Murray. The two shake paws warmly and exchange smiles. Then Andy waves to the audience and exits the stage with Slappy and Skippy.

    No toons were harmed in this award acceptance speech.

--

Andy Fox

**************************************************

"wanders to the podium once more"

"..im not sure what scares me more...the healthcare round here..or his smile."

*shudder*

"sharp fangs....anyway, on with the..."

*plucks a screwdriver from his ear, stares at it, and tosses it to the wings where a grey paw catches it*

"...ssshhow......."

*shakes his fur out sending loose screws fluttering out all over the stage*

"...i gotta find me a new health plan.."

"anyway on with the next award, and my final one of the night. now this ones special. not to say that the rest werent but this ones REAL special. Almost every week , theres an argument *somewhere* about this. (between you and me, sean loves this one cuz it means theres an infinite number of feefs out there)"

*a spotlight lances from the ceiling directly to seans table, where hes sitting with what appear to be ..3 other feefs at his table 0.o*

"yup. you guessed it. best alternate tooniverse."

*a new spotlight lances out a beam of subdued pale blue light directed at the left wing of the stage, moira mouse wanders onstage dressed in a stunning black sequinned dress , she gives the audience a passing glance, murray hands her the mic, and bows out to the side and waits quietly*

moira:

(for those uninformed, moira is murrays alternate female self, from an alternate toniverse where the sexes of the list members were totally flipsided)

 "many writers and fans alike believe that what happens in the fanfics, sometimes happen in alternate tooniverses, paralell, but not totally like our own, and most of the time, totally unaware of each other, in these other tooniverses, a different decision was made, a different outcome happened, all that can be, has been, you may not have been the same person in another tooniverse, such as the famous acme acres zone, where characters such as our own babs and buster are heinous evil creatures, wheras monty and plucky were the best toons you could hope to meet"

*she hands the mic back to murray*

murray: "now, without further adodoo, the nominations are:

Dancers on the Egde of the Universe

and...

All the fanfics, yup, thats right ALL OF EM

and the winner is....*hands the mic back to moira, along with the gold envelope, the lights dim in the theatre, and the spotlight on moira glows brighter, she clears her throat lightly, and opens the envelope slowly*

moira & murray: "the winner is...ALL THE FANFICS!"

*murray and moira stare at each other for a moment*

murray & moira: "we just told every writer at the same time that they all just won an award.....and were right in the middle of the stage...right on the spot where we hand them out...oh..nuts..um...BYE FOLKS!"

*murray and moira bound into the orchestra pullpit out of the way of the encroaching stage rush*

*peers out of the pullpit*

"i sense a great disturbance in the farce"

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Murray Mouse

**************************************************

Heh! Great choice there :)

For when you think about it, ALL the fanfics are set in different tooniverses from each other, each seperate from the tv show. 

But at the same time kind of the same.

But yet different.

But-

Em... me no feeling well.

-Sean Campbell

**************************************************

    "Oh, Goody!" exclaims Andy Fox as he bounds onto the stage with tongue hanging out and a hungry look in his eyes. "I know which little fuzzy statuette I want!"

    He extends an arm in the direction of the orchestra pit. As he raises it back up Murray Mouse floats up out of the pit. The poor chinchilla/mouse looks around in confusion as he floats through the air over towards Andy.

    "AAaahh! Fangs!" Murray madly claws at the air in a desperate attempt to evade the fox, but is helpless.

    "No," Andy hisses, doing his impression of Kahn from Star Trek II, "No, you can't get away!"

    "Eek!" cries the chinchilla/mouse. "Omnipotent predator! Help! 9-1-1! 9-1-1!"

    Andy grasps Murray and begins nibbling hungrily (but painlessly) on one of his furry ears. Murray shrieks and faints, going limp in Andy's hands.

    "Eeeew!" Andy cringes, dropping the furry body to the stage. "It's broken!"

-- 

Andy Fox

**************************************************

*bounds to his feet, spinchanges into the familiar red uniform from startrek 3 and faces andy with a pointed phaser*

"im laughing at the superior intellect"

*fires , covers andys nose with soot, spinchanges into a kilt, and runs off shouting "FREEEDOOOOM!"*

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Murray Mouse

**************************************************

*Suddenly two twirling blue lights appear above the stage. They address Andy *

Female Voice #1: Andrew!

*Andy drops Murray and walks over to look up at them*

Andy: No! No! You said I could have this planet for my very own.

Deep male Voice #2: What have I told you about eating awards' show hosts? This has gone far enough.

Andy: Oh, but you always stop me when I'm having fun!

Voice #2 : We've told you before.

Voice #1: Time to come in now, Andrew.

Andy:(petulantly) But I don't wanna come in and I won't! I'm an omnipotent being - and I won't listen to ya!

Voice #2: Enough, Andrew - Come along.

Andy: But why?? I didn't do anything wrong! I wuz just playin'!

Voice #2: We said come along!

Andy: But I haven't finished studying my prey yet!

Voice#2: This *not* studying them!

Voice#1: If you cannot take proper care of your pets - you may not have them at all.

Andy: Awww, but I was winning! I was winning!

Voice#2: They're beings, Andrew.

Andy: Awwww, but ya saw!

Voice #1: You'll grow up, Andrew. You'll understand. Now come along.

Andy: Awwww, but you said I could! *You promised!*.......I never have any fun.

Voice #2: Stop that nonsense at once - or you'll not be permitted to make any more planets! 

Andy: Aww, but ya saw! I was winning! I woulda won! Honest...

Voices: No, Andrew. No, Andrew.

Andy: I would've! I would! I would! I would!...

*the toonfox fades away to nothingness, leaving Murray completely confused*

Voice #1: Mr. Mouse , we apologize. Please forgive our child - he will be punished. The fault is ours for indulging him....

*The two lights also fade away - leaving a very puzzled Murray*

DL: (appears from the theatre's wings)...I phoned Andy's parents on him.

(he smiles).......

-Pepe K.

**************************************************

Yeah.  And ALL the authors WON!  w00t!

-The Incredible Werekitty


	7. Crossover Awards

       A rotund feline in black slacks, white formal shirt, and black suite jacket walks out onto the stage, looking extreemly nervious.  She did not like public speaking, during the best of times, and this was not the best of times.  Per prep time, due to Real Life hassles, had been minimal, but she HAD made some arraingements.

       "Greetings, everybody," she said with a grin.  "I am The Incredible Werekitty, and I will be your host for this part of the awards show.  It would seem I've been choses to hand out the awards for Crossovers.  Those seamless, or suposed-to-be seamless mergings of two (or more) universes into a single story.  Doing any kind of crossover is a risk for an author.  Especially if they do not wish to have a very confusing and muddy tale.  For my presentations, this evening, I've arrainged for a bit of help from a 

friend, that I had started to use in a story of my own.  A crossover, in fact, between two similar, in spirit, cartoons..." The Kitty paused, looking around, worried.  "She seems to be late though..."  

       Just then, a hole exploded inward in the roof.  A loud CRASH which ended the loud scream that had suddenly filled the theater, brought the audience's attention to a pair of pink-clad metallic-looking legs sticking up out of a hole in the stage.

       "Oh.   There she is now," Werekitty said, going over and helping her cohost out of the hole.  A rather heroic looking felinoid stood there brushing herself off.  She was pretty in a slightly robotic way.

       "I am going to KILL Francine," she muttered in an angry voice.

       "May I introduce Polly Ester, Samurai Pizza Cat."  At the sound of her introduction, she looked up at the audience, blinked, then went into a cute pose (standing on one leg, and blowing a kiss).

       "Hiya, everybody," the Pizza Cat said.  "Luv ya!"

       "She made a similar entrance in the beginning of my story, too."

       "When are you going to finish that thing, anyway?" Polly asked.  "I want to see what happens."

It was an embarrised grin that the Werekitty continued the segment of the show. Polly, resplendant in her red and pink armor just stood by for the announcement of the nominees.

"Our first catagory in the Crossovers section is 'Best Use of a Non-TTA Character in a Fanfic."

"And if you'd have finished the fanfic, _I'D_ be up for this," Polly added.

"AHEM! And the nominees are: 

===================================

(Following Shot of - a Jaguar wearing a black t-shirt, bicycling happily down the road, until Fifi's titanic foot slams down in front of him, upsetting his bike and sending him flying over the handlebars.)

    CUT TO:

Close shot as Fifi moves on past him as he lays on the street. He shakes a fist at her.)

    The J.A.M.:" Darn pedestrians!"

    CUT TO:

(Wide Shot of a street corner where a male brown mouse with glasses and a black coat stands talking to a young lavender lady bunny.)

    Murray Mouse:"Ya know, Leloni, I'd love to show you something."

    Leloni Bunny: "I'm not interested."

    Murray Mouse:" Oh C'mon, don't turn me down flat."

(SQUISH! Fifi's right foot swings into the shot and flattens him like a pancake!)

    Leloni Bunny: (laughs)" Flat is right!"

(SQUASH! Fifi's left foot flattens Leloni. Fifi steps out of the shot, leaving the two flattened toons on the sidewalk.)

    Murray Mouse: "Have you got a bicycle pump?"

     Leloni Bunny:" Oh shut up!"

    CUT TO:

(A following Shot of a group of Rabbits and other toons running away from Fifi's advance. They run into a town square with an old cannon next to a flagpole. A white rabbit tries to gather the others.)

    Peter Bunny:" C'mon! Let's rally round the flag, boys! Let's use the cannon to stop her!"

    Alex Bunny:" You can't do that!" (He hops away.)

    Erik Mouse:" You might hurt her!" He scampers away.)

    Shelby Bunny:" Un-uh! No way! (He hops away.)

    Ivan Bunny:" Well, if it's the only way to see her up close.."

    Peter Bunny:" We'll just fire it to scare her a little, okay? C'mon and help me aim this piece!"

(Peter and Ivan struggle to turn the old painted-over cannon as Fifi gets closer, her footsteps booming louder.)

    Ivan Bunny:" But Peter! This old thing won't fire! It's not even loaded, I'll bet!" 

    Peter Bunny:" Don't worry! I know what I'm doing!"

===================================

The List Members in 'Feefzilla, Queen of the Monsters' by PepeK"

"You mean you get giant monsters, HERE, too?"

"I guess so. I was out of town when all that happened," the Werekitty said with a shrug.

===================================

     On the roof, Pepe Le Pew sat on a lawn chair and sadly contemplated the constellations in the night sky. His penthouse garden was still, as Pepe thought of Red Hot's tragic suicide. He'd cried already and sat remembering her as the stars twinkled above him. Penelope slid open the glass door of their penthouse and shivered sleepily in her nightshirt.

    "Pepe? It's late. Please come to bed" she said gently. The grieving skunk didn't turn.

    "Mah sweet...for once, ah am not een ze mood" he sighed.

===================================

"The next nominee is 'A Time To Every Purpose Under Heaven', also by PepeK."

"He's a prolific so-and-so, isn't he? Kinda like The Big Cheese..."

"Sorta. Just not in the same fashion."

"Thank GOODNESS," Polly said with feeling.

===================================

     From what I could ascertain our company consisted of the two ducks and the skunk that I had already spoken to, a pair of rabbits named Buster and Babs, a coyote named Calamity and a strange green bird with an umbrella affixed to it's head. In addition to these strange creatures there were also two humans much like ourselves, an elderly looking man dressed in Edwardian style clothing and a teenage girl wearing fashions that seemed to come straight from the early 1960s. The former held a long wooden walking stick, a glint of light coming from the large blue stoned ring on middle finger of his left hand. He stood silently by the door, holding his fingers to his lapels and staring intently towards me with intense hazel eyes. As I had expected, he was the first to speak.

===================================

"Next there's 'Dancers on the Edge of Eternity."

===================================

     Acting quickly, she filled a mason jar with foof bombs and shaped changed into a raven.  Grabbing the jar in her talons, she flew out over the spies' camp site and proceeded to foof them into insensibility.  Returning to her shop, and then her natural form, she chuckled to herself, knowing that after having that many foof bombs dropped on them the two spies would be out of commission for several days.  "Well, at least I don't have to worry about them warning Scrooge that I'm on my way.  Now if only I could figure out how..."

     Magica stopped when the answer finally came to her.  "Of course!" she exclaimed.  "I should have thought of it sooner.  My foof bombs!"

     Finally knowing what she had to do, Magica took a medium sized bomb and immersed it in the concoction that she had spent so many weeks perfecting.  Once she was satisfied that is was saturated with the stuff, she pulled it out of the vat, and dropping it into her purse, she said, "Soon, Scrooge.  Very soon, your Number One Dime will be mine!"

===================================

"Then,' Polly added, reading from the list, "there's Magica DiSpell, in 'Ducks Out Of Luck' by HKUriah... Now that's a funny name."

"No worse than 'Polly Ester,'" retorted Rottin, with a smirk. 

===================================

    Two weeks later, after taking a *real* vacation to rest up and get use to being myself again, I presented the Toon Board of Education with the Looney Tunes' evaluations. I also presented the Bureau of Toon Psychology with the Tiny Toons' evaluations. Next, I met with all of the Looney Tunes that I evaluated at the Looniversity and resented them with copies of their evaluations. When they saw my name on them as being the one who performed the evaluation they broke out into questions.

    "Hey! You never did this?!"

    "You can't just make these up!"

    "You have to be in close observation of the subject for at least three weeks!"

    "This is a gyp!"

    "I am not egotistical!" (that was Daffy).

    I tried to interrupt the bantering: "Guys, guys, simmer down." I was abruptly cut off by a loud bang as a bullet whizzed by my head. I looked squarely at Yosemite Sam and the smoking six-shooter in his right hand. I extended my hand and the pistol was suddenly wrenched from Sam's grasp by an unseen force. The pistol floated quickly through the air and into my hand. I fingered the trigger and loosely waved the pistol about at the toons. For some reasoning which escaped me the group suddenly became quiet and attentive, their eyes fixed on me. "Thank you," I said quietly and set Sam's pistol on a nearby table. "As I was saying, I was in close observation for eight weeks." They began to look at me curiously.

    "You were out of the country, you were on vacation. Were you mind-probing us? You didn't!"

    "Naw, I would never do that to you guys. Well, almost never," I retorted.

    "Then how...?"

    I closed my eyes and curled my arms to my sides. Momentarily, the door opened and Alex Fox walked in the room. "Hi, guys!" he quipped happily.

    "Alex? You used Alex to evaluate us? He isn't qualified to perform educational evaluations. He's a student, he's just a kid!"

    Alex and I gave each other a glance. "Are you sure?" I asked. "Are you really sure?" Alex walked up to Bugs and extended his hand. "Take his hand," I told Bugs. Hesitantly Bugs took Alex's outstretched hand as I began to pass my senses to Bugs, through Alex. Bugs dropped his hand.

    "It's some kind of trick," he said.

    "No. Maybe it's not," came Wile E.'s voice as he approached Alex and took his hand. Through our special bond Wile E. could see into Alex, and into me. "It is him, I see it. He *is* Alex."The other toons looked bewildered.

    "But how?" Wile E. asked, dumbfounded. "Our minds are in constant communication. I saw you in Australia."

    "Well," I said, a bit sheepishly, "I am an all-powerful being, after all, but sorry to trick you. It had to be done." I then telepathically revealed to Wile E. the thought re-direction mechanism that had been feeding him the false thoughts.

    "Believe me, it wasn't easy," I thought to him.

    "Ingenious," was his reply.

    I sat down in a chair and Alex hopped up and sat on my knee. "Oh, c'mon guys, can't a nearly-omnipotent fox be in two places at once?" I asked. A quiet awe swept the room, replaced shortly with a torrent of inquisitive questions, congratulations, praise, and a few accusations. "You were there when I..." 

    "So, am I cute or what?" I inquired, gesturing at Alex.

===================================

 "The finial nominee is the Loony Tunes cast members in 'N'."

"'N'?" Polly asked.

"Yup," the Kitty answered.

"K." The Incredible Werekitty let out an incredible groan.

"And the winner for Best Use of a Non-TTA Character in a Fanfic is....  The List Members in 'Feefzilla'!"

-The Incredible Werekitty

**************************************************

* Pepe K. returns to the stage With the cast from Feefzilla in tow: Andy Fox, Peter Bunny, Murray Mouse, The J.A.M., Leloni Bunny, Thorne Mouse, Alex, Ivan and Shelby Bunny, Johnny Winters, Laika Romanov and Erik Mouse.*

Pepe K.: Looks like we all did it again, cast!

Peter: Way to go, Pepe!

Andy: I had the biggest role.

Pepe K.: No, I think we can all agree that Fifi had the biggest.

Ivan: The biggest what?

Alex: Role.

Erik: What?

Shelby: Role! The biggest role!

Thorne: Yes... especially when she sat down.

Leloni: (smacks Thorne's shoulder) Stop that! All I know is that she had the biggest foot cuz she stepped on me with it.

Murray: ..She stepped on me first.

Leloni: Yes, and you deserved it.

The J.A.M.: (holds up both paws, stopping the argument) AHEM!!

WhereKitty: Hold on - our resident critic speaks!

*One more time, the jaguar stepped up to the podium to receive his award.*

The J.A.M. : "Well, this is certainly a nice surprise, two awards on the same night!! What can I say except thanks to Pepe for letting us be in his story and basically letting us be ourselves! This is truly a first for me...and all of this for just one line, too!! Thanks everyone!!"

Polly Esther: (to the JAM) I guess you wanted more than one line this time, huh?

Pepe K. Well, thank you J.A.M. for having brought us out of a strange self-indulgent interlude and ensuring your place in the movie's sequal.

The J.A.M.: De nada.

Pepe K.: Anything to say, Laika?

Laika: (swirling her jerboa/mousie tail around Pepe's neck) Da, dahlink! Vee..Johnny and me ..are to be haffing a peeg party later at Caravan ov Dreams! Everybody come!

Pepe K.: A PIG PARTY!??!! At yer resturant??!!! I am *SO* there!!!

Johnny: Er, steady on, old man.. she meant a "big party".

Pepe K.:......"Big"...- not "pig"?.....Darnit, I hate it when my base instincts give moi away.

Laika: You are vanting peegz zere? Vee eenvite dem too! You all come and ....heheheheh...'party wid us'.

Pepe K.: *bounces and spin-takes on his tail*  Wooohoooo! Thanks!!! Gimmee the award and let's go!

Polly: You got pizza there?

Dizzy : (leaps up in the audience) PARTY!!!PARTY!!!PARTY!!!

Everyone: OH NO!

;)  

-- 

Pepe K.

**************************************************

       "Well that was fun," Polly observed, as the whole plethora of list members left the stage.

       "I guess so.  I felt kind kinda left out, tho...  Oh well.  ON to the next award.  It has only two nominations, but it's a very important one, all the same," Werekitty uttered.  "It is very hard to get characters from two different universes to interact in a very believeable manner."

       "I've never had any touble," mused Polly.

       "That's because TTA and SPC are very similar in spirit.  The humor can run along the same lines, so that makes interaction easier.  But when you have an author who's bound and determined to cross over radically different bounderies, then he or she has his or her work cut out for them.  The nominees for Best Interaction Between TTA Characters, and Non-TTA Characters are..."

==================================

     I was just about to run over and greet my friends when I suddenly froze in amazement. For right behind them, dismounting from their animals and staring directly towards the Looniversity were two strangers. The closest one to me was dressed in the tattered remains of what appeared to be a late nineteenth century British army uniform, a dirtied face and two wide brown eyes staring towards me from beneath an unkempt mass of greasy black hair.

     The other was slightly shorter but considerably more unusual in appearance. Clearly oriental, he wore what looked like light blue samurai robes, a distinct gleam reflecting from the long sword that lay clasped at his side. His face was cast in an intense expression of surprise, a thin beard and a mass of black hair tied into a topknot completing the image.

     Both newcomers seemed intrigued by the Looniversity and its inhabitants, their eyes moving from one toon to the other as if not knowing quite what to do. I remembered this feeling quite well.

     "I told them that they'd find this a shock," laughed Brian. "It took them over a week just to get used to Buster and Babs!"

==================================

       "'Dancers on the Edge of Eternity', by Sean Campbell," Polly declaired.

==================================

(Wide Shot as Thorne stands thinking. Then we hear BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! Thorne reacts in shock as Feefzilla steps around the corner, walking between the buildings down the street. We watch his face change from utter shock to joy as he reaches inside to grab his sketchbook, emerging again to run after Fifi.)

    Thorne:" Fifi! Wait! Please! Let me draw you!

    CUT TO: 

(Thorne chases her down the road and out of sight.)

    CUT TO:

Long Shot of Fifi as she stoops down to pick up a pair of pick-up trucks)

    CUT TO:

Wide Shot as Fifi skates happily down the streets, using the trucks as roller blades.)

==================================

       "And the list members in 'Feefzilla, Queen of the Monsters'," concluded Rottin.  "And the winner is...  The list members in 'Feefzilla, Queen of the Monsters'."

**************************************************

*Pepe and the others are almost to the door when they hear their names called again*

Pepe K. : Hey! We won again!

Murray: I want my award first!

*He gets run over and squished flat by the returning mob of toons as they also race to get their awards*

Murray: ...Erf.....Flattened again....Medic!

*Pepe and Thorne scrape Murray off the floor with a spatula*

*the swarm of rodents trample and climb all over each other to get to the stage Laika Romanov hops on her Kangaroo-like legs across the audiences's heads and Johnny Winters takes to his wings, nearly beating them all there.*

Leloni:(as she pushes past the others doing the Bugs in the theatre bit)

    ExcuseMePardonMeExcuseMeIBegYourPardonExcuseMe!PardonMe!!

*Just as they reach the podium, there's a sudden FLASH as The J.A.M. warps right in front of them all*

The JAM: Me first!

*WereKitty and Polly have their paws full handing out all the awards. Thorne and Pepe carry the flattened Chilla/Mouse up to recieve their awards*

Thorne: Ya know Pepe,...maybe it's not such a good idea to give the cats all that catnip?

Pepe K.:Well, I thought of it as just a lil gift...

Thorne: But it might make them too frisky.. -and aggressive and...well, after all..you might be able to defend yerself - but the rest of us are all just rodents and might suddenly find ourselves as kitty toys!

Pepe K.:...Oo! Good point!...I just thought it'd be cute if they get silly on it and roll around on the floor giggling.

Leloni: There you go - pandering to the girls again, ya ol' perv!

Pepe K.: (Shrugs) Oh well....(takes his award) Thank you all very very much, ladies!

Thorne: ( quietly aside to Pepe K. as they walk away) Say, uh... you know of anything that does the same for bunnies?

Leloni: I HEARD THAT!

*She chases them down the isle*

;)

 Pepe  K.

**************************************************

      "Oy, WHY did I take the crossovers catagory?" Werekity groaned, rubbing her sore paws.  "TWO stampeeds in a row, with Jam landing on my foot."

       "Nevermind that purple-"

       "Lavendar."

       "What's the difference?"

       "Three tonnes of dynamite stuffed into your armor," replied Rottin.  Polly blinked.

       "Then I'd have to get her with one of my love bombs," the Pizza Cat replied after a few seconds.  "She still stomped on your OTHER paw, when she took off after that mouse."

       "My footpads will never be the same..," sighed the Werekitty.  "Thankfully this is the LAST award in the crossovers, and it's the one that everybody's been waiting for.  Best Crossover....  And Polly?  Don't. Say.  A.  Word."

       "The nominees for Best Crossover are:

==================================

     Lord returned to the main room with the bouncy Laika holding his arm. Kimba sat chatting with the others as the happy blonde creature approached him. 

    "I am honored for to meet chu, your Majesty!" she said merrily. Kimba was quite pleased and rose to greet her, while the others were puzzled at her new attitude. Lord introduced them.

    "Kimba, this is Ms. Laika Romanov of the Slobovian Secret Service."

    "I vill personally conduct chu safely back to Africa and your Jungle Kingdom, your Majesty" Laika promised. The White Lion was impressed.

    "My, what a charming guide you are! May I ask you - are you some form of mouse, Ms. Romanov?"

    "I am a Slobovian Jeriboa, your Majesty" she beamed.

    "Ah!" he said realizing, "Oh please, just call me Kimba."

    "Zen chu must call me Laika!" she said with a giggle.

     As the two began chatting amiably, Mae Bear whispered into Lord's ear. 

    "What did you give her? A "happy pill"?, she said out of the side of her mouth, "I would have belted her in the mouth!"

    "She just saw things my way" the skunk said smirking. Mae smiled knowingly.

     "You do have a way with the ladies." The two of them chuckled.

==================================

  'A Time To Every Purpose Under Heaven', by PepeK," Polly said feigning innocence.  "Who either writes an awfull lot, or spends too much money bribing judges."  Rottin winced.

==================================

     "Oh yes!" he exclaimed. "I recognised them all right. Our friend the Artilleryman, a Dr. John Watson, a Mr. Bounderby, the Mahars, the Martians and their tripod machines. I recognised them all because I had read about them in books. They're all fictional characters!"

     "The War of the Worlds...," I muttered. "I knew I'd heard about those Martians before but it's only now that you mention them that it's come to me. Good Lord!"

==================================

       "'Dancers on the Edge of Eternity', by Sean Campbell," was all the brown feline added.

==================================

     "How would you two like to help me with a little job?" the shadowy figure questioned them.

     "What kind of 'job' do you have in mind, Mister...?" Brain inquired.

     "Max. Montana Max. I've got a problem with two pesky bunnies."

     "And what do you propose I do about it?" And what do I receive if I do decide to help you?"

     "I'll explain the game plan to you later. If you do help me, though, I'll give you complete control of Acme Acres." Monty crossed his fingers behind his back, mischievously, as he snickered to himself. Those suckers. They were playing into his hands. Once Buster and Babs were gone, he'd get rid of the two mice and Acme Acres would be his! All his!

     "Hmmm...sounds plausible. Are you pondering what I'm pondering, Pinky?"

     "I think so, Brain, but how will we ever get the three-headed penguin to fly?" Brain whacked Pinky with a nearby pencil. Pinky laughed as he stared at the stars circling his head.

     "So is it a deal?" Monty questioned, impatiently.

     "Deal!" Brain agreed.

     "Sure, Brain, but where are the cards?" Pinky asked.

     "Zip it, Pinky!"

     "Zip" Pinky replied as he zipped his mouth shut, giggling in the process.

==================================

       "And 'An Untitled Story'," Polly finished.

       "The winner for the UKE for Best Crossover is...."

       "No surprise here," muttered Polly.

       "'A Time To Every Purpose Under Heaven," the Werekitty finished, wishing she had one of Leloni's mallets.  "And on that note, I abandon the stage to the winner.  Bye, y'all."

-The Incredible Werekitty

**************************************************

*Doctor Lord walks up to the stage and smiles at the two cats*

DL: Thank you very much, ladies. I'm sure that Pepe will thank you too for this gracious award  - as soon as he gets back from wherever Ms. Leloni has chased him.  

Werekitty: And that could be halfway around the world, for all we know.

*the doors at the back of the house open as Leloni returns*

Leloni: (laughing hysterically) ..Ha ha hehehe! Actually we didn't get that far! Ha hahaha...

Werekitty: Did ya get back at  those two?

Leloni: I didn't have to!  They did themselves in! (laughs)

*Officer Pooch walks in leading Pepe K. who appear to be wearing only a borrowed raincoat *

*Pepe is rather embarrased*

Officer Pooch: Awlroight now! Come in here, you!

Pepe K. : Please Officer - this is a public place! Can't I get some proper clothes on first?!?

Pooch: Ya dinna have any on when aye caught yer! Now you'll ave to pay the piper! (To Dr. Lord) Mi'Lord? Aye caught thes skunk ova skunk hidin' out after causing a disturbance at Camp Acme. What shall we do wuth 'em, Judge ?

Lord: Camp Acme?

Pooch: Yessir! ...The nudist colony.

Lord: ....Pepe! What were you doing in a nudist colony?

Pepe K.: It wasn't my fault!! Leloni chased us everywhere! We had to hide!

Lord: We?

Pooch: Yessir! This .. _person_ had an accomplice. He's owtside. And the proprietor is lodging a complaint!

*Fritz the Cat enters *

Fritz: Yer darn right I'm complaining! Those two broke up our big volleyball tournament and stunk all my customers out of the joint!

Werekitty: A nude volleyball tournament?

Fritz: Yeah, Man!  And it was near the end of our big tie game! Then - POUFF! Ya know how hard it is ta deal with 50 screaming naked toons?!?

Polly Ester: ...I can imagine.

Lord: Where's the other one, Officer?

Pooch: Ouside, sir...I uh... dinna think it t'was such a good idea ta bring'em inta thes packed rroom.

Fritz: Hey listen, Man! Bring 'em in here and let's settle this now. I gotta get back or I'll lose all my clients!

Lord: Very well. Bring in the other one please, Officer.

Pooch: (Reluctantly) Awlright Judge. Just don't say aye dinna warn ya.

*He goes outside*

Lord: (to Pepe K.)  What happened?

Pepe K.: Well, We'd been flattened by half a dozen anvils , mallets and assorted heavy objects - thanks to Thorne's comments about getting ..uh... lapine stimulants....and we were forced to hide in the first available hiding place.

Leloni: So you wisely hid in a Nudist colony?

Pepe K.: (frustrated) Thorne thought it would be a place you wouldn't follow us into! He forgot you were already 'nekkid'!.... We were trying to act like we were part of the naked volleyball game, but uh.... we had trouble concentrating on the uh....uh.. the ball! ..uh yeah - that was it!  We tried to duck out and then Lel cornered us in the stands!

Leloni: (laughs) There they were! Trapped among all those nudists!

Lord:...And?... What _did_ you _do_?

Pepe K.: Well....uh... I was forced to use the only means of defense open to moi...

Leloni: HA HA! But he missed!

Fritz: He hit everybody in the game and in the stands! The place will stink for weeks if something isn't done!

Leloni: But that's not all!

*Officer Pooch brings in a very unhappy and naked Thorne Mouse who attempts to hide his face. It is immediately appearant that he has been skunked VERY BADLY and a green cloud follows him. The audience starts to fall over, fainting from the potent fumes*

Lord: ....Oh.........my......

*Leloni and the other ladies break up laughing, then stand holding their noses.

Thorne looks slowly and sullenly at Pepe K.*

Thorne: (coughs)....You *could* have *warned me*!

Pepe K.: I told ya to get outta the way!!

;)

-- 

Pepe K.

*******

Thorne: Gee thanks, Pepe! I sure hope we have some tomato juice backstage. *grumble* (whispers) But seriously, _is_ there a lapine equivalent to catnip? I clearly need a better aftershave." He looks ruefully out at the semiconscious audience members, and the giggling rabbit and kitties plugging their noses at him.

-Thorne

*******

  Leloni leans over and whispers to the stage cats.  "Say, ya think I should paint a white line down Thorne's back?  I mean, he does STINK the part, might as well LOOK the part too."

Werekitty rolls her eyes. "Not while *I'M* still on the stage, please.  I've already been through two stampedes tonight.  The third time would definitely NOT be the charm."

"Darn," Leloni pouts.  She grins at the nude-do-wells; Pepe and Thorne.  "Oh well, you can't be too upset.  After all, not every guy gets to be down and skunked in Nudity Hills."

-Leloni


	8. Art Awards

***The Artistic Awards ***

Best Fan-Fiction Based Picture

    Ludwig gets up from his seat and walks down the isle of chairs to the main walkway. As he walks up stage with his hands in his coat pocket, knowing the powerful odor that awaits him, Minerva is still gazing at him from her seat.

    Ludwig: "Now she's starting to scare me... We only had a small fiction romantic part in that 30's story, und that's was it. Knowing her I'd better be cautious.

    (Once Ludwig was up on stage and behind the microphone, he takes off his golden monocle and stuffs it in his vest pocket. He then takes out a small silver air fresher bomb, and tosses over where Thorne once stood. It detonates with a cloud of blue and white smoke, cleaning the air instantly. ( But only temporarily ) Until his presentation is over. He then begins his memorized speech; speaking with his rather smooth German accent.)

    Ludwig: "What would we do without art. Art has been der bases of describing life on this planet for times long passed. We have used art to show our feelings without words, to learn, und to teach others within us about life's well known means und misfortune. Art gives us a picture through one's eyes of what it symbolizes to them. It has been used for describing World Culture, Music, and so on. But none other interests us more then those great fantasy anthropomorphic arts."

    Believe it or nicht, Anthropomorphic art has been around longer then some of us think. In der pass Anthropomorphic art was used for describing one's culture, or as a symbolization of some kind. Those artist inspired many throughout time, und taught others how to communicate before there where even words to write. Many of us whom have passed down der joy of art to this day are in this auditorium as ich speak. Great artists like Thorne, Murray Mouse, John Calcano, Leloni, und so on. You all have been a great part of artistics as we know it."

    *The audience then cheers in response to the flowing names.*

    (Back in the audience, and over the cheering, Minerva leaves her set and begins to wonder up stage, she then stops beside Ludwig with a grin, taking off his gray hat and placing it on her head.)

    Ludwig: "Heh, heh, you look like a female detective, sehr gut, ja! But what are you doing up here?"

    Minerva:  *Smiles* "Oh, something wrong with me wanting to be with my date for the evening during his presentation?"

    Ludwig: "Me? Hum... Ich don't believe I'm your date."

    Minerva: "Oh? Then who is? Cause I'll knock her block off!"

    Ludwig:  "Eww... Um, calm down Minerva, no one ist."

    Minerva: "Aww... But who are you going to be with at the party after the awards?"

    Ludwig: "Party? lol... after this I'm going to bed, Miss Mink."

    Minerva: *Winkes* "Oh, I'll work on changing that."

    Ludwig: "I'm sorry, just that I'm a little sleepy. Been in this auditorium fur three months now.  Besides, surely you have someone already?"

    Minerva: "I did... I mean, I still do. But he's not as cute as you...  But he is in a way of comparison, a very sweet and caring gentleman to the ladies."

    Ludwig: "Sweet und caring huh..., danke. Funny though, there used to be a time where that was enough...  *Holds up Minerva's chin with his finger* Think about it, you might want to reconsider."

    *Ludwig then turns back to the microphone with a smile*

    Ludwig: "All right everyone, I'm now very pleased to announce our Tiny Toon Adventure Artistic Awards. First up ist Best Fan Fiction Based Picture. Pictures that were based on der many Tiny Toon Adventure fan fiction stories they you und Ich have read. Und der nominees are..."

    *Takes out an envelop from his coat pocket and gets out his reading monocle*

    Ludwig: "Der first nominee for Best Fanfic-Based Picture ist MONDO modelsheets series by John Calcano."

    (The audience then cheerfully applauds when John's art shows up on the large screen on stage behind Ludwig and Minerva.)

    Ludwig:  "Our second nominee, was also done by John Calcano, fanfic_modelsheet_empress_babs."

    (Audience applauds)

    Ludwig:  "Our third nominee, was drawn by Thorne for A Time To Every Purpose Unto Heaven. A picture of Fifi in church."

    (The audience applauds, except Enna Scent of course.)

    Ludwig: "Der fourth nominee, one of my personal favorites, Fokker flight. Drawn by Pepe K, und color compost by Thorne. A plane ich rather wish ich could obtain.

    Ludwig: "Our fifth nominee,  ist mitzi_elmyra_3a, drawn by Bee Bee."

    (Audience applauds)

    Ludwig: "Next ist our sixth nominee, this fan fiction based picture was drawn by Murray Mouse, Sketchiness of Laika Romanov."

    (Audience applauds)

    Ludwig: "Und our last nominee, for Best Fan Fiction Based Picture, ist Der Living End by Rob Mephisto."

    (The audience cheers and claps for all the pictures that where just shown on screen. Ludwig then raises his right hand as for a feedback of silence.)

    Ludwig: "Und der winner ist..."

    *Hands the envelop to Minerva*

    Ludwig: "Go ahead."

    Minerva: *Blushs* "Aww thanks... You want me to just open it then you read it?"

    Ludwig: "Sure, if you want."

    (Minerva cuts open the envelop with her sharp claws and hands it to Ludwig, he then begins to present the winner out loud.)

    Ludwig: "Und der winner, in Artistic Awards, for Best Fanfic-Based Picture, with one hundred und twenty-four points, ist John Calcano's MONDO modelsheets series!"

    (Ludwig/Minerva + audience applauds)

**************************************************

[no response given]

**************************************************

*** The Artistic Awards ***

Best Tiny Toon Adventure Picture

    Ludwig: "Moving along, we have der Best Tiny Toon Adventure Picture Award. These pictures are quite fabulous when it comes to a random favorite character from der artist, or characters drawn from das show.  There can only be one winner, but ich personally enjoy, und liebe them all. Und der nominees are... und there are a few of them..."

    Ludwig: "Für Best Tiny Toon Adventure Picture, Beebee und A.G.I.'s picture of Mary Melody eating ice cream."

    (Audience applauds)

    Ludwig:  "Our second nominee was drawn by Babs, A Tiny Toons Oddity."

    (Audience claps)

    Ludwig:  "Our third nominee was drawn by Thorne.  'Monkey Business', A TTA Calendar picture drawn für January of 2001."

    (Audience applauds)

    Ludwig:  "Der fourth  nominee ist from John Calcano,  new_pic_logo_one_ jpg."

    (Audience applauds)

    Ludwig:  "Der fifth nominee ist also drawn by Bee Bee und A.G.I.,  a picture called 'Love Melee'."

    (Audience applauds)

    Ludwig:  "Und our last nominee, für Best Tiny Toon Adventure Picture, ist A.G.I.'s picture of Buster und Babs in a Valentine image."

   (Audience applauds)

    Ludwig: Und der winner ist... *Hands the envelop to Minerva* "Care to do this again?"

    Minerva: "Sure why not, I haven't said anything  yet in this one." *Tairs open the envelop and hands it back*

    Ludwig: "With one hundert und sixty-six points, ist A.G.I.'s sweet picture of Buster und Babs in a Valentine image! But do to der fact that he ist nicht present at der moment, we will have to hold his award until further notice."

    (Audience claps softly)

    Ludwig: "Don't worry everyone, I'm sure he'll be back with us as soon as he can. In der mean time, we move on to der Best Doodle Awards."

**************************************************

[no response given]

**************************************************

** The Artistic Awards ***

Best Doodle

    Ludwig: "This ist my favorite category, manly because it can be pictures drawn of any one of us. It's always entertaining to see how we look doing different things with different characters. Most of us are very gut artists when drawing one another. Though für myself, my friend Abel ist one of der hardest fur me to draw, *lol* " *waves at Abel* "But since this ist my last personation, und this IST der Artistic Awards. I'd like to take der time danke Leo für his donated site art, und another gut friend of mine, Alex Wolf, für his donated art und most resent friendship." *waves and smiles at both of them*

    (Audience applauds)

    Ludwig: "Und now, für my last list of nominees, für Best Doodle, we have Thorne Meets Feefzilla, drawn by Thorne himself."

   (Audience applauds)

    Ludwig: "Next we have 'I Hate Pink', drawn by Miss Leloni Bunny."

   (Audience applauds)

    Ludwig: "Und then we have a... ah... picture drawn of me wearing women's clothing by Murray Mouse, titled 'Leanne Van Goff''.  That was very creative Murray, danke."

   (Audience laughs and applauds)

    Ludwig: "Our fourth nominee ist der Leloni Action Figure Mockup, drawn by Thorne."

   (Audience applauds)

    Ludwig: "Und our last nominee, für Best Doodle ist 'CookeRd@90_jpg', drawn by Rottin Kid."

   (Audience applauds)

    Ludwig: "Und der winner ist..."

    Minerva: *Takes the envelop from Ludwig* "Thank... you."  *Cuts it open and hands it back*

    Ludwig: "Your Willkommen...  Und der winner, für Best Doodle, with one hundert und sixty one points, ist Thorne's Leloni Action Figure Mockup!" *Makes way for Thorne who probably still smells stinky*   =^.^=

**************************************************

For several beats, there is silence.

Pepe K. breaks away from a quiet conversation with Dr. Lord and Officer Pooch, realizing that something is wrong.  He stares a question at Leloni Bunny and the empty seat beside her in the front row.

Leloni shrugs, not know knowing where her reeking rodent date has disappeared to.

     Ludwig:  "Thorne? Ist der ein Thorne in der house?"

Pepe K. rushes up the aisle and up the stairs to the stage.

    Pepe K. (hissing to Ludwig): Stall!

Pepe hurries backstage.

    Ludwig:  "Well, er, um.. As Ich was saying, der winner ist der picture of der Leloni Bunny Action figure, er, mit pictures also of Verekitty, und anodder ov Leloni, und Murray, und mein fellow Sable, Abel, und Thorne.  Who ist supposed to be here now.

  Minerva (stage whispered): "Nice stalling, Wiggy."

There's a commotion backstage

    Pepe K (offstage):  "Ah ha!  There you are.  You're on!"

    Thorne (offstage):  "Wha?! Wait, I'm not.."

The curtain is suddenly thrust open as Pepe K. rushes through, pushing an old-fashioned claw-footed bathtub on wheels.  Inside the tub, Thorne is hanging on for dear life.

    Ludwig: "Ah, here he ist now!  Der winner of der Doodle Award!

    Thorne:  "Uh, thanks.."

He stands up, before realizing he is _still_ stark naked, though now he is also covered with tomato juice.

    Audience: "GASP!"

Thorne looks down, possibly blushes (hard to tell under the tomato juice), and ducks down into the tub.

    Pepe K., smiling: "Sorry about that. Here, get dressed, and accept your award so we can get this show moving."

Thorne glances at the audience, smiles embarrassedly and turns away to put on the garment Pepe handed him.  Finally properly attired, for a toon anyway, he stands up and steps out of the tub, wearing his yellow bow tie.  He accepts the UKE award from Minerva, and a handshake from Ludwig.  Ludwig looks at his now tomato-y hand with concern.

   Thorne:  "Thanks very much, everyone!  I'm very pleased that you liked my picture.  I'd like to especially thank the very lovely subject of the picture.  I don't think I'd have put _quite_ the effort into it without her-nor would it have been as popular!  And she didn't even kill me for drawing it!  Thank you, Leloni Bunny!"

Thorne waves to the crowd as a spotlight zooms into the audience to pick out the lavender bunny, who is blushing just a little.  Thorne then thanks Minerva and Ludwig once more and walks off stage, making squishing sounds and leaving tomato footprints as he goes.

Just offstage he pauses for a moment and spin-changes into clean dry fur and his tuxedo before making his way back along the front row to his seat, where he happily shows Leloni his new UKE trophy.

- Thorne

**************************************************

*** The Artistic Awards ***

Closing

    Ludwig: *Takes out a napkin from his coat, and wipes off the tomato juice from his hand* "Most toons wear gloves, now ich see der point für a pair. Well, that's der end of der artistic awards.  Und now, please everyone, give a warm welcome to Herr Sean Campbell!"

    (Audience applauds while seeing Sean on the big screen drinking a cup of tea from his seat)

   *Ludwig and Minerva then walk off stage (avoiding tomato spills ) to their pervious seats*


	9. Miscellaneous Awards

A small, bemused looking blue skunk walks on-stage, blinking under the bright lights as he removes his bowler hat. He looks at the hat carefully for a few moments, sighing gently as he runs his fingers along the slightly worn rim. 

"Hmm... This looks pretty bad after seeing the great hat Ludwig had." 

Sighing again, he turns his hat upside down and peers inside, removing a white envelope. 

"Well ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the 2002 annual toothpaste awards! Sponsored by 'Mighty White', the toothpaste that makes your teeth go....er... mighty white! I'm sure we're all shaking with anticipation as we await the list of winners, toothpastes from all around the world battling it out for the ultimate prize. Not since the great teabag race of 1904 has the excitement been -" 

**Sean pauses, cocking his head to one side as he hears a voice in his little hidden earphone. A few seconds pass as stray crickets chirp in the otherwise dead silence. The audience shares puzzeled glances. Moments later a tumbleweed blows by** 

WE APOLOGISE FOR THE MOMENTARY BREAK IN TRANSMISSION. THE UKE AWARDS WILL RESUME SHORTLY. IN THE MEANTIME, HERE'S A NICE SOOTHING PICTURE OF SOME WAVES LAPPING ON A MOONLIT SHORE  (elevator style music plays in the background... the faint sounds of someone getting hit over the head audible in the distance ) 

The lights come back on, a dazed look on Sean's face along with an obvious black eye. 

"Welcome back to the UKE awards 2002! I'm Sean Campbell and I'll be your host for the Miscellaneous section. Before I announce the winner of the first award I'd like to thank you all for being here tonight. It's not often we see such a fine collection of toons in the one place... mainly because they stopped making TTA back in 1995. Oh well... 

You know, one of the great things about the UKEs is the way that time and space seem to loose their meaning throughout the ceremony, different parallel universes merging for the occasion. For example, if you look towards the back of the auditorium you can see the TTA gang as they appear in Abel DuSable's stories! And to my right you can see the gang as they appear in the works of Pepe K! And there to the left... just down a bit, the gang as they appear in Kevin's stories! In fact, dotted all around us are the various versions of the TTA gang as visualised by the many different authors who make up the fanfic community. Isn't physics wonderful? But if you tilt your heads up towards the balcony there... right up....  You see those familiar faces looking down on us? It's the TTA gang as they appeared in the show itself! Yes, they've been kind enough to come all the way from Acme Acres to be here tonight... and very curious they are to see how their fanfic counterparts are getting along. Let's give them all a big hand why don't we?" 

**A gigantic version of Thing from the Addam's Family scuttles out from behind the stage, crawling up the wall before vanishing across the top of the balcony**. 

"Well.... that wasn't exactly what I had in mind but it'll do. How many Fifis we got here? Or is the plural of Fifi simply Fifi?" 

**Sean does a head count of all the Fifis he can see** 

"Ah, at least 14. No... make that 15. What about Pluckys? Or is it Plucki?" 

**Sean starts doing a headcount of all the Pluckys he can see, only stopping when someone in the audience shouts: "Get on with it!"** 

"Er... ok. 

Anyway, I spoke to Buster Bunny earlier on, trying to finally clear up one of the great questions that has given rise to many interesting fanfic plots..." 

********************************************* 

The video screen shows a pre recorded interview, Sean standing next to Buster Bunny. Buster is wearing a black tuxedo, chewing on a carrot as he smiles towards the camera. 

"So Buster, I know you must have been asked this many times before, but I suppose everyone just has to know for sure." Buster nods. 

"I have a feelin' I know what you're gonna ask," he says. Sean smiles. EVERYONE knows what he's about to ask. 

"Well.... IS Bugs Bunny really your father?" Buster pauses, taking another bite from his carrot before looking directly at the camera. 

"Well Sean, I must have been asked this 2 million times by now so I guess it's time the world finally knew the truth. Is Bugs my father? Well, the answer is -  " 

The screen goes blank, image replaced by interference. 

WE APOLOGISE FOR THE LOSS OF TRANSMISSION. NORMAL SERVICE WILL BE RESUMED SHORTLY 

********************************************* 

"Oh dear. Looks like the tape ran out before we finished. Never mind. Onto the awards! 

The award for 'Best Innovative Idea'!!! 

===================================

                Instead of answering him, Yosemite pries Buster's fingers off the door until he flies backward into Elmyra's arms. "Hello my little snugglebunny," Elmyra says, squeezing him tightly. "What fun game do you wanna play first? Oooo! Oooo! I know! WE CAN WATCH THE FACTS OF LIFE RE-RUNS AND I CAN DRESS YOU UP LIKE BLAIR!!

(Close up on Buster's fear strickin face)

"Where's the Humane Society when you need em?"

Thu....thee...thu....thee.....thu...thee....that's all folks!

===================================

In second place it's the climax of 'The Doctor is in', where Elmyra finally manages to get her hands on Buster. No easy escape for the blue bunny this time! Well done Clare. 

And the overall winner is: 

**Sean opens white envelope, jumping back slightly as a piece of coloured paper jumps out** 

The winer is....  X Cam, the little webcam that you can put anywhere!!! HANG ON A MINUTE! 

**Sean throws the X-Cam advert away** 

===================================

                                                               Buster:

                Have you ever said something you immediately regretted?

AHHHHHHHHHH!

                As the 'Bunny' attacks Buster, the camera pans away and all we can hear are it's inhuman growls and Buster's cries for help. A bolt of lightning overhead illuminates an old wooden sign over by the forest that reads...

                Abel DuSable Presents... Stephen Spielberg's Tiny toons in...

                Tiny Toon Adventures Spooky Stories

                The camera continues to pan away through the forest as a familiar white glove smacks against the sign and Buster's cries begin to fade into the distance.

                The trees part to reveal the cold sterling white walls of a hospital on a hill. The camera zooms in through an open window on the third floor into a office where Fifi LaFume and Babs Bunny are clad in candy stripers clothes.  Granny, dressed as a nurse, stands before them with a clipboard speaking to them in an authoritarian manner. In the foreground, on a table, is a specimen jar with a label marked...

                "DON'T TOUCH"

===================================

These pop up ads get everywhere! The real winner is Abel DuSable for 'TTA Spooky Stories', voted most innovative idea of 2001/2002. Well done Abel... let's all give him a big hand. 

**Sean glances nervously upwards** 

I MEAN LET'S CLAP!!!

- Sean Campbell

**************************************************

Abel heads up the isle to receive his award only to receive a kiss from Sphinxy, Bimbette and Binky as he goes past each one's seat. By the time he reaches the stairs he a dazed look in his eyes, three different colors of lipstick on his cheeks and his walk is a little wobbily and he has to be nudged in the direction of the podium by Sean. The young Sable snaps out of it as the award is pressed into his hands and touches the lip prints on his cheeks with a blush.

"Wow... Most innovative idea. I never expected to win this one. I didn't expect such warm congratulations from the cast either. Uh... I'd like to thank all the fans who voted for Spooky Stories, I'd like to thank the cast and especially the "Away Team Cheerleaders" Sphinxy, Binky and Bimbette for agreeing to appear in their first Major roles since they first appeared in TTA."

Abel heads back to his seat only to ambushed by the three cheerleaders once again and manages to stagger the last few feet to his seat where Enna glances at him with a look of dissapointment and hands him a hankercheif to clean the sextet of lip prints from his face.

-Abel

**************************************************

Congratulations for winning Able. I admit the 'away team' cheerleaders are my favorite part of Spooky Stories. It's about time they finally get the recognition they deserve.

Dennis

**************************************************

THE 2002 UKE AWARDS... SPONSORED BY WEENIE BURGERS. ( Suitable for vegetarians ) 

**As Abel walks back to his seat ( and the cheerleaders ), Sean once again appears on stage, this time without his bowler hat. He carries the next white envelope in his hand, rubbing his forehead with a green piece of tissue paper before facing the crowd** 

"Welcome back to the 2002 UKE awards! 

Our next category is the highly awaited 'Best use of a Cabbage in a fanfic' award. So, without a moment's hesitation, here's the nominees! 

Ray Bradbury for 'Is There A Bunny in the House?" 

Harlan Ellison for 'Whatever Happened to Buster's Pants?' 

And of course, Arthur C. Clarke for "Tiny Toons vs. Cabbage Patch Dolls: Odyssey 2077" 

And the winner is... 

Ray Bradbury for 'Is There A Bunny in the House?" !!! 

Sadly, Ray can't be with us today but he did pre-record an acceptance speech... that I couldn't be bothered playing. Instead, let's look at another interview with a TTA cast member, this time everyone's favourite little skunkette - Fifi La Fume!!!" 

******************************************* 

Sean: "So Fifi, you're one of the most popular TTA characters, even more popular than Buster. What do you make of that?" 

Fifi: "Tres formidable! I 'ad not realised zat moi fans liked me so much!" 

Sean: "Yes, you have many, many fans... some of whom like you a lot." 

Fifi: "Oui! I 'ave read some of ze fanfiction. Sacre Blu! Some of eet ees tres.... em... **interesting** non?" 

Sean: "So tell us Fifi... we were told very little about your background and family during the course of the series. Care to fill us in on the details?" 

Fifi: "Well, a lot of ze fans have asked me about zis before, so I ave finally decided eet is time to tell all. Why am I living in ze United States you might ask? Why did I leave moi homeland? Well, as ma Mere will be all too willing to confirm, I was-" 

Picture and sound come to a sudden stop. 

"Hmm... I really must get that video camera fixed." 

****************************************** 

THE UKE AWARDS WILL CONTINUE AFTER THIS MESSAGE... 

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For instance, look at this green hat. EXACTLY like Slappy's and just $12.99! It even includes a wilted flower! Ideal for that long day in the office, that important business meeting or just while you're out buying the groceries. And if it rains you can have the officially endorsed Slappy umbrella! Be the talk of the town! Order today!!! 

Our hand-picked ( off the street ) team are waiting for you call now. Full money back guarantee... not included. 

WE NOW RETURN TO THE 2002 UKE AWARDS... 

**Sean is frantically taking down the address details of 'Cartoon Replica Fashions'. He looks up, realising that the cameras are on him and quickly hides pen and paper behind his back. He then holds up the white envelope** 

"Well... onward we go to the award for 'Best Dream Sequence'! We have two nominees for this... both written by Pepe K. 

===================================

    Fifi lay in bed, tossing and turning, twisting her body inside the sheets. In her dreams, she saw herself on a bloody battlefield, slashing at hundreds of attacking soldiers! Their shining armor was spattered with blood as they charged in fury upon her. Livid with rage, she hacked at them, her sword and foot-long claws ripping their bodies asunder! They kept coming and coming and she kept on killing and killing them all! A murderous frenzy burned in her soul - an unthinking, merciless hatred of all that lives. She stood among the hundreds of broken bodies and roared ferociously, the blood streaming down her arms as she beckoned her enemies to their destruction! Suddenly, she sat up with a start - and found herself shivering in her bed.

===================================

In second place it's Fifi's dream of being the Beserker in 'A Time To Every Purpose Unto Heaven' part 11. 

===================================

     Hamton struggled through the empty forest of barren trees. He ran as fast as he could, but was slowed down by his heavy, freezing wet tattered clothes. He clutched his bleeding, wounded arm and ran for his life. How could this be happening to him? From behind, he heard hounds baying and knew they were after him. Thorn bushes ripped at his legs as he ran on blindly, looking for escape. Suddenly Marc Anthony, Spike and Hector the bulldogs ran up the slope after him. Barking ferociously, Chester, K-9, Sam the Sheepdog and Frisky all came at him from the opposite direction. Hamton saw a small hill with a boulder atop it and struggled up the rocks to reach it. He ducked and hid behind the boulder as the pack of ferocious dogs charged towards the hill. As Hamton's pulse raced in terror, the enraged, bloodthirsty mob poured into the forest ravine like a hungry swarm of army ants, shouting angrily. They brandished axes and shovels, guns and burning torches. Plucky and Buster saw him on the hill and drew their rifles. As they aimed at him from below, Hamton heaved against the boulder to stop them. It toppled over the edge and fell on them - crushing them to death! In anguish and horror, Hamton saw Elmer Fudd release the chains that held back the dogs! The frenzied crowd followed the snarling hounds and they were upon him! Hands were beating and grabbing him as he was dragged to the ground. Hamton struggled for his life, but he was overpowered as they tied him to a heavy pole. He was trussed up to it, his arms outstretched and suddenly he was being lifted up in the air on the pole! He hung there, bruised and beaten, as the horrible mob threw things at him! A hay wagon was brought in to take him away. Bound by the ropes, Hamton hung there, crucified by his friends, until he felt himself falling helplessly towards the wagon! His eyes opened wide as he screamed in agony - and sat bolt upright.

===================================

And in first place... Hamton's nightmare from part 9 of the same tale! Well done Pepe! 

**As Sean awaits Pepe K to approach the stage he feels a rusting sound in his pocket - looking down to see that the pop up ad for the mini X-Cam is still moving about...**

- Sean Campbell

*******

*dives up to the stage, wrestes the x-cam ad to the ground, covers it in ketchup, and eats it, then gets back up and walks back to his seat*

*burp*

-Murray Mouse

**************************************************

Pepe K. : Thank you Sean. I'll have more to say when I get back on Sunday, but till then - thanks for the award, everyone!

This has been my shortest speech to date, heheheh!

Pepe K.

**************************************************

WELCOME BACK TO THE UKE AWARDS 2002! 

The following segment is brought to you by the number 4 and the letter B 

"Hello again ladies & gentlemen ( not to mention that spooky looking giant bug on the wall near the back ), and welcome back to the UKE Awards 2002! Almost at the end now folks, and I know some of you are pretty eager to get out of here and into the restaurant across the street. 

The half price special ends at six and I should be finished well before then. ( Mainly because I intend getting first place in the queue ) 

Anyhow.... in an effort to get things finished as soon as possible I'll read out the winner now." 

**Sean removes the envelope from his pocket, carefully breaking open the seal with a brass letter opener** 

"And the winner is..... the winner is..... hang on, this can't be right!" 

**Sean turns the card around to look at the back before once again staring at the front** 

"It seems to be a message.... a message from the society of 'Adults Against Funny Cartoons'" 

"I'LL READ THAT IF YOU DON'T MIND!" 

**Sean spins around at the sound of the voice and sees an elderly woman walk on stage. She's wearing a pair of half moon spectacles and has her grey hair tied into a bun. Grabbing the card from Sean's hand she turns to glare towards the audience** 

"My name is Miss Utter Killjoy," she says. "And I'm not happy. Not happy at all. Myself and my colleagues from 'Adults Against Funny Cartoons' have been watching your little ceremony with great curiosity and I'm sorry to say that we are utterly disgusted by what we can see. 

We rejoiced when 'The Adventures of the Tiny Tunes' was taken off the air.... we thought it was gone for good. How many young people were corrupted by this silly show? How many young people went without a daily slice of educational programming because of 'The Adventures of the Tiny Tunes'? 

What educational value was there in the misadventures of Buster the Rabbit and Pluck the Duck? 

None, that's how much. None whatsoever! 

We can't have that kind of show on the air.... it was almost an advertisement for anarchy! 

Blue and pink rabbits! Green ducks and purple skunks! 

Don't you people realise that all cartoon characters should be a uniform grey?! 

Bright colors are dangerous.... against the norm. They might inspire children to be more creative instead of conforming to the accepted view of reality. We can't have creative children now can we? Imagine all the paintings that would be drawn off color by so called 'creative' children. All the works of fiction that might digress from the accepted norm? 

I shudder at the very thought. 

When I was a young girl I had far more useful things to be doing than watching silly cartoons. 

I used to collect cabbages... had a fine collection too. I even had one from Southern Arderia! 

Nothing quite as educational as dissecting a nice green cabbage. Sometimes I'd even find earwigs inside! Young people today don't realise what they're missing. 

And do you know why they're missing it? 

Because of stuff like 'The Adventures of the Tiny Tunes' that's why! 

And yet here you all are... keeping the spirit of this dangerous show alive by writing fan fiction and drawing fan art based on it. 

Now, if you all agreed to have at least 97% educational content in your fanfics then I couldn't complain. I can think of a dozen concepts off the top of my head. 

How about Buster the Rabbit and his friend Hampton The Pig go on a nice trip to the bakery and see how bread is made? Or maybe Pluck the Duck could explain to us all about the life of water fowl? The possibilities are endless for high quality educational entertainment..." 

**Sean removes a white envelope from his pocket and holds it out towards Miss Killjoy** 

"Well I've got something highly educational in her Miss" 

"You do?" she replies. "Whatever is it?" 

**Sean hands her the envelope** 

"Open it and find out." 

**Miss Killjoy opens the envelope slowly, peering inside** 

"There doesn't seem to be anything here," she mutters. 

**There comes a mighty crash as the X-Cam advert suddenly shoots out of the envelope and hits Miss Killjoy square in the nose. Before she can so much as scream she falls off the stage and into the audience** 

"There! Was that educational enough for you?" 

**Sean watches with a smile as Miss Killjoy is led away towards the TTA screening room by several fans** 

"Make sure she watches 'Elephant Issues' at least 200 times, I'm sure she'll like that one!" 

**As the audience applauds Miss Killjoy's exit, Sean once again takes centre stage** 

"Well, now that she's out of the way, let's get on with the more important stuff... namely the long awaited 'Best Author' category! 

And the runners up are... 

Mike Cote! **A loud cheer from Mike and his friends in the audience** 

Foxy Fellow! **A cheer from our resident British fox** 

Andy Fox! **Whistles of approval from Slappy & Skippy Squirrel as Andy rides up the centre aisle atop a giant rabbit** 

Thorne! **The desert mouse looks up from his drawing board and grins** 

Jennifer Cleckley & Jerry D Withers! **Much meowing from the two kitties and considerable applause from Erik Wolf** 

Abel DuSable! **Abel is too busy talking with the cheerleaders to hear his name. Bimbette whispers something in his ear and points towards the stage** 

And the overall winner is... 

Pepe K!  **Loud cheer from the ATTEPUH section, the sound of a popping cork as champagne squirts high into the air** 

So once again congratulations to Pepe! 

And congratulations to everybody!!!

**************************************************

(And now, joining us by proxy as IRL he's off vacationing in the wilds of Vermont, HERE'S PEPE:)

*Pepe K. stands and walks towards the stage with a smile. Suddenly from everywhere at once,music plays in everyone's heads - the rich classical sound of a full orchestra playing the Promenade to "Pictures at an Exhibition" by Modest Moussourgsky. As the french horns and trumpets play the grand processional, Pepe K. turns and smiles at Dr. Lord, who is also smiling. The crowd turns to also look at Lord and he shrugs it off. Pepe K. continues on his way to the stage, arriving as the podium as the music climaxes. The audience applauds appreciatively*

Pepe K.: Thank you Sean, and thank you, Doctor....Getting this auspicious award for the second year makes moi appreciate the help I've recieved. Help from all sides and unexpected sources of inspiration. Of course, I couldn't do anything were it not for all the Toonsters and Looney Tunes and many other toons all over the world. And I couldn't have done it without the support of Fifi and Hamton and Dr. Lord.

    *applause*

There's quite a few other toons and friends and writers and artists involved:

    HKUriah, whose selfless work created this forum and thru whose efforts, it all comes to you.

    *applause*

 Thorne Mouse, whose support and commentary has kept moi going. He's also been the prime creator of art for this chronical.

    *applause*

     Andy Fox, who appears in the chronical. He's been of immense help to Dr. Lord and myself and still continues to do so.

    *applause*

     Murray Mouse, whose artistic contributions and sense of humor have added to this endevour.

    *applause*

     Even though she might despute this - Leloni Bunny has had a paw in helping moi as my most outspoken critic. Though few have seen them... in fact, I think only I have - she has done a few fine pics of the saga. Perhaps some day we'll get to see them?

    *the audience applauds and titters a little as Pepe waves at the lavender bunny, who crosses her arms and smirks pleasantly*

    Something else she might dispute ..she's really a nice person and a good friend.

    *There's more laughs and applause as Leloni throws up her hands in exasperation, then smiles, waves to the crowd and sits back down next to Thorne.*

     Ludwig Van Goff, the sable, has been helpful with his own art and expertise on the Deutche language.

    *applause*

     Then there's all of you who've read my works and written to moi and voted for moi in these awards! Merci beaucoup!

    *general Applause*

     ....There's also one special person here who's been there for moi always - Johnny Winters! His friendship and helpful commentary has kept moi going at this for over 3 years now. Thanks, Johnny!

    *APPLAUSE*

....Finally... yes, there is an end to this list...I'd like to thank the composers and musicians who created the music that has inspired moi: Danny Elfman, Franx Waxman, The Beatles, The Beach Boys and more. Yes, there'll be more to come. Fortunately, Doc doesn't *always* play scary and thrilling classical music in our heads.. but that's for next time.

    *applause*

     And finally - oops! I said that already!...uh... PS!...I'd like to thank my 2 sons and my wife for putting up with my odd hours, endless explanations, droning recitaions, readings for approval – and my blaring jarring music that I play over and over and over again in the house. ..Thank you my dears.

    * Wild Applause as Pepe K. bows repeatedly and walks back to his seat*

:)

--

Pepe K.

(posted by Thorne)

**************************************************

Pepe walked back toward his seat to add his final UKE to the huge pile already gracing the balcony ledge.

Sean smiled at the crowd.  "Thanks, everyone, for a wonderful evening.."

"Wait, wait!" a voice shouted.  Thorne hopped up onto the stage again. "We still have one more award to present," he announced.

Sean frowned at his notes.  "There's nothing here about another one, I'm afraid," he began.

Suddenly, the stage lights faded, turning dim and blue.  Sean looked in puzzlement at Thorne, who shrugged back.

The curtains opened, showing a painted cityscape under a dark night sky. With a buzz, a spotlight came on, projecting a sharp circle of yellow light upon the painted sky. Silhouetted in the light was a cutout of a bat-winged figure with large, round ears.

Thorne jumped up on the podium and struck a pose. "Hark!" he said, forcing his voice very deep, "The bat signal!"

Whoosh!  A yellow, red and lavender blur shot through the air, swinging on a wire above the stage.

"Urk!" grunted Thorne, as the blurred figure snatched him up, and they both flew across the stage and high into the rafters.

As Sean distractedly took off his bowler and scratched his head, the spotlight went off and the stage lights faded all the way down, plunging the stage into darkness.  There was a flurry of muffled sounds and dimly seen movements as stagehands (including Fowlmouth, from the sound of it) changed the set.

When the lights come back on, the stage has been transformed into an office.

RottinKid, dressed in a smart gray suit and looking very severe, stood behind a desk.  Beside her was Erik Wolf, in a police dress uniform. Across from them stood a pair of costumed crimefighters, who might just possibly have been Leloni and Thorne (but nobody recognized them due to their masks!).

"Batmouse! Robun!  Thank goodness you're here!" exclaimed Rottin.

"We came as soon as we got your signal, Commissioner Kitty," Thorne said gravely.

"What's up, Cat?" asked Leloni, with a giggle.

The Commissioner chuckled at the Bun Wonder's high spirits, but quickly became serious again.  "It's terrible!  The recipient of the special UKE award has vanished!"

"Vanished!?" Batmouse sounded shocked. "That will mess up my.. er, Mr. Mouse's presentation.  What happened?"

"Chief O'Wolf was just reporting to me on that," said Kitty.  "Chief, can you go over it again for the Fuzzy Crusaders?"

Erik stopped ogling the Commissioner and snapped to attention.  "Yes, Ma'am!" he said.  "As I was telling the Commissioner, the UKE winner was last seen in the green room backstage.  When our witness, one.." Erik checked his notes, "um, Plucky Duck, went to tell the winner they were on, he found the room empty.  There were signs of a terrible struggle. When my detectives got that, all they found… were THESE."

The Chief tossed three clear plastic evidence folders containing scraps of fanfold computer paper down on the desk.  Robun picked one up.  A few lines of 9-pin dot-matrix printing sat smearily in the middle of the page.  The Bun Wonder squinted to read the poor printing.  Suddenly her eyes widened and she turned pale.

"Oh my GOSH," she said.  "That pun is AWFUL!"

Commissioner Kitty grinned.  "Pretty bad, huh?"

Batmouse picked up the remaining papers and read the verses on them. His shoulders shook briefly.  "Yes, Commissioner, these are some of the worst puns I've ever seen.  Only one toon would be so diabolical, so dastardly, as to kidnap the award recipient and mock us with terrible puns."

"Can you possibly mean..?" Kitty began.

"Holy plot cheese, you're right, Batmouse," Robun exclaimed, "It's got to be him!"

"Yes, Robun, that masked meddlesome mind-game miscreant mustelid," said Batmouse.  "I think we'd better make a call on... the PunAbel!"

Robun scratched her chin.  "But where will we find him, Batmouse?"

"Oh, I can tell y'all that," said Chief O'Wolf.  He's holed up with his gang in the old Acme Products warehouse across town."

Robun raised an eyebrow.  "Um... thanks.  But don't we normally have to figure out all of the PunAbel's diabolical, double-meaning clues _before_ we can track him down?"

Commissioner Kitty shrugged.  "Eh, we're a little short on time. Besides, the writers couldn't come up with anything diabolical enough."

Robun looked rebellious.  "Sheesh."

The lights faded out again, and again there was a flurry of barely-seen activity as the set was redressed by the hardworking stage crew.

When the lights came on again, the Commissioner's Office had been replaced by a seedy warehouse interior, with crumbling brick walls and wooden crates piled high.

In the center, lounging on a thronelike chair, was the thin black-furred form of Abel DuSable, dressed in a bright green sportcoat and bowler hat, both lavishly decorated with exclamation points.  The sable idly toyed with a gold-tipped cane as he chortled at his prisoner.

The prisoner was half seated and half propped on a folding metal chair, wrapped up in many blankets and tied with enough rope to make the bundle look more like a mummy than a living toon.  But alive it was, for it writhed and groaned at the constant stream of awful puns and _bons mots_ that PunAbel threw at it.

A dozen or so generic thugs stood idly around, hanging on to every word Abel said, and being quite sure to laugh whenever he did.

Without warning, a cloud blue smoke exploded into the room!  With a flapping of webbed feet, a short figure in a dark cape and a very wide fedora burst from the smoke.

"I am the terror that flaps in the night! I am the guy who talks behind you during the movie! I am.... obviously in the wrong location. Isn't this F.O.W.L. headquarters?"

PunAble raised an eyebrow at the visitor. "Sorry, Buddy," he said, "Steelbeak's in the warehouse across the street. This is the secret lair of PunAbel."

"Dang it!" Darkwing swore, "I wish you criminal masterminds would put out signs.  It would save a lot of time."  He popped a grapnel canister into his gas gun and fired it out a high window with a crash of glass.

PunAble watched languidly as the duck reeled himself up and out the window.  "Crimefighters," he began, disgusted.

Suddenly, the door of the warehouse flew open with a bang and a cloud of grey smoke rolled in.  Leaping out of the smoke came Batmouse, the Cheese Knight himself, followed instantly by Robun, the lavender-furred Bun Wonder.  The Fuzzy Duo struck a dramatic pose as the smoke cleared and the bad guys flinched away.

"We've got you, PunAble!" thundered Batmouse, "Release your prisoner right now, and we'll go easy on you!"

"Yeah, we'll only pummel you unconscious before we drag you back to jail," Robun agreed.

PunAbel frowned in annoyance. "But you ALWAYS pummel us unconscious and drag us off to jail... wait a moment, what's going on here?  Where's the death-defying cliff-hanger that we're supposed to do in every episode? I don't think we can fight you before the cliff-hanger."

Robun shrugged.  "Sorry, we're running short on time.  Something had to be cut.  Heck, they wouldn't even let us work out the pun clues before we came here.  We've gotta cut right to the chase."

Abel leapt to his feet.  "What?!" he demanded.  "I worked HARD on those puns!  They were top-quality, surefire groaners every one, with clues so sneaky and diabolical you'd never have made it here in time.  And you IGNORED THEM?!? Arrgh!!"  The sable was capering about in sheer rage. He pointed a shaking finger at Batmouse and Robun and screamed at his followers, "Get them!  Get them now my minions!"

Batmouse took advantage of PunAble's tantrum to leap for him, ready to subdue the villain. The wiley sable slipped aside and Batmouse bowled into a group of his thugs.  Punching and kicking, the group disappeared into a cloud of violence too intense to show on TV.

Meanwhile, the rest of PunAble's goons surrounded RoBun, menacingly.

One of the thugs, a huge bear, looked the Bun Wonder up and down. "Wait!  We can't fight her.  She's just a girl!"

The entire theatre went dead silent.  Even the fight around Batmouse stopped, frozen in midair as the Cheese Knight's cowled head popped up to stare aghast at whoever had been foolish enough to make such a remark.

"WHAT?????" screamed Robun.  Fixing the bear with an icy stare, she reached into her utility belt and threw a very large elephant at the guy, knocking him right across the stage and out of the theater through a large, elephant-shaped hole in the wall.

The Bun Wonder glared around at the other baddies. "Anyone ELSE wanna 'not fight' a girl?"

The villains looked at each other, weighing their alternatives.  "Nope, we're good."

"Right," said Robun, satisfied.  She pulled out a huge mallet and waded into them.

After a few minutes of mindless violence, the evil gang lay snoring softly in a large, bruised pile.  Batmouse held the PunAbel up by the lapels.  "You never, learn, do you, PunAbel.  Your evil ways will never work..."

He was interrupted by Robun whacking Abel over the head with her mallet, knocking the sable out.

"Rah-BUN!" snapped Batmouse, annoyed.

"Sorry, Thorno," said the bunny, "I just couldn't stand to listen to that speech again."  The mouse looked pouty as she went on.  "And maybe you've forgotten that we have an AWARD to give - ya know, the point to all this nonsense?"

"Oh yeah!  Heh."  Batmouse walked to the front of the stage.  Looking up, he stuck two fingers in his mouth and let out a piercing whistle. With a mechanical creak, the podium reeled down from the ceiling, suspended on wires.  It banged down on the stage right in front of him. Batmouse adjusted the microphone.  "Toonsters, there is someone here who we want to give some special recognition tonight.  He's a toon who works hard for all of us."

Robun noisily dragged the tightly-wrapped figure of PunAbel's victim, chair and all, over beside the podium.  She nodded.  "Sure does!  He spends lots of time every month putting together the mailer for us all."

 "_And_ maintaining the fanfic archive," said Batmouse.

"_And_ he's always encouraging new fan artists and writers to share their work," Robun put in.

"And he's a good friend"

"A really nice, patient guy."

"And a heck of a writer."  Batmouse drew out a nasty looking bat-knife and presented it to the Bun Wonder.  "And I'm sure by now, you all know who we're talking about!"

"Thenk-yo" snapped Robun, and in a whirlwind of slashes, she cut the ropes and blankets free of the helpless toon.

Batmouse reached into the podium and drew out an unusual UKE award. Instead of the traditional gold-plated statuette of a computer topped with the TTA rings, this otherwise similar statuette was rendered entirely in black, white and gray, with elegantly hand inked outlines and flashing white highlights.

The tatters of blanket fell away, revealing a frazzled but otherwise undamaged two-tone toon, whose button eyes blinked at them from behind a pair of glasses..

Robun..er, Leloni, smiled at him.  "We are proud to award Kevin Mickel, our own HKUriah, with a Lifetime Achievement UKE award!"

"This is for all you've done for Tiny Toons fandom on line, Kevin," Thorne said, "Thanks for everything."

Thorne and Leloni stepped back and to the side, taking off their heroic masks and giving HKU, Kevin's two-tone fursonna, the floor.

----------------------------

-Thorne

(With a whole lotta help from Leloni!)

(And a short cameo borrowed from Abel!)

**************************************************

Gee, a floor!  I always wanted one of those things.

(Hey, if Able couldn't, *someone* had to make a bad pun)

Well....  This is unexpected, and rather nice too.   I am quite flattered  that Thorne and Leloni, and Able and Kitty and Erik, have seen fit to go to all the effort to do this, I am really quite honored by it.    Y'now, with a little fleshing out, that whole escapade would make a great new Fanfic...

Uhm...  I really don't know what to say here, so I won't bore you with a long drawn out ramble.  Rather, I'll just say two things.

First, watch for the August Mailer sometime tomorrow.

Second, Thank you.

Kevin  


	10. Conclusion and Credits

"Well... onward we go to the award for 'Best Dream Sequence'! We have two nominees for this... both written by Pepe K.

In second place it's Fifi's dream of being the Beserker in 'A Time To Every Purpose Unto Heaven' part 11.

And in first place... Hamton's nightmare from part 9 of the same tale! Well done Pepe!

*Pepe K. arrives at the podium along with Hamton*

Pepe K.:"Thanks goes to Hamton's subconcious for that one."

Hamton:" Yeah, it was alot more scarey than my old student film."

Pepe K.: "My Worst Nightmare"?

Hamton:" Uh,...yeah.I guess I watch too many old black and white movies.. But thank you very much for this award!

   *Hamton bows amdist cheering crowds*

Pepe K.:(taking the stage) Well, that draws to a close the ceremonies of the UKE's for this year of 2002. We look foward to the next year's awards and especially towards the new TTA stories and art that are coming out this year! For all the authors and artists and critics who have contributed to our ceremony this year - I'd like a big round of applause!

    *The audience gives a standing ovation that lasts and lasts*

Pepe K.: Lets's also hear it for all our beloved Toonsters!

    *another standing ovation. The various Toonsters bow, hug and wave*

Pepe K.: And their forbearers - the Looney Tunes!

    *Huge outpouring of cheers and applause*

*Suddenly Daffy Duck runs on stage and grabs the microphone from Pepe K.*

Daffy: And Don't FORGET!!!

     (in a snide sing-song voice)

I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I WON ! I-I-I-I-I WON!! Nyah, nyah-nyah ,nyah, nyah!!!

    *The audience throws 5 tons of rotten vegetables at Daffy – covering him!  He arrises like Bugs did - as Carmen Miranda with all the veggies made into a hat. He smirks and sticks his tongue out*

Daffy: Nyah! 

* a golden UKE award is thrown, beaning him on the head and his feathers all fall off, leaving him naked*

Daffy: ( starting to pick up his million and two feathers)  ..Philistines!

Pepe K.: (retrieving the mike) And......

LET'S HEAR IT FOR THE RETURN OF TINY TOON ADVENTURES TO TELEVISION!!!

*The ensuing cheering blows the roof off the theatre!*

Pepe K.:(blowing a kiss) Good Night, Everybody!

* wild applause as the crowd FINALLY breaks up and can go home for another year*

:)

-- 

Pepe K.

****************************************************************************************************

CREDITS

Produced and directed by:

Pepe K.

Created by :

Nathaniel T. Freeman & Leloni Bunny, based on the Harley Awards from www.toonzone.net (created by Anthony "Brainatra" Dean, with Robert Dougherty, Craig Marinaro, Jennifer Lynn "Sharklady" Weston, Jonathan "DR. BELCH", John "Captain Caps" Kilduff, Romey, Colin Feder, Danielle Berse, Beth "Siren", & Dot Warner)

Associate producers/directors:

The J.A.M.

Sean Campbell

Thorne

Abel DuSable

Murray Mouse

RottinKid/Werekitty

Ludwig Van Goff

Lighting:

Thomas Alva Edison and Nicola Tesla

Researchers:

The J.A.M

List Poll:

Ludwig Van Goff

Voting Supervision:

Ludwig Van Goff and Pepe K.

Award statue designed by:

The J.A.M.

Visualization of the Award by 

Murray Mouse

Stage designer:

Pepe K.

Invitations:

AcmeLabs.com

Transportation:

Orville Wright, Wilbur Wright, and Henry Ford

Kraft Services:

WinnieBurger

Xerography:

Control-C and Control-V

In-betweeners:

People who are anti-extremists

Ink and paints:

Dainippon Ink Co.

Character Posing:

Maddona and Julie Brown

Communications:

Samuel Morse, Guglielmo Marconi, Thomas Alva Edison, and Alexander Graham Bell

Sanitation services:

Pete Puma

Props:

Acme Co.

Titles:

Dr., Sir, Judge, King, Duke, Count, Viscount, etc.

Grip:

Get one on yourself

Best Boy:

Me

Worst Boy:

Satan

Gaffer (what's a gaffer?):

The anonymous stagehand

Starring:

Pepe K. as himself

The J.A.M. as himself

Sean Campbell as himself

Thorne as himself

Abel DuSable as himself

Murray Mouse as himself

RottinKid/Werekitty as herself

Ludwig Van Goff as himself

Ian James Corlett as Goku

Noel Blanc as Yosemite Sam

Julie Brown as Minerva Mink

Sherry Stoner as Slappy Squirrel

? as Krazy Kat

? as Ignatz the Mouse

Leloni Bunni as herself

Pepe K. as Dr. Lord Pavel D'Lord

Andy Fox as himself

Peter Parker as Spider Man

Aerosmith as themselves

Charles Adler as Rodderick Rat

Jeff Glenn Bennet as Nigel

Kath Soucie as Fifi LaFume

Cree Summer Franks as Mary Melody

Steven Spielberg as himself

Jonathan Winters as himself

Alex Bunny as himself

Janeane Garofalo as Harriet

Maurice Lamarche as Dizzy

Brian Mitchell as Vinnie the Deer

Kath Soucie as Lola Bunny

? as Bosko

Noel Blanc as Daffy Duck

Noel Blanc as Hassan (HASSAAAAAN CHOP!!)

Joe Alaskey as Plucky Duck

Gail Matthius as Shirley The Loon

Noel Blanc as Porky Pig

Tress MacNeille as Babs Bunny

Charles Adler as Buster Bunny

Erik/Ghostwolf as Himself

? as Jar Jar Binks

Brittany Spears as Eena Scent

Noel Blanc is Pete Puma

Rob Paulsen as Fowlmouth

Yvette M. Griffith as Herself

Anthony Hopkins as Himself?

Hank Azaria? as Dr Hibbert 

Hank Azaria? as Krusty the Clown  
? as Groundskeeper Willie

Noel Blanc as Conrad the Cat

? as The Running Gag Clown

Frank Welker as Bullwinkle J. Moose

June Foray as Rocket Jewel Squirrel

The Rock as Himself

Frank Welker as Boris Badenov

June Foray as Natasha Fatale

Noel Blanc as Speedy Gonzales

Frank Welker as Fearless Leader

Maurice Lamarche as The Brain

Rob Paulsen as Pinky

Cree Summer Franks as Elmyra

Jo Anne Worley as Hoppopotamus

Dick Tufield as The Lost in Space Robot

Anthony Daniels as C-3PO

R2D2 as Himself

Bill Gates as Himself

? as Robby the Robot

? as K-9

Vic Perrin as Nomad

? as The Dalek

Arnold Schwartzenneger as The Terminator

Ed Asner (Jabba The Hutt) as Godzilla

June Foray as Laika Romanova

Kath Soucie as Fifi

Tress Macneille as Babzilla

Kevin Mickel as Himself

Kathleen Helppie-Shipley as Petunia

Noel Blanc as Bugs

Rob Paulsen as Arnold Pit Bull

Hadley Kay as Hamton

Tress MacNeille as Rhubarb

Sherry Lynn as Roberta

Kieron Wells as Marshall

Leondrel Gonzales as Leonel de Mellabaz

Lance Henricksonn as Calamity (suggested by Abel DuSable)

Rob Paulsen as Hunter

Noel Blanc as Taz

Noel Blanc as Sylvester

Greg Burson as Snaggle Puss

Noel Blanc as Pepe LePew

Noel Blanc as Speedy Gonzales

Luke Ruegger as Lightning Rodriguez

Arnold Stang as Charlie The Sunkist Fish

Doug McLure as Himself

? as Polly Esther

Leloni Bunny as Herself

Pepe K. as Officer Pooch

? as Fritz the Cat

Tress MacNeille as Miss Utter Killjoy

? as Darkwing Duck

"Theme of Speed Racer" written by Koshibe & Yoshiyuki. Used without permission.

"Theme of Looney Toons" written by Carl Stalling? Used without permission.

"There'll Be A Hot Time In The Old Town Tonight" written by ? Used without permission.

"Imperial March" written by John Williams. Used without permission.

"As the Caissons Go Rolling Along" is © ?. Written by ?. Used without permission.

"The Army Air Corps Song" is Public Domain. Performed by the Looney Tunes.

"The Marines Hymn" is Public Domain. Performed by the Looney Tunes.

"Anchors Aweigh" is Public Domain. Performed by the Looney Tunes.

"The Marine's Song" is Public Domain. Performed by the Looney Tunes.

"That Old Warner Brothers' Tune" is © Warner Brothers. Performed by the Looney Tunes. Used without permission.

"Sunrise, Sunset" is © ?, written by Sheldon Harnick. Performed by Pepe K. Used without permission. 

"Mary Ann" is © ?, written by ?. Performed by Pepe K. Used without permission.

Tiny Toons Adventures and all related characters are © Warner Brothers/Amblin Entertainment

Tenchi Muyo is © ? Used without permission.

"Starblazers" and the Space BattleShip Yamato is © ? Used without permission.

AstroBoy is © ? Used without permission.

TransFormers are © Hasbro. Used without permission.

CowBoy BeBop is © ? Used without permission.

Yu-Gi-Oh is © ? Used without permission.

The Sailor Scouts and Sailor Moon are © ? Used without permission.

Cutey Honey is © ? Used without permission.

Godzilla is © Tojo. Used without permission.

Goku and DragonBall are © ? Used without permission.

Krazy Kat and Ignatz the Mouse are © ? Used without permission.

Spider Man is © Marvel Comics. Used without permission.

Bad Luck Blacky is © Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer. Used without permission.

Jar Jar Binks is © Lucasfilm. Used without permission.

Enna Scent is © Abel Dusable.

Rocky and Bullwinkle and all related characters are © Jay Ward Productions

Millicent is © ? Used without permission

The Rock is © ? Used without permission

The Wuzzles and all related characters are © Disney. Used without permission.

The Lost in Space Robot is © Viacom? Used without permission.

C-3PO and R2-D2 are © Lucasfilm Used without permission.

Robby the Robot is © ? Used without permission.

K-9 is © ? Used without permission.

Nomad is © ? Used without permission.

The Dalek is © ? Used without permission.

Terminator is © ? Used without permission.

Laika Romanova is © Pepe K. Used with permission.

Marshall is © Kieron Wells Used with permission.

The Bloomin' Loonies & Co. are © Jennifer Cleckley and Jerry T. Withers. Used with permission.

Leonel de Mellabaz is © Leondrel Gonzalez. Used with permission.

Charlie The Sunkist Fish is © Sunkist. Used without permission.

Doug McLure is © ?

Samurai Pizza Cats are © ?. Used without permission.

Fritz the Cat is © ?. Used without permission.

Darkwing Duck is © Disney. Used without permission.

Segments written by Pepe K, The J.A.M., Sean Campbell, Thorne, Abel DuSable, Murray Mouse, RottinKid/Werekitty, and Ludwig Van Goff

Additional writing by:

Andy Fox, Jonathan Winters, Abel DuSable, Ghostwolf, and Yvette M. Griffith.

Special thanks to:

Mel Blanc and Jack Benny, Jennifer Cleckley, Jerry D. Withers, Lady Iapetus, Andy Fox, Foxy Fellow, Aerosmith, Abel Du Sable, Rob Mephisto, Tex Avery, Jonathan Winters, Alex Bunny, Erik Bunny, Shelby Bunny, Ivan Bunny, Leloni Bunny, Luke, and Yvette M. Griffith.

Fanfic clips written by:

Pepe K, Abel DuSable, Jennifer Cleckley, Jerry D. Withers, Yvette M. Griffith, Sean Campell, Foxy Fellow, Kieron Wells, Lady Iapetus, Ghostwolf, and Kelly.

Executive in charge of production:

Pepe K.


End file.
